Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Hi everyone, I found out yesterday I'm having a missed miscarriage. I should have been 9 weeks but the baby was measuring 8 with no heartbeat. I'm am absolutely devastated and can't stop crying.

I wanted surgical intervention but the next available appointment wasn't until the 26th of September. I honestly don't know how they can expect me to go about my life knowing what I know now for that long. For medical management I have to wait until Wednesday for the first dose and then Friday I go into the ward for the rest of the medication.

I just want it to be over now, this is too much.

@Bugdem123 So sorry to hear this, there are a few of us from the due in April discussion who have come over to this forum this week and it's so sad to see. Sending you lots of love and I hope you have plenty of support around you.

Understand about being in that 'in between' and wanting it to be over - I've been bleeding since last Saturday but have no idea what's going to happen or when, and can't have any management until I have a second scan next Thursday. I'm the same as you, I just want some certainty and to know it's done.

So.sorry to hear @Bugdem123 about your MMC. It's such a difficult time and I know too well it is easier said than done, but try to be kind to yourself and do nice things to keep busy where you can.

i found out about my MMC on 29th July in a private scan and had it confirmed by NHS on 8th August with medical management on the ward on 11th August. I ultimately had a second lot of medical management last week followed by surgery a week ago now due to the medical management not working for me. It is such a hard period physically and emotionally but you will get through it and you will find strength you never knew you had.

I found that simple things like walks with the dog, caravan trip away, doing things with my husband and mum, and trying to keep up with hobbies really helped me not to become all consumed, but it took a lot. Confiding in immediate family and a few close friends has also really helped me.

I've seen a few people suggest Tommy's as well. I haven't tried this but given the counselling service recommended by the hospital hasn't got back to me or the hospital I may give this a go.

So so sorry to hear this

1 day at a time

Be kind to yourself

Get many pads , many chocolates , your fav flowers and candles and fav meals

Remember - as gynae told me - its not your fault

A friend of mine who had a miscarriage was told if it was under 12 weeks that someone miscarried - often an embryo issue

I’m so very sorry you’re going to through this @Bugdem123, it is so very cruel.

Sending lots of love, be kind to yourself. The waiting is horrific.

Just popped on to see how everyone is doing. It’s such a weird cycle of emotions - I was laughing at something today and then felt guilty for finding something funny.
@CluelessInLondon your body hasn’t failed you. I know it can feel deeply unfair and you feel like there’s no one to blame but yourself but these things are out of your control. My gynae once told me that actually your body isn’t failing you - it’s protecting you by ending something that just wasn’t destined to work. It helped me to reframe it and see that my body was trying to do its best. Take time to process it, feel all the emotions and grieve. Sending hugs xx

@Bugdem123 the waiting is dreadful, I really feel for you. Make sure you take care of yourself and know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel xx

@EdithGrantham sorry to hear your return to work was so tough. It can be difficult trying to “return to normal”. I really hope you’re feeling better now xx

@SnookyPook ahh I’m sorry you’re having a chemical. Like you I’ve also had two MCs this year (in a row) and it’s made me worry about my egg quality. I’m just telling myself that my body is waiting for the perfect egg 🙏🏻 xx

@CrazyMILonthecase dya take coq10 to improve egg quality

@CrazyMILonthecase That's a really nice way of putting it, thank you for that. 💐

How is everyone doing this weekend?

I was feeling quite a bit better and more emotionally stable this morning, until I got a call at lunchtime from the midwife following up on my blood results from my booking appointment from earlier in the week (before I had my scan). She obviously had no idea what was going on and was merrily telling me everything was fine with my bloods, and I was in tears telling her that everything isn't fine and I'm having a miscarriage. She was completely mortified. The whole conversation just left me feeling a mess again - it was like having someone poke a wound just as it was starting to hurt less.

Ohhh @CluelessInLondon w so sorry
you had to go though that, how awful. You’re right it is like an open wound 🥺🥺

@CluelessInLondon oh bless you those moments are so hard. It certainly is an open wound, and anything poking at that will sure hurt for a while. I just tried to take them as reminders to keep processing things and just let those tears fall. Sending you a big hug - the hurt will diminish and become easier to handle (for the most part) but I am still finding several months on that there are moments when it hits fresh all over again and you just have to ride those moments.

@CrazyMILonthecase yes - I strongly believe the right one will come at the right time... but it sure is hard sometimes being patient for that to happen! So sorry you've also been through a couple of losses this year. 💕

Sending massive hugs to those of you right in the thick of loss at this time. I particularly empathise with those who have found out at scans lately - it has brought mine right back to me and I know how heartbreaking it is to have to confront that reality that what you thought was developing and growing inside has actually been gone a while already. It's very disorientating and heartbreaking. I remember amongst the grief feeling a bit idiotic/pathetic somehow that I hadn't known, and I had been living with hopes and dreams for a month that were already over. Do lean on this community of women though. There is some comfort to be had in the collective pain, and in knowing you aren't alone (even though it sucks to know others are having to go through this). I have been astonished at how quickly I have learnt to adapt to this pain. Life carries on around us, which can be hard, but also, oddly reassuring at times. Sending big hugs to all who need them. You will be ok. 💕

@worldwidetravel2017 I was taking it, stopped when I fell pregnant and am now just starting to take it again. Let’s hope it works 🙏🏻
@CluelessInLondon oh no! How horrid for you to have to go through and explain it all and you’re right, it’s like a kick to the gut especially when you’re actually starting to feel a bit better 😢
@SnookyPook oh my god so tough being patient!! I’m in the dreaded TWW now but I can’t imagine id be lucky enough to conceive straightaway and it actually work this time. Last two losses happened immediately first and second time trying and I (foolishly!) couldn’t believe my luck. Good luck with your TTC journey, who knew it would involve so many ups and downs!?
Your words above are lovely - there is definitely comfort in knowing we all feel and understand each other xx

Lovely post @SnookyPook . I think the thing that makes me feel almost a bit silly is how attached you get to something so tiny that barely even exists at all. My husband said he felt silly crying over something so small and I get where he was coming from - but the baby did exist, it was real and it was ours, just for a few weeks. I can't compare the realisation that it's gone to any other pain I've ever felt, there's just nothing else like it.

@SnookyPook - You've put it beautifully and it's been such a lifeline to have this chat though of course I'm so sorry we are all here. I felt so betrayed by my body, which continued with the hyperemesis until after surgical management. To be so sick and so heavy with symptoms to show that a life was growing - only to find it wasn't anymore.
I felt cheated and angry and sad and everything else.

I managed to get through the very exciting birthday party for my now two year old. Which was good for keeping my head straight. That's all finished now and I'm sat here while she naps feeling like I've been hit by a train. I'm overwhelmed, heartbroken and just so wobbly. Though I do wonder if the sudden rain has assisted those feelings in coming out of hiding. It feels like the right weather to brood miserably. It feels like a bad dream.

Physically I'm hoping it's over. I'm now 2 weeks post surgical management and starting with cramps and pain. Very minimal bleeding but that's still ongoing. Pregnancy test Friday- my first day back at work- to make sure its over.

Thinking of you all and hope everyone's doing as well as they can.

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing okay.

@CluelessInLondon that's absolutely terrible, I can only imagine how painful that must have been. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.

@SnookyPook thank you, I found that really comforting to know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling or that I'm not having a weird reaction.

@Olivia199 I'm also enjoy the autumn weather, it feels so appropriate for me mood.

I'm so up and down just now. I sometimes feel like I'm going to be okay, and other times can't imagine what life looks like after this. I don't want a new normal, I want my old normal. I simultaneously want the whole world to know they existed but also don't ever want to speak anyone ever again.

I'm finding the wait for medical management excruciating. Every time I go to the toilet I'm hoping something has happened and I've had a lot of cramping/awareness of my uterus. My boobs are no longer sore, I'm no longer as fatigued and my BBT trend has dropped so I'm hoping this means my body is figuring it out.

I feel so betrayed by and ashamed of my body, firstly that it couldn't sustain this wee life and then because it didn't know when it had stopped. I'm trying to reframe that in my mind as my body knew how much I cared for, loved and wanted the baby so it was just trying to protect me which helps some.

@Bugdem123 you certainly aren't alone. Sending you a big hand hold this Monday morning. You are also in one of the toughest bits right now.... knowing the dream is over and dealing with the fresh grief, but also still in limbo waiting for the physical loss. I know that I and others have spoken before about needing that loss to happen before we could start properly processing the emotional side of things. So just keep plodding on and trust that your body will get there. On that note, your final paragraph really hit me in the feels as again, I recognise those feelings from my own journey. In case it helps, here is where I am at a few months down the line:

• I am PROUD of my body. It recognised that that little one was not a viable baby for this world and, along with that little bean, they both stopped it developing before things got further along. My body absolutely can and will sustain a healthy pregnancy to term.

• My body didn't let go for a month because those little cells needed that time to feel loved and nurtured. Even though the heartbeat and growth had stopped, those bits of DNA cradled in my womb were my child, and it wanted to be held a while, and my body wanted to hold it. That is ok. My body didn't let me down, it was just enjoying being a mother, and nurturing for a little while while it could. 💕

Anything you are feeling at this time is normal, and ok. Whatever it is. There is no correct way to process grief and loss. You are doing it your way. And one day, possibly even sooner than you think, this will become a less acutely painful part of the tapestry of your life. Still painful, but not at the centre of everything. But there is no rush to get to that point. It will happen when it happens. ❤️

@SnookyPook Your post has reduced me to a sobbing wreck, and I mean that in the nicest way possible! You have a lovely way with words and what you posted this morning is such a comfort. ❤

@CluelessInLondon aw I'm glad it gave you comfort. Healing tears... 💕

Oh @SnookyPook im just back from the hospital for my surgical management and your post has made me weep as well.

The staff at the hospital were all so lovely, it made it even tougher in a way. Now tucked up in bed at home I’m hoping we’ll be able to start processing it a bit. The wind and rain outside is something of a comfort, it’s reflecting my mood much more that the recent sun.

Sending love to everyone else in this horrible position x

@MindatWork oh goodness! I should have put a warning on it! Sorry! But also, if they were needed tears then I'm glad 💕 So glad that your surgical management is now done too. It's a whole new level of processing and emptiness isn't it once the physical bit is dealt with. Sending you so much love. ❤️ I remember walking round my local park in the rain on the day I found out about my loss, and just letting the tears mingle with the raindrops and finding that so comforting. I think it's called pathetic fallacy. There is definitely comfort in the weather reflecting your mood. Snuggle up in bed and look after yourself. 💕

Hi everyone. I’m really sad to be joining this “club” but have already felt buoyed up by reading your stories and support for each other.

I miscarried my first baby at 8 weeks 4 days- just under a week ago. I had already had two scans the most recent at 8 weeks where we had seen the heartbeat (and then told our families). I found it hard knowing they had been alive just days before, but reading everyone’s stories I’m almost grateful the miscarriage just happened and I didn’t have to wait weeks to find out/them to pass. The miscarriage itself wasn’t too awful to be honest- managed with paracetamol+codeine and a hot water bottle for the most part. I’ve hated the ongoing bleeding- I had been spotting since 5 weeks, so we’re now getting on for 5 weeks of bleeding and it’s so traumatising every time you go to the loo. Todays the first day in ages that it seems to be slowing down but trying not to get excited in case it kicks off again. Our scan to “confirm” isn’t until Friday but there’s just no way this isn’t a miscarriage. I’m ready for that to be over.

Looking back it was fairly doomed- I have PCOS, it was a twin pregnancy (with an empty sac) and I learned I have a heart shaped uterus which all increase risk. The tommys calculator only gives me a 64% chance of a successful next pregnancy (and that doesn’t take in to account the heart shape)- and it took us 7 months to conceive this baby. I’m so overwhelmed at having to start again, the lost time, that the clock is ticking.. My best friend was 1 week behind me too and I’m sad to have lost out on that experience.

I’m back at work today and feeling like there’s no point to it all. I do have moments where I feel happy again but they’re sandwiched between crushing sadness. It’s hard to imagine feeling normal again.

@MindatWork How did you find the surgical management, if you don't mind me asking? I'm probably going to opt for that when I go for my next scan on Thursday so real world experiences are helpful in preparing for what might be to come.

@CRbear So sorry for your loss and I'm keeping fingers crossed for you that this phase is coming to an end so that you can move forward. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel sad if you need to. 💐

I hear you

Recently had an early miscarriage

Tommys miscarriage support tool is currently only says 58 percent chance next time

I have suspected pcos

I have a seperate gynae appt later this week 4 something else

Sorry to hear your news

Take time to focus on you & grieve

Here if u need 2 rant

Feel free to pm

Be kind to yourself - fav food - fav music -