Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

@HorizontalSupervisor oh im so sorry you’ve had to join this group - it’s such a lovely supportive bunch but it’s never a club you’d choose to be part of. Please please don’t blame yourself! It’s so so easy to go down that route as I think we are programmed to need answers and blame ourselves when things go wrong but more often than not it’s something completely out of our control. I say this as someone who has had my MC tested and it showed chromosomal issues. My first MC hit me like a tonne of bricks - it had just never occurred to me that it would happen to me. So darn naive! All the emotions you’re feeling are totally natural - it’s still so fresh and you’re hurting and frightened. It’s an old cliche but time will heal much of what you’re feeling. Sending hugs x
@Khanga27 ahhh im so frustrated for you! What a nightmare you’re having with this. Feeling frightened of surgery is so normal but like @EdithGrantham suggested, tell the nurses / anaesthetist your fears. They’re great at reassuring you and honestly, one minute you’ll be chatting away and the next you’ll be awake post procedure wondering where the time went x

Thanks @EdithGrantham and @CrazyMILonthecase for advice. When i had a scan on tuesday I opted for the medical way over waiting because i just felt I needed things to speed up and i also had a cyst on each ovary which sonographer explained was because my body was still recognising the pregnancy tissue so not releasing an egg. Its dragged so much (we first got news in a private scan 29th july and had to wait 10 days for the nhs to confirm) . I really hope I don't feel so scared by the morning and they put me at ease. It's been so rubbish

@Khanga27 that is a long time to wait. You'll probably still feel scared but that's ok, even though it's scary it doesn't mean you're not safe.

@Khanga27 - How are you doing this morning? I hope it's all worked for you. If you've got any questions about the anaesthetic side of things then please do ask them. I'm an anaesthetic practitioner and that's probably the one part of this crappy journey that I've been the most relaxed about. In terms of recovery, I had a really good experience after my procedure. Woke up with some cramping in recovery. They offered me pain relief, but it wasn't necessary at all. By the time I got back to the ward 10 minutes later I felt absolutely fine. Got everything crossed things are over for you soon.x

@Khanga27 wow that is a long time. Really hope today goes ok for you and you finally manage to finish the physical side of this horrid experience ☹️
@Olivia199 That sounds like a really interesting job!

@CrazyMILonthecase - I like it! I switched from A&E prac to this when I returned from mat leave. Much kinder on a frazzled mind.

@Olivia199 oh god I can imagine. I don’t envy anyone working in a&e - always looks so busy and horrid!

@CrazyMILonthecase - It's definitely very very busy. I loved it though, couldn't beat it! But I do not miss the shifts or the hours!

@Olivia199 It must be tough to do shifts / long hours with a little one. I bet you saw some crazy things 😱

@CrazyMILonthecase - Yeah, sadly not really feasible! But I've certainly got some stories from my time!

@Olivia199 I always admire the people working in a&e as it must be full on all the time. You should do an AMA and share some of your stories 😉

@Khanga27 How are you doing? Hope everything went well and you’re feeling ok x

I thought I was starting to do a bit better but had a panic attack last night and feel like I'm back at square one. The thought of having to wait up to 6 months for the pm, or even 3 months for the preliminary one (as we've been told it should take) is driving me a bit crazy, and I feel like I'm just passing time until then. It may not even come back with anything but I'm finding it hard to feel able to move on with my life until we know one way or the other.

@Charlotte390 none of mine took anywhere near that long if that helps - with 2 of mine they did full chromosome testing, both back in around 10 weeks and the consultant went through the results with me. The waiting is hard, and you have to prepare for the fact you may get no answers. One of mine had a trisomy, but the other was perfect, which kind of left me as the problem…

@Sunbird24 thank you, that does help. I understand I may not get answers, it's a scary thought trying again without knowing but losing this one has made me so much more determined to try again. Myself and my partner are both 33 and fit and healthy, with no family history of illnesses so it's just quite hard to accept, particularly with so many friends and family having babies at the same time. It feels like a total loss of control, with the fear of it happening again. I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

@Khanga27 been thinking of you, hope you're ok

Could I have a handhold please? I’ve just miscarried my very much wanted 2nd ivf baby at 6 weeks 3 days. My DH is away for work and not back until early goes if this morning. I feel numb 🥺

We’re very lucky to have DD 4.5 who is our absolute world, but this was our last chance to have no.2. We had around 2 glorious weeks of planning our future as a family of 4 and now it’s all gone. The amount of money we spent on treatment as well, it doesn’t even bar thinking about…

@Charlotte390 im so sorry you’re struggling. I think you can feel like you’re doing ok one day and then it just hits you the next. I find myself thinking about it at the strangest moments. I too had my MC tested and it came back within 6 weeks - I appreciate your baby was further along and there may be more involved but I really really hope you get some answers soon. Thinking of you x
@MindatWork Oh you poor thing. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and that your husband is away. I have had several MCs and it does come as such a horrid shock. Is there anyone else you can reach out to? X

Thank you @CrazyMILonthecase - my sister came to site with me and has just left - DH is due home at 1am so I will probably sit up for him.

Ive had lots I failed ivf cycles and a chemical pregnancy but never a miscarriage before. I guess I’ve got the full set now 🤦‍♀️😬

@MindatWork - I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I know all too well the trials of IVF (and the financial burden it creates). Those first days of knowing it's worked and the fears around a chemical pregnancy, only to watch the lines darken and get that hope again. You're not alone and this has been such a supportive thread. I hope you and your husband can hold eachother close today and that you managed some sleep. The best advice someone gave me is to feel everything one step at a time. The grieving process for this baby and the impact that has on your plans for a sibling will create so many different emotions, each of them valid.

@MindatWork I'm so so sorry for your loss 😔 massive handhold here. I am also just waiting to start bleeding. I've just had a chemical - BFP Thurs but my CB digital weeks indicator today is showing not pregnant after some faint cheapies yesterday and after a MMC in April at close to 12wks. Mine is also a much wanted 2nd baby, so I'm currently snuggled in next to my little boy and being grateful I've got him while I raise a little virtual hug to the two tiny ones I will never hold earthside. 💕

@MindatWork im glad your sister could be with you and your husband is home now. @Olivia199 gave some brilliant advice - feeling everything step by step. We are all here for you x
@SnookyPook oh I’m sorry you’re having a chemical. Hopefully that means your body is trying hard to make that 2nd baby and is just waiting for the perfect egg x

Thank you for all your kind comments @CrazyMILonthecase @SnookyPook and @Olivia199 - so sorry for your losses.

Im in even more of a tizz now. We went for a private scan this morning which showed that I have a massive sub chorionic haeamatoma and baby is still there but no heartbeat. It’s measuring a couple of days behind (no leeway as we know the day we had our transfer). They couldn’t 100% call it a miscarriage as it’s ‘too small’ apparently, they’ve said I have to rescan in 2 weeks. But I know it’s gone. How do they expect people to just go about their business as normal for 2 weeks?

Ive put in a call to my gp to try and get a referral to epu; if I end up needing a D&C I’d rather be in the system sooner rather than later.

Sorry for the big ramble 🤦‍♀️

Oh @Olivia199 ive just gone back and read some of your previous posts from end of August and we’ve pretty much had the exact same experience. Sending you so much love - I’m off to put on a brave face and pick my DD up from her 3rd session in reception class. We have a teacher home visit this afternoon so need to tidy the house 😬

@MindatWork oh god what a head f**k! What did they measure you as? The two week wait is absolutely awful - I had it with my most recent MC and you just want answers either way and to be able to make a plan. I hope your EPU can see you soon. Are you bleeding? Could you call and not tell them about the private scan but say you’re bleeding and would like to be scanned? Just so that they don’t tell you to wait another 2 weeks xx