Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Oh @Khanga27 that is awful for you, sending lots of wishes that this chapter is finished for you soon x

@Khanga27 - I'm so so sorry to hear this, how totally miserable for you. I've got everything crossed this time is sorted and you can get back to baseline. Thinking of you x

@Khanga27 i had similar with my last - surgical management, followed by medical, followed by another surgical as the medical didn’t work. It being so dragged out is awful as you can’t start to move on while it’s still happening. Fingers crossed for you ❤️‍🩹

Hi everyone! So sorry for your losses 💔
I’m currently going through my 3rd miscarriage in a row, seems every month I get pregnant and every time I lose between 4-5 weeks.

This time it was 5 weeks and despite having lovely strong tests and great test progression, it ended at the exact same time as the rest. I was also on progesterone suppositories this time, stopped taking them on Friday when I had a negative test and I’ve just started light bleeding today.

I phoned the GP yesterday and they were really good! They sent me straight to get bloods done- took 6 vials 🥴
And then referred me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic.

I feel like I can no longer connect with a positive pregnancy test and can’t consider myself pregnant anymore until I manage to reach an 8 week scan. No idea when that will be but I’m hoping I’ll catch a lucky break soon 🙏

@LacedBouquet oh I'm so sorry, this sounds so stressful and upsetting. I'm glad you're getting good help and I feel your pain on the amount of blood they need from you 🫠 sending hope for you for next time.

@Khanga27 I hope this can be resolved as soon as possible, I can't imagine the anxiety it must be causing. We just have the wait of the post mortem now which is bad enough but luckily the physical side is over and done with (I hope).

@EdithGrantham @Olivia199 @Charlotte390 @Sunbird24 thank you for your replies it's much appreciated.

It's just so frustrating. I was offered d&c but she did also say that with being just a small amount of tissue there's more risk of a tear or damage with doctor digging around trying to find in my uterus. I'm hoping medical works completely this time. I was offered waif and see as well, but it's right at top of my womb so sounded like it was just being stubborn.

I also have a small simple cyst on each ovary which they said was nothing to worry about. Both ovaries a little larger as she said they are probably in limbo with hormone being low but still positive. Based on that I dunno whether good idea or not to try straight away after things finally being gone or whether to wait for a period. I feel conscious about waiting but just feel very anxious about everything x

Today I had my first smear since before all the ivf, so I warned the nurse that I may have a trauma response due to all the things that went wrong or I had to have done down there over the last 3 years. She was really kind, and my cervix behaved so she was in and out super quick. I had been really anxious about it before I went in, but definitely feel better now.

@LacedBouquet you’ve got a good GP there, hopefully the RM clinic find out what’s going on and find something they can fix for you.

@Khanga27 the consultant told me they can do two surgeries in the same cycle/pregnancy without increasing risk, but they don’t like to do any more than that. Also that the uterus is really good at repairing itself. Hopefully it won’t be necessary for you, but if it does turn out that way don’t panic.

@Khanga27 oh how frustrating for you. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through all this. I really hope medical works for you and gets rid of that last bit of stubborn tissue 🤞🏻
@LacedBouquet sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had two in a row this year and it does just make you feel so disheartened. Well done your GP for being so helpful! Hopefully the bloods will shed some light on what’s going on 🤞🏻

@Sunbird24 I’m glad your smear went ok. The worry and anticipation leading up to these things is horrid so that’s good you had a lovely (and very efficient!!) nurse.

I’m just finishing my first period post MC in August. It’s been a strange one - part of me felt sad that my last pregnancy is definitely over but I also feel relieved that my body is kicking back into its old routine and I can hopefully try again. Was relieved when I fell pregnant and didn’t have to do the endless ovulation sticks / sex on set days malarkey - now I’ve got to get back to it 😄

@LacedBouquet - I'm so sorry for all you're going through, I can only imagine.
I'm so glad the GP seems to be on it and hopefully the clinic can shed some insight and get you on the right path to your little miracle.

@Sunbird24 - So glad the smear went well and sounds like you had a wonderful nurse.

@CrazyMILonthecase - I hope you're doing okay, it's all such a rollarcoaster if emotions.

When I went for my first scan at the fertility clinic and got the awful news, they asked me if I wanted the scan photos. I absolutely did but forgot to take them at the time. They kindly posted them to me. Of course the post arrived today and in amongst the birthday cards for my DD, there was this envelope. I had no idea what it was and feel like I got kicked in the chest when I opened it. I'm so glad to have the photos but Jesus, this hit harder than I was expecting. And I knew it'd hurt!

@Khanga27 So sorry to hear that you’re still not getting to the end of this upsetting situation.

I’m just as confused 3 weeks and a day after mine. I’ve just POAS like they said 3 weeks after. It’s still showing positive but is it faint enough or do I need to call the gynae team? Should I be seeing nothing by now? When I was pregnant the lines were much stronger but if I was looking for a positive I would be celebrating. This seems so cruel. Can I please ask what you would do in this situation? Wait a bit longer and do another one and hope it’s more faint or call the gynae clinic?

Oh I'm so sorry @Roxystar23. I'd give them a call and make them aware. They may ask you to repeat it in a few days but they may want a scan.

Thanks @Olivia199 - I’ll do just that.

I’ve just realised I must have accidentally missed the last page before posting.

@Olivia199 - Sending you hugs - I can only imagine the mixed emotions you must have been feeling when you opened that envelope.

@CrazyMILonthecase - Well that’s some positive news. Must be a massive relief to know your body has got back in the swing of things. I keep looking at the calendar & wondering when mine is going to arrive.

@Sunbird24 - I find smear tests daunting enough at the best of times. So pleased you had a nice nurse - it really does make all the difference.

@LacedBouquet - So sorry to hear your news but so glad to hear that you have a GP that is so on it!

@Roxystar23 i would call. Mine was like that 3 weeks after the last one so I thought I’d give it a little longer then life got in the way and I forgot, until I realised my period hadn’t appeared after nearly 2 months…

Hello everyone else in this really rubbish club! I'm 2 weeks on from finding out that I'd had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks (baby stopped growing just after 6). I had medical management a week ago today and I think I'm only just beginning to process the emotional/hormonal fallout. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, and we'd had to have a termination almost exactly a year before due to it being totally financially unfeasible for us to become parents then, but we'd been working so hard to get in a better place for it happening again and we were delighted when we found out.

Now I'm processing not only the blame of imperfect behaviour before we knew I was pregnant (holiday hot tub, a boozy wedding, all the usual), but also a sense that maybe I'm being punished for the termination. I had a very, very dark time after that last year, with OCD that very nearly cost me my job, home and sanity, and I'm so scared of ending up in the same place again.

Part of me wants to just get on and try now we know it's what we want, but I'm so, so scared of miscarrying again. I took the pills at home for medical management and it was incredibly painful and traumatic. I've got really fixated on trying to behave perfectly 'just in case', although we think we want to wait a few months. I'm talking no alcohol, skipping the hot tub when we go away to visit friends next weekend because we had (non penetrative) foreplay last night, so there's a TINY chance of pregnancy. I simultaneously want to get pregnant quickly because of the lowered risk of miscarriage in the 6 months after, but also wait until I've lost a stone and a half and until it's been 3 months since DP last drank heavily to ensure his swimmers are healthy. It's all a bit extreme and I feel really lonely in this - anyone else had such an intense psychological response to a first miscarriage? How did you get through it?

@HorizontalSupervisor I totally get where you're coming from. I only miscarried last week and was 19 weeks, so it was a very intense time, but some of my first thoughts were how much I want to try again. It was a planned pregnancy but was almost like it was too easy, and I was quite apprehensive when we found out so I feel guilty that we took it for granted, and then also guilty that if we try again we will be replacing our lost baby boy. It's such a rollercoaster, I'm still full of hormones, so I'm trying to take a step back and remember to take things slow, which includes taking care of myself, not drinking, trying to be gradually more active etc. before we try again (as well as hopefully finding out why it happened).

The main thing is not to blame yourself, it's natural to look for reasons but sadly sometimes there aren't any, and it definitely isn't because of things you've done - think of how many people have healthy babies when they haven't even known they were pregnant for weeks!

I just want to know what happened and start trying again, it's horrible having to wait and constantly questioning your own body. What's helped me the most is getting outside and spending time in nature, slowing down and being around people I love. Good luck and be kind to yourself

Still no end. Medical management today didn't work. One more dose tonight and if nothing by morning then surgery.

I really really didn't want surgery so am gutted. When I took the pregnancy test last Friday the line was so faint that I hoped so much was just residual in blood stream, so was gutted they found retained tissue on the scan.

Stuck in hospital and feeling devastated

Sorry to hear that @Khanga27, is there something specifically that is bothering you about surgery?

@EdithGrantham surgery and anaesthetic has always been a fear of mine. But also, on Tuesday when I had the scan the sonographer said that because there was only a small amount of tissue (3cm), there was an increased risk of a tear or something when the doctor was digging around. So that has be really really freaked out. But they have said that now I've had medical management twice (4 weeks ago and today), conservative management is no longer an option and it has to be surgery if medical management doesn't work overnight

@Khanga27 I was really worried about the anaesthetic but they told me that it's safer than driving which put my mind at rest a little. I was shaking like a leaf when they were prepping me but the anaesthetist asked me to tell him about a favourite holiday and so I just gabbled away until I was leaving massive gaps between my words then the next thing I knew a nurse was waking me up and I felt fully aware again within moments.

Maybe ask to speak to the surgeon about the risk of tearing, they may be able to give you some reassurance on that point. Even different surgeons will have different opinions, the surgeon who was on shift during the day when I was in wanted to wait to see if I passed everything naturally but when the shifts changed the surgeon in the evening looked at my notes, spoke to me then got me in to surgery asap (obviously slightly different because I had chosen surgical management in the first place)

Sending you lots of well wishes xx

ETA: I also just remembered that they said technically it's not surgery it's a "procedure"

@Olivia199 oh no I can imagine that must have been so difficult receiving those scan pics - especially on your little girls birthday. Talk about rubbish timing ☹️ Really hope you’re ok!
@Khanga27 How frustrating that your test is still showing positive. When I had a MMC at 10 weeks my test showed positive for several weeks but then my period hit and that seemed to clear everything out. I would definitely contact your EPU to get advice- being scanned would be a good idea. Really hoping that negative test is coming your way soon 🤞🏻