Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

hi @Mumtobabyhavoc thanks for checking in it's terrible how many people have all been in the same boat.

I'm now 10+4 and still a bag of nerves. had 3 scans already buy don't think I'll feel better until my dating scan

Sorry for everyone's losses :( joining the thread as I found out last Thursday at my 12 week scan that I've had a MMC, earliest they could get me booked in for surgical management was this coming Tuesday but I started spotting Friday evening. I got in touch with the EPU who said to call them if the bleeding got heavier. Bleeding hasn't got any worse so far but now having fairly strong cramps, similar to what I'd have on most painful period day. If they're still bad tomorrow I'll give them another ring but guessing they won't be able to do anything until I'm booked in anyway.

Oh, @EdithGrantham , I am so very sorry.
💐Keeping you in my thoughts.

Thanks @Mumtobabyhavoc since posting bleeding has changed to red but still not very heavy, cramps are more painful now too. I'm guessing this is ramping up and I'll end up miscarrying at home either tonight or tomorrow. Obviously didn't want to MC at all but with surgical option I felt like I had a tiny bit of control over the situation. Now I just feel helpless.

@EdithGrantham I understand that feeling. I really struggled. Do you have support?

@Mumtobabyhavoc DH is off work until at least the weekend so he's here for me, I think he feels a bit lost as well though.

@Mumtobabyhavoc thank you for your kind words. The support on here is so lovely. I’ve felt very alone so it’s been comforting to know others understand my pain / sadness. How are you doing?
@EdithGrantham I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us. Not a club any of us wanted to be a part of. I completely understand where you’re coming from - I was booked in for surgical management too but ended up miscarrying naturally at home. If it’s any consolation, I was petrified of what would happen as I’d always opted for surgical with my previous MCs but it wasn’t as awful as I had been anticipating. The bleeding was immense (not going to lie!) and I was gushing constantly and losing huge clots but the pain wasn’t as bad as I had expected and I didn’t need any pain relief. I went through it while my husband was at work and my children were at home playing and they didn’t even know anything was wrong. I know not everyone’s experience was the same but for me the anticipation and fear were worse than the actual event - physically speaking. Emotionally, it’s been a rollercoaster 😟. Sending you love x

@CrazyMILonthecase thanks, I've had the opposite so far, crazy bad cramps last night that I had to breathe through but bleeding very minimal. The hospital have said for me to go in tomorrow as planned and they'll assess me to see what the next steps need to be. Sorry to hear you've had multiple losses, the whole situation is just so crap

@EdithGrantham oh no you poor thing, that sounds horrid. Hopefully you get some answers tomorrow and you can go ahead with the surgery if needed. It’s so crap isn’t it, there’s no other way to describe it. The uncertainty of it all - when will it happen? What will it be like? is just exhausting. I hope the pain eases off for you today x

@CrazyMILonthecase thank you, I think that is part of what makes it so tiring is the waiting and not knowing. Not in nearly as much pain today thank goodness.

@CrazyMILonthecase I'm ok, but I feel changed. If that makes sense. Emotionally still a bit fragile and, frankly, a bit angry. I think it's a bit of depression. I had all the info for counselling, but I couldn't talk irl. I purged it all here up-thread. Logically, I know it's a process and I know what happened is, sadly, not unique to me, but it feels like, in a way, no one knows what I went through. I f-ing lost it in hospital. Nurse said, Oh, did your baby die? and that was it for me. I won't detail it further, but I was inconsolable. The world stopped.
It is a distant memory now (February), and life goes on, but I can't believe it all happened. It is surreal. It really is. I recently told another friend what happened, no real details, so I guess it's a bit fresh again.

@Mumtobabyhavoc I’m so sorry to hear things have been tough. I totally get what you mean about feeling like no one knows - we’ve all been there but we each have our individual story and feelings. I’m glad you purged here, it does help to be able to say these things out loud (or write those down!) and not bottle it up. Just keep talking to the group. I find it definitely comes and goes - some days I’m ok and enjoying myself and then suddenly it hits that a month ago I was still pregnant ☹️ Do you think you’ll try again? For me, that seems to be what’s keeping me looking forward but I get that’s not for everyone x

@CrazyMILonthecase the person I recently told has gone through it, too, but I didn't go into any of the deep details. Trying again, yes, but I am incredibly guarded and a bit numb about it. Need to work through that.

@Mumtobabyhavoc I'm trying again after mmc in July, and to be honest it feels a bit like I'm disconnected and just going through the motions. I actually don't mind too much - makes it feel safer than being heavily emotionally involved then going through heartbreak again x

@Mumtobabyhavoc i think that’s understandable - it’s hard to approach it with the same excitement as you’re filled with worry and anxiety. I think (hope 🤞🏻) my period is due this week and then I’ll try but I imagine I’ll be a bit numb about it too.
@moosey89 good luck with it x

I am so sorry more people are having to join this thread it's a horrible club to be in.

I totally understand the anxiety around trying again. I am pregnant again following my mmc in February and definitely feel very disconnected. my DH has told some of his family and they have sent congratulatory messages and they have just filled me with anxiety so much I just feel we are going to have to tell them bad news again.
but what I will say is my epu have been very supportive I had a little bit of bleeding at 5 weeks and they got me in for a scan the next day and started me on progesterone with no issues. they also automatically booked me in for another scan 2 weeks later to make sure there was a heartbeat. they told me to phone them anytime if I had any concerns

Hi all,

Sadly joining this thread having found out Thursday, at my viability scan at 7+5 that there was no heartbeat and a mysterious second sac with what looked like a second pregnancy.
This is purely mysterious due to the fact I had a single embryo transfer so, theoretically, shouldn't be as such. Even twins shouldn't be in separate sacs due to when they'd have had to split and the fact the transfer was day 5.

Unfortunately I've been suffering with hyperemesis which hasn't quite caught up and bogged off yet.

They've told me to continue all IVF meds until I had a rescan in a week. At that point they'd refer me to EPU.

I've heard sometimes that EPU don't take private fertility clinic scans so got myself referred by my GP and now have a scan on Thursday with them instead.

I'm very aware that sadly there is no happy ending here, but in the night when I can't sleep, I can't help but think of scenarios where I get a miracle.

This was probably my one shot at a sibling for my DD, who's 2, for a long time. Mainly due to funds (bloody expensive way to have a baby). I have remaining embryos but none of them are great quality. In fact, two they'd suggested were only really good enough to put back together. My pregnancy with DD also started off as twins so if I am, in fact, batting two for two on the single embryo twins then I'm very much keen to stay away from a double transfer!

It all just feels so surreal. I had spotting and a couple of big bleeds with my DD and yet all went okay. With this one I've had absolutely nothing. In fact, some bloody strong symptoms which remain even now.

Thank you for setting up a thread like this. It just feels totally miserable and very isolating, so having somewhere to moan a bit really helps.

@Olivia199 Thant's awful news. I'm so sorry. How are you coping?

@Mumtobabyhavoc - Thank you - I'm up and down. Using all my energy to be absolutely fine and happy and fun for my DD and then just moping miserably when she's in bed or nursery. Dreading Thursday but also keen for it to be over.
Everything seemed to work out so perfectly at first.
My clinic was shutting in August to move locations, so I was hoping for a July cycle. I was due on on the 5th and the last date for accepting a treatment cycle was also the 5th, so it felt like the universe would decide.

Then I had a short cycle in June which meant I would have a few days grace and my period arrived right on time ready to start.

The scans were all perfect, the lining was outstanding, transfer went ahead in plenty of time before they shut.

Due date was 6th April and with a Sept baby already that felt really lovely too.

Everything just seemed like it couldn't have worked out better. Like this was absolutely meant to be. I spent my whole 1st pregnancy so terrified that something was wrong but we made it through. I went into this feeling like everything had happened in just the right way and felt in my gut that things really were going to be okay.

One hell of a shock that I still don't think I've processed.

So sorry to read your sad news @Olivia199 & @EdithGrantham . Thoughts are with you both.

@AlienSuperstar - Thank you for your kind words.

@CrazyMILonthecase - How are you doing? I hope the (emotion) pain is easing a little for you now - I know I'm starting to feel a little less numb now. Although I too am struggling to get my head around being pregnant and then not. I've been binging on Chorizo and Sushi and all the things I couldn't eat when pregnant as a little two fingered salute to the MC. I need to start eating properly again now to get my body prepped for trying again. Thankfully the bleeding seems to be tailing off now (Finally!!). In the leaflet the hospital sent to me, it said it should only last as long as a period - It will be two weeks tomorrow. I haven't been scanned but I will POAS at the end of the week to check for the negative so I can then try and move on. I think that could end up being a bit of a trigger as the last time I POAS I was celebrating. It felt like I didn't really get any support - I was a bit angry about it but I've come to accept it. The thought of trying for another helps me to try and stay positive. I just need my body to sort it's self out.

Hi all. I'm so sorry to read everyone's experiences.
I had an MMC and had this medically managed 2 and a half weeks ago. I have had bleeding which stopped after 12 days. However i've had some pelvic pain on-off for the past few days but today feels a bit worse, so I'm worried. I rang EPU and they said if it gets worse then to go to A&E. I'm not sure if there's anything else I can do or whether this is normal?

@Roxystar23 - Thank you. I've been doing the same, brie, chorizo, sushi, wine. Just as a bit of a screw you. Though I'm still throwing most of it back up so I guess it's saluting me right back!

Hello everyone, I’m currently in hospital & will be wheeled in soon for surgical management. I’ll let you know how it goes. We’ve known for a few weeks so the initial shock has past but the grief and anger comes in waves. Given we went through ivf to find ourselves here is as tough as it gets.

Strictly speaking I’m 10wks but we knew at 7wks there was a super slow heart rate and then none at all. Measuring just over 6wks.

I’ve also been having sushi, wine, gin, all the cheeses and proper tea. Flipping the finger at this situation! Back good behaviour tomorrow.

Sorry to hear that @Olivia199 and @FiddleLeaf I've been flicking through the thread and it's heartbreaking how many women are in the position of having a MC of an IVF pregnancy.

I went in for surgery today but as I've had cramping and passed blood plus possibly some tissue they want to scan me to see if surgery will be necessary. The first available appointment for a scan is Thursday so I've got another wait ahead to see what the next steps are.

I'm so sorry FiddleLeaf - we had similar timings (super slow heartbeat at 7 weeks, finally miscarriage confirmed at 10+1). Thinking of you, hope the procedure goes smoothly and you can be home soon x