Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

@SnookyPook Thank you so much for your kind words and it’s helpful to read how the whole thing progressed for you. I think I would like to go down the surgical management route as I found it physically ok the last two times (although the emotions hit me like a lorry the day after) but like you, I’m scared that it will happen naturally at home before then and I don’t want my children to see me frightened or in pain. Friends of mine have taken medical management and all 3 ended up going to a&e which I think has scared the living daylights out of me! It sounds like your experience wasn’t too hideous physically - if you get what I mean. I really hope you’re doing ok emotionally and are healing xx

@CrazyMILonthecase yes absolutely get what you mean, and you're right, I felt like I had a 'good' miscarriage if that's even possible to say. I think one thing that really helped me was that I decided to see it as my last bit of journey with my little bean, and therefore tried to sort of embrace the process and honour it as it was happening. I was daunted beforehand but the minute it started up sort of went into practical coping mode. The emotional side hit afterwards. At the time it was just a relief to know that the loss had happened as once I knew the pregnancy wasn't viable I really didn't want it dragging on. That said, if it hadn't happened the way it did, I would have definitely taken the surgical route over medical management which as you say, seems a lot more hit and miss for people.

Thank you, it was a tough couple of months but I have amazed myself with my own resilience and on the whole I'm doing ok now, though obviously milestones etc are tough. And I have a few pregnant friends/friends with newborns which has required some confronting of difficult thoughts and feelings at times. Back to TTC again now which presents a new focus etc.

Wish you all the best going forwards xx

@SnookyPook That’s such a lovely way of viewing it. I always thought I would hate the idea of having a little bean with no heart beat inside me but with my previous MCs it actually felt very sad saying goodbye even though I knew they were gone - waking up after the op felt like it really was “over” for us. At the same time, I also don’t want it dragging on, that period of limbo and uncertainty is awful.
Well done on being so strong and bouncing back these past few months. TTC again after loss can be both helpful and difficult - it’s lovely to be able to focus on the future but it definitely brings its own anxieties. I really hope it all works out for you. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Ill
update tomorrow once I’ve been seen by the EPAU xx

Morning everyone.
I hope no one minds me adding my experience to this thread. This was my first pregnancy and I found out I’d had a MMC last week just a few days before my 12 week scan. I had some spotting and cramping, went into the EPU where they scanned to reveal my baby had died around 7 weeks. I had an early scan at what I thought was 8 weeks and they said I was only 6w 5d so I’d thought then something was wrong and this meant our baby died just days after that scan.

I’m going into the EPU again today for a follow up scan and to decide what comes next. It has probably been the worst week of my life with slow, steady bleeding and cramping. I was really hoping more would have happened by now. We are due to go on holiday for 10 days on Tuesday and I’m 95% sure we’ll have to cancel. We are both so gutted as some time away would really do us the world of good and I’m angry I’m having to cancel everything I had planned for my summer holidays.

Im so at a loss for what option is best, all I know is that I want this process over because the last week has felt like a decade. I feel angry that the healthcare options and outcomes for women in these circumstances are just so shit.

Sending support to you all at an awful time x

@GeographyTeacher im so sorry you’re in this position - it really is awful. I hope that the EPU can help you today, I think the lack of control over the situation makes it feel even worse. I’ve had two D&Cs previously and for me, surgical management was definitely the right way to go. Minimal pain and discomfort and so I could focus on healing emotionally rather than worrying about the physical side of things.
Im in a similar boat to you - I’m booked in for surgical management next Thursday when I should be 9 weeks but baby is only measuring 6+2. Im bleeding heavily though so don’t think I’ll make it to then if I’m honest and I’m terrified of going through it at home in front of my children. Sending you a virtual hug and handhold x

Hey, I just wanted to reply and say thank you for encouraging to ask for a scan.
my hcg went up at my next blood test and they asked me to return in a week which I wasn’t happy with.
I asked for bloods in 48 and a scan - basically was laughed at saying you’re not going to see anything with such low hcg. Of course I knew I wouldn’t see a pregnancy but was concerned about retained tissue etc.

low and behold, I went yesterday for the bloods and scan and they found growth in my tube. Hcg back up again and so now they think it’s ectopic!

Hoping to pass naturally but if not by next week I’ll go for the injection.

Miscarrying is hard enough but the worry of waiting knowing you could rupture is horrific and if I have the injection we can’t try for another 3-6. Just heartbreaking.

x

@H20202 oh goodness I'm so sorry but also so glad that you got the scan and know what's going on. I really hope it all resolves as naturally and quickly as possible. Keep us posted. Sending a big hug. Xx

Thank you so much xx

Hi everyone hope I’m ok to join you. I’ve actually found a lot of comfort today in reading through all of your posts, after finding myself in this awful club nobody wants to be a part of. Yesterday we had our 12 week scan (first pregnancy) but found out we’d sadly lost our little one at 8+3.

We had an early scan with a healthy heartbeat that measured 8+4 so I’m struggling to understand how things changed so quickly. I didn’t experience any bleeding/spotting or cramps so was so oblivious that there was something wrong. I feel so empty and deflated.

I am booked in for an MVA on Monday and feeling so anxious.

Also I know it should be bottom of the priority list but I’m so stressed about how to handle this with work, I started a new job only 4 weeks ago and they didn’t know I was pregnant. I don’t even have my manager’s phone number, and I’m due to arrive at the hospital at 8.30am for the op when I should be starting work at that time. Has anyone got any advice for me? Xx

@Bali200 I am so very sorry. It is such a terrible shock when it happens. It was same for me: baby passed away likely a day or two after my last scan. It takes a while for your body to recognize it, hence no immediate symptoms.
I suggest having your partner call work for you to simply explain you require a sudden and unexpected surgery and are now in hospital.
my forst week pist-surgery was

Ugh... damn broken screen causes typos etc

My first few days/week post-surgery were ok but then I had severe cramping and heavier bleeding for a few days/good week. Overall I think bleeding lasted 3-4 weeks. I surmise two weeks off work, but everyone is
different. I'd ask for a medical note for work for two weeks ("recovery due to surgery")to be safe.
Sending you love and support. 💐

Hi there. I had a medical miscarriage in hospital on Friday and this seems to have passed what was needed (pending a negative pregnancy test in a few weeks) - the sac came out whole and to be honest it was so painful until it passed, after which the pain went away.

I was told period pain was normal but I'm really freaking out and stressing. The bleeding hasn't been really heavy or anything, but it feels like cramps for a heavy period, and I've had brief pain almost like ligament pain - is this things going back to how they were? I've even had a little brief pain in my vagina - is that from stretching to pass the sac whole? I've also been really tired, and I know my body had been through a lot physically but I had hoped that maybe after resting over the weekend I'd start to feel more myself energy wise at least if nothing else?

I'm sorry if these are stupid questions. I've rang the ward I was on and they aren't concerned but said if I was then to pop to a&e. I just don't want to waste anyone's time. I do struggle with anxiety, but I'm so worried about risk of infection and if this might lead to infertility or worse.

I just wondered if anyone who has gone through a medical miscarriage that could advise whether what I'm experiencing is normal?

@Khanga27 I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s a horrible situation, physically and emotionally - and although miscarriage is a bit less taboo nowadays in my experience there’s still so much mystery around the physical process. You’re in the right place for straight talking - though everyone’s experience is different.

I would say your experience in terms of tiredness is completely normal and to be expected. There’s blood loss, hormonal changes, not to mention physical effects of stress and grief… It’s a lot. Go easy on yourself. Most people take a couple of weeks off work. I understand you want to just feel better and get past this, and you will. It just takes a bit of time. Take care xx

@Oxalis00 thank you for your reply. I just feel so so anxious about every little ache in case it's a sign of infection or even worse, even though hospital assured me period type pains were normal.
I had a morning of no bleeding and I was so relieved, but then this afternoon I have bright red blood again. I just wish it was over. I'm questioning every little ache worrying its an infection or worse. We are away at the moment to try and rest up with a change of scenery but I just wish I was home.

@Lemonbell I'm so sorry. I've had 2 and already having thoughts of 'how many can I actually go through'. Hope you're doing ok pain wise, and have someone to support you. Sending you all the love xx

Hi - I am 7w4 and on my third day of bleeding. It’s light for a period but I have no doubt that it is a miscarriage. A couple of stupid questions. How long does it normally take to get going? I am having some cramping today but still not passed much. And generally is it a good idea to contact the EPU to be seen? I have left a message with them but had no response.

So sorry for everyone else who has suffered a loss.

Hi Everyone, So sorry to everyone on this thread. I miscarried on Wednesday. I’d started spotting on the Monday and again on the Tuesday. As my midwife wasn’t concerned I had a private scan on the Tuesday and was relieved to see my little bean’s heartbeat. However by Wednesday morning it became very clear that it was game over. I went to A&E as I was concerned about the volume of blood loss. They did some blood tests and sent me home without scanning. I came home and spent the remaining part of Wednesday evening in the bathroom. The following morning I had a call from the gynae clinic to ask how I was feeling and advised to POAS in three weeks. I was kind of shocked that this seems to be the end of everything. I can’t bring myself to phone up to cancel my next planned midwife appointment and my 12 week scan appointment (I was 9w4d on Wed). Is it normal for the hospital to not scan me? Or is the normal procedure to not scan me unless the pregnancy test is still positive in 3 weeks time? Sorry for all the questions - I’m just trying to get my head around it all. My head can’t get around being pregnant one day and then not the next. Especially the day after seeing a little heartbeat. I’m so so sorry for those of you that have gone through this and my heart goes out to those of you that have experienced this more than once. I’d love to be pregnant once again but I’m not sure if my nerves could take it.

Hi @Roxystar23 I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.
In my experience, the doctor in A&E booked me for a scan to check if the MC was complete. The scan was the day after my MC, although I kept bleeding for about a week.
After the scan I was told to take a pregnancy test 2 weeks later. By that point it was negative.
I'm not sure if that is the same as other people have experienced, but please do phone them back if you are worried. I was told by the gynae team that I was under their care for 1 month after the MC and to call back with any concerns.

@Roxystar23 I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm surprised you weren't scanned especially being so far along do you have an early pregnancy unit?

Thank you @krissy12 & @HopeAndStrength - I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this too.

The bleeding has slowed quite a lot compared to what it was last week but it's still quite vibrant with clots. It did seem to slow yesterday and I thought I might have been through with it but it doesn't seem to be the case today. If it gets any heavier I will call up the Gynae clinic. They didn't seem to want to refer me to the EPU - even when I was calling about my concerns before the MC. I don't feel like I can fully start to heal emotionally until the physical side of the MC is complete.

@Roxystar23 I'm new to this forum and your story is the first I have come across. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.

Thread is a bit quiet, so I thought I'd check to see how everyone is doing. ☺️

@Mumtobabyhavoc Thanks for checking in. I’m 3.5 weeks on from mine and it’s a weird one - physically feels very “done”
that a part of me can’t believe that just 4 weeks ago I was walking around pregnant thinking about baby names. I’ve decided I want to try again- age isnt on my side here and I’ve had two MCs back to back so far these past few months so there’s no guarantee but I can’t not try if that makes sense. Just hoping for third time lucky 🤞🏻
how are you doing??
@Roxystar23 how’s your bleeding? Have you been scanned? I’m amazed they didn’t refer you to your local EPU to be scanned, it sounds like you were just left to get on with it with zero support 😔

@CrazyMILonthecase I completely understand wanting to try again. Everyone's journey is so personal and you have to do what feels right for you. I avoid asking for advice and instead seek info and make decisions that way. Just take a day at a time and be good to yourself along the way. 💖