Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

So sorry to hear it’s dragging on for you @Jx3303 I never knew (until my own experience) that a miscarriage might not necessarily be a single event, but weeks or months of management. It’s so tough, and I completely get your sense that the ongoing physical process impedes emotional recovery. It’s miserable.

I had D&C yesterday and it was ok. Thanks so much to everyone who reassured me. Resting up now and hoping that’s the end of it, but will have to wait for histology results (4-6 weeks apparently) on the possibility of a molar pregnancy before we can really move on.

@Retrogamer thank you so much ❤️ physically feeling a bit better today but now worrying as i know there is tissue that needs to be passed so would sooner rather than later. I hope your spotting is period and your through the post erpc. As other said don't ever apologise, we all need this space and know that we all understand and are there / have been there. We know how it feels and it is so lonely, I'm so very sorry for your loss xx

@Oxalis00 thank you so much for your kind and understanding reply 💕 it really means the world to be understood. I really hope your d&c went well and you're recovering. I so hope that it's the end of it for you and results all come back ok and you can begin to try to move on.

My heart aches for each and everyone in this chat and I can't thank you all enough for the support. Not for everyone but I've a lot of books under my belt for self help and my OH bought me a book called beyond grief that has been a great comfort (albeit a sad read) for anyone who likes to read x

It's been quiet on this thread, so thought I'd reach out to see how everyone is managing (or isn't).

I'm ok, but anxiety is a bit high. Trying to stay busy, but have been sick with probable covid almost 2 months so it's been difficult as energy is low and, well, am sick. 🤦‍♀️
Finally seeing doctor about it tomorrow.

Good to hear from you @Mumtobabyhavoc but I feel for you, that’s a long time to be poorly. Glad you’re getting to see a doctor, and I hope they’re helpful. The state of the body and the state of the mind are so intertwined, I’m not surprised you’ve been feeling anxious.

Updates from me, retained pregnancy tissue removed at D&C wasn’t molar which is good, but I’ve been bleeding for more than 3 weeks since the surgery (8 weeks since medical management) and had some unexplained heavy gushes with lumps. I’ve also had some weird pain/discomfort in what I assume is my uterus area for about a week - not cramps, but a widespread sort of bright and heavy feeling that is sore when I move. So tired of worrying about what’s going on in my body… 😕 Saw consultant last week who was lovely but had no explanations for anything and said just wait it out. It seems women’s bodies are still pretty much a mystery to medical science!

Would love to hear from others, wherever you’re at. It’s so helpful to feel part of something shared, and to watch as life does eventually move on!

@Mumtobabyhavoc thanks for checking in and sorry to hear that you've been so poorly. Hope things improve soon.

@Oxalis00 great that they got the retained tissue and confirmed molar. That must have been a relief, although I imagine the ongoing bleeding and pain is very frustrating. I remember just wanting the physical side of things to be done once I knew that there was no hope for the pregnancy. It's cruel for nature to draw it out isn't it. Also, so frustrating to get the 'wait and see' response from the medics. I really hope that you start feeling better from it all soon. Really weird thought but I wonder if it's possible for the womb to ever respond with a physical pain to the lost pregnancy, grief etc? Could be complete mumbo jumbo but I wonder if some meditation and gentle yoga type approach would help at all...?!

As for me... Currently awaiting ovulation on my second full cycle since the loss. I don't know why but just feeling a bit despondent and hopeless at the moment. Don't know if it's some kind of protective thing to try and not get my hopes up etc but just feeling generally a bit meh right now. Also, after a shorted than usual cycle last month (25 days) my predicted ovulation is currently late and am now on track for a longer than usual cycle so 🤷🏼‍♀️ I know th se kinds of changes are extremely common after a loss, just hoping everything is ok!

@Oxalis00 obviously meant confirmed NO molar 🤦🏼‍♀️

Lovely idea @Mumtobabyhavoc . Sorry to hear you and @Oxalis00 and @SnookyPook are in varying stages of feeling unwell. Recovery often isn't as instant as people would make it out to be. I felt very tired for weeks afterward and am just now starting to feel something approaching normal.

@SnookyPook I know the feeling waiting for your second period to get the all clear. I also was feeling despondent and confused, so I decided to put it all out of my head for a while. I've set some new goals and am putting my energy into achieving those instead. It's not easy, but it does seem to have helped a bit. Hope you all find some peace and comfort.

I'm glad to see some replies here. One thing I found was a feeling of loneliness and isolation in my grief as friends moved on while I was still mired in very present sadness. So, I just wanted others here to know you are in my thoughts. It's okay to feel sad and there is no timeline to healing. Support is here. 💖

Well said @Mumtobabyhavoc and thank you. It’s good to be in such an understanding space. How did you get on with seeing the doctor?

Thank you @SnookyPook I so appreciate your continued support. And I welcome the mumbo jumbo! It’s a helpful check, actually - I have started to feel very suspicious of my body, and a bit at war with it, but maybe some gentle care and compassion is needed… Tearing up as I write that. Thank you. It must be frustrating and difficult that your cycles have been a bit erratic - both for TTC and just for getting your body back to normal. As you say it can be common, but it’s still so hard! No wonder your mood dips sometimes too. Sending hugs and hope xx

@Oxalis00 GP rx'd a steroid nasal spray and follow-up in 2 weeks. Thanks for asking. 🤧😺

It's so wonderful to see the support still going.
I have been doing okay. However today I got the message about the early loss ceremony, I ticked that I wanted to be a part of it on the day of the surgical management. I was coping well and the message sent everything flooding back. I'm a mess today. But I do want to go, I would like to say goodbye. Its so nice my local hospital arranges this. I have been wrecked with guilt as they also asked if I had given a name, which I didn't. DH and I have found something we feel is right though.
I'm also due AF tomorrow, i didnt conceive this cycle, so emotions are high.
Forgive me if any of this is insensitive, I've been drinking as I've not coped well today.

Retro, I understand. I still have a little bag with a memory stone or cross or something given to me at the hospital when I had my surgery in Feb. Haven't been able to open it and have no idea what to do with the "congratulations" bag with a NB size onzie gift from fertility clinic when I as discharged follow my last ultra sound. So, they sit on my bedroom dresser still.
I'm glad you are going to the ceremony and have chosen a name. With you in spirit. 💐

@SilverMoonNight @Oxalis00 thank you and thankfully I've been feeling brighter again the last couple of days. Possibly not a coincidence that I also seem to have got my peak opk this evening so that's a relief too.

Oxalis I'm glad that my comment was helpful. Sending love and healing ❤️

@Mumtobabyhavoc and @Retrogamer I agree, this thread is a great, supportive space, and so important when the rest of the world moves on from our losses so much quicker than we can. Also Retro, nothing insensitive in that message at all. I hope the ceremony proves to be a healing experience for you and brings some peace. @Mumtobabyhavoc that's so poignant about the onesie, I'm not surprised you've not been able to do anything with it. All in good time. 💕

Sending love and thoughts to everyone. Completely understand and feel the same about feeling lonely and isolated and trying to move on but getting caught up in the emotions still. It's such a heartbreaking experience 💔

@Mumtobabyhavoc that's a long time to feel so rubbish I'm sorry, and hope you are on the mend. I notice you said fertility clinic, my pregnancy was also via IVF. We have decided to take a bit of a break before our next transfer as mentally the entire "journey" has really taken its tole.

We too got a small box from the hospital; I wasn't able to look in it for a while. We planned to take the little bear and seeds to a walk we went on, but still have them. @Retrogamer I understand how that would make everything come flooding back to you, we got a list of dates for our local crematorium too, sending love and strength and I hope it brings you some peace x

@Mumtobabyhavoc I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you well.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm feeling a little bit more grounded today and have booked the day off to attend the service.
@SnookyPook thank you. This thread has been wonderful in the sense that we are able to grieve at our own pace with support and love.
@Jx3303 kind thanks, I am feeling q lot more grounded than yesterday. I do believe it will bring peace. Also sending strength and love your way. I wish you well and happiness for the future x

Also I'm not drinking tonight 😅 just a cup of tea and an early night.

Retro, did you go to the service? How have you (and everyone here) been coping?

I peeked in the bag I have from the hospital given to me after surgery. It has a little wildflower paper thing to plant; two biodegradable hearts (one to keep, one to bury etc); and a notice for a yearly memorial (I missed it, obvs). Bag is still on my dresser.

JX3303, thanks for your well wishes. I'm finally feeling I'm getting better. F-ing covid... it's ten weeks this coming Tuesday. Second time this year. Last time was during my recovery which made the whole time just peachy.

Hi all. Sorry to hear for new losses, sending love x

It’s been few months since my miscarriage (our first natural pregnancy). Unfortunately our fertility consultant recently told us it’s very unlikely we can get naturally pregnant. The IVF is the only option. As couple we decided to enjoy the summer and start IVF in December - still hoping we would get another natural pregnancy. Next year will be 5 years since we started trying, so trying to stay positive now.

For anybody reading this, hope your journey will be easier. Don’t forget Tommy’s does offer good support as well.

Hi all, been a while since I posted so wanted to see how you are all getting on 😊.

We have had our holiday which was lovely and are now in the throes of planning things for us again, trips away and days and nights out with friends (it's so easy to forget these when you're focused on one thing isn't it!).

I had a text message from my midwife the day before my 16 week appt and had to reply to her to advise her of the MMC. She was really apologetic and it was OK but I can understand how triggering that could be for someone, especially as it would have been all over their systems and the appt was cancelled on Badger notes (their e system for maternity).

I find it easier to talk about it now, but the thing I struggle with is when people say things like it'll happen or WHEN you etc etc. I don't need that, I'm about the here and now and if it does, it does but if it doesn't, it doesn't. That's what I struggle with although it may be a nice thing they're trying to say it's the false hope sentiment.

I have had 2 AF and my cycle has literally returned back to how it was, they are now more painful than before which I don't like 😂

How is everyone else doing?

Hi All, really love how supportive this thread is, and its lovely that it is still going.
I'm in a funny place as we got the shock of our lives a fortnight ago when I got a positive pregnancy test, it took 3 years to get the positive that led to the miscarriage so wasn't expected at all. I spoke to the community midwives and explained our history - 5 failed IVF transfers and MMC - and said that if I was a "normal" person then I wouldn't have been trying so soon but here we are. We are seeing the midwife this afternoon as I'm so horribly anxious. I know they'll recommend an early scan but the idea of that is so scary. The EPU is where I had the miscarriage management so its all just a terrifying though, despite how happy I am to have this chance. Finding it quite difficult to know where to put myself so I'm just splurging out here. Hope this post isn't insensitive, I am happy but I'm also so scared.

@florafoxtrot Well that's lovely news!! I completely understand your mixed emotions and it's ok to be happy and worried at the same time, you're only human!! And I get re the EPU apprehension, this is a new day and a different chapter in your book though. I genuinely hope your appointment goes well and this is a deserved positive for you 😊

@florafoxtrot congratulations! Absolutely get the feeling scared and anxious but hope you manage to have moments of joy and hope in the mix too. Any scan will be bound to be so emotive but remember, this is a new pregnancy and there is no reason that this shouldn't be your rainbow baby 🤞🏻🌈

@Shyquiet sorry to hear that - must have been a lot to get your head around. That said, great you've got a plan. A summer of fun before starting ivf sounds like a great idea and I hope you have a lovely time 🥰

@Gt1986 oh gosh that's awful. I know mistakes can happen but that really is so careless when someone is grieving a loss. Hope you're ok. Good news your cycles are back on track, although sorry to hear they're more painful than before. I've just finished my third period since my loss and the periods themselves have been fine but I've noticed my pms is so much worse!

Sorry I haven't replied for so long.
My mental health has taken a nose dive and I've not been On top of things.
The service is this Thursday, I will update you on how it goes.
The wildflower paper is a nice thought. I'm glad you were able to look in the bag. It takes small steps. I hope you are doing okay. Sending you well wishes.
Sending out thoughts to everyone here also.

Retro, do you have anyone irl to support you other than a dp? Have you thought about counselling? I'll be keeping you in mind on Thursday. Sending hope it will help with healing. Breathe. 💐

sorry I've not been on in a while just catching up sorry to hear about all the new losses
@Retrogamer I hope the service goes OK I wasn't offered this but it is something I would have liked

I am pregnant again about 5 weeks and a bag of nerves had a little bit of spotting yesterday so I've got the fear of another mmc but seeing epu today which I'm not looking forward to feel like it will just bring back all the memories of last time