Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

@SnookyPook thank you for the kind words and advice. I'm back next Wednesday for another scan to check whatever they could see but not get to is gone, which I'm hoping was blood and is maybe what's happening now. Physically it had been getting better so feels like a set back being in pain again after having a few better days (ish) over the weekend.

How are you doing? Xx

@Jx3303 It was the same with me. I was told it was normal and not to worry unless I was going through more than 1 pad an hour, I think (it was Feb for me). The first few days seemed okay, but then it was heavier bleeding and strong cramps for about a week and then bleeding for a few more weeks after that first difficult part.

@Mumtobabyhavoc thank you for your advice, and I'm so sorry for your loss. It seems to be more when I go to the toilet rather than on a pad, but my periods are normally like that too. I also have a banging headache and just feel so rough today, physically as well as emotionally. Trying not to worry or catastrophize about infection etc but it's hard. Thought I'd taken a little step walking the dog myself this morning (we've been doing all walks together / my OH has walked her when I've not felt up to going too) but ever since I've just felt horrendous. I want the days to get easier but they just aren't x

@Jx3303 I understand how you feel. It was a very traumatic experience for me. I purged a lot of my feelings on this thread quite bluntly in detail because I couldn't talk irl. It was too painful. The ongoing bleeding was a daily reminder. It was a difficult tunnel to get out of. As trite as it sounds, the days do get better. I forced myself to get out and walk almost every day. I needed anti anxiety meds for a bit as well as sleep meds. Maybe a couple weeks or so. I was quite proactive about my mental health which I think is so overlooked. No one can truly know how you feel, but we can understand each other. Love and healing to you. 💐❤️

@Mumtobabyhavoc talking in real life is so very painful, I totally agree with you. I didn't see my parents or sister for almost two weeks (and we are very close) after the initial missed miscarriage diagnosis. I was only just able to see them on Friday. I think I've managed to get out most days although they are merging a bit, and I'm so glad we have the dog for that as not sure I would otherwise. It's strange as the other day I was saying to my OH that with the bleeding having stopped, the physical side of it was moving on, but now it's back it's another daily reminder as you say. I am very conscious of my mental health as I've struggled a lot with it during our TTC and IVF journey - and have an amazing counsellor. It really is overlooked and I'm glad that you sought help, any time I have spoken to anyone about going through IVF I've been a huge advocate for looking after your mental health. It is a lonely place in real life isn't it. Sending you lots of love and thank you, I so appreciate your understanding it means so very much xx

So that should read IVF and any other struggles including infertility, and miscarriage. Mental health is so very important and it's what I have struggled with the most, which makes me worry more as I know I really don't handle things well and this is the worst thing that's ever happened. Failed ivf cycles, cancelled cycles, cycles with no eggs - I dealt with terribly, and this is by far the very very worst thing x

@Jx3303 ❤️

To everyone new who finds themselves here,I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's so unfair.
I agree about struggling to talk about it in real life. I feel like I'm desperate to, then I can never seem to find sufficient words to express how I'm feeling. People rallied around me in the immediate aftermath and I was able to talk about it with friends who have also experienced loss. But as the weeks go on I feel like everyone expects me to be normal, and I'm reluctant to bring it up with friends who've been through it as it's then dragging them back to that place. I'm not blaming anyone else, I think this is just the way it is. My husband is kind and concerned but I don't think he understands how I'm feeling and I can't seem to find the right words to help him understand.

Morning all, sending love to everyone struggling. Hope I'm able to articulate this properly but for me miscarriage felt like the next level of infertility, like I'd survived the constant disappointment of TTC naturally, survived failed and cancelled IVF and then its a higher hurdle, a next level of pain and sadness to cope with. I'm fortunate that I also have a really good counsellor but I am starting to wonder how much more we can emotionally deal with. I'm finding the same as others, that there seems to be some expectation that we should be over this and moving on. And in some ways we are, each day feels a bit lighter but I don't think it'll ever be something that we will be over, its just part of us now and we have to live with it.
I got my first period post miscarriage at the weekend, it was really heavy and painful which is unusual for me, and my SIL gave birth to my nephew yesterday, so the whole weekend has been really painful physically and emotionally. We are off on hols tomorrow and it can't come quickly enough.

@Hankthehonk there really isn't any words to explain it is there, it's just utter heartbreak, loneliness and wanting to feel better but not knowing how. Im so sorry for your loss and send so much love. My OH is so unbelievably understanding too, taking such good care of me but I know he's also at a loss of what to do to help which must be so frustrating x

@florafoxtrot I could have written everything you said myself. I'm so sorry you're going through this and for your loss. I am struggling to see the next steps and the want to carry on. We have four embryos in the freezer but right now I don't think I've four transfers in me. Like you, I really don't know how much more emotionally I can take. My mental health is at an all time low, as well as my self confidence. It took a us a year to even get to transfer, we knew we were so incredibly lucky for the positive test first try but I thought finally it was our time, luck had changed, but this is just an absolute all time pain in my heart. Your first period along with the birth of your nephew must have been so so hard, I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy your holiday, we just booked one last night for a months time and I really hope by then I'll be feeling a bit better and we can have a nice time away. Sending lots of love xx

I keep apologising to my OH, it must be really awful to live with me, I feel so useless he's doing all of the cooking, and working from home still to stay with me whilst I'm off work and just crying most of the time. He does and says all the right things, but nothing makes me feel better, not through lack of his trying of course. I feel so guilty, it's because of me we've went through years of TTC and IVF, it's me that's always miserable and can't just get on with it. I love him and appreciate him so so much, I hope he knows that. The guilt is just awful x

@Jx3303 - I said after each failed transfer that I just couldn't do it again, that I'd never have the strength to go through it all again - not the physical side - but the emotional rollercoaster of it. Yet somehow you find that strength and that hope once again, fuck knows where from.
I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that the way you feel today, isn't going to be the way you'll feel forever. Even a week can make a difference, but don't put any pressure on yourself, its all horrific and you are entitled to feel the way that you are.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this guilt too, I know it hard but remember that your OH loves you and none of this will change that, more likely he will love you even more for seeing how strong and amazing you are, to continue to put your body through everything. I always try to just feel the feelings but guilt is the exception, guilt can do one, because guilt just layers another crappy emotion on top of a load of existing ones. You don't need to feel guilt for doing what you need to do to get through the next few days, I promise its not forever but its obviously what your body and mind needs right now. Sending love right back

@florafoxtrot the emotional rollercoaster really really takes it's toll doesn't it. I really hope that I can find it within myself to do it again, fear is the overriding emotion when I think of another transfer right now. Your words give me hope and faith that I can find the strength, so many others do, and I am absolutely in awe of each and every one of us that goes through these hard times and pick ourselves back up. It's never easy and I feel like after every hurdle the next hits a thousand times worse. Thank you so much for your kind, caring words and understanding - it really means the world and makes me feel less alone in how I feel.

I know he doesn't want me to feel guilt and I'm trying so hard not to. I just don't feel very strong and amazing and I so want to feel better not only for myself but for him too. You're right though, I definitely shouldn't let that feeling stay around, when there are already so many rubbish ones to deal with.

Maybe today I will try and do a little yoga. I listened to some miscarriage podcasts yesterday but it just made me sad, I've spent years listening to infertility podcasts, I think I got 2 pregnancy ones listened to and now it's miscarriage. It was a what is my life realisation. Any other recommendations are very welcome - we walk the dog and I'll make sure to go along with OH later xx

Massive big hugs to those who need them. I can only imagine the added layer of sadness added to a loss after going through so much to get your BFP.

@florafoxtrot great words.

@Hankthehonk sorry your struggling at the mo. I know what you mean about the initial support tailing off somewhat and not wanting to bring people down. It's hard isn't it. We're all here with you though.

❤️

Thank you for your kind words this morning, after a longer lie in resting I did some sound meditation (couldn't quite bring myself to do yoga yet) and felt a bit better. Small steps x

I spoke to my boss too who reiterated to take my time and no rush, I guess I need to remind myself surgery was only last week. I'm meeting her and my other colleague for lunch next week - as it's my colleagues wedding that weekend and I've said we'll be there so best to see them before and get the tears out of the way x

Hey all. Sorry I haven't caught up as have just been so tired and overwhelmed lately. I want to send love to everyone though. ❤️

Also. Just in case anyone else out there hasn't really been on the tommys website much – I spoke to a nurse at the EPU this afternoon who recommended it for good info. Not sure if there's anyone like me who's had more than one miscarriage? but their calculator (calculates your chance of another miscarriage) has just made me cry but in a good way. It's really factual, so clear, very helpful with things that can help your chances and put things into perspective.

I second that suggestion - i spoke to a Tommy's midwife today for advice and she was really helpful

Hi everyone,
Sorry but just letting out my thoughts. Tomorrow would be my dating scan. I would have been 13+6 roughly. :(
I'm still spotting/light bleeding, I have no idea if it's my period or something else. I tried to contact epu yesterday but they had their phone lines closed. I'm not in any pain and no fever. Could it be my period? I've been spotting since 3 weeks post erpc.
Again, I'm so sorry for the post. I really feel I have nobody to talk to in this way. My manager suggested I call up the work mental health team, maybe I'll give that a go.

/end rambling

Hi @Retrogamer I’m sorry for your loss, which must be especially hard at this difficult milestone of what would have been the scan, and also for the uncertainty you find yourself in. Have you had a pregnancy test since your op? Definitely worth persisting with EPU.

Hi @Oxalis00
Thanks so much for replying.
I did get a neg test last week on fmu. The bleeding I thought was triggered by walking, but now it seems to be mostly happening in the evening. I will call again tomorrow, hoping they'll just reassure me and say its all fine tbh 😓 thanks again. I feel so lonely x

@Retrogamer sending you a massive hug and please never feel you have to apologise on here for sharing your feelings and thoughts. So sorry you're having a tough time - I do think it's a bit harder to move on to the next stage of recovery when you still have bleeding etc and of course reaching milestones that no longer mean anything is so tough as well. I do agree with @Oxalis00 that it's worth chasing EPU again to see what they say. Hopefully it will be reassuring. Did they scan you again at all after your loss to check there were no retained products? Maybe they will offer to do that if not?

@Jx3303 big hugs for you too. So glad that you have such supportive colleagues - I think it makes a huge difference. I hope your lunch with them goes as well as it can and makes you feel more prepared to face the wedding.

@littledinosaurs @Whataretheodds thanks for the tip! 💕

@SnookyPook thanks so much for the kind words. Everyone is so supportive on here.
Just an update: I just called epu this morning, they said not to worry and that it can go on for 6 weeks or so until my body recovers. I just have to make sure im not feeling unwell with a temperature.
I guess it's the waiting game for us before we can move forwards, but feeling a bit more relieved now

@Retrogamer glad EPU reassured you. Hopefully the bleeding won't go on too much longer now 🤞🏻💕

@Retrogamer I'm so sorry for your loss and that physically you're still going through it. I'm finding it hard to try and move on mentally as physically I'm still going through it too. I had surgical management last Tuesday and the bleeding and pain had subsided around Friday. But Sunday it came back worse than it had been even right after surgery, heavier bleeding and cramps that were so bad I was up through the night. Ended up in EPU yesterday most of the day and had tests (I was worried about infection) and they did another scan today. Still tissue and blood clots. They said they could try surgery again but the day of surgery I was told they'd not managed to reach something (possibly just blood) so there's not much point them trying again. Sad as I went for surgical to try and avoid retained tissue. Now I have to wait and have another scan next Wednesday. I hope that your bleeding doesn't last too much longer, it's really hard isn't it x

@SnookyPook thank you so much 💕 I am very lucky to have such good colleagues. I'd really hoped to have worked a little at the end of this week but it's just not been possible. How are you?

Sending love to everyone x

@Jx3303 oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. How are you feeling today?

My spotting has turned into light bleeding now, so I'm hoping it's my period. I think I'll have better knowledge today if it's the same, or if it goes back to spotting.