Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Just wanted to say thanks to those who have mentioned getting outside and exercise. @Sunbird24 you said about “just keep walking” and I think you meant it as a metaphor but I’m going to take it literally! I’ve felt so exhausted (blood loss? hormones? emotion?) I’ve just wanted to hide away under the duvet all week but I think a bit of daylight and movement probably would do me good. So this is a pledge to borrow the wisdom on this thread and get outside tomorrow!

I’m standing at my bedroom window looking at the moon in a huge open sky, and wondering if I can stay awake long enough to see any of the meteor shower that’s meant to be happening at the moment and peaking in the early hours - for some reason it feels important. @Oxalis00 we all try and find whatever helps, if that makes a difference for you then I’m glad 😊 Maybe take your phone or camera and see what you can take pictures of?

Can I join too? I started having a miscarriage on Monday and it ended this morning. I was 10 weeks. I am struggling with self-blame and feelings that I did something to cause it, especially as my first pregnancy was a straightforward one with twins - I naively thought my body could handle anything after that. I know every pregnancy is different but everything was so straightforward last time I wasn’t expecting it. I keep thinking it’s because I’m slightly underweight, my twins kept jabbing me in the tummy, I didn’t take it easy and pushed myself too much physically. I feel horribly guilty.

I also was told at a scan yesterday that there was no sign of any baby in my womb. But then I passed the sac and placenta in tact this morning which was a horrible, unexpected shock. Sorry if that’s tmi. Because they didn’t see anything at the scan I don’t know what happened. The sac looked 10 weeks but I couldn’t tell if it was empty or not and I couldn’t look for long. I just want to know what went wrong and why.

@Problematicpotato I'm so sorry. What an awful experience. 💐

Hello I'm new to this part of the forum.

I went for my 12 week scan yesterday and was told baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. We had a private scan at 8 weeks and baby measured 6 with a heartbeat so stopped growing not long after that scan. I think I knew something wasn't right after the first scan and measuring so behind so I kind of expected it but it's still really shit.

My NHS Trust usually don't take into account private scans and the usual route is wait 14 days then come back then they give options but I think as it was a month since the private scan with 0 growth they thankfully took it into account so I went into hosp yesterday. I chose medical management. The staff at my EPAU were excellent, and also the Sonographers in the morning so I felt well looked after and well informed.

Its still very fresh and I haven't verbally told anyone yet apart from my boss as I was meant to work yesterday and telling him was so fucking hard. It's hard. This was our first pregnancy also.

Just wanted to share. Thank you for reading 😊

@Problematicpotato and @Gt1986 so sorry for you both 💐

@Problematicpotato and @Gt1986 so so sorry that you have had to go through this ❤️ 💐

@Problematicpotato try hard not to blame yourself…. It’s so common (as you know from this thread!) and I know plenty of people who have had a MC after a fine first pregnancy. It’s just more of a shock I think.

@Gt1986 for some reason I found my boss the hardest. I cried a lot. And my mum, but slowly it got easier to tell everyone and there were less tears. But glad you had a good EPU experience! Everyone there was lovely to me too.

@Sunbird24 @Hopefulhoney6 thank you for your kind words.

I whatsapped my parents as they were coming back from Spain so wasn't a verbal convo but I teared up as I pressed send. Today is a new day though. I have passed what needs to be passed so now it's about resetting and self care. We have a holiday booked to Cyprus next month so that will be a chance for some R&R. Day by day is my mantra 😌

@Problematicpotato I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had some tough times blaming myself too. There are a couple of specific times I can remember thinking “probably shouldn’t do this while pregnant…” and now it does play on my mind that maybe that was it :( Like you I’d had a successful pregnancy before and just figured I was safe and my body knew what it was doing. It’s a shock to think otherwise. But we can’t know, can we, and it’s as likely to have been some chromosomal accident. As has been said, it’s so - sadly - common.

@Gt1986 I’m so sorry for your loss. It must have been so hard waiting for news all that time suspecting things weren’t going well. And especially hard that it’s your first pregnancy. Day by day is exactly right. Sometimes moment by moment and mood by mood... It’s not been a predictable trajectory for me so far, but I’m comforted by other accounts on here of the ebbs and flows of emotion. Wishing you well with looking after yourself. A sunny holiday sounds like an excellent plan!

@Problematicpotato @Gt1986 so sorry for your losses. It's such a horrible thing to go through. 💕

It's been over 3 weeks now since my loss and I've had a negative pregnancy test etc. Just back yesterday from a week in Italy which did me the world of good and helped me to reset a bit. I've come home feeling like wanting to get as healthy as possible both physically and mentally to keep moving forwards. I started the morning with a yoga practice today (highly recommend Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube if anyone fancies giving it a go! She's so lovely and always gives me a boost) and will take my gorgeous dog out for a walk at lunch time to get some fresh air and hopefully sunshine.

Sending love and hugs to you all today. One moment at a time. Step by step. We've got this ❤️

@SnookyPook thank you for your message 😊 I will be doing the same as you once I get a negative test-resetting and looking forward. I'm not too flexible but I may give the yoga a go!! Definitely agree with you re take it day by day, that's so important after any loss 😊

Thanks for the yoga recommendation! I need to work on dragging myself out of bed and doing something like that as think it would set me up for the day. I'm doing ok with work but my concentration is terrible!

I've also got a real mind block over doing a pregnancy test, I think after years of infertility and IVF that those plastic sticks hold such power and I just don't want to do it...
We've booked a holiday too, the terrible weather over the weekend really tipped me over the edge and just went for it.

@florafoxtrot I feel the same about work! Am starting to wonder how long I can go on being only half present with it… Some bits of my job are fine but I really just can’t be bothered with other bits, or people, and feel quite zoned out a lot of the time. Boss has been understanding so far, but I can’t go on like this forever! Holiday sounds like a great solution :)

@florafoxtrot @Oxalis00 have you had any time off from work? I took 2 weeks sick leave and then had my week of AL to go away and I really think having that space to process things and not have to worry about the mundane day-to-day of work and having to be present with that really helped. I do highly recommend a holiday for just changing scene and resetting a bit if you can. @florafoxtrot when is your holiday? Hope you have a lovely time 💕

Yeah I've found the yoga really helpful to reconnect with and love my body etc and feel like I'm doing something positive for myself. Hope some of you find it useful. X

@SnookyPook - I had a fortnight off but in truth by the time I went through the process, that pretty much completed the 2 weeks as I had the scan that showed no heartbeat and then I had to wait another week for the medical management and subsequent surgery.
Holiday is at the end of the month so not long really, thinking that I just need to get through the next few weeks and then hope that the holiday will act as a bit of a reset, maybe wishful thinking though.

@florafoxtrot it's so tough isn't it. I really feel for you that the physical side of the loss was a bit drawn out. I was quite lucky in that regard as I started miscarrying naturally after the scan on the Friday and by my pre-op appointment Monday morning they re-scanned me and found I had passed everything so no surgery was needed after all. Even so, I found it was hard to fully process the loss and what was happening until I knew I had passed the pregnancy.

I really hope that your holiday works some magic for you. I found mine so helpful. Of course there is no magic wand as we are still dealing with a very sad loss. Think we just have to be gentle with ourselves and allow the emotions to come and go as they hit. Sending you hugs x

Hi, everyone. It's been a while, so I thought I'd see how everyone is managing. I've found that initially, and for a while to varying degrees, support is there, but people have their own lives and check-ins from friends etc stop.

I'm pretty much okay mentally now, but I'm still having trouble in some areas, ie being truly happy, iykwim? I'm sure this will turn around. My mc seems like something imagined, horribly and as if the pregnancy, all of it, must've been made up. Like it couldn't have been real. 🤷‍♀️

@Mumtobabyhavoc thank you for checking in. Personally am doing OK, I have my moments of vulnerability though. I can probably accept not being with child but can my partner accept that. We have discussed and he has assured it is me he is with no matter what. I am still spotting since my medical management 2 weeks ago but lightly. We have started taking omega 3 and coq10 just in case. How are you doing?

@Mumtobabyhavoc thanks for checking in. Gosh yes I know what you mean about the surreal kind of 'was it even real?' sort of thoughts. 5 weeks yesterday since my scan and I also started my first period since the loss yesterday which was both a relief and also poignant and frustrating. I'm mostly doing ok but it still hits me hard some days. Especially around would-be milestones. I've also found myself quite overwhelmed in social situations since the loss. Like I just don't have energy to make small talk and be pleasant to people and if someone randomly asks how I'm doing, it often makes me tear up, even if I'd been feeling fine up to that point. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Gt1986 ah bless you. I'd definitely try and take your DP at his word. It's so tough though isn't it also navigating how the loss may have affected your partner and your relationship. Big hugs to you. X

Hi all. Just wanted to say hello as I am on my second miscarriage (that I know for sure about) now. Had a MMC at Christmas and have just started bleeding today at almost 6 weeks. Not in a great place right now tbh but getting up and doing things for my DD who is 3.

I think I might ring the GP tomorrow.

@littledinosaurs oh, no! I'm so sorry. 💐

@littledinosaurs oh I'm so sorry for your losses. Having a 2nd loss so soon must be so tough. Sending you massive hugs. I hope you have a good GP who will be sympathetic and helpful. X

Thanks for checking in @Mumtobabyhavoc, feeling much like you - like the few weeks of pregnancy couldn't have been real because if they were, then I'd need to face up to what actually happened. I keep thinking that somewhere deep inside I knew things weren't right and that why I feel as I do... but I don't truly believe that either. What a headfuck eh.
I'm so sorry @littledinosaurs - that's extremely hard. I hope you managed to speak to someone today.
I'm sorry to hear about the impact of AF @SnookyPook - can sympathise with all of your feelings too, we were at a wedding at the weekend and I could have cried with overwhelm at a few points throughout the day. Hope you can manage to get some rest and sleep xx

Welcome @littledinosaurs but I’m really sorry you find yourself here. Has the bleeding progressed since yesterday? Did you get to speak to the GP? Wishing you well. It’s so tough.