Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

My D&C was mid Jan.

If it is my bowels it's like no bowel feeling I've had in 40 years.

@Whataretheodds You know your own body. My discomfort was very definitely in the bowel area. Maybe call your doctor. Hope it resolves soon.

I spoke with one of the nurses on Thursday and I'll be starting the medication on Monday and ultrasound in about 3 weeks. If all ok then will have the transfer of my last embryo. I am hopeful and trying to not think too far ahead.

Good luck. I have one left but won't be able to transfer until we get the money together plus my youngest is only 1 so want him to be a bit older first.

My miscarriage happened overnight Monday/Tuesday. I was 10 weeks and it was a miraculous natural pregnancy after years of infertility and numerous IVF cycles from which I have two DC. It was without warning really. Just gushed a bit when I stood up and then overnight went to the toilet. Felt like my womb had fallen out as I lost that much. Glad the children were asleep. I felt really faint and vomited. I thought the baby had come out then but it was only later after a trip to A&E that it did. Today is the first day I feel more physically back to normal with the bleeding almost nearly finished. Gutted really. I hadn't had a scan but I guessed it was about 7/8 weeks. Second blood test at EPU tomorrow so hopefully it has decreased.

Oh, @HistoryFanatic I am so sorry. How are you coping? It must've been so awful. 💐

My savings are almost depleted now. But, it is my last chance and a now or never type of situation.

@HistoryFanatic what an awful experience for you, I hope you’re feeling ok physically now and have good emotional support 💐

Hi can I join please? I had my second miscarriage 7 weeks ago and I’m struggling with day to day life. I really thought I was okay but then I started to spend longer and longer in bed, not sleeping just obsessing about irrelevant decisions in my head. I cried all day infront of my son and started getting his grandparents to come watch him so I could be alone. Usually I don’t ever ask for help with him. I don’t know who I am now or supposed to be. Decisions feel like they cripple me. I’ve been diagnosed sertraline but I want to stop taking it. I just want to be myself again. I had issues and anxiety but I coped, I don’t feel like I’m ever gonna be the same again!

@mkrsit I'm so sorry you are struggling. I wonder if this might help:
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/how-we-help/helpline/

It's so difficult because it's so personal.
I'm glad you have been able to get help with your son. Please speak with your doctor again as well. The medication may just take time.
I also struggle with anxiety and depression. I began forcing myself to get outside as I am prone to want to stay in bed/indoors.
I'm so very sorry you had this miscarriage. It's an absolute shit thing to happen. 💐

@mkrsit its an awful experience, and it does change you somehow, but it will get better, I promise. How long have you been on the sertraline? It can take a few weeks to make a difference - the problem is that what you’re feeling is really grief rather than depression, because there’s a great big obvious reason why you feel the way you do, and it’s a totally normal way to feel.

The only way to get out of hell when you’re in there is to keep walking, however slow the steps are. Just please don’t get stuck down there, because you are very much loved and wanted, just as you are. Don’t worry about who you’re supposed to be, nobody ever has that figured out. (You’re one of us, a woman with a hole in her heart). You honestly will be ok in time if you can let yourself go through the grieving process, let your family love and support you, and talk to us - we all understand. 💐

Hi All. Unfortunately I had a MMC diagnosed today. Went to EPAU after some spotting. Should have been 11+5 but unfortunately little one had no heartbeat and had stopped developing at 7+5. 😞 Feeling very surreal and sad that I have been carrying baby round for a month oblivious. I'm booked in for surgery on Tuesday but feeling as though things might be starting up naturally. Feeling a bit anxious about what to expect and how it will be. Currently feel a bit period crampy and having some mildish bleeding.

Very up and down. I have an adorable 2 year old boy and snuggles with him have helped. I'd started daydreaming about him having a little sibling and having another baby here at Christmas etc... The grief keeps hitting me in waves. At the same time, I think I kind of knew and if little one wasn't viable then better to know now. Sorry feel I'm just rambling onto the page but it looked like a friendly thread and I just needed to share with people who would understand. Sorry you've all been through this too 😞

@SnookyPook I am so very sorry. I know how awful it is. We all do here. 💐

@SnookyPook I'm so so sorry for your loss and that you're going through this. My loss was 4 weeks ago. I also have a 2 year old (she'll be 3 in July) and had those same daydreams. We'd had a positive scan so we'd even told her she was going to be a big sister then had to explain that the baby wasn't coming :(
Keep snuggling your boy and he will get you through the coming weeks. I wish there was a way for you to know what's coming but every body and mc is so different. Sending solidarity ❤️

@Hankthehonk I'm so very sorry for your loss too. I think I remember you from the TTC and possibly early on the due in Nov group too. That must have been horrible having to explain to your little one. We had started talking about baby but thankfully I don't think he'd really grasped what was happening. However I also have a 12year old stepdaughter who will be sad about it (we've not told her yet). I do feel like this is a bit easier to bear with having my LO around me. Feeling quite surreal right now. Lots of love to you xxx

Just checking in to see how everyone is coping. 💐

Hi. Wondering whether I can join? So many of the stories and experiences here are resonating with me. We have a 4 year old DD, conceived after fertility treatment, been TTC for a sibling for 3 years and I've had 5 failed IVF transfers. We were elated to fall pregnant spontaneously in March, but of course it was too good to be true. MMC identified at a private scan about 10 days ago, baby stopped growing between 6 and 7 weeks and no heartbeat. I elected for medical management in hospital and although I did pass the pregnancy sac, it wasn't complete and following a second failed round of medication, I had surgical management last Thursday. I'm just so sad, the loss of the imagined future of what our life and our family would be. Also feeling really quite traumatised by the brutality of what miscarriage entails. It feels like the next level of infertility trauma.

I've logged onto work today but just really reading emails and I'm not attending any meetings.

@Sunbird24 - your beautiful message above made me cry, you've nailed exactly how I am feeling. I am definitely going to try to keep walking xx

@florafoxtrot so very sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is always horrendous but I feel it must be that little bit harder after struggling so much with fertility in the first place. I'm so sorry for what you're going through and completely relate to the lost imagined future etc. Sending you big hugs.

@Mumtobabyhavoc thanks for checking in. I'm doing ok... Better than I thought I would be at this stage tbh. It's now just over a week since my loss and a week today since I found out that I had miscarried naturally and wouldn't be needing surgery. The grief hits in unpredictable waves but I have also had moments of peace about what has happened, and even hope for the future. I'm just riding the waves as they come along. Hope everyone else is doing ok. 💕

@florafoxtrot I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. It's so gut-wrenching. It's awful to have gone through it once, let alone multiple times. Besides dh , do you have support?

@SnookyPook I can relate to the emotions coming in waves. It was like that for me, too. It felt so surreal as well. All we can do is try and cope day to day, moment to moment.

@Mumtobabyhavoc thanks for checking in. I've been having a rollercoaster of emotions during the tww after ovulating for the first time since mc. I spent a few days obsessing over faint lines that weren't there, I think I transferred all my anxiety and emotions from the loss to my desperation to be pregnant again. I'd be embarrassed to count how many tests I did.
Now I'm 12dpo and I've pretty much accepted it's bfn. Just want af to come on time (due wed or thurs) so I can move on. Got a friend's hen do this weekend so I'll have a few drinks and try to enjoy myself.
I feel like since the loss all my hormonal shifts at each stage of the cycle have been really amplified. Feeling very tearful, irritable and anxious in turns as af date approaches.
Hope you and others are coping as best you can. How are you doing?

I had my positive test on 11/4 and started bleeding yesterday. Today it was confirmed that I have miscarried. First pregnancy after almost a year of trying, which I know isn’t long in comparison to some, but it felt like an eternity.
I am so sad today, having moments of complete calm and then dissolving into tears. I feel like a failure.
I just needed to write my feelings down.

@Misspotterscat I'm so sorry you're going through this. Everything you're feeling is totally valid, including the fact that ttc for a year IS a really long time. Sending solidarity x

@Misspotterscat so so sorry and agree completely with @Hankthehonk - all feelings are valid. Sending you a massive hug. We are all here alongside you. 💕

@Hankthehonk sorry about your bfns. I can imagine the first AF after loss hits particularly hard... Still got that to come. I hope you're able to enjoy the hen-do next weekend. ❤️

@Hankthehonk @SnookyPook thank you both for your kind words.

@Misspotterscat - I'm so sorry, it really is truly devastating. I hope you managed a bit of rest. You are definitely not a failure, you are amazing and strong.

Thank you for your kind words @Mumtobabyhavoc - I do feel very well supported, I've been quite open about our fertility journey so friends have been checking in and I have a counsellor who will hopefully help me make a bit of sense of the process as I still cannot really get my head around how awful that was.

Working this week has been better than I expected, I've not told anyone to do one and as weird as it sounds, it is helping pass the days. I am still absolutely exhausted though.

@florafoxtrot I think it's good you've been able to work. Routine can help, even if it's just going through the motions.

I've been trying to be outside as much as possible. Exercise and being outdoors has always been how I cope.