Journey after miscarriage support thread Jan 2023

[Fairylight102]

I wondered if anyone out there would be interested in joining a thread for those who have recently experienced a miscarriage - a place to share how we’re feeling emotionally, physical recovery, becoming ready to try again (for those that want to), and hopefully one day positive stories of successful preganancies.

I’m 32 and recently had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks of my first pregnancy. I was relieved to have conceived after quite a short time, because I have PCOS and was worried I might struggle to get pregnant.

My miscarriage was about 2 and half weeks ago now, and today is the first day I’ve not had any spotting/bleeding at all, and that has been a relief to feel like my body is moving on from it. I know it’s advisable to do a pregnancy test a few weeks after miscarriage, which is something I’m a bit anxious about doing as I’m fairly sure it will be an emotional thing to do.

Since it happened my sleep pattern and energy levels have been a bit all over the place. Some days I’ve just wanted to sleep all the time, which I think could be a mix of actual physical tiredness and also emotional tiredness/hormonal changes. I was back at work for the first time today, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on and motivate myself for.

I’ve restarted tracking my BBT to see what happens with my cycle returning, though I’m aware it could take a while to get back to normal. My husband and I are both on the same page that we’d like to try again once I’ve had one normal period, so I guess we’ll just see how things go and how we feel when we reach this point.

Sorry this has turned into a longer post than I expected! Anyway, if there’s anyone out there who’s had a similar experience recently and would like a place to share feelings/questions/advice it would be lovely to hear from others.

@Fairylight102 thank you for sharing, it made me feel better seeing the statistics!

@Travellingislife What kind of fitness tracker do you have that it was able to detect non pregnancy stats? Totally empathise with what you were saying about being a huge planner and wanting to keep track of everything.

Because I have PCOS and thought I might struggle to conceive, once I started trying I was super organised about checking BBT and trying to work around the fertile window. This may sound stupid but I felt so proud of myself when I conceived quickly, like I’d revised for an exam and my hard work paid off or something. I was really pleased to have an August due date, because I work in education and it would have fitted in really well to have my maternity leave coincide with taking one academic year out.

Trying to stay positive but sometimes I just feel so sad that I tried so hard and got so close, only for it to go wrong and be back to square one.

@Fairylight102 I described it to my husband yesterday as snakes and ladders. We finally roll a good number to get up a ladder only to step on a snake a couple of rolls later. And now we're back to square one.

Thank you!

Yes using digital ovulation sticks which show that I'm ovulating much later than my predicted date post miscarriage which is interesting. If we get no joy this month I'm going to have some private tests done and maybe speak to the GP.

@Fairylight102 I use a Whoop and it detects hrv and hr. When I was pregnant my hrv dropped significantly and my hr increased significantly. Over night both stats changed, they went back to my non pregnant values and since I lost all symptoms too then I just knew it was over. That said, I’ve read a lot of stories where women lost their symptoms and their fitbit stats went back to “ normal”, but the pregnancy turned out fine! It can go either way and it doesn’t necessarily mean something negative if your heart rate decreases again after a few weeks.

Ah yeah I’m the same, I’m tracking bbt and fertile mucus so I was also really pleased when I got pregnant quickly, it was basically 3 years to the day when I got pregnant with my son, I felt it was meant to be. But no..
I think it definitely helps being positive but I totally get what you mean about being back to square one, I feel the same.

Hi hope it’s ok to join . Sorry to hear about everyone’s experiences. I had a Mmc at 12 weeks in November . Had a private scan and everything looked ok at ten weeks then no heartbeat at twelve weeks . It took ten months to get pregnant and as I am 36 we were getting fertility investigations at the time I got pregnant and we were so delighted. Had a d&c and have had 2 periods since then. Not sure how long to keep trying naturally after this perhaps will try iui in the summer if no luck by then

@Travellingislife this happened with my fitness tracker it kept telling me that my heart rate had changed from the week before mine dropped 10bpm every week for 3 weeks and that really made me suspect as the 1st symptom I had was my heart rate went straight up.
A week ago at my scan and appt they had me do a pregnancy test which was still positive since MC but also on my scan where I still had attached products they could also see an egg in my ovary which meant I would ovulate in the next 1-2 days. They could not make sense of it, we dtd just in case that egg would actually work but I think the chances are absolutely tiny. Probably should have waited for a negative test but I’m almost 40 so didn’t want to miss any chance I can get.
Today I got my first negative test, never have I been so happy to only see one line so it has officially taken me 3 weeks and 2 days to get a negative test just need a period now and I will be ready to ttc again hopefully.
@Fairylight102 thank you so much for the tommys questions I’ve done it and it told me not to worry too much about my age which made Me feel so much better lol xxx
Much love to you all. I find I either have rubbish days and not quite so rubbish days I’m with you all on the angry feelings as well xxx

Hi, is it ok to join?

Miscarried on 9th December at 6+5 after trying for over a year! Hoping this is the year for us 🤞🏻🤞🏻.

The doctor advised waiting 3 months after our MC to try again, did anyone just go straight into trying without waiting 3 months?

@mollibu There's no science behind waiting three months so if you want to start again straight away it won't be detrimental :)

The consultant told me I can start trying as soon as the bleeding stops. They advise waiting until your first period but that's because it can be difficult to date/test the pregnancy if you catch right away. Fingers crossed for everyone in 2023, can't be any worse than 2022 😔

@Chocolatebean
It’s very positive you had eggs ready to go! That must mean the body is ready to be pregnant again. I really hope it catches 🙏🏼

Will you wear your fitness tracker when you get pregnant again? I love stats and I’m not sure I can part with mine but I’m not sure it’s good for my mental state checking these stats all the time either, when I get pregnant again I may stress about the stats when they necessarily don’t have to mean anything negative..

@mollibu my Dr said wait 2 cycles but mine was surgically managed. She said if not there was a risk of the same happening again (blighted ovum). I'm also desperate to start trying again but no period yet (procedure was 16 days ago).

@Travellingislife re your point about traveling during fertile periods, I worked for an organisation where everyone traveled often and we did a big organisational gender review and a couple of people pointed out that traveling had affected their ability to conceive (this was anonymous). At that time I wasn't thinking about kids at all so I thought it was a very niche concern but now I better understand where they were coming from!

The comments about heart rate and heart rate variability are interesting. I'd been monitoring mine because I got COVID in late Nov (and I'd read that HR can be affected), a week after my positive pregnancy test, which obviously worried me.

My resting HR steadily increased in November (last period 21 Oct) so maybe that was pregnancy-related, but HR peaked high on the day I tested positive for COVID in late Nov at 5 weeks + 5, and then gradually declined (though it's still higher than the months pre-COVID by 3-4 BPM). Similarly HRV peaked on the day I tested positive for COVID. This does align with COVID increasing your HR, but maybe also indicates that COVID impacted my pregnancy - I hadn't considered the pregnancy-HR link with my readings.

I asked my Dr and she said the blighted ovum was possibly linked but equally maybe not. Anyway, we'll never find out the cause - just have to hope that the next one is a success.

@ThaiDye Eh? I'm having surgery today and my consultant said I could try straight away and that they only ask for a one period wait to make sure dates are easily worked out if you get pregnant on the first go.

@ThaiDye Also, interesting you say you had Covid. My blighted ovum happened when I had food poisoning during the implantation period so I've always attributed it to that.

With this one, my husband and I had Covid right before I got pregnant so I wonder if it was a factor for me too 🤔

I had the D&C a couple of days ago and was told to wait for one period (which can take 4 to 6 weeks to arrive after the procedure), but again I think that was more for dating reasons.

@TheBirdintheCave hope it goes really smoothly and pain free for you today!

COVID affects so many parts of the body, and has been found to affect sperm quality, so it's possible, but who knows, there are so many other factors in play. I'm certainly trying my best to avoid reinfection!

@TheBirdintheCave hope today goes all ok for you!

I'm 4 weeks post MC today and no signs of my period making an appearance. Was kind of hoping it would go straight back to normal so I could try again☹️

@ThaiDye Thanks :)

We'd avoided it for the entirety of the pandemic despite going abroad three times and finally caught it when my husband's colleague was sent into work even though he was still testing positive 🤦🏻‍♀️

@mollibu Do you temp? It might give you an idea of when you ovulate so that you can work out how long til your period comes.

@TheBirdintheCave good luck today, had mine yesterday and it went as smoothly as you can hope for. The bleeding has finally stopped (almost 5 weeks after having medical management) so that is a huge relief! Looking forward to getting back to being healthy and ttc again.

As I had a lot of heavy blood loss I'm a bit worried that I may have low iron levels, anyone had this before or have any tips to bring them back up?

@TheBirdintheCave good luck today sweet hope it all goes well make sure you get plenty of tlc
@mollibu I will be 4 weeks post MC on Tuesday and no sign of my period either I have some funny sensations down there and a lovely bout of thrush but that’s about it 🤦‍♀️
@Travellingislife hi sweet I think the chance of this egg working is tiny and drs Told me to wait after a period but the fact I knew it was there and I’m almost 40 I just couldn’t miss giving it a chance maybe a bit irresponsible but I all I could think was I’m not wasting an egg oops. I will keep wearing my tracker I have a benign heart condition called inappropriate sinus tachycardia where my heart can go quite fast and it’s worse during pregnancy so I need to keep an eye on that. I do know exactly what you mean though and if I get that msg off my watch I will panic but it’s not going to affect the end result and I suppose I’d rather have a heads up something wasn’t right before I went for the scan ( I may feel differently at the time lol)
i have a ton of paperwork from my EPu appts, apt dates, care advice etc and today I’m going to put it all in the woodburner and watch it go up in flames kind of a bit of closure. I do have a scan pic of my little fetal pole that never got its heartbeat which I will keep forever just as proof they existed sad to know that’s the only proof we will ever have. Me and hubby never told anyone so it’s been quite a lonely journey just us 2 knew my best friend is due her baby soon she got pregnant first try aged 45 so she’s my hero I need to go see her next week I know that’s going to be hard xxx

Hi all, I'm sorry to be joining this thread and really sorry so many of us are going through this. I had my 12 week scan on 28th December, first pregnancy, but baby stopped developing at 7 weeks. I had surgery the next day, bled after it for a day then stopped but now bleeding again a week after. Getting negative on cheap Asda pregnancy tests but positive on first response ones. They signed me off for two weeks and I'm already dreading going back, my colleague got pregnant same time as me and hers is going well, and my "best friend" told me this week she is pregnant too, apparently she tested day of my surgery. She didn't support me at all with my pregnancy as she was jealous, so it feels more gutting. I'm 37 and feeling so hopeless and lost, angry with myself for not trying sooner, took us 8 months ttc although wasn't totally clued up on ovulation etc so missed a few months I think. Really struggling mentally at the moment with the grieving loss yet wanting the negative tests, such a difficult journey.

@Enigma85 sorry for your loss and for your friend not being supportive. If it's any consolation I'm almost 39 and my friend who is the same age lost her first about 9 weeks and is now due this month so it can still definitely happen for you, the fact you got pregnant in the first place is a good sign.

At least you've had the procedure so now you can look forward towards trying again.

Hi @Enigma85 so sorry to meet you here and from what you’ve been through, I got a negative yesterday after my loss 3 weeks ago it was just on a cheapie I bet if I do a frer there will still be a line though, I have an appt back at epu on Thursday so I will do a frer before I go there to show them where I’m at. I’m 39 ( and a half 😬) 37 is young compared to me I’m the same I’m really cross with myself for leaving it so long. I go through stages of being positive then dark days. I’ve started going for a walk a day and that has helped a bit. It’s sooooo hard when someone close to you is pregnant it’s nothing against you just a constant reminder of what we’ve lost isn’t it. Gentle hugs to u xxx

Hi @Enigma85 sorry to meet you here under these circumstances.

I hear of MMC so frequently when the baby stops developing early on and people
dont find out until their 12 weeks scan. it’s cruel and makes it all the more traumatic for the mother, who has carried the baby so long after the pregnancy no longer being viable. I’m sorry you are going though this.

I try not to be too negative about my age (37 and a half) as I know plenty of people who have had successful pregnancy’s into their 40’s.

However, I too cannot help but feel stupid and naive to think I could have an easy conception and pregnancy later in life. I so wish I had started this journey sooner.

Sending my thoughts to all on this thread at this rudely heartbreaking time for us all