Journey after miscarriage support thread Jan 2023

[Fairylight102]

I wondered if anyone out there would be interested in joining a thread for those who have recently experienced a miscarriage - a place to share how we’re feeling emotionally, physical recovery, becoming ready to try again (for those that want to), and hopefully one day positive stories of successful preganancies.

I’m 32 and recently had a miscarriage at 5-6 weeks of my first pregnancy. I was relieved to have conceived after quite a short time, because I have PCOS and was worried I might struggle to get pregnant.

My miscarriage was about 2 and half weeks ago now, and today is the first day I’ve not had any spotting/bleeding at all, and that has been a relief to feel like my body is moving on from it. I know it’s advisable to do a pregnancy test a few weeks after miscarriage, which is something I’m a bit anxious about doing as I’m fairly sure it will be an emotional thing to do.

Since it happened my sleep pattern and energy levels have been a bit all over the place. Some days I’ve just wanted to sleep all the time, which I think could be a mix of actual physical tiredness and also emotional tiredness/hormonal changes. I was back at work for the first time today, and it was helpful to have something else to focus on and motivate myself for.

I’ve restarted tracking my BBT to see what happens with my cycle returning, though I’m aware it could take a while to get back to normal. My husband and I are both on the same page that we’d like to try again once I’ve had one normal period, so I guess we’ll just see how things go and how we feel when we reach this point.

Sorry this has turned into a longer post than I expected! Anyway, if there’s anyone out there who’s had a similar experience recently and would like a place to share feelings/questions/advice it would be lovely to hear from others.

@MrsOnions0 sorry to hear that, 2022 must have been so tough for you, I hope it will be fourth time lucky for you this year. And hopefully the MOT will give you some positive news to build on.

Maybe I should try tracking ovulation too @AnotherEllie I haven't done a follow up pregnancy test, it's been two weeks since my procedure so I'm nervous if I do one that it might still be positive which would mean my period is going to be even slower to return....

@AnotherEllie

@Chocolatebean @Dragonfly91 @MrsOnions0 @ThaiDye @TheBirdintheCave @tttc2022 Thank you for joining. It’s a sad reason to come together, but I think it really does help to talk to others in a similar situation, especially as pregnancy is often a private topic and miscarriage even more so. This probably sounds very naive but before it happened to me I never realised that miscarriage could happen over several days or even weeks, with extended periods of time not knowing whether or not you’re miscarrying. I think I just assumed there would be one big bleed and then it would be immediately clear what had happened.

@AnotherEllie Totally agree with you about social media and the amount of baby related content (which seemed to find its way into my Facebook feed while I was Google things about TTC/caring for a baby). I managed to filter some out by changing my ad settings but not all. Another strategy I’ve been trying is to actively click on other ads, even if I’m not super interested in them, so I get more of other topics.

@Raey I tried OPKs when I was TTC but they never seemed to work for me. I would see faint lines sometimes increasing to medium colour, but never a really dark like. I read some that for women with PCOS they are less reliable. For me I’ve found tracking BBT is the best method, although it’s a bit of a pain remembering to do it each morning. I restarted tracking a few days ago, and currently my BBT is pretty low compared to my usual cycle.

@Fairylight102 Totally agree with the thinking that it would be just a bleed and over quite quickly. It's really awful that this seems to happen to so many people but glad to have other stories so we aren't alone.

@tttc2022 sorry to hear about your situation but good to hear your procedure went as well as can be expected.

Thanks for the well wishes from others, fingers crossed it's as straightforward as can be!

Totally agree with this as well if I knew then what I know now I would have opted to have the surgery as 3 weeks later I’m still hanging on not knowing if I’ve still got products inside when all I want to be doing is trying again. If only it had been one big bleed then over. I tracked ovulation last time and found the clear blue with the smiley face one the easiest and most foolproof I’ll be tracking again as soon as I get my desperately wanted bfn. Also If any of u ladies have an I watch I’m not sure if it’s all models it will track your bbt for you I’ve started using that this week and it’s pretty good xxx

I am currently going through a miscarriage too. I started to bleed on 31st Dec and on 2nd Jan it all came out. I was at 6 weeks 6 days. This is the last thing i had expected to happen. Much love to all of you going through this pain on this new year and all prayers for your angels that made their way to heaven. ❤️

I just had my scan after starting to bleed on Sunday - and I believe I miscarried on Monday. It was a confirmed complete miscarriage. I was surprised by how quickly it has all happened.
I must say I felt it was good to be able to get seen at an EPU so quickly and that reassures me for future.
I found the process very emotional but feel it was the closure I needed to move on. I then called my mum to talk about it.
Looking to the future now and will see what happen.

@AnotherEllie Glad you’ve had that closure and reassurance that everything is complete. Fingers crossed for the future.

@ThaiDye I think the advice about TTC again varies depending on if the mc was managed or not. I understand the advice is ideally to wait longer if managed but may not be necessary if no management was necessary.

I’m so sorry to read what you have all been through. I’ve been going through mine since 13th December and have my next scan on 13th January. I am so annoyed with myself I didn’t choose to have the d and c as it would have been over so much quicker instead I’ve still got stuff inside and positive pregnancy tests. I coped with the miscarriage pretty well I thought but this hanging on not knowing how long it’s going to be before I can ttc again is killing me I just need to be able to move on. Literally only me and my hubby knew about the pregnancy so I haven’t been able to talk to anyone so I am so grateful to have found this group xxx

Please don't be annoyed at yourself at all @Chocolatebean. That sounds so tough but you really couldn't have known what would or wouldn't happen. I think many of us feel like we didn't expect things to happen the way they did and that is partly why it is such a difficult thing to go through. Hopefully you will be able to get the help and support you need following your next scan xx

@Chocolatebean I feel the same way, but as above you couldn't have known. It's frustrating to take so long. I had medical management on 2nd Dec and was told repeatedly throughout the Xmas break by the EPU that it was probably just a period. It wasn't, you know your own body. Your next scan will hopefully provide you with some answers x

@AnotherEllie @Dragonfly91 thank you so much it means a lot just for someone to say that I really appreciate it it’s funny how some kind words can help so much isn’t it. They say things get easier with time and it’s still early days for us all isn’t it I find I have good days and bad days xxx for now I’ll just keep taking my vitamins and start going for walks xxx

I thought this might be helpful to others

Tommy’s miscarriage support tool

It asks questions and estimates your likelihood of a successful pregnancy in future

Mine was 70% so I’m trying to hold onto this to keep a positive mindset for the future

@Fairylight102 Yeah it is encouraging. I think mine was 73% or something which I found surprising considering I've lost two in a row. I thought my odds would be much lower now.

@TheBirdintheCave That’s really positive

Hello everyone, so sorry to hear about your losses 💔

I lost my pregnancy on NY’s eve, well I passed the sac/ embryo then, I lost the pregnancy before Christmas, around week 6-7, I just knew it was gone and my fitness tracker showed “ non pregnancy stats” and I just stopped having symptoms over night. It was horrible walking around waiting for the bleeding to start but after passing the sac etc I feel so much better mentally. I want to start trying right away, I don’t have age on my side as I just turned 41, I’ve got a 2 year and I want to give him a sibling.

I’m so desperate to be pregnant again. I’m just lightly spotting now so hoping I’ll ovulate within a few weeks.

Those of you who have lost a pregnancy and tried again- when did you ovulate?

Have you all been for scans? Is that something you need to do? To check that everything has come out.

Sending hugs and strength to you all ❤️

Thank you for sharing that @Fairylight102 ! That is encouraging and has made me feel better.

@Travellingislife I'm really sorry to hear of your experience. This sounds much like my own. I would contact your local Early Pregnancy Unit and seek advice or speak with your GP who can refer you. I think they are likely to perform a scan to make sure everything has completed. There are many of us who are keen to start trying again soon - I also have a DS who is 18 months and would love for him to have a sibling. Hopefully this thread will become a place where we can share good news in time!

@Travellingislife Sorry for your loss :(

I wish I'd written all of my info down when I had my first one in April. I think it was about four weeks after the main part of the miscarriage had happened. Not a fantastically long time but not as quick as I'd like either.

I'm having an ERPC this time to hopefully speed things up a bit.

@Travellingislife so sorry to hear of your loss.

My miscarriage was confirmed on the 9th December and I had a D&C on the 12th.

I had a negative pregnancy test on the 27th and have been testing for ovulation ever since. I don’t appear to have ovulated according to the tests, however as time is going on I’m sensing that my body just needs some time to recoup - I was 12 weeks pregnant.

I have a friend who got pregnant before she even had her period following a miscarriage, so I guess it’s different for everyone.

I feel empowered using the OPK’s as it takes the guessing and assuming out of it .. one less thing to worry about. I do wish my body would hurry up and reset though!

@Travellingislife I meant to say my friends miscarriage was 5/6 weeks along and “natural” I think, which may influence how soon she ovulated which was about 2 weeks after her miscarriage started.

Who knows, I guess it’s different for everyone but I wonder wether being further along takes longer for ovulation due to higher levels of hormones

I miscarried in May last year with my first pregnancy. Have been unable to get pregnant again.

It's really having an impact on my mental health now, which I feel ridiculous saying. Every single month I'm actively angry when I get my period.

The first time I got pregnant we conceived straight away.

I've got to do a work trip next month which is brilliant for my career but overlaps with my fertile time so I'm angry about that too!!

I think anger is very natural @Bobshhh. It's been my overriding emotion since my missed miscarriage just before Christmas.

I want to start trying again immediately and I know I'll feel the same as you. How could it NOT have an impact on your mental health? Especially when it feels like every other person is walking around either pregnant or with newborn right now. It's such a shit time isn't it.

@Bobshhh Anger is definitely a valid emotion when going through miscarriage.

@Bobshhh I remember that feeling so well. it took me over a year to get pregnant with the baby i went onto miscarry.

I’m extremely anxious of going back to the feeling of disappointment month after month.

are you doing any tracking of ovulation, have you had any tests or investigations from your GP?

im so sorry you are going though this

@AnotherEllie thank you, I do really hope we all can start sharing positive news in time 🙏🏼
I’m going away on a business trip now so I’ll have to wait a few days but I’ll contact them when I get back. If there is something left I want to deal with it sooner rather than later so I can move on.

@TheBirdintheCave thank you, I understand, 4 weeks doesn’t sound like a long time but in these circumstances it is a really long time! I hope your erpc goes well and that you can move on.

@raey thank you, hearing about your friend gives me hope, you never know what your body will do though so I’m trying not to stress, much easier said than done. I think you’re right about your hormones taking longer to balance the further along you were.
I can’t wait to start with OPK’s but I’ve told myself to wait until I’ve stopped spotting. I’m a huge planner, so it’s super hard not toD I monitor EVERYTHING, which is both good and bad..

@Bobshhh sorry to hear about your loss and your struggles. Of course it’s taking its toll on your mental health, please don’t feel ridiculous!
O totally understand your anger. I go away with work a lot and it makes me angry as well as it’s not been timing well with my ovulation dates. I’m contemplating pulling a sickie or trying to get out of work trips in the future if they clash with my ovulation. Not sure I’ll be able to lie about it though.