Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

@Cindy974 thank you xxx

Hi Hayley, I'm so sorry you're worrying about that. I didn't experience any nausea at all and I have a right delicate tum so hopefully you will be ok, but I'd let them know about your phobia so they can be extra careful with you. Best of luck with the procedure x

@Marmite83 & @Pancake92 I've also got a due date in January that will never be. I am already dreading that time. Also got a friend due in a few months, I feel awful as we were really supporting each other but now I can't even bear to ask details about her pregnancy. Even though she understands I still feel like a shit friend.

@Cindy974 that's exactly what happened to me at the scan - although this was my first. It's utterly awful and all I can say is I hope the worst of the mental pain is over soon and that the medical management goes well (I had surgical management btw and it all went really well). Like you the thought of walking around with the baby inside me having died made me feel quite weird and a bit mad, like I was a coffin not a person, for a few days. That DID pass though, and after that one thing I did do was talk to the baby in there - tell it how sorry I was (although I know it wasn't my fault) and that it was loved. I know this probably sounds barmy but it did help and while you're "holding" it it's still part of you.

I had the misoprostrol pessary before, but I for me I had no cramps or nausea but they did warn me that was a potential side effect. They may be able to give you an anti-emetic if you’re worried about being sick.

@TheHideAndSeekingHill I think talking to your baby while they're still inside you is completely normal. I did the same with both of my MMCs, one medical management and one erpc. Even now I find my self cradling my tummy sometimes and telling my three lost babies that I'm sorry and I love them.

@Marmite83 ❤️

I’m so sorry you’ve felt that way too but thank you for saying it’s normal.

Hi
I've just got back from a scan after having a little blood loss over the weekend...unfortunately there was no heartbeat. I'm 10 weeks but baby was measuring 8
Just have to decide what happens next

@BEL88 im so sorry, that’s awful for you.
You don’t have to make any decisions right now, but if you have any questions about any of the options we may be able to answer them from our experiences

@Sunbird24 thanks
I haven't read the whole thread yet sorry but if deciding it to be a natural one then do you know how long before it starts roughly? Baby was measuring 8 weeks and I'm 10 weeks so just wondering if it should have started by now and I should just go for medical management?

@BEL88 sometimes our bodies just don’t recognise what’s happened for a while - you can wait and see if it starts naturally, or opt for either medical or surgical management, whatever you’re most comfortable with. When mine has started naturally it’s been nearly 2 weeks after the scan where I found out, and a couple of days before I was due to go in for surgical management anyway. That waiting time is an odd kind of limbo, so make sure you have emotional support, take time off work if you need it and just generally be gentle with yourself.

I'm so sorry @BEL88 it's the worst thing, do you have to decide quickly or do you have a while?

They said no pressure really but to try and get back to them this week. I'm thinking surgical atm to be honest. Just get it over and done with

@TheHideAndSeekingHill sending you hugs 🌷
My partner's best friend's girlfriend is pregnant and due the same day as ours would've been. Really not looking forward to January! I think it is the hardest when you get to the due date and still aren't pregnant...

I'm so sorry for your loss @BEL88 . I've experience both surgical and medical management. I found medical management to be quite painful (not trying to scare you, everybody's experience is different) so the second time I had a MMC I opted for erpc. Neither option was pain free but erpc was definitely the better experience for me. My babies had both died a couple of weeks before and I didn't want to wait to see how long it would take my body to realise. I just wanted it over with. My third was a natural MC so no choices to be made for that one. Happy to answer any questions if it helps.

@BEL88 I passed naturally over a week after baby's death. I got bad news at the 8th week scan and it looked like the embryo died just couple days before the scan. 8 days after the scan I passed.
Personally, it happening naturally was a big comfort for me. At the beginning I just wanted to be done and over with everything and it felt awful but in the end it felt like waiting for things to start naturally and passing was part of the healing process ❤x
You have to do what would be best for you.

Thanks for the good advice Marmite, I'll look back at this if I have to go through this awfulness again.

I had a surgical management, I was scared of the op as I'd never had one but it did make the whole thing very controlled. My worst fear was having to actually "have" ie deliver the baby, and I was horrified by the idea of it happening maybe at an unexpected time/place, and the waiting. But as this thread makes clear different things work for different people at different times.

Really it just abslutely sucks that we have to make these choices and go through these things. I'm so sorry

@TheHideAndSeekingHill youre jot a shit friend. You’re just minding yourself and taking the time you need after a horrendous ring has happened to you. Your friend will
totally understand. Sending you love x

@Marmite83 i did the same. It was kind of comforting.

@BEL88 i had Erpc last Friday. Found out at scan on wed that baby’s heart had stopped just day before at ten weeks. Miscarrying at home is definitely not for me. I would worry too much and just wanted it over so I can try move on but everyone is different. Go with your gut instinct. Sending you lots of love and this incredibly painful time x

Feeling so low again this morning. Having difficulty sleeping and just feel like I’d happily hide away from the world forget. . Feeling like I need lots of reassurance from dp and I’m asking for hugs all the time but I feel I’m starting to annoy him. I feel he is able to switch off a lot and I just can’t really and it’s upsetting me and I feel angry at times towards him. Does anyone else feel like this? Also had the erpc Friday and still having period like bleeding. Is this normal? Thanks for listening x

Going in for surgery tomorrow
What do I need?

Sending a big hug @Tray66, it’s easier for men as they don’t have all the extra hormones going round their bodies to deal with. It’s normal to feel like you do, and it will get better. Same with the bleeding, but if it doesn’t ease off in a few days please call the EPU to let them know.

@BEL88 I usually take a book, a big scarf and my fluffy socks as I know my unit isn’t that warm and there’s a little bit of waiting around beforehand. They should give you something to eat & drink afterwards but you can take something nice to treat yourself as well. Don’t take a lot with you as there won’t be a lot of storage space. I hope it goes smoothly for you.

Best of luck @BEL88

I took snacks for afterwards, a book, some puzzles, a dressing gown and DP to distract me :)

@Sunbird24 thanks for your reply. All I need is the reassurance that I’m not weird to be feeling this way🙈 had a chat with dp this morn too and I told him how I was feeling and I’m a lot happier since as he understands that I will prob need more time to bounce back than he does.
mom die to go on holiday on Friday. My consultant told me before the procedure on Friday that I should definitely go so thinking I will Jsut hope the bleeding calms a bit before I do!
Thanks again for taking the time to get back to me xxx

@Sunbird24 me again. I just went back to the start of the thread as I feel bad not knowing peoples stories…. I think I saw that you had two miscarriages. I’m really sorry. I also saw that you had written it was possibly an age thing. Can I ask how old you are? I’m 43 and panicking this little baba was my last chance. Considering ivf with pgt a now but not sure. So much money…