Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

@Tray66 oh bless you! I’ve actually had 5 now, the first was a MMC from a natural conception when I was 24 (although I would have terminated if it hadn’t been, given my circumstances at the time) the last 4 have all been since I went through IVF in summer 2020 at the age of 42. My most recent transfer didn’t even implant so at 44 (and just over a half) I’ve only got one embryo left, and I’ve been doing the whole thing solo so haven’t had any funding. I think there’s something my body is doing to reject embryos that we just can’t figure out, so please don’t take my story as any indicator that it won’t work for you, plenty of women do have successful pregnancies at this age and I have everything crossed you’ll be one of them!

@Sunbird24 I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences, it must be extra hard doing it alone. Do you have family/friends supporting you through the process?

@Tray66 my dh is pretty bad with emotional stuff. He tries but I think he just doesn't get it. He has been a bit upset when we've lost our babies, mainly the fist two, but within a day or two he's generally moved on and I honestly don't know if he'd even think about them if I didn't mention them sometimes. It makes me feel quite alone and like he just doesn't care sometimes. I think most men just process things very differently to us. Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better after talking to him.

I hope the bleeding dies down for you before your holiday!

@BEL88 I think the others have covered most of it. I also took my tablet with some films downloaded on it and my headphones. Hope it all goes OK.

@Sunbird24 oh my goodness I’m so sorry to hear that. Cannot imagine having that happen so many times. If you don’t mind me asking Did you have any of the embryos genetically tested before hand? If I’m prying please say and don’t feel like you have to answer. How upsetting for you to have to go through that process so many times. My heart goes out to you. And you’re so kind and
compassionate to everyone on here❤️❤️❤️Wishing you so many good vibes that you will get your baby xxxx

@Marmite83 my dp
woumd be fairly in tune with his emotions and is a sensitive guy but he is capable of switching off and being distracted by things which I find so difficult 🙈 I totally get what you mean though about feeling alone. I wrote that in my journal this morn before I spoke to him. I just felt so alone beciase he wasn’t on my wavelength. That’s why I find these groups so comforting because we all get it! I hope you’re doing ok. How long is it since your most recent miscarriage?
yes I’m hoping the bleeding settles a bit. I don’t really kind to be honest as long as it doesn’t start gushing out of me when I’m in a different country 🙈 I’m naturally an anxious person and had a very traumatic haemorrhage 13 years ago when i developed an infection after erpc for another missed miscarriage and the trauma has never left me when it comes to any kind of bleeding! But trying to not let anxiety rob me of good experiences like ten days Of a sun holiday!

@Tray66 Thank you - I don’t mind talking about it at all. None of them were tested in advance, but 3 and 4 were tested after MC (retrieved in surgery) and one had a chromosome defect but the other was perfect, which is why they don’t know why I keep losing them.

My parents are supportive although I’m sure they’d have preferred me to do it the ‘traditional’ way - I’ve pointed out that I would too but I have a terrible track record with relationships! I also have some lovely friends, and my work colleagues all know and are very kind about it all. In some ways it can be easier going it alone, because I have no expectations of anyone else and know all the responsibility falls on my head either way, so I just get on with it. It can be lonely sometimes though, and I do occasionally wish I had someone to share it all with. I haven’t even thought about dating while I’ve been doing this as it just seemed like too much. Maybe I’ll have a look and see who’s out there - online dating is just so depressing though! 😂

Can I join please?

I lost a twin pregnancy at 9 weeks on 4th April this year (MMC) One died at 8 weeks and the other at 9 weeks. I lost the first one on Mother’s Day scan and we got married a fortnight after our loss.

It was my first pregnancy and it took ages to recover physically. I ended up losing the second placenta at work last month over 3 months since the loss and was still testing positive. I had two hospital admissions due to excessive bleeding and medical management failed twice.

My best friend is due at the same time I would of been and I’ve had to be distant with her.

I’m finding the loss and the trauma a lot and 4 months on I’m still grieving a lot. We are TTC again cycle 3 but I’ve lost a lot of hope and excitement

Just feel a bit alone!

@Essexgalttc of course come on in, I’m so sorry for your losses and all the trauma. Have you explained to your best friend? I’d hope she’d be understanding

@Sunbird24 she is understanding luckily

I’m sorry for your losses too

I struggle to be positive most days

Hi all
Had a horrific day mentally yesterday but better today. I've had the surgery and have to stay in as my temp and heart rate are up so on antibiotics. They initially had me down as coming in to have medical management which I never said so was annoyed about that. Think it's made me feel stronger and making sure I shout for what I want and be in control. All the staff are saying about how strong I am and determined. Probably be a different story when I get home tomorrow but I'm glad I'm not crying in hosp.

Thank you all for the support so far. This is my third miscarriage (first two passed naturally at around 4 weeks) so been referred for investigations

Hi everyone.
I've already made a post on the forum but thought I'd join in here too.

Found out yesterday at a private scan that baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks (I should have been 7+5/6). I had a feeling from when I found out I was pregnant (4 and a half weeks ago) that it wasn't going to go well. No idea why.

I've had a small amount of brown/pink discharge when wiping but nothing else. I'm assuming it'll be classes as a MMC. Got an EPU appointment tomorrow morning. It might sound bad but I just want it over and done with now so we can move on and start trying again. My body doesn't seem to be doing the necessary so I'll be really glad to get to the appointment and see what they say.

I've had one healthy pregnancy 7 years ago, so I'm hoping this was just a one off occurrence but we'll see :(

@BEL88 sometimes having something else to focus on/be annoyed about is a good distraction - you are strong, and it sounds like you have sensible expectations about how you might feel tomorrow. Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

@rach971 I’m sorry you’re here, the EPU should offer you some options, a few people on here have experience of medical and/or surgical interventions if you have any questions. Fingers crossed this was just a one off for you too

@Sunbird24 Thank you. I think the terms medical/surgical interventions just scare me. I'm a bit of a wimp, especially with pain, although none of it is probably as bad as I'm imagining!

I had a cesarean with my daughter and I know that can cause increased likelihood of MC's so I suppose I'm just worried it'll happen again :( I had an EPU scan at 5+5 due to brown spotting/discharge for over a week and all looked fine. Fetal pole was a mm or two long and had a heartbeat, was in the right place. They didn't pick up on any issues. But I'm an over thinker and over-worrier so I can't help thinking it's something to do with the cesarean and I'll just MC again next time.

I know I should just not over think 🙈

@rach971 I’ve had surgery a few times now, tried medical once but it didn’t work for me, and honestly I prefer having it all sorted under general anaesthetic to some of the experiences I’ve had with it happening naturally! Everyone’s different though, and you have to go with what you feel is best for you

Hey everyone

today has been a hard day. Arrived for surgery at 8am but due to emergencies my surgery didnt take place until around 7pm. I was so thirsty.. and so so nervous all day too.

im now home, and worried about what level of bleeding is normal. Last year when i had erpc i didnt bleed much in first 24 hours then bled lightly for about 10 days. At the moment i am filling a pad in an hour but not soaking it, its just really scaring me.. the thought of being rushed in for more surgery etc or bleeding heavy it really scares me so much. Sorry to leave this vulnerable post op message… what a day x

Hi @Hayley220, sorry didn’t see this last night, how is the bleeding now?

Sorry - random question ahead of EPU appointment this morning - I'm basically having a scan to confirm pregnancy isn't viable and that baby's heart has stopped. If I ask, will they let me see the screen? I know usually they hide it from you so as not to cause upset, but I'm not easily phased by something like that and I'd like to see, just for some closure

Just to add - I was 7 weeks when heart stopped so it was only a few mm long

@rach971 if you ask they should let you, I’m the same.

@Sunbird24 Thank you. I want to ask them to check my cesarean scar as well as I've been reading about it being common for them not to heal correctly and it creates a small pouch that collects fluid, which can cause recurrent miscarriage. It also causes infertility and given how quickly I got pregnant I think it's unlikely I have an issue. But there was a dark patch on my first ultrasound and I'm paranoid it's that 🙈 They'll probably tell me.to bugger off lol

@Sunbird24 i am blown away by your strength!! But that’s brilliant that you have a great support network. Can’t imagine how you felt receiving the results of testing. Especially the one where no abnormality was detected. I mean life can be so cruel sometimes. Do you plan to do another transfer soon ?
i opted to have remains of ours tested as almost positive it was abnormality that caused miscarriage as doc thinks he saw something on the last scan.

@BEL88 hi I hope you’re doing okay and home from the hospital xxx

@Hayley220 hi there. I hope the bleeding has slowed down a bit and you are doing okay physically. I totally understand your fears as I had a traumatic experience many years ago and heavy bleeding always terrifies me. If you are still concerned to test give the hospital a call. Better to put yourself at ease. Look after yourself. It’s such a horrible process to go through 😞

I’m so sorry to those who are going through losses right now
It is truly heartbreaking

@rach971 I asked to see the screen and for a scan photo that I put in a box along with pregnancy tests and my notes from hospital as a keep sake to remind myself of the babies I lost

@Essexgalttc Thank you. I never ended up asking to see but baby was still on her screen when I stood up. Sad seeing it there, knowing there's no heartbeat, but also a bit of closure. Asked if everything looked healthy otherwise with the scan and she said yes. When I concieve again I'll be offered an early reassurance scan at 8 weeks and they do testing if you experience two MC's. I know most people only get testing after three so I was quite reassured hearing that