Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

Ok, that’s a bit frustrating but understandable. Handholds here if you need them while you’re waiting - I wouldn’t be able to hold out 3 weeks!

I had to wait three weeks after the first surgery before they would bring me back in for another scan. The waiting is so frustrating. Drags the whole thing out when all you want to do is put it behind you and try again.

@MrsGrealish I just got my BFP! Am tentatively optimistic. Found out last week I have a clotting disorder linked to Lupus so speaking to midwife today about possible options. Not exactly sure on dates s didn't have a period since MC but it's looking like April Fools Day 🤦🏻‍♀️.

How are you doing? X

@41andtryingforfirst omg!! I'm so pleased for you massive congratulations 🥰 that's just made me happy! Well now they know what's wrong they can hopefully treat the pregnancy properly?

I thought I had a bfp last week felt really sick and tired but no I have covid. And started a really heavy AF on Monday 😞

@41andtryingforfirst amazing! Fingers crossed you get decent care and a magical outcome!

@41andtryingforfirst my miscarriage started spontaneously at 6 weeks and I was back and forward for bloods and scans at least 5 times. There was a little tissue left which didn't have its own blood supply so I am really praying this heavy bleed is a clear out Xx I turned 40 the day it happened so was worrying about my age now but this news has really made my day ❤️

@MrsGrealish thank you. I don't think you should worry about the age thing. I know what they say but I'm 41 and have conceived twice in less than 3 months so try not to dwell on it.

Im really hopeful that you will get positive news soon. MC's are truly horrendous aren't they? I never realised what they entailed. I went to the hospital more during those 8 weeks than in my whole life!

Apparently I need to take aspirin and I'm not sure what else. Midwife is calling at 5pm so I'll know more then hopefully 🤞

@Sunbird24 thank you so much. I'm delighted but also terrified that something bad will happen. Just got to stay positive x

@41andtryingforfirst congratulations, that is great news and really reassuring for me to hear as trying for my first at 40 after just getting an all clear scan on Monday from my miscarriage

@Natpat81 thanks so much. My fingers are crossed for you and I hope you get good news soon x

Sadly joining. Dr confirmed my miscarriage yesterday. Looks like l got to about 5 or 6 weeks. First time to miscarry. I have one DS 5. Helps a lot reading these messages. DH is trying to be positive and says we'll keep trying. But right now I feel stuck in sadness and keep crying.

@cat9 so sorry He sounds like he means well and is trying to be positive but you will need a bit of time to deal with the physical and emotional effects of this loss before you can get to thinking about trying again.

@Sunbird24 thanks that's how l feel. Weighing up trying again against needing to grieve and take time for myself. We're going for a long walk tomorrow and will talk about it. Keeping my fingers crossed for your embryo transfer

@cat9 thank you, that’s really sweet of you.
He probably just wants to support you and doesn’t really know how, so a walk & talk sounds like a good idea. If you can tell him what you need from him it should help you both get through this together. There are some links to resources near the start of the thread including one aimed at the dads, if he wants somewhere to talk to other men who have been here.

Hi all,

Hoping I can join. Have been loitering for a while following two MMCs in the past 8 months but just feeling so overwhelmed by life and wasn't sure a group discussion would help, but now think it might be what I need.

I'm really struggling at the moment with friends' pregnancy announcements, particularly those having a second baby. I don't have any children yet and turn 40 in January so am utterly consumed by panic.

@Presently83 oh that’s really hard, I’m sorry It feels really unfair, and then you get down on yourself. It’s not really that you aren’t happy for them, it’s just that you’re sad and angry for you, and that’s ok. Do whatever you need to protect your heart right now. Could you maybe try some counselling?

Don’t panic, there isn’t some magic fertility cliff we suddenly drop off at 40, lots of women can still have babies after then. Everything crossed you’ll be one of them!

I really hope it's ok to post here, I can't really find a thread that's right for me. My post is about miscarriage following an unplanned pregnancy so please feel free to stop reading if this will upset you in any way.

I'm 39 and am very blessed to have two wonderful dd's. I have PCOS and endo and we had a fairy long tricky journey including 2 MMCs, various fertility treatments such as Clomid, surgery for endo and finally IVF. The reason I'm posting is that we only ever planned to have two children but in some twist of fate, we took the only risk we've ever taken in April and I fell pregnant. For someone classed as infertile this was a huge shock. Over the next couple of weeks we got used to the idea (whilst always aware that it may not actually result in a baby) and I hoped that this baby was an unexpected blessing that was just meant to be! At around 6 and a half weeks I had some pink bleeding when I wiped and had also experienced some shoulder pain so was referred for a scan that day as there was concern about ectopic. I went alone and was convinced it was all going wrong but then I saw a heartbeat on the screen. It was lovely to see but we also saw the heartbeat in the two pregnancies I miscarried so it didn't really give me much peace of mind. I was offered progesterone which I started taking that day. Unfortunately, two days later the bleeding got a little heavier and I passed the yolk sac followed by everything else over the next few days. My miscarriage was confirmed by a scan a week later.

This was at the end of May/beginning of June, but I'm still really struggling with it. I know I'm incredibly lucky to have my two little girls, each born after a MMC and although the pregnancies were hard, they helped me heal somewhat from losing those two babies. Because we don't plan to try again I can't seem to find a way to move forward. Emotionally I'm now yearning to be pregnant again but rationally all the reasons we had for wanting two are still there. I'm jealous of other pregnant people. All the pregnancy announcements for babies due in January have been really hitting me over the last few weeks. I feel so lost and alone. My dh doesn't really get emotional and moves on quite quickly so although he tries, he just doesn't get it. I just don't know if these feeling will ever go away. Has anyone ever been through something similar?

@Marmite83 i don’t think the circumstances matter so much, you were pregnant, and you had started to get used to the idea when it went wrong so of course you’re allowed to grieve. I don’t know how you best go forward from here, but the resources I signposted up-thread are just as much for you as anyone else, if you think that counselling or anything like that might be helpful? You can vent or cry in here as much as you want, no judgment, no pressure.

I'm really sorry for your loss @Marmite83 - I don't think it being unplanned makes any difference and although you are so lucky to have your kids, I guess you've "dealt with" (sorry terrible term) previous MC by trying again - with success each time. So now when you can't do that you have to suck up all the emotions of it and you don't know what to do? I can see how that change of pattern would be really hard. Sending a hand hold x

Hi ladies, i think i have been on this thread before in nov/dec 2021. That miscarriage ended in an erpc. Im currently going through another. At the
moment i have period type cramps but no bleeding what so ever, i have had these since Thursday. Does it sound like i will start to bleed soon? Or will it just not happen and i need another erpc? I feel like my cervix might be slightly open, but i dont know if thats normal anyway? Just have these intermittent cramps in my back, which completely stop at night when i lay down. I have another scan friday, then they will give me options, i am not interested in medical management. My first natural miscarriage i lost so much blood so i am really scared. I have no family living nearby, im actually so upset at the lack of support i have had. I have a 2 yr old son to look after…. im scared im going to bleed heavy and need to go to hosp, and have nobody to help me or take me. My mums words were “i cant stay indefinitely with you” because obvs we dont know if i will bleed or it will happen naturally yet. She asked me how i am and i said i am really struggling and feel so alone, she said “its hormones”. I just feel rock bottom. If it doesnt happen i will book another erpc. Im around 8 weeks since my last period, i dont know if the sacs still growing.. there was just yolk sac at my scan last week. Should i expect it to be another awful experience of heavy bleeding?

Hi @Hayley220, sorry to see you here If you had bad bleeding last time would the EPU let you just book another ERPC anyway? I have the same issue so now they know to get me in within 7 days if at all possible. Definitely worth asking as it sounds like it would make life easier for you.
Sorry your mum’s not a bit more supportive, but we’re all here and you’re not alone - virtually at least.

Had my surgical management today.
Everyone in the EPU was lovely and made today as calm as it could be given the circumstances.

I thought I’d give a little recap on my day as reading others peoples experiences really helped me in the lead up.
We found out last week that the egg had stopped growing at 5w3d when I should have been around 7w. This had been preceded by around 10 days of bleeding which I found incredibly distressing.

On Wednesday they had me back in to decide on options and I decided on surgical management having found the previous two weeks very mentally tolling.
Today I went down to the unit for 7:30am and I was given a private room which my fiancé could also stay in.

Around 8am the nurse came to explain how the day would go and I had another scan that I had requested just because they hadn’t been 100% last week if there was a foetal pole, so for my own reassurance the extra scan would confirm we were making the right choice. the scan showed no progression but also no sign of natural miscarriage.

After this I went back to the room and the nurse did obs and then inserted the misopostrol. They explained I might have cramps and bleeding and that I should stay in the bed for an hour. She also gave me some disposable pants and the most hideous maternity pad. She also gave me paracetamol and ibuprofen. I didn’t experience any bleeding or cramping and was able to read and talk to my partner.

9:30ish they took me down to theatre. The anaesthetist explained what she would do and then they wheeled me into theatre. Took them a while to get the cannula in but I have tiny veins, I felt the fentanyl be injected and it made my hand hurt. I don’t know if I managed to tell them this as next thing I remember is waking up in recovery.

Looking at the clock it looked like that was at 10:44. I think I woke up when they removed the intubation tube. They’d stuck some puppy pads underneath me and a hot towel on my stomach. It was hurting a little so they gave me some codeine at this point. My oxygen sats kept dropping so they did keep me on oxygen for a little longer. I will say that when I woke up I was hysterically crying, it really hit me what had happened and I did cry a fair bit in recovery. May have just been the come down from fentanyl ( partner had promised me I’d feel happy from his experience of a number of GA’s 😅, feel I was short changed there 😅)

I was back up in my room for about 11:30 and my fiancé was waiting for me with water.
I was very keen to go to the bathroom for a wee so as soon as the nurse did my obs I was in the loo with my partner supporting me. Tbh I felt ok relatively quickly. I was hungry so they brought toast and then some lunch, and then they left us too it for a few hours.

14:30 the nurse confirmed that I was well enough to go home after they gave me the most disgusting tasting antibiotics.
Since I’ve got home the bleeding has been extremely light and I’ve just had a five guys as I was starving after not really having the appetite for the last two weeks. I’d say I feel like start of period cramps at the moment. But prepared for it to be worse in the next few days.

At the moment I feel emotionally numb but I’m sure it’ll fit me soon, I have contacted a local private councillor specialising in miscarriage and will also talk to my GP as I have felt that my anxiety may require medication to support me through this phase.
I’m sure I will be back on this thread as you have all been a wonderful support so far.

@HappyPie82 thank you for sharing this, I’m sure it will help someone else in turn. Take it easy for the next couple of days, it takes a while for the GA to get out of your system so you will probably be a bit wobbly both physically and emotionally.

Hi, I'm currently 7.5 weeks pregnant, started bleeding on Sunday, an hour before my first reassurance scan. So I went and there was only a gestational sac and yolk sac, no fetal pole.

My bleeding has since changed to brown spotting. I'm realistic, as I'm sure my dates are correct. I've got a scan tomorrow on the epu. I'm really struggling with morning sickness, it's lasting all day, have managed to get some cyclizine today, which seems to have took the edge off slightly!

@HappyPie82 my situation sounds so similar to yours! I hope that you're okay? Did you still have lots of pregnancy symptoms? Sorry to ask x

@Handmaid2019 I never had particularly strong symptoms beyond very painful boobs (the whole reason I took a test) and I bloated in the evening (the irony of looking about 5 months pregnant ☹️).
I never particularly had nausea or any morning sickness.
My boobs were massive so I don’t know if this will go down as the hormones leave my system.

@HappyPie82 thanks for posting your experience, I posted earlier on the thread but didn't have it in me to type out my experience of surgery. I agree it can help to read it especially if people are feeling nervous.

One thing no-one mentioned to me is that the GA can slow down your digestion - I ended up with agonising constipation and then trapped wind (who knew that could be so painful) for a few days. Hopefully you're fine but if I'd known in advance I'd have started on lactulose right after the op to prevent it, and stocked up on some windeze as well.

Really just added an extra bit of suffering that I didn't need after the op and worry as well, since I didn't know what it "meant". Turns out it's very common.