Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

Hi ladies, I’m joining the club. I had an early private scan yesterday at 8+4. Baby measured at 7+6, 14mm with no heartbeat.

I’m waiting on GP to do a referral to EPU (can’t self refer here).

After reading up on options I think I want the surgery. Does anyone know if you are intubated for it, will they place and remove it while you sleep or when awake? Does it give you a very sore throat? I get throat infections and sore throat really easily and am a bit worried about that.

I am still having pregnancy symptoms, no bleeding or cramps so it feels awful and strange that my baby is gone.

The waiting is killing me and I know I’m going to have to keep doing it for a while yet. I just want it to be over, which feels like such a horrible thing to say.

@BlahBlah36 im so sorry to read this, hopefully you have support out there but there’s lots for you here too. Hopefully the EPU will see you very quickly.

With the surgery, they’ll put the anaesthetic in through the back of your hand, and then won’t do anything else until you’re well under. I never had a sore throat after any of mine, honestly couldn’t tell they’d put a tube in at all. One time I did still have a catheter in when I woke up but that wasn’t sore coming out either.

@BlahBlah36 So sorry for your loss. I was terrified about being intubated for mine but honestly I didn't even notice it had happened. One minute you are falling asleep and the next you are waking up again and the tube is long gone. You won't have any knowledge of it being there at all. I think my throat felt a bit 'scratchy' for a few hours afterwards but it wasn't painful or sore. Try not to worry about the surgery, once the day arrives it is all over with very quickly. I was exactly the same as you, just wanted to get it over with, that's not a horrible thing to say at all. Take care x

@BlahBlah36 so sorry for your loss. As @Lottylou2022 very normal to want it to be over so you can start the healing process.

@Brokenpancreas94 sorry you are still having bleeding really hope it is near the end.

@ChloeN yes back on the TTC wagon hoping will ovulate this week though not sure if cycle back to normal yet 😬

How things going with you @ChloeN

Thank you all.

Just had the most horrid experience with the GP receptionist. I called asking for a referral to EPU. She said I’d need an appointment with the midwife tomorrow. I questioned this and said I just needed the referral and a GP could do it. She put me on hold then told me to call the midwifery unit and gave me a phone number.

Number went through to A&E but a lovely lady gave me the correct number. Got through to the ante natal ward and the nurse was fuming on my behalf. She said that they should have just produced a letter for me to pick up and take to the EPU. Then my GP should be calling them to advise. She took my number, the surgery name and said she’d sort it and call me back.

She got back to me and said she’d told them what to do and they would call me when the letter was ready.

After 3 hours I gave the surgery a call just to check. Glad I did. The receptionist (same one) first put me on hold to search for the letter. Then came back and said I’d need to speak to the GP and she’d put me down for a call after 3. I asked why as the nurse had spoken to them and told them what needed to be done. She put me on hold again then came back with the same response, I’d need an appointment with the doctor. Then she said that I had cramping and bleeding so I disagreed and said I had no symptoms. When i asked why it had taken so long to get to this point, she said that they couldn’t understand why I’d had a scan yesterday but they hadn’t set up a follow on appointment for me.

I told her repeatedly it was a private scan and I have had no contact with the maternity unit/midwife yet (which is the reason she had to give me their phone number in the first place!). Then she said ‘oh that’s why, we couldn’t figure out what was going on, we didn’t know it was a private scan’. Like it was my fault, even though the nurse from the unit had to get involved and tell them what to do and they still did nothing.

If I hadn’t called them I would be waiting for nothing!

Apologies for the long rant but I’m ridiculously frustrated. And now waiting for a pointless call.

@tulipsunday keeping my fingers crossed for you🤞🏻 back in another tww, due af Friday, have about 0 hope for this cycle currently

@BlahBlah36 oh lovely! That sounds so so fustrating, especially when you’re going through enough already, they’re just useless sometimes😳

@ChloeN yes not the best when I’m in a bit of a state already.

The lovely nurse actually phoned me back to check how things were going as she said I’d been on her mind. So thoughtful.

Hi all. After 5 weeks since my surgical management I have finally stopped bleeding. It seems my bleeding went straight into a period, which helped me pass the final clots (sorry tmi) so I’m on day 4 of no bleeding or clots and mentally feel a lot better as a result. Thank you all for the reassurance with this as I felt it was never going to end.

@BlahBlah36 so sorry to hear you have had such a hard time! I had surgical management after failed medical. I didn’t have any sore throat when I came round. They put the tube down once I was asleep, and when I woke up it had already been removed. If they hadn’t of told me, I wouldn’t have even know about it. I had a little cough for a day or 2 afterwards, but was told this was normal and it soon passed. I had been nil by mouth for 6 hours before my surgery, so I think it was just a dry throat really.
I still had nausea and symptoms a few days after my surgery. The nurses told me this was just because the hormone levels take longer to decrease, the further along you are ( I was 12 weeks). Hope you get this all sorted as soon as possible xx

@Sophiey11 that’s good to hear, thank you.

I just got a call from the GP and the earliest the EPU can see me is Friday. As I’m not in pain or bleeding I’m low priority. I understand completely but I just want this to be over so badly.

@Sophiey11 so pleased your bleeding has finally stopped!!

@BlahBlah36 thats rubbish, i totally get it the extra days hanging on are just awful! Xxx

I'm so sorry to hear of all your losses, ladies. Sending you all my love x

Sorry I’ve been a bit absent lately, my final embryo transfer failed so I’m coming to terms with the end of my ‘journey’. I’ll be 45 soon so was pushing it anyway regarding the upper age limit I’d set for myself. 😞

You’re all doing a great job supporting each other, thank you. X

I was just catching up on the thread.

@Sunbird24 I'm sorry to hear the news about your embryo transfer. I'm 44 and it is difficult ttc at this age as you do feel like you are really pushing your luck and I feel like there is a lot of judgement from others around me.

I got a letter from the recurrent miscarriage unit saying because I'd had previous successful pregnancies they wouldn't investigate and basically that combined with my age /weight meant I wasn't eligible. It's frustrating as I am pretty sure my cycles have gotten more regular because the hormone imbalance is less of an issue, possibly due to the age-related drop in estrogen and that can actually have a positive impact. I think I just ovulated at CD27, which is good going after MMC as the pregnancy last cycle was CD 26. We are going to keep trying over the next 6 months then probably stop then after the Spring.

The consultant was a bit annoying as basically quoted a lot of age-related statistics and told me to lose weight if I wanted to increase odds, but basically advised not to attempt pregnancy after age 45 because the risks go up so much. The generalised statistics annoy me quite a lot as I know how my body tends to settle down once I start getting regular cycles, then conception becomes viable for us. They have been more regular in the last 12 months than they ever were ttc my other daughters. I've ordered a progesterone test to check 7 days after ovulation and have day 2-5 blood tests ready for next cycle, but it all feels quite hit and miss as my cycles can be irregular so hard to plan for.

Sunbird I'm so unbelievably sorry to hear this. It must be really strange saying this is the end. Have you got the right support around you in real life? x

@Sunbird24 so sorry to hear about your embryo, must be absolutely gutting😔

@somethingluscious thats so fustrating that they won’t investigate😢 are the progesterone tests the proov ones? Xx

@ChloeN I hadn't heard of Proov tests, so they might be really useful (and cheaper) to track - thank you!! I do LH tests and they do indicate when I am about to ovulate, but also if my body tries to and doesn't quite get there I'll have a longer cycle where it's harder to time.

I got hcg and progesterone blood tests via Medichecks as I can send them off myself priority with a finger-prick vial. The doctor's advice on those was to inform my midwife / consultant as the progesterone was on the low side and had dropped even though the hcg was doubling well.

I think next time I would follow the hcg & progesterone up weekly for longer. All my previous losses had been earlier at 5-6 weeks and I always knew earlier from the hcg not doubling. I'd never had a MMC so once the hcg was over 15k I'd really thought things were going to be ok. The only good thing is any losses have been fairly early so my cycle tends to recover quickly. It really opened my eyes up that losses can also happen much later, which is kind of scary too.

I can tell from temperature charting that my luteal phase isn't always competent and this always seemed to be an issue so I get good and bad cycles (regardless of egg quality!). The Proov tests would be good for checking that. I think I find it frustrating when your actual medical history isn't taken into account. Potentially I could get private blood tests, show an obstetrician and be in a position to have progesterone pessaries for example. It's difficult as I don't know if the pregnancy failed because of low progesterone or the progesterone was low because the pregnancy wasn't viable. The midwives were amazing, but everyone automatically assumes it must be all down to age and egg quality when I know there are underlying (unexplained) issues.

They also said they were going to test the embryo and I don't know if this is still the case or not. I could maybe phone the EPU to ask about the results, but I think they can take a while to come through anyway. If they won't investigate because of my age, they may not actually go ahead with embryo testing and then I went through the trauma of collecting it all. It would be clinically useful to know if it had been abnormal or normal. I do feel a lot better now though, even though Aug/Sep were pretty hard going. I think the previous losses between my two DDs have given me a degree of resilience and hope that things can work out. I have two daughters, so there is also a strong argument that I am better off focusing on them if it doesn't happen for us this time.

So sorry @Sunbird24 that it didn't work out 💖 xx

I have an appointment at EPU tomorrow to verify the private scan results (no heartbeat, no blood flow, irregular yolk sac). Would I be ok to take cocodamol before I go?

I’m terrified of the whole appointment and the thought of the internal scan. After a week of waiting, stewing and nausea I’m in a bit of a state. I’ve had cocodamol before and it makes me very relaxed which I desperately want.

@BlahBlah36 I’ve had a few internal scans over the last few months, both during pregnancy and then my miscarriage. It’s not painful at all, just a little uncomfortable. I can’t see why you can’t take anything before hand if you find it helps you. It’ll be over in minutes. I’m sure you will be fine, and I hope everything goes okay xx

@Sophiey11 thank you so much. I’m really scared today, it felt like forever waiting for the appointment but now I’m worried sick.

@BlahBlah36 honestly you will be completely fine! I found the speculum examination was worse than the internal scan. The internal scan is honestly okay, you will be completely fine. They always say if it’s uncomfortable to let them know and they will stop! Try not to worry xx

@BlahBlah36 hope the appointment goes/went well. The internal scan isn't painful don't worry it isn't like a smear test/anything like that. Feels slightly strange as they wiggle it around a bit but it doesn't hurt. Let us know how you get on xx

@Sophiey11 @tulipsunday thank you both. It went well, just uncomfortable and I had to wait for a second opinion while she was still wiggling around down there which wasn’t the best!

It was as expected, a missed miscarriage so I have the surgery booked for Thursday morning. Unusually, I have to report to the unit at 5pm on the Wednesday as they keep you overnight then take you down first thing in the morning. I was hoping I’d get away with no overnight stay.

DH was in hospital for a week last month and DS didn’t cope well. We’ve arranged for my parents to have him for the night (it’s half term here next week ) so hopefully he won’t have to find out I’m in hospital.

Hey ladies, I found out a week today that I've had another MMC. Routine midwife apt at 15+5 where due to a loss in April at 16 weeks, they listened in for the heartbeat on the Doppler and couldn't find it. Sent in for a scan and confirmed that baby had passed. Consultant had found the heartbeat at 14+1 so she must have passed at some point after then.
I'm utterly exhausted, 2 losses in 6 months both babies delivered at 16+1 after a perfect 12 week scan. I've spent most of the last year pregnant and no baby to show for all of the tiredness and sickness. I'm anaemic and HB dropping further, lost a lot of blood in both deliveries not to mention the toll that pregnancy alone places on your body.
I'm 39 in March, I feel like I want to try one last time but is this silly? I have 2 healthy children, one boy and one girl and the ones I lost were a boy and a girl too.
Any advice on how I either put the idea of a third baby to bed for good, or try again and just cope with the outcome? Pregnancy is stressful for everyone but how are you meant to cope when the worst has happened to you. More than once. I just don't know how to stop wanting a baby and putting my family through this loss and heartache 💔