Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

@tulipsunday would if been my 12w scan tomorrow and would of been 12w yesterday 😞😞 hope your holding up ok!

@ChloeN hope you get your bfp this month!

@candycrush789 aw we were close date wise weren't we. Have a good week everyone 😊

Just jumping on without catching up sorry x
Back in hospital with sepsis/pe (??) . On the labour ward which is good and bad, feeling sad but also happy other people are getting their beautiful babies.
Bp is up and down, now 74/48 pulse 105 . I was on that thought path of wanting to be unwell as like a self punishment but now im trying to focus on being healthy asap to ttc again successfully. Feeling totally rotten, just had to release it somewhere

@BasKaro sorry to hear you’re back in hospital, hope they’re looking after you and you’ll be home soon.

Ive either got flu or covid, but better now than in a couple of weeks’ time when I’m due to start appointments for my final transfer.

@BasKaro sorry to hear you are stuck in hospital. @Sunbird24 does feel like covid and flu are on rise hope you feel ok. Least as you say if you have to get it better now

Hi,
I went for my 12 week scan yesterday to be told that there’s no heartbeat, despite me thinking I could feel little flutters - how wrong was I. I am devastated, broken. The pregnancy wasn’t planned as such but I was so excited at the thought of another baby and a sibling for my 6 year old daughter, as that is all she goes on about but now that’s obviously not happening. (We never told her that I was pregnant). My partner didn’t really want another baby and wasn’t overly happy at first but he came round to the idea and we thought of names etc. Anyway, since finding out he was okay and was there for me as such, but today, it’s like everything is back to normal except he has spent most of the day in bed, I’ve taken and picked our daughter up from school, whilst putting on a brave face, and waiting to miscarry our baby (don’t know if I am going to choose the medication to speed things along), but either way am I right to be annoyed at him? His excuse for not picking our daughter up from school was “I feel like s**t”. I didn’t say anything but what about me??
Sorry if I’m coming across as selfish, I’m just so heartbroken.

@Brokenpancreas94 hey, so sorry for your loss💗 you don’t sound selfish at all! I totally get your partner might feel a bit rubbish but your entitled to feel rubbish too! It might not be the right way to think of it but I do feel like it’s worse being the one whose pregnant, it’s you that’s going through it so I think your partner should be being a bit more supportive!xxx

@Brokenpancreas94 im so sorry that you’re going through this, and that it seems your partner is being a dick. I hope he realises and steps up to support you

@Sunbird24 & @ChloeN thank you, and I hope so too. He does struggle with his mental health, as do I, but I just feel so alone atm, and I feel like because I was more excited than him too. He keeps asking me “what’s up?” Like seriously!?!

I don’t know how many weeks I measured on the scan as they attempted a belly scan first but could only see the sac and was struggling to get measurements (that’s when I started to panic) was told to empty my bladder and they would do an internal, and that’s when they said they couldn’t find a heartbeat and I just broke, she asked if I wanted to see but I said no but now I kind of wish that I did and wish I asked how many weeks, so as to get an idea of when it happened, but that’s probably too late now? Or would it be on my notes?

@Brokenpancreas94 did they give you any scan photos or a report at all? I found my mmc at a private scan so they still gave me a photo and a report which said the dates on. I’m sure it’ll be recorded somewhere for you so you could always give the hospital a call xx

@ChloeN nope nothing, although when they called someone in to confirm I heard them say something about images, they kept my pregnancy notes too. I need to call them to tell them my decision about how I want to proceed, so I could ask when I call about that.

@Brokenpancreas94 i would definitely ask, I felt like I wanted to know when it happened too! Not that it made any difference to the outcome it was just something I wanted to know xx

@ChloeN I think I was just in so much shock yesterday that I didn't want to know anything at the time. I threw up too, and I hadn't experience nausea since 8/9 weeks, I'm guessing that's maybe when baby died 😢 x

So sorry @Brokenpancreas94 in case useful to know - I had a scan by the early pregnancy unit to confirm that everything had passed at the end of my miscarriage. This was a week after first going into hospital and confirming the miscarriage. They gave me a report at that point which confirmed the miscarriage and at what point the pregnancy ended.

Will you be going back into hospital? You may get the info then. So sorry you are going through this and that your partner hasn't been more supportive.

@tulipsunday I think, if I choose to speed up the process with medicine then I will be, but I still haven't decided what I want to do. I think part of me is still In denial, as last night I was Googling all sorts and saw stories where people were told that there was no heartbeat and then a week or so later there was. So maybe I do need to go for the medical option as otherwise I'm just going to be clinging onto false hope, if that makes sense?
Yesterday, I was scanned in the antenatal clinic and then taken up to EPU where a nurse explained my options, gave me a leaflet and then sent me on my way. X

Makes lots of sense @Brokenpancreas94 I remember being given the leaflets and thinking how can I choose between these! Good luck with whatever you decide. My pregnancy ended during week 8 so possibly similar to you if that is when your symptoms stopped. Hope you are getting some more support at home? X

@tulipsunday thank you. And yes, he's being a bit better now luckily x

I forgot to mention that a few days ago, before my scan, when I went to the toilet and wiped I had like a clearish jelly discharge and like a string of brown, and that was it nothing else, I just put that down to me having a UTI. I mentioned it after the scan as well and they said it's probably old blood. 😢

@ChloeN @tulipsunday no better today. He doesn't understand why I'm so sad, think this just shows he still didn't want the baby, I can see us falling out soon 😢.

I have a constant cramp kind of pain now, feels like trapped wind pain? But no spotting or anything yet

@Brokenpancreas94 hey, sorry he’s still not being very supportive! That’s really hard, it’s almost like he’s trying to make you feel silly for being sad😣 mmc was the worst thing I’ve ever been through, I still cry randomly because I just miss being pregnant and the life I should of had with that baby!

I didnt have any pain before I did medical management but sounds like your body could be starting the process on its own? Xx

@ChloeN I just pulled him up on it, and he said he never meant it like that 🤷‍♀️.

I'm not sure because I'm burping a bit too so maybe it is wind, I guess il just have to wait and see. I think if nothing has happened Monday then I will contact the hospital and go for the medicine, as I'm just going to be waiting and waiting 😢xx

@Brokenpancreas94 i suppose it is such a stressful time maybe he genuinely didn’t… it’s hard to say because I was a mess for days and my partner was the same, but not everyone reacts to situations like this the same way!

I opted for medical management too because I just could not bare to keep waiting. It made me feel like I had a plan to move forward once I had that booked in xx

@ChloeN I think if this happened in my first pregnancy then he would be devastated as we were both equally excited, but from what I've read online men can react differently to us 🤷‍♀️.

Yes, and I think the more I wait the more I convince myself that maybe they were wrong and that baby is actually growing when it isn't 😢 xxx

@Brokenpancreas94 this limbo period between finding out and it actually happening is probably the worst, so if you’re not getting the support you need at home hopefully we can help get you through

@Brokenpancreas94 yes maybe! This was our first so might have been a bit more stressful for him to deal with!

Have you only been scanned the once are the moment? I had 2 scans so I feel like that gave me the confirmation I needed to know it had definitely gone xx