Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

@41andtryingforfirst Your GP shouldn’t of done or said that. I find that really sad and upsetting that he invalidated your feelings like that. By all means if it helps someone to refer to their pregnancy loss as not a baby and that helps them then that’s absolutely fine but most people who have had a loss refer to their losses as babies regardless of the amount of weeks. It’s almost like people invalidate your loss unless you’re over a certain week mark, as if we get a choice when we want to lose our babies xx

I really am thinking of getting this tattoo. With 2 adults birds on the branch (myself and DH) and 2 birds flying away for the twins that we lost in April. We have no children so I would make sure there is space on the branch so when we hopefully have a child I would add them onto the branch

@Essexgalttc totally agree with this 💯 idiot man

@Essexgalttc that's beautiful ❤️

@MrsCristiano thank you. It will be my first tattoo too!

I find that a lot of people even family and friends invalidate my feelings a lot. No one would say to you “sorry you loss your nan, but it’s very common” so why do they say it to pregnancy loss. My friend lost her daughter at 24 weeks and just had a 7 week miscarriage and her family said to her “at least you’ve been through it before and it’s not as bad” 😞

Hi everyone, thanks for this lovely thread - it's a real horrible place to be but having a community makes it feel not so alone.
I'm currently losing my third. I've had a stillbirth, mc at 5 weeks and now a mmc. I should be nearly 8 weeks but baby didn't make it past 5. MVA on Thursday and I haven't much a clue what to actually expect. My son died from a trisomy and the consultant in charge of recurrent mc at my local hospital has agreed to see me which is a relief because its just so physically and mentally tough going through these.

@Essexgalttc that tattoo is beautiful

@ANiceBigCupOfTea Words can’t describe how sorry I am for your losses. That is utterly heartbreaking 💔 you are definitely not alone and we are here Sometimes I feel this thread is more understanding than friends or family in real life xx

@ANiceBigCupOfTea oh I'm so so sorry. I remember you from the April 2023 thread. How devastating for you. I hope you're ok lovely x

Thank you so much ❤️
I know @41andtryingforfirst i remember you from that thread as well- I'm so sorry for your loss as well.
I really, properly grieved the baby over the weekend. I'm ready now for this bit to be behind me I think.
It's amazing have this thread and totally agree @Essexgalttc it's easier to chat here sometimes that face to face with people. It's not a place we ever want to find ourselves but so good to have when we do.

@Essexgalttc the tattoo looks lovely💕 I got a heart tattoo on my wrist last week for the baby I lost. No one would know that’s what it’s for but it’s nice for me to have xx

@Essexgalttc tattoo is a beautiful idea. Twins. Heartbreaking.
@41andtryingforfirst cannot believe your gp said that. So thoughtless and just bang out of order. I’m in shock!

@ANiceBigCupOfTea you poor poor thing. Sending you hugs and love xxx

@Marmite83 hey. Thanks for offering some help and advice re ivf! I have a consultation for ivf on Monday. I’m 43 so my consultant recommended possibly pre genetic testing of embryos because so many of my eggs are prob bad quality. Did you have any successful pregnancies with ivf and is it a very difficult road? I’m desperate to have a baby with my partner but wondering if the emotional and financial cost I’d it will send me over the edge if I’m not successful.
i too was thinking of the charm idea. I think it’s a really nice one

@Tray66 I have a two year old daughter, conceived from a frozen embryo transfer (FET). I fell pregnant from the fresh cycle first but had a mmc. We went through Access Fertility on the two cycle package. It gave me some peace of mind because I knew we could do as many FETs as we had embryos for and another fresh cycle too if necessary and we only had to pay for the meds on top. It took the pressure off the first cycle. In reality we ended up overpaying by about a grand because it worked on our first FET in the end but it could have saved us thousands if we'd needed a few goes and I think it was worth it just for the pressure on be off a bit. I'd recommend at least considering it if you can, they offer packages up to 45 years old. The IVF itself wasn't as bad as I expected. There were lots of appointments and I had lots of alarms set on my phone for all the meds so I didn't have to worry about forgetting anything. I'm not too fussed about needles so that helped and the drug side effects were manageable.

For anyone that has experienced this - how do you cope or feel when friends or family basically pretend your loss never happened. Understandably it’s on my mind constantly and I do not expect people close to me to grieve but the lack of support and silence from people around me hurts. In a way it actually puts me off some friends, I’ve been friends with some of these people for 15+ years and it’s really bothering me how they don’t ask me how I am or hardly text me anymore x

@Essexgalttc I’ve lowered my expectations of those people and only talk about it either here or with the people who do ask. Most of them do still care, they just don’t know what to say after the initial sympathies. I think it often indicates that they’ve not gone through it themselves, so they just don’t understand how we feel.

@Essexgalttc it's so so hard. I also have a friend who I thought I was close to but have hardly had any contact with through this.
I know a lot of people don't want to upset me or are just asking after me to other people. I also want to talk about but I guess don't want to start it off if that makes sense? Want someone else to be involved in the conversation and ask me questions other than 'how are you'

Hello everyone,

Firstly I’m sorry for everyone’s losses. 💔

I never thought I’d be in this position myself, but here I am. The loss is incredibly early for me - I would have been 5 weeks tomorrow. I’m feeling emotionally drained and lost. I have been crying all day and don’t know how to process what I’m feeling or experiencing.

I know I shouldn’t, but I’m thinking about all the things I should have done differently to prevent it from happening - I blame myself.

I’m sad for my son who would have been a big brother, and now he’s not. I’m sad for myself because I already imagined all the things about this baby and now they aren’t going to happen. I’m sad that I didn’t get to know them and I’m sad that I don’t have any answers as to why this happened. I’m sad that my bloat bump won’t ever be a real bump and I’m sad that I let myself imagine all of the possibilities.

I just want someone to understand and not to tell me that ‘it just wasn’t meant to be’ or that ‘at least it didn’t happen when you were further along.’

I'm sorry you're going through this @B1993. It doesn't matter how far along you were, losing the future you were imagining is devastating. Be kind to yourself, I very much doubt there's anything you could have done differently that would have stopped this from happening.

@Marmite83 Thank you for your reassurance. I don’t know if it’s normal to feel so much loss this early because, as everyone keeps reminding me, it wasn’t an actual baby at this point. In my mind it was though. I guess I’m just feeling very conflicted.

I also got another positive pregnancy test this morning and am almost hoping it’s negative tomorrow because it just feels like a cruel joke to see two lines and to know there’s no hope of a baby.

@B1993 it's so cruel isn't it. Hope you're ok.
I did a test this morning and saw two lines and started getting upset and then realised I'd done an ovulation test 🙈they said try at 3 weeks and it's been just over 2 so I'm going to try and wait until 3 cos I really don't want to see that positive.

I've also just had the hospital ring me to say the blood they took before the surgery had clotted so they're going to send me another form. Is this just fucking pointless though? I'm so hard to get blood from that I've still got bruises on both hands and arms from over two weeks ago when they struggled to get it and it's just kinda bringing that horrible day back today. So glad I'm still off work.
Does anyone know what that blood was for? The form they are sending me is for a full blood test (not sure if hcg is on it)
I've also got another blood form with all the tests for the recurrent miscarriage clinic in a few weeks

@B1993 I’m so sorry for your loss. Once you see them 2 lines on a pregnancy test you know you’re carrying your baby. It is hard when people say “at least it wasn’t a baby” but I always try my best to remind myself that maybe it wasn’t to them - but they were my babies regardless. I carried them, I was a mum to be. I’m still really grieving and struggling 5 months after my 9 week loss.

You are 100% not to blame. You did nothing wrong.

sending love xx

@BEL88 and @TTCourfirst Thanks both! I appreciate it 💜

Can anyone tell me how long I should expect to bleed for? I think I've passed most of the pregancy now and had one particularly large piece of tissue. I'm hoping it will tail off now and my 'normal' cycle will resume after the hCG completely goes. As I was early, that should go quite quickly right?

Sorry for all the questions but I think it helps me to feel prepared/ know what to expect.

@B1993 I bled for about 10 days in total, but after I passed the pregnancy tissue it was very light and more like end of period spotting…
It took about 2 weeks to get a negative test, I was 8 weeks xx