Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

Hi everyone- just taken a couple of days to digest what's happening to me since Monday.

Here's a question - right now - what am I? I'll explain. I haven't bled yet - everything is still inside me. HCG is still high, still have the symptoms of pregnancy... but no living embryo anymore. So am I a pregnant woman? Or a non pregnant woman? Or half pregnant?

I think I'd just find this all a lot easier if I had some clarity on what I am right now. Because I feel a fraud thinking I'm pregnant, but with it all still inside me how can I be "not pregnant"?

Sorry I'm rambling. Just keen to know if anyone else identifies with this I guess x

@41andtryingforfirst I do not even think there is a word to describe when you still have hcg in your body but your baby still remains inside of you even if they have passed. I struggled with the lack of clarity on this too. I had hcg in my system until 14 weeks after my loss. I still had a placenta inside that finally came out after 3 months of my loss. Even after scans the hospital gave me the all clear but when the placenta came out and I spoke to them they apologised and said it may of been hidden in my womb.

I was testing positive, had pregnancy systems yet no living baby inside of me. Technically I was pregnant because I had the hormones and symptoms. But at the same time I wasn’t, because my twins had both died.

The midwives said I was no longer pregnant

Thinking of you x

Oh my goodness @Essexgalttc I am so so sorry for your losses and what you have had to go through. It sounds so difficult particularly as it took so long and it sounds like you were failed in your medical care. I hope you are starting to heal now from what sounds like a very traumatic experience.

Thanks for "getting it". It's a very wierd place to be in isn't it?

Been to counselling this morning and got v distressed over loss of baby in May. That's the one I feel traumatised by as it was my first and my innocent bubble was burst when that baby died. I'm feeling kind of numb about this one as I'm still grieving the first one. No idea how I can process this loss when I'm still thinking about the first one so much.

DH couldn't find me in home bargains today. Turns out I was stood staring at baby grows. Don't even know how I ended up there. Clearly mind is all over the place. Got surgery tomorrow and walking around in a bit of a daze tbh.

Thinking of you and hope you're ok x

@41andtryingforfirst my heart goes out to you. I think you will feel better once you have surgery. I found the two days I was eating for my erpc very hard because I knew my little baby was gone but yet it was still there. I’m 13 days post d and c now and think the bleeding is finally almost stopped. I hope once it has totally stopped I can move on a bit because at the moment every single time I go to the loo it’s a reminder that my little baby died. Hope things go well for you over next few days. This is your second miscarriage is it? Heartbreaking to have two so close together. I presume from your user name you are 41? I’m 43 and just worried that my eggs are past it now so have consultation for ivf with pgt in a few weeks and will see what they say.
have you any plans like that if things don’t work out naturally for you? Interested in other peoples thoughts on it

Best of luck with the operation @41andtryingforfirst i was also in that situation for a while and it’s the weirdest thing I have ever gone through. I am sure you will feel better in many ways after the op when you’re not in the heartbreaking time of being with your baby but without them at the same time.

For those who have been through this before, are there any apps that are useful and not too cutesy for those trying to conceive after a miscarriage. To track ovulation and stuff. I mean like a general fertility app but one you found suitable?

Hi all, is anyone beginning to TTC again? Just looking for some advice around tracking ovulation etc. And when to do OPKs?

X

Morning @TheHideAndSeekingHill and @MrsU2022 - I use the Femometer app, and their OPKs I get from Amazon. The app has an intelligent recognition function which is easier than trying to work out for yourself if the line is getting darker - does the same for HCG if you also use their HPTs. If I’m tracking my ovulation I usually start about day 7, once a day, and when the line starts getting darker I go to twice a day so I don’t miss the peak.

Most useful thank you x

@41andtryingforfirst It is comforting that people on this group get it and understand

I’ve had a lot of support from strangers online, more than I’ve had from friends and family in real life

@MrsU2022 I’m on my third cycle of ttc and this is the first cycle of using OPK’s. I bought mine from Amazon Easy@Home and started taking them at CD10. I got my peak yesterday at CD18

I have just ordered a book from Amazon from The Worst Girl Gang Ever and it is a survival and recovery guide for miscarriage loss. It has good reviews on. They also have an Instagram page. I’m not sure if this information is useful for anyone but just wanted to let you all know x

@Tray66 thank you. Yes I'm 41 and the baby I just lost was due on my 42nd bday. I've spent so much of the last 4 months pregnant but with 2 losses in that time it has really knocked me.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can completely understand what you're going through. Try to stay strong although I know how hard that is.

I cannot contemplate what I'll do if it doesn't work out - I haven't even thought about it. I'm just in "I'm going to keep trying mode". At 41, time isn't on my side so I'll try again as soon as I'm able to. I'm in 2 minds as to whether to wait for a period though. Because I had two back to back pregnancies I actually haven't had a natural period since 18th April. Part of me thinks it would be a good idea to try after my period but another part of me doesn't want to waste any ovulation.

Anyway gonna have a sleep now. This morning's procedure has wiped me out and I didn't sleep last night as I knew it my last night with baby. Plus at some point this afternoon the misoprostol side effects are going to kick in and if it's anything like last time, it's gonna be horrible. Got my sick bowl by my side for when it hits xx

They have a podcast too which is good! X

I've just started following them on Instagram 👍🏻thanks

@41andtryingforfirst Oh gosh two in such a close time is very hard to take. I would love to just go for it again as I got pregnant witching two months this time but I’m thinking if my eggs are bad quality then that’s another three months wasted so I’m looking into ivf. Have consultation next week and will see what they say. I feel quite hopeful that I would park conceive naturally again but don’t know if I can take the word wrong if there’s a genetic abnormality and fearing another miscarriage. If I was a year or two younger I’d deffo go for it but feel I need to think carefully now as my time has almost run out. I hope you managed to sleep ok xxx

@Essexgalttc thanks for this. Gonna check it out now!

@Tray66 that sounds like a sensible decision - will you have to self fund the IVF? I'm not sure on the NHS rules after age 40. It's something I might consider in the future if I have more losses. I'm really hopeful I don't have to...

I slept okish. It looks like I swerved the misoprostol side effects this time, thank goodness. I felt a bit nauseous and woozy at about 2am but think that was the painkillers. So far this process seems to have been less physically demanding than last time. Last time I was in hospital for 3 days, ended up having surgery as miscarriage was incomplete and then was miscarrying whilst having covid at the same time. This time, as it was a missed miscarriage, the process seems to have been much more straightforward- lighter bleeding and definitely nowhere near as much pain. It's early days though so let's see what happens.

I'm considering getting a tattoo. God knows why - feel like I want to do something in memory to keep with me always. I was thinking a little pink and blue ribbon with 2 stars or 2 butterflies. DH wants me to think about it but I think I'll go for it. Just not sure where to have it as it has to be somewhere not visible to others but I want it to be somewhere that I'll be able to see it x

@41andtryingforfirst I think a tattoo is a lovely idea. The planning of it could be something to focus your mind on at the moment whilst going through this again. Then when you're feeling a bit better you can book it if you still want it or just keep the design somewhere?

I'm so glad this isn't as bad as last time for you. Having them so close together really sucks. Thinking of you

I had a second loss in a row. This one was very early and admittedly easier to cope with for that fact.
Feeling confused about life though. The day I saw a positive test I felt so at peace, I just had a feeling this would be my rainbow baby. But then, I had this massive feeling of panic the following day and from then on I just knew this pregnancy would not end well. Being pregnant after one loss was scary and confusing, I can only imagine it being even more difficult after two consecutive losses.
We will keep trying because we really want children and there is not much you can do other than persevere, hope for the best and try to not lose yourself in this battle.
Love to you all and wishing happy endings for all of us ❤x

@41andtryingforfirst im In Ireland so no funding for ivf. So ya prob cost about 10k. I have that mo et saved but didn’t think I’d have to use it in this way. Will see what they say anyway. Love the idea of a tattoo. A little reminder of your babies always. Hope you’re starting to feel better physically now at least xxx

@Pancake92 Sorry for your losses. So incredibly difficult. I have kids already but none with my current partner but Just so worried my time is up as I’m 43. I hope
you get your rainbow baby very soon xxx

@Tray66 thank you so much and all the best for you too ❤x

@BEL88 @Tray66 thank you. I think I'm going to go for it once I feel better. Had a terrible migraine last few days due to dropping hormones. Just been lying in bed trying to recover.

@Pancake92 I can so identify with everything you have said. I'm so sorry for your losses and hope I can keep that optimism and will to keep trying.

So I have just been to see my GP as I'm struggling emotionally. He is normally amazing with me. He says to stop thinking/saying I’ve lost babies. He says I have pregnancies that have have ended and need to change my terminology or I can’t move forward. Not sure how I feel about this 🤔

Would be good to hear your thoughts x

@41andtryingforfirst I don't think your GP should be saying that, would he say to someone who's relative had died, that they just had a relationship that ended! Different people process things in different ways. Some people may find it easier to think of it as a pregnancy rather than a baby but I don't think he should be telling you that's the only way forward. I have never viewed my three lost babies simply as failed pregnancies and I am still moving forward. In truth what actually helped me move forward from my first two losses was just to keep trying. We are not trying following my third loss but I feel I am slowly moving forward.

As for your 'what am I' question, I struggled with that too. I remember I had just been told I'd lost my first baby and decided straight away that I wanted medical management. They gave me a form to fill in and one of the questions was 'are you, or could you be pregnant?'!! I completely broke down in tears at that point because I didn't know what to tick.

I thought about a tattoo but couldn't decide where I would get it so in the end I bought a charm for each baby, that felt like it in some way symbolised the loss, to go on my Pandora bracelet.

Also, I did IVF so if anyone's looking into it and has questions I'd be happy to share my experience if it would be helpful.

@Marmite83 Ahh I'm so sorry for your losses. Thank you for getting it. The charm idea is so lovely and means you have them with you always. I love this idea ♥️

I did think of them as what they had the potential to be. He wrote on a piece of paper “lost” and “babies” he then wrote “pregnancy” and put a cross through “babies”. I found that hard. He is a very kind caring man but I think he got this wrong.