Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation to me?

i have a healthy 2 yr old. But i have had 4 losses, 2 before and 2 after. Had my erpc Weds and hoping this one is all over.

My current plan after all nhs recurrent miscarriage testing came back normal is to go to Shehata’s Nhs clinic and look at the immunology side of things. In the mean time also waiting for cytogenetic testing on the embryo I lost this week. Am I wasting my time with nkcells? Am i better having ivf with testing before transfers. I wouldnt get funding for ivf in my area so would have to pay. Just wondering if anyone is in the same situation and if i am doing the right thing!

I just had the awful thought that I have to wait until new year to ttc again because i cant have it ruin another christmas. I wonder now if i will ever have another succesful pregnancy, i an 36.

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/miscarriage

My broken heart, faulty uterus and open arms are needing a little break this weekend as it would have been my latest due date, will be back soon. X

Anyone else hate their post MC bloated body? And compare yourself to others and think why is it so unfair this happened to me x

Take care @Sunbird24
Thinking of you x

@Sunbird24 Sending you lots of hugs ❤️❤️❤️

@Positivethoughts92 yes totally. I had my erpc nine days and only today my tummy seems to be going down a bit. It was really upsetting that I had still had my little bump so hope it will continue to go back to normal in the coming days.

Hi all so sorry for all your losses. I joined this thread back in June as I lost my first baby. Got pregnant straight away and just found out baby has died at 7 weeks. It was a horrendous pregnancy as I had brown bleeding throughout it but I was cautiously optimistic. Unfortunately it wasn't to be. Can't envisage how I'm going to cope with having to go through this again, so soon after last time. Feeling very low x

@41andtryingforfirst I name changed from Mrs G I'm so so sorry to hear that 💔

@41andtryingforfirst I am so sorry for your loss 💔

@41andtryingforfirst So sos sorry to hear you have had a second loss. Life can be so unfair at times. Sending you much love x

I hope this is OK for me to ask this question on this thread. If it’s not please let me know and I’ll ask mumsnet to delete.

How do you cope with other people’s pregnancies? I’m talking best friends. My best friend conceived pretty much the same week as me and her pregnancy thankful has been perfect throughout. I’m grateful she didn’t experience a loss like I did. But I’m jealous. She left her scan appointment with her due date and a scan for their pregnancy announcement on Facebook and I left my scan appointment with miscarriage tablets and a broken heart. I’ve been distant with her since. I’ve tried to be there for her but I just feel like I can’t.

Sending love and support @Sunbird24, you have helped so many on here while going through heartbreak yourself, you are a hero

@Essexgalttc

That must be incredibly hard! A friend of mine is due in the autumn and I love and support her but obviously I am not asking about/she is not telling me about the gruesome day to day details of the pregnancy in the same way as when we were in the same situation. I feel bad about it, but my hope is that in future this tricky time will be behind us and mostly forgotten (in terms of our distance). I like to think I'll be more "present" when the baby comes as that's a different phase, if that makes sense?

@TheHideAndSeekingHill I feel the same. At the moment I am being very distant with her (I’ve seen her once in 4 months) because I can’t cope around pregnant woman or babies. I’d like to think one day our relationship will be the same again and that we will be able to share motherhood together

I think you're me @Essexgalttc. I hope your friend is being as tactful as mine (mostly) is

@41andtryingforfirst so so sorry for your loss💔. I hope you are coping ok and taking care of yourself

@TheHideAndSeekingHill She has been understanding, she’s given me a lot of space. Maybe a bit too much space, sometimes I wish she asked how I was a bit more. I think some people prefer to not mention your loss because they don’t know what to say x

@Essexgalttc It is so rough :( I am sure she will understand that you need some space right now. It is such a shame that 'general public' does not always know how to react to a loss and what to say. She could at least check in on you from time to time, send you messages saying she understands if you take your time replying to them. I totally get how you feel though and also such a shame when it is a best friend and yet they still do not really support you. I was very upset with DP's best friend when we lost our baby.

41andtryingforafirst - absolutely heartbroken for you and lost for words.. 💔Please take care 🌸x

@Sunbird24 thinking of you ❤x

@Essexgalttc i totally get you. It’s so understandable. I’m in similar situation except it’s my kids step mum who’s pregnant so I’m going to have to hear about their new half sibling when I wanted to be the one to give them that. And there will be no escaping that as they live there half the time 😞 It’s so tough. When I had a miscarriage many years I honestly felt like I couldn’t move on until I got pregnant again. It was the only thing that made me feel ok again. I’m way older now and fear it will just not happen for me and my new partner and I’m terrified that I will always feel sad

@Tray66 that situation is very very hard. I can understand completely it must be hard seeing her give your children and sibling first. Please do not beat yourself up about it and be gentle with yourself.
It’s not the same but my friend is the first in our friendship group to have her baby. Although our twins actually would of been if the pregnant continues. So everyone is very excited for her. It’s hard

I feel the same. I told my husband the only way I feel like I’ll feel more at ease is if and when I get pregnant again

@Essexgalttc thabks for reply. I do feel bad for feeling jealous but as my therapist said we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t feel that.
oh that’s hard alright. And it was little twins you lost. Heartbreaking. I’m on holiday at the moment and it’s so good for my head space but so scared to go
hone and have to face reality again. Find this group very comforting though so that’s something. Look after yourself xxx

I totally agree with being disappointed in reactions of friends and family. It's like they don't want to upset me so either don't message as they don't know what to say or talk about other things. Sometimes I want to be upset though and think that's healthy when grieving too.

I do understand though that it is constantly on my mind and people have their own lives I spose.

@BEL88 It is definitely disappointing when friends or family do not reach out, or pretend it hasn’t happened. I remember messaging some of my best friends after my loss and they of course sent their condolences. I was getting married a couple of weeks later so they all came round to do some wedding bits and not one of them hugged me, said sorry for my loss or spoke to me about it.

It’s been just over 4 months since my loss and most of my family do not ask me how I am feeling anymore and it’s as if it never happened. Of course it’s in mine and my partners mind every second of the day.

I always say that the insensitive comments hurt, but it hurts worse when there is silence or no words at all from the people we love the most!

My family never speak about it either, I was at a family event this week and no-one brought it up or even gave me a hug etc even though they know about it and many haven't seen me since. Only when I mentioned to one in the toilet she was really nice, said she hadn't known whether to say something or not etc.

@TheHideAndSeekingHill I do not think people do it maliciously at all I genuinely think people feel like it’s better not to say anything than mention it but I’d rather they did
If I lost a relative everyone would be saying sorry for my loss, but with baby loss everyone hides from it x