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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

986 replies

Sunbird24 · 20/10/2021 20:54

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

OP posts:
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8
Skl2021 · 25/11/2021 16:42

@1stTimeTina the waiting for it to come is horrible I hope it happens soon for you and you can have a fresh start 🤞 x

LittleMysSister · 25/11/2021 17:10

Agree Sunbird, I have just commented on another thread that I'm living for the day my period arrives because I am so stressed by every little twinge and pain I'm getting following the MC, worrying they've missed something or whatever.

Feels very odd after I've been pissed off when it arrived for the last few months, and now I'm begging for it!

AdrianeMole · 25/11/2021 20:25

Hello all, I am back from the hospital for my surgery and feeling much better now that that is out of the way. I think we will try again with another embryo transfer in maybe 3 months. For now it's a matter of rest and eventually some exercise to start feeling good again. I stopped going to a gym when we were pregnant because I was scared of covid but at least I can do that again soon

Original poster
Sunbird24 · 25/11/2021 20:32

Glad you’re feeling ok @AdrianeMole. Did they give you any info on what to expect next?
I had some light bleeding for about 10 days, and it took 6 weeks for my next period to turn up.

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AdrianeMole · 25/11/2021 20:36

Thanks @Sunbird24 they said bleeding like a period but with some more clots for less than 2 weeks.
I had a similar surgery before and had very minimal bleeding but this time as it was later and they didn't want to damage the uterus she said she'd been gentle so left a bit more lining in.

AdrianeMole · 25/11/2021 20:36

hope all goes well for your transfer tomorrow

Willow1981 · 26/11/2021 19:41

Joining this thread today. Started bleeding on Wednesday evening and called the EPAU. Scanned today and they said the pregnancy measured 8 weeks and I should have been 12 today.
I was given choices I never wanted to hear and I know I am not strong enough to go through it at home so booked in for general on Monday. As DH can't be with me if I'm awake or not, I want to be knocked out completely.

AdrianeMole · 26/11/2021 20:04

Hello Willow1981 I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through.
You are not alone.
I have had the surgery and it was physically very easy in that you are completely asleep and once you wake up it will be over.
It doesn't take away the awful shock, loss and the emotional recovery. I am still trying to work out how to get better emotionally myself
sending hugs x

Willow1981 · 26/11/2021 20:16

Thank you @AdrianeMole
The hospital were lovely but why does the EPAU need to be next to the maternity unit?

AdrianeMole · 26/11/2021 20:24

It's awful isn't it, I'm happy for everyone with their tiny babies but it would be better if we were seen far away. I suppose it's because of the crossover with training and equipment.

Willow1981 · 26/11/2021 20:26

They just need a separate exit.

AdrianeMole · 26/11/2021 21:28

Totally. I am struggling with pushing DP away. I told him he should leave me and I know this hurts him. I just want him to be happy. I'm probably not thinking straight.

Willow1981 · 26/11/2021 21:46

I'm pretty sure there is no right way to think.

Willow1981 · 27/11/2021 17:48

I want my mum.
OK so I am a grown woman (40) and DH is amazing but I want mum.
She is on a cruise with dad and should have been home today but thanks to the storm, they are delayed until tomorrow.
She doesn't even know yet. It's not fair to tell her when she can't get home.

Original poster
Sunbird24 · 27/11/2021 17:59

Oh @Willow1981 sending you a massive hug

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Willow1981 · 27/11/2021 18:26

And now looks like I can't see her for a few days after my procedure
www.gov.uk/government/news/prime-minister-sets-out-new-measures-as-omicron-variant-identified-in-uk-27-november-2021

claremc1983 · 27/11/2021 19:19

Sending you so much love and strength @Willow1981 I had medical management for a MMC 2 weeks ago. My parents didn't know I was pregnant. I waited to tell my mum after I'd got out of hospital as she would of just got so anxious. I really feel for you...2 weeks on I'm feeling better, not 100% by any means but time does help. Xx

AdrianeMole · 27/11/2021 19:40

Hope you can speak on facetime with your mum very soon @Willow1981.
Does anyone have any tips on how to feel better or is time the only healer?

claremc1983 · 27/11/2021 20:43

@AdrianeMole I'm finding time is a healer and talking about it..so many people have been through this, so many of my friends have. I never ever thought it would happen to me...is this your first MC? It was for me. I'm coming up to 2 weeks since I had medical management now. I've not cried now for a few days and looking at this as being a milestone in my recovery and im not constantly obsessing over it. Im trying to keep busy, walking and doing stuff with my family is helping xx

AdrianeMole · 27/11/2021 20:59

Thanks @claremc1983 no this is our second MC, first was a very early loss last year. I think I felt better in 2 weeks. This time things are much worse, a later loss at 16 weeks and no children and running out of time. It is making me so worried that I am ruining DP's life.

Doodledeedum · 27/11/2021 21:09

@AdrianeMole I feel for you... it is hard.
I found I felt guilt and grief and really lost my faith ( spiritually) after my first... I went back to therapy straight away. ( had therapy about a year ago for something else)
Therapy and talking about it really helped. I've been very open about what's happened and it was a relief to just be myself because people knew why, also as @claremc1983 mentioned, you find out so many people have been through this... you don't feel as 'alone' or like it's just you there for you must have done something wrong..
then my second. Well it's been different this time and I can't pin point why... but less of the guilt this time as the first was medicated I really felt like I was letting them go and second was expectant and much less me letting go but then leaving me.. if that makes sense? Also therapy continues and I bought up how I cry a lot more and it feels heavier for much longer but she pointed out I didn't move on from one to the next- I'm still mourning both. I didn't think of it like that. Also be kind to yourself , I think we're programmed to think things get better over time but I think it goes up and down. I've continued to be honest with people around me and if I'm having a bad day I say so. I'm coming up to when the first one was due too so it's like I have layers of things to live through and think about.
I've made my peace with the fact I'll go up and down and the days I feel worse I just ride it out and tell myself this too shall pass. On the better days I make the most of it and get shit done so on the bad days I can rest and mooch etc.
it's hard, there's no right or wrong way to be.

claremc1983 · 27/11/2021 21:45

@AdrianeMole I'm so sorry to hear it's your 2nd MC and a late one. Have they given you any indication of what might of caused it? I was told my baby had swelling around the head area which might indicate a genetic issue..I'm not getting any younger ( I'm 39 in Jan) and worry time is not on my side as well. How is your partner taking it?? I have 2 children, and I feel incredibly blessed to have them but my god I wanted this 3rd baby xx

AdrianeMole · 27/11/2021 22:37

Thanks @Doodledeedum and @claremc1983. It is really helping communicating on this thread.
They did send baby off for testing but we had had the harmony testing already come back low risk so I'm not sure much will come back. Doctor said that IVF pregnancies are always high risk until you get the baby in your arms safe which was a bit of an eye opener. I thought we would be safer after the first trimester like a normal pregnancy and this comment really scared me. We have 3 embryos left from our prior IVF cycles.
DP is very upset but is still my rock and even though I am expressing worries that maybe he should leave me and find someone younger to start a family says he wants me. He is such a good partner, it breaks my heart to have sort of put him through all this. I have been through grief before, losing my parents, but I only had me to look after, I now feel so guilty for DP. Although I remember from past grief that things do get better.
It's only been 4 days, feels like longer!

Original poster
Sunbird24 · 27/11/2021 23:21

@AdrianeMole 4 days is nothing, please be kind to yourself. There is a cumulative element with multiple MCs as well, so if there’s any counselling sessions included with your treatment it’s worth grabbing one of those.

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claremc1983 · 28/11/2021 10:34

Please please don't blame yourself @AdrianeMole you aren't putting him through anything. You are in this together. 4 days is still very raw...that's good I guess if they can provide you with tests on the baby. Have they said there's anything else they can test at all? Were u taking progesterone at all? I've heard that's now been recommended to people that have miscarried in the past. Feeling fed up today? So many smug pregnant celebrities popping up all over Instagram at the moment. Life's just not fair x