Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

EPU tried to call me back but I was in a meeting so no phone, will see if we can connect up tomorrow. I’m on solo ivf so the timings are kind of up to my body behaving itself, will have to wait & see! 🤦‍♀️

@Sunbird24 thank you for message. I did call the EPU today. Am trying to let the miscarriage complete naturally for another week. Am having cramps but no proper bleeding yet. Got a scan booked in with the EPU next Tuesday and will discuss options if things don’t happen naturally. Regardless I think I need to see if everything will clear or not. This board has scared me and I am sorry to hear of the traumatic experiences of medical management and MVA people have had. And I am sad to see how emotionally difficult this is for everyone, even if I am taking some solace in the fact that I am not on my own in facing this. I wish everyone luck and best wishes for the future. I spoke to my IVF consultant and when my miscarriage completes and HCG returns to zero she thinks we should proceed to do our final FET as soon as (basically after a period returns she will do a scan to check everything is ok - a 3DSIS or hysteroscopy depending on how my miscarriage ends - and then transfer in the following period cycle). This is my last chance at having a child and the blastocyst whilst euploid is a day 6 low quality one. I am going to be 42 later this year and my husband is 10 years older and would like us to move on without children after this last FET so it all feels quite final and worrying 😞. Hopefully will feel better when past this miscarriage and can get back to some normality before the next transfer.

A friend of mine used her last embryo recently and it sadly didn’t work, but she does already have one DC from a previous round. She’s said though that there’s a weird kind of relief now that she is out completely and done. Obviously she’s sad that she won’t have any more, but she knows she tried her best, and is glad she doesn’t have the stress of what to try next, if that makes sense?

There is so much research out there re chasteberry- I wonder if it would help you Sunbird24. (Saw it was being used in a traditional fertility clinic in Saudi Arabia and a medical paper online detailing its success in healing PECOS, fibroids ect and helping to create healthy pregnancy results.) 41 is still young! I also have the older husband issue … he would be happy to just move on but having to convince him to keep trying. V difficult. Hang in there and all the best for ivf or natural conception soon xx

Sorry, got stories swapped about. Msg meant for Sarahk20000

Thanks @Sunbird24 yes you may well be right from your friend’s experience that I will feel a sense of relief. Since September 2020 I have been in ivf cycles of some sort and definitely will be glad to see the back of these! @floristowen I have been dragging my husband through this already! Think all my influencing chances have run out…we have been married 15 years so I have had a long time to come to terms and was ok at first as years and years went by never getting naturally pregnant (we found it was male factor) but when I turned 40 I suddenly panicked. But let’s see what happens. This miscarriage experience is doing a good job of putting me off future cycles!!

Hi ladies, I'm so sorry to read of the experiences of those since I last posted.
@Yellowdott that sounds like such an added stress on top of already such a difficult time. I hope it happens naturally for you ASAP or the hospital are able to help sooner.

I'm just checking in, I'm 3 weeks post miscarriage today and did my pregnancy test. It's still showing positive. I was bleeding (albeit a bit stop start the last two weeks) up until about Wednesday. Is it quite common to still be getting a positive 3 weeks after? It is faint ish, so should I just leave it a few days and test again towards the end of the week? I feel really quite well physically and I really would be so surprised if there was anything left to be passed (despite it being a missed miscarriage I had severe HG right up to the end so I would expect to still be a little nauseous or exhausted). I'm a bit worried I'm going to have to go in for surgery. Any wisdom greatly appreciated!

Hi @buntywindermere it took me about 6 weeks to get a negative with very heavy stop start bleeding & that was after a D&C as well. I kept ringing EPU but as I had no other signs of a problem they kept telling me to call back the next week. I also had HG, it’s hard to believe it can go so wrong when you’ve had to go through that too (especially when every doctor & nurse keeps telling you it means it’s a strong pregnancy! ). I found the HG side of things settled after about a month but it took about 3 months until tea stopped tasting like dishwater!

Thank you so much for this thread. May I join? I really need someone to talk to as a way of healing and processing things. I feel broken. I started spotting soon after my husband and I had intercourse last last weekend and had brown spotting which turned to red when I wiped Tuesday. Had my Midwife appointment that day which she referred me to the EPU. Wednesday I think mc happened here as had the most bleed here. Called GP. informed Midwife, EPU all they said was keep your appointment for Monday. Friday getting really mentally exhausted still bleeding and having pelvis pain. I called 111 unhelpful doctor wouldn't explain what possible reasons what can be done etc just asked me to ring EPU in the morning to see if they can scan me next day. I feel let down by the health professionals. I am 42 and I told them this I am on my very few chances to be a mum. I also had a mmc Jan 2020. Prior to the bleed I had a feeling something was wrong on my 6-7 week as had caramel / light brown discharge which was similar to when I had started having mc in 2020 therefore they scanned me at 7 weeks, baby had a strong heartbeat and was right size for the week. I felt maybe my hormones was low and needed help but they don't do that. I feel maybe I should have been offered something considering my past mc and my age but the NHS just don't offer it so I feel guilty I feel my baby could have survived with proper care? I don't know what to think anymore.

Of course you can come in @mrsmb03, I won’t say we’re glad to have you as we’d all rather things were different for you but you’re most welcome. Some trusts will do recurrent miscarriage testing after two, unfortunately others don’t, and sadly we probably can’t help with answers but we can certainly do support and a safe place to rant, whatever you need.

@InvisibleDreamer It is just cruel isn't it! This was my third pregnancy, first mc (HG in all 3) and I knew something was different this time. The aches and the tiredness were all different. But my GP (and friends I confided in too) all insisted it meant everything was going well. It has been a real mental struggle recovering from the HG as well as the miscarriage. The only positive thing I can take from the whole experience is the weight I lost! And even then, of course, I'd have gained 8 stone and vomited 50 times a day for every day if it meant I'd be holding my baby in my arms come the summer. Anyway, thank you for the reassurance! Love to you.

@buntywindermere that sounds so tough going through HG and on top of it going through that suffering without a positive outcome.

Hope you can recover from this soon and sending the best of wishes for when you decide to try again

@buntywindermere I definitely agree you know when something feels different with your own body, no matter what others may think. Hope you get a negative test soon, that wait is another stressful thing in this journey isn’t it?

I’ve got an emergency gynae appointment in the morning, they’re going to do another scan to see if they can see anything that might have been left behind. Not done another test yet but still no sign of AF and it’ll be 7 weeks on Friday so something is definitely off.

@Sunbird24 that sounds so frustrating! Hope they get you some answers after the scan.

I went for mine today and there was still the empty sac with no changes but they said I have to wait ANOTHER week to diagnose a missed miscarriage because it was too small. I'm so annoyed and stressed as they could not confirm I'm not fit to fly yet, so I can't cancel my holiday yet. But they said I definitely can't fly if I've miscarried, which I have.

Anyone think there's any chance of being booked in for a D&C the day after my scan next week so I could still potentially go on my holiday? I know this must sound silly considering the situation, but this holiday is to see family I haven't been able to see since before covid. It's all so shit.

@Yellowdott oh that’s so annoying! I’ve never yet got an appointment for the surgery less than 7 days after the scan, it’s usually 2 weeks here, although slightly quicker under local than general. (General every time for me, it’s traumatic enough as it is…) Could be quicker where you are though? Have they said you can’t travel or you shouldn’t, for example because your travel insurance won’t cover you if anything happens while you’re away?

@sunbird24 Thank you so much.

One week today when I started bleeding properly. I think things have changed drastically these days in terms of care and support for women who are having or had mc. I am unsure if it's because it was a mmc in 2020 that I had but I thought my experience between them two are so so different. Someone actually sat me down and explained to me what might happen, what I need to look out for, reiterated my safety is paramount but also was sensitive about my baby loss. I didn't feel rushed and was given time to process things and ask questions. I felt like there was more information and support then. I cannot help but think it's the NHS cuts and/or because of Covid? I really feel they are letting women down. It feels like women are left to fend for themselves. What will this do to women's Mental health? I cannot imagine what if the woman have no experience of mc, no support, no family or anyone at all. I rang everyone when I was bleeding no clear information, was left a week to suffer really and then when I had the scan it was a matter of I'm sorry not good news I'm afraid then the sonographer said I have fibroids but that should not have affected my pregnancy. You don't get any explanation of what just happened especially after seeing a heartbeat just a few weeks ago! Just give me something. I know they are not doctors and they are just there to check if the baby is there, growing etc but naturally we do have questions. I feel that the NHS staff do try their best I really do, I feel that they are also left to fend for themselves. It's the middle/higher management whoever is on top making the policies that make me sick. Maybe the staff haven't got enough training themselves or was just instructed to do just that, the basics. I feel for them I have a family member who worked for the NHS for 20+ years and now is suffering from burn out, a bad back, anxiety and maybe depression - no longer working and just stays inside the house.

After the scan I was asked to go to a quiet room while I cry and wait for the Nurse to talk to me. I was given a leaflet and a pregnancy test asked to to test in 3 weeks time and call them if still positive. Nurse was nice and really sad for me but it really was like I'm sorry there is someone else waiting, off you go, and that's it. No follow up, no one to confirm if all is good with my womb or what. What was these fibroids? Do I need to do something about it? I have no medical background. I don't know if there is anything I should do or need to look out for unless I am told. What I am entitled to because of the 2 mcs? or if I need to call GP to get referred to a fertility clinic because I can't keep a pregnancy? I was so confused.

I apologise for my long post and for the rant. I hope all mums here are doing okay and being kind to themselves. I am sending you all my love. We are all warriors really. x

I’m just out of my appointment, I do have retained products so have got misoprostol to sort that, but also my genetic tests are back and baby was a perfectly normal little boy. (Everyone thought he was going to be a girl!) This is actually good news as it means that my body is doing something wrong and we might be able to fix it…

I hope everyone else is doing ok.

Hello ladies,
As you are all sadly in the same storm as me right now I’m hoping someone has some advice? Comfort? I’m not sure why I’m here other than my husband and I attended a private scan on Monday thinking we were 9 weeks into our second pregnancy after trying for over a year to conceive. We were so excited and as I’ve been feeling so pregnant, with no bleeding etc it was a huge shock to discover that our baby stopped growing at 5 weeks. We went for a scan with the EPU who due to guidelines cannot confirm a missed miscarriage and have asked me to go back next week to check. After trying for so long I’m quite certain of my dates and so I know what the outcome will be. In the meantime what should I expect? I still feel very pregnant. I still haven’t had any signs of a miscarriage which is just devastating as if I didn’t know better I would assume all is well! Is it likely that things will start on their own given the length of time that my body still hasn’t caught up? it’s such a confusing time and I am so very sad. It keeps hitting me in waves. I still haven’t told friends or family yet. Can’t find the words!

@Tryingmybest345 its so sad, I’m sorry. If your body hasn’t twigged yet it may well still not do before you go for your scan with the EPU. Some clinics have a separate little area where you can sit if you’ve had bad news, so that you’re not in amongst the luckier ones who’ve seen positive pictures - always worth asking. If you haven’t already started naturally they will chat through your options: you can keep waiting and let it happen whenever it happens (there will be a time limit on this, they won’t leave you for weeks with nothing happening), you can have misoprostol which softens your cervix and helps things start, or you can have surgical management which can be done with a local anaesthetic or a general. They can talk you through the risks of each but ultimately it’ll be your decision. If you want to know more ahead of your appointment I think we’ve got every option covered between all of us on here!

@Sunbird24 thank you. I’ve had a read of all the different procedures. None of them appeal in anyway but sticking my head in the sand is not a solution! I just can’t believe this is happening. It’s so unfair. I thought this was our happy ending to a really shit couple of years but apparently I haven’t had enough yet. Sorry that sounds like a pity party. I’m scared of the impact on any future pregnancy, if this has shown us anything it’s how much we want another child.

You’re allowed a pity party, it’s completely bloody unfair. X

Anyone else had lining problems after miscarriage? Been told at a private scan that my lining is uneven - I could see it on the screen it looked very patchy. NHS have looked already and said it was fine. I know from previous scans that my lining was really good before I got pregnant. Miscarriage was 6 months ago and still having 1-2 days of lots of watery bleeding with a few small clots every month. This has improved though from what it was with each cycle. However Am stressed out now that I won’t be able to get pregnant. After the miscarriage I had D&C followed by 6 weeks of on and off heavy bleeding again quite watery but a lot of it with lots of small clots.

Does anyone know what the treatment would be for this issue? I’ve been told I will need a hysteroscopy in a couple of months to investigate further but am not sure what to expect.

Hey all, anyone super nervous to try again after loss? I have been referred now as I have lost 4 early pregnancies in total but I do have an almost 2 year old. My losses were 1 miss miscarriage, 1 chemical, my son - live birth but he was a twin (so a 2nd empty sac) and my most recent missed miscarriage in December had an erpc.

Im so scared of having another loss. Progesterone wont help me apparently as I never bleed. My gp told me not to take baby aspirin because i have low iron (on supplements for this). Im now just taking all the vitamins i took when i had my son.

I have fallen pregnant almost the first month of trying everytime.

My options are wait a few months (or more ) for tests at fertility clinic, or risk it and try again, I turn 36 next month, what would you do?

@Hayley220 honestly for the sake of a few months I think I’d wait. The tests may come up with something that’s causing an issue, and while you’re waiting you can make sure both of you are as fit & healthy as you possibly can be. Whichever path you choose I wish you nothing but luck and rainbows. 🌈

@Tryingmybest345 I've had exactly the same. Reassurance scan at 8 weeks, empty sac measuring 5 weeks. NHS will confirm a missed miscarriage next Tuesday for me.

So sorry you're going through this. It is so horrible

What option are you leaning towards? I've read a lot about D&C and MVA today and the risk of scarring has left me terrified, so I will probably opt for medical management. That terrifies me too after hearing so many stories of people passing extremely large clots and ending up in A&E, but I don't want to affect my fertility. Though I do want this to end as soon as possible so might change my mind. There seems to be no right option!

Hopefully people with experience can provide more info on the pros and cons, but from reading other posts I think most people prefer the D&C. And I would love to have it if not for the scarring risk.

I'm sure when it comes to it you will make the right decision for you. Sending hugs.