Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

Anyone else felt that guilt when a friend announces a pregnancy or shares a scan with you and you feel like shit. Neither of them knew about the pregnancy or miscarriage last week so think they might have acted a bit differently if they knew (not that they should have to). They deserve this and I'm happy for them but just is another reminder of what I've lost. When I read their messages it was like someone had stabbed me in the chest and I had a cry. Now I'm sitting here feeling like a really shit friend. Of course to them I was really nice and congratulatory

@LittleMrsMama oh yes, except when I know they’ve also had a really rough journey. Fortunately I’m so old that most of my friends had their babies years ago so it doesn’t come up that often for me now. One couple did have their second on the day I found out my baby’s heart had stopped though, and at the hospital I had to go to next day to confirm, so that was fun.

It’s not that we wish anyone else would experience what we’ve gone through, just that we wish we didn’t either…

Hello everyone, I hope you are all OK.
@Sunbird24 I'm so very sorry for your recent loss. You are so kind to everyone here and you deserve all the happiness.
I'm up early with a headache and catching up on mumsnet.
I hope everyone who is here finds strength and moments of feeling OK and that those moments grow longer and longer. x

Hi All, bit of a sensitive post so I hope this doesn’t upset anyone. I am picking up baby’s remains tomorrow having decided against the cremation. I think I’m going to look at the baby but I am scared. She was only 10-11 weeks and it happened in August and although she was put in some kind of preservative I know there will be changes. I have not seen her at all as I had a D&C. Am scared I will be looking at something that won’t look like a baby at all and then I will regret it. Any thoughts or personal experiences would really help as am struggling with a lot of anxiety over this.

@InvisibleDreamer will be thinking of you tomorrow. If you Google what an 11 week foetus looks like, it appears somebody has at some point shared a photo - I don’t know if that will help prepare you for what to expect or instead be upsetting, just wanted you to know the option is there.
Have you got a plan with what you want to do, like a memorial plant or something?

@Sunbird24 yes I have looked at photos online I find some of them cute but some of them freak me out a little. I have a lovely planter and some plants & will be taking my mum with me tomorrow for support.

That sounds lovely, I know it will be difficult emotionally but I hope it brings you some comfort

@Sunbird24 thank you x

I’ve just had a quick count up, and there have been over 60 of us on this thread since it started in October. That’s a rough average of 20 women a month just finding this thread and posting, and hopefully finding some company, comfort and support.

It might be a bit sappy (I can still blame hormones for a few days yet!), but I’m so proud of all of you, for both sharing your own painful experiences and being so consistently amazing towards each other. My genuine hope is that everyone gets what they need from this thread, gives a little back to others, and then in the best way possible, buggers off never to need it again!

@Amilee11 I'm really sorry I'm just feeling sad at the moment but sure I will feel angry soon, my emotions have been all over the place.

I went for my scan yesterday and the sac hasn't passed so I will have medical management today at home. I'm really glad I hadn't cancelled as I had thought I had miscarried and it would have been traumatic if I had gone back to work/normal and then had further bleeding etc as I only want a few family members to know. It was also reassuring to have them say that there isn't anything obviously wrong from the scan.

@InvisibleDreamer I hope today goes as well as possible for you. Will you have someone with you to support as I would think that would be really helpful, sorry I don't have any personal experience.

@Sunbird24 I completely agree, it's been very helpful to read other people's experiences especially when it's such a hard thing to go through and very private and personal.

Hello,
I have read this thread, other threads on here, and spent hours on the miscarriage association forum too and I just want to say thank you all for sharing about your experiences and im so sorry that it happened to you.

I found out I'd had a MMC on 19th Jan, confirmed at the second scan last week. Baby stopped growing at 6+4 in the first week of January. I have read and read and read post after post after post and I am just none the wiser as to choosing what to do.
I have had no spotting at all but I get terrible terrible aches all through the night. I am exhausted and nauseous all day every day. I want to feel better, but I don't want to choose surgery just to get it over and done with, as emotionally I will find that hard to recover from. I am also worried about the risks of a future pregnancy with surgery.
But on the other hand I am scared of taking the medicine and it not working. I'm scared of taking the medicine and the pain being unbearable. I am scared that the bleeding will last weeks and weeks and weeks if it happens naturally.

I don't know what to do. I can't sleep for having to think about it. It's just all too hard. I have a couple of friends who have miscarried, but not MMC so while their support has been wonderful, they haven't been able to help me in this way.

I know so much has been shared already, but I was wondering if anyone could help me by explaining why you chose the management option you did and what the difficulties were, and what reassured you about it?

Thank you all so much in advance.

@elemis89

Hello, I have read this thread, other threads on here, and spent hours on the miscarriage association forum too and I just want to say thank you all for sharing about your experiences and im so sorry that it happened to you.

I found out I'd had a MMC on 19th Jan, confirmed at the second scan last week. Baby stopped growing at 6+4 in the first week of January. I have read and read and read post after post after post and I am just none the wiser as to choosing what to do.
I have had no spotting at all but I get terrible terrible aches all through the night. I am exhausted and nauseous all day every day. I want to feel better, but I don't want to choose surgery just to get it over and done with, as emotionally I will find that hard to recover from. I am also worried about the risks of a future pregnancy with surgery.
But on the other hand I am scared of taking the medicine and it not working. I'm scared of taking the medicine and the pain being unbearable. I am scared that the bleeding will last weeks and weeks and weeks if it happens naturally.

I don't know what to do. I can't sleep for having to think about it. It's just all too hard. I have a couple of friends who have miscarried, but not MMC so while their support has been wonderful, they haven't been able to help me in this way.

I know so much has been shared already, but I was wondering if anyone could help me by explaining why you chose the management option you did and what the difficulties were, and what reassured you about it?

Thank you all so much in advance.

Good morning Elemis89, i am sorry you are going through this. I thought I'd just share what I've been through so far. I was 9+3 and found out Sunday and confirmed Monday that it had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I decided to opt for medical management because I didn't want to wait around wondering when it would happen and I didn't want to put myself through surgery.

I was given a tablet to take orally on Monday and then yesterday I had to insert 4 tablets. After about 2 hours the process began. The pain was bad but not unbearable for me. I know everyone's pain thresh hold is different. The hospital did give me codiene for pain relief and anti sickness tablets which I did take as a precaution but also think this helped the pain be more manageable. The bleeding is like a very heavy period. There has been clots when I go to the toilet but I tried not to look at them as that's what was best for me. This morning I am still bleeding heavy but haven't had any cramps so far.

The hospital were extremely helpful on Monday and said they were going to call me on Friday to check up on me. I hope this helps you in some way. Sorry again ❤️

So sorry @elemis89 Have you had an appointment with your Early Pregnancy Unit? I wonder if talking it through with a nurse might be helpful for you?

We can all tell you about our experiences, and you’ve read a lot already, but it feels as though actual face to face chat with a medical professional where they can answer your questions about the procedures and ease your mind about the risks could be your way forward? It’s so easy to get stuck making a decision about how to go forward because it’s a situation you desperately don’t want to be in in the first place, and it all hurts.

For me, my most recent was the least physically traumatic, and that was scheduled surgery under general anaesthetic. Whatever you decide is right for you, I hope you have some real life support, and everyone here will be with you in spirit.

Thank you @Sunbird24 and @CrazyDiamond60 for your replies.

Yes - our nurses were wonderful last week when we spoke to them, and they were really happy to talk it through in great detail. Maybe this is why I am so worried, I have spoken about it too much!? They were happy for me to come home and think or wait it out. They will ring me by the end of the week though to check in and see if I'd like to take any next steps. I do have a great support network, it's just so hard when ultimately I am the one who has to make my own decision. Would much rather someone made it for me 😖

@Sian2011 yes I took my mum with me, unfortunately I was told that the baby had separated - I’m guessing due to the surgical removal & all I would have been looking at would have just looked like blood clots so in the end we buried her without looking. I feel better now she is home.

@InvisibleDreamer, I understand what your going through. I lost mine at 16 weeks & also got told that I wouldn't be able to see after making the decision to do so if I had delivered naturally. Our little peanut is getting cremated on Monday & then I will be getting a ring done with the ashes so they can always be with me. It's still so very hard

@elemis89 how are you doing?

@InvisibleDreamer sorry it didn’t quite turn out as you expected, but glad you still got to bring her home and bury her where she can always be with you.

@Butterflies99 a ring sounds beautiful, that’s a lovely idea

Hello everyone. Long time reader first time poster on mumsnet. Thank you all for sharing your experiences which have kept me company over the last few years. I'm currently 6+2 and started bleeding this morning and everytime I go to the loo. I called the epu this morning and they have advised me to monitor my bleeding and call them back in a week only if I have a positive pregnancy test/severe bleeding/pain that can't be treated with paracetamol. I feel I've kind have been left to fend for myself. The last time I miscarried it was around the same time but I had gone in for an internal scan and blood test for a benchmark and then back in a week later to confirm that everything had gone and my uterus was back to normal. Now I won't even know that. Is this just post-covid practice now?? The post care for miscarriage has never been great but I'm not really getting any sort of medical care/advice mid-miscarriage. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience as I've seen other people on here have had scans at around 6 weeks
TIA

So sorry @Rosielees, it does feel that way doesn’t it? I’ve only had a 6 week scan when I’ve gone private, otherwise it’s been the 8 week viability scan with my IVF clinic followed by one at the EPU up to 2 weeks later to confirm the bad news. I only managed to get seen next day this time and have surgery a week later because I haemorrhaged badly with the previous two and everyone thought it safer not to wait.

Could you get a private scan in the next week if the EPU are saying to wait? Some people have had heavy bleeding and still had a positive outcome…

@Sunbird24 I didn't even think about getting a private scan. Guess I'm not really thinking straight at the moment. I think over the course of the day as it seems to be like it was before I've resigned myself to the fact that it's gone. I can't bring myself to be hopeful about it just to be disappointed again in a week's time😢 thank you for your suggestions and support though

I know what you mean, it’s easier to expect the worst then any surprises can only be positive can’t they? The limbo between feeling it for yourself and then having it confirmed is hell though, I hope you’ve got real life support but we’re here regardless

Hi everyone. The thread no one ever wants to join, but I'm glad it's here! I've read through the last few pages and I'm so sorry for everyone's losses.

My MC started with some spotting on Saturday, bleeding got steadily heavier and more painful yesterday, and by 10pm last night I felt 99% sure I knew what was happening. I went for an emergency scan this morning and had it confirmed, I'm miscarrying at 9+1. Despite a scan showing a healthy heartbeat at 7+4, it seems it stopped developing shortly after that.

My only clue really was that my nausea did seem to drop in week 8, which I knew was odd.

I'm 33 and this was my first pregnancy. I knew of course that this could happen, but no one in my family has ever miscarried and everyone's had lots of babies and conceived quickly (as I did). Add in a good scan and I basically thought it was all going to be fine, and that I was just very lucky.

I was absolutely inconsolable throughout the night, though I feel oddly calm and serene now having had the news confirmed.

I'm in a lot of pain and have been prescribed codeine which does seem to be helping, thank goodness. Anyway just wanted to join this thread for a bit of support ❤️🧡 I don't know anyone who has miscarried ( I don't think) so useful to have people to share it with.

Sending everyone love, it truly is horrific isn't it xxxx

I’m sorry you’re joining @Tor88 it’s an intense unique type of pain that I’ve found only those who have been through it can understand, I have however found that the more people I’ve talked to about it the more people have opened up about their own experiences with it :(
I lost my pregnancy in Oct/Nov last year, took them 4 scans to confirm for sure , it was excruciating, if you have any questions I’ll be happy to answer if I can.

We started to trying again in Dec, it’s only Feb and I absolutely hate it, every online pregnancy announcement, every ovulation, every period just reminds me of the loss xx

Hi @Tor88, so sorry you’re here, I hope you’re doing as ok as you can be

Thank you @Sunbird24 @1stTimeTina

How physically painful have people found their MC? I was sent home with codeine, but wound up back in a&e this afternoon because I was just in screaming agony at home. It was excruciating. We nearly called an ambulance, I vomited a lot from the pain. I'm now being kept in hospital overnight for observation. It doesn't seem like there's anything wrong as such, but the pain my body is experiencing trying to pass it seems surely unusually bad?! They've given me a paracetamol drip now which has really helped