Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

13 days on from my surgery and my HCG levels are finally dropping - first time a HPT test line has been lighter than the control line since well before Christmas. Kind of sad but also relieved.

Hope everyone is ok out there

@Sunbird24 I can understand the relief, along with the sadness. I've been wondering how long it will take to see negative on a test after my MC, I know it depends and everyone will be different. I don't know if my heart can bear seeing a positive knowing that really it's not, but equally seeing a negative will not be easy. I feel I need that closure though, especially as I've gone through all of this at home without any appointments, so it doesn't really feel real. Here with you ❤️

@Butterflies99

Hi I had just had my 3rd silent miscarriage. This time I was 16weeks pregnant & feel so alone & people say it helps to talk but I just feel like nothing anyone says will make me feel better. What made it worse is that we found out on the Saturday but nothing could be done until the Monday when the hospital clinic was open. Once you get past the 12 week mark it is so much different when you miscarry & as if your not going through enough you then have so many decisions to make. I sadly had to have surgery due to how much bleeding was happening after taking the tablets which was supposed to help pass things naturally. It was 2 weeks ago & I still feel pain in my stomach & when I wee. Is anyone else experiencing this & do things get easier as I really don't know if I will ever be the same person again.

I'm so so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through that , I MC last week on my first pregnancy I was 7 weeks but I do have abdominal pain and sharp pain that was radiating down into my vagina . It is getting better though, but please remember you had surgery as well and your body will need time to heal so look after yourself xxx

Hello! I feel like an imposter even posting on here as I am going through a miscarriage at 5 weeks and reading your stories you have all gone through much much worse and can't imagine the pain you are all feeling.

I've read through your messages and they have been comforting and have got some great tips. I really like the ball in box analogy. Maybe my ball is just a different size being 5 weeks rather than some of your really terrible late miscarriages and still births. I've been feeling guilty for feeling sad and been feeling very isolated as we still haven't told anyone about the miscarriage. I feel like it's so early my very close friends and family would just laugh and wonder why I'm upset or say something mean.

Anyway, just want to thank you all for sharing your stories and hope that it's ok for me join, especially during these difficult initial days

Please don’t feel that way @LittleMrsMama, your grief is as valid as anyone else’s! Anyone who might laugh or wonder why you were upset could only be a heartless idiot, and definitely won’t have gone through it themself, so I hope that if you do confide in a friend they’ll be more sympathetic and understanding than you think.

You’re very welcome in here, and can share as much or as little as you find helps you. There are links upthread somewhere to some charities and helplines if you need them, just search my posts.

@littlemrsmama I'm glad reading the posts on this thread have given you comfort and some tips and as sunbird says share as much or as little as you want to here.
Regardless of how long you were pregnant for, you are still grieving a loss, and physically and mentally that is difficult. Please don't think you have to shrink down your sadness by comparing it to others, we are all united here by experiencing loss and the recovery from that.

Honestly, when I told my close friends about my miscarriage so many of them told me about theirs. People I never knew had experienced loss or people that I thought had "got lucky" first time or trying, actually had a rainbow baby after one or two miscarriages. I'm sorry if you think your friends wouldn't understand, but if a friend told me about hers, I would feel privileged that I was being told something so important 💐

Gosh it’s a relief in some ways to find this thread 😢 thank you @Sunbird24
I was just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar…
I had a miscarriage suspected to be mid September (found out at a 10 week scan in October that there was a sac but no baby). Expectant management was recommended as my hcg was dropping but sadly by December at a rescan the sac hadn’t passed. I had medical management which didn’t work & then surgery nearly 3 weeks ago for the RPOC (camera used to check they had everything). They have sent the rpoc off for testing but I’ve not heard back yet and pregnancy tests are still showing faint positive.
The waiting to be “back to normal” (whatever that is) and worrying about potential molar pregnancy is just so painful (alongside baby showers & friends pregnancy announcements this week)
My heart really goes out to everyone on this thread ❤️

Oh @LittleDuck22 that’s an awfully dragged out experience for you, that really sucks!
Are your tests getting fainter at all? I’m trying to remember how long the results from my second took to come back confirming PoC but it was Easter weekend so I’m not sure, maybe 3-4 weeks? Hopefully not too much longer to wait for you on both counts. It’s horrible being in limbo.

Thanks for replying @Sunbird24 -it really meant a lot! hpts were getting lighter to the point I thought they were evaporation lines but then I took a digital test last night which still said preg 1-2 & it just really upset me. The consultant was looking at my results on Thursday but I didn’t want to nag & chase them again (now I really wish I had 🤦‍♀️)
it’s hard to talk to f&f now, they’ve been so incredibly supportive but having to re-explain everything because the whole language around mc doesn’t make senses to other people, it’s tiring isn’t it!

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. It's been a tough few days but hoping it'll get easier and can't imagine how much harder it is for people with losses further along.

That sounds really really hard @LittleDuck22. As if what you went through wasn't bad enough, having to deal with all this after must be awful. I hope you get the answers you need soon (and a negative test - not that I ever thought I would say that but know you can't move forward until then.

I've been doing lots of reading and looking at other peoples posts online. I'm shocked at how many people have said 'it's so common, 1/4 pregnancies end in miscarriage' as if that is some sort of comfort. Imagine telling someone who has just lost a parent or grandparent that 99.99% of people will lose a parent or grandparent in their lifetime as if it makes it any easier? The pain we suffer isn't any easier or harder if someone else is also suffering

Totally agree @LittleMrsMama, that stat just kills me as 5/5 of my pregnancies have ended in miscarriage. So how it kind of feels to me when I hear it is that a whole bunch of other women haven’t had to experience one because I’ve had them all - I absolutely know this is completely illogical and not how it works, and get over that specific moment very quickly, but still! 😫

@LittleMrsMama I've had people say that to me, that 1/4 end in MC and that 'at least I know I can get pregnant' as if it helps.

I got a negative on a test this morning, so that's a bit of closure at least..

Hi guys, I am new here. I’m currently going through my 2nd miscarriage, I had my 1st 6 months ago, I don’t have any children. They have both been one day before 6 weeks!

Last time I was booked for a scan but I rang to say I didn’t want to go as I knew full well what had happened, the lady was lovely and said just take a pregnancy test in 2-3 weeks to make sure it’s negative. I have a scan booked for Monday, do you think there is much point in going? I have passed the pregnancy today :( the only reason I would want to go is to see if I can get any advice or support, or to check if anything is wrong? Is this something they would do?

I know it isn’t considered recurrent until 3 times but I’m so worried about having to go through this all over again.

So sorry for all your losses

Sorry to hear that @Amilee11. If you know you’ve passed it already I’d probably cancel the scan personally, it’s a bit sad going through the experience to not get to see what you’d hoped for.

Big hugs to you @Amilee11
Like @Sunbird24 I'd also cancel the scan if it were me. It would be too painful both having the scan and sitting in the waiting room with everyone else coming out with their photos.

I'm not sure you'll get the advice and support you'd need either. I was in the hospital last week as suspected eptopic and as the dr probably sees people who have miscarried every day they were very transactional and had no sympathy. I think reaching out to a charity like Tommys would give you what you need a bit more

Did anyone have diarrhoea when they miscarried? I started to miscarry on Wednesday last week then every 30mins-1hr since yesterday evening have had completely watery diarrhoea. I know it's a sign of eptopic pregnancy but I was too early for a scan and my HCG has dropped so it was assumed it was a 'standard' early miscarriage

@Amilee11 I 'm really sorry for what you're going through especially a second time. I'm in a similar position to you I had a scan last wednesday after spotting, the scan showed no yolk in the sac and that development at 5 weeks 2 days but it should have have been closer to 7 with the dates.
Since then I have had heavy bleeding, cramping and yesterday I took a test and it's only a faint positive, I know I have miscarried. I am due to have a second scan Wednesday, I'm going to call midwives tomorrow morning to get their advice before cancelling, they were fantastic when they arranged my first scan. The sonographer was very supportive on my first scan and was thorough. I personally wouldn't want to cancel without knowing there isn't any extra info I might be able to get from a second scan as I know there's unlikely to be any further follow up. Also I wasn't told to cancel if I knew I had miscarried in between so want to get advice first. I hope you are doing OK and have the support you need and tomorrow goes as well as possible if you do go for the scan.

Hey all
My names Jay
And iv just had a miscarriage been 9ndays now I had my scan on Thursday last week and they said its complete miscarriage. The bleeding is almost done now but I am having weird lower abdominal cramps but no burning when passing urine so dont know what it is is this normal?

Hi Jay, so sorry you’ve gone through this
I’ve not had bad cramps except when still bleeding heavily so I’m not sure, but I’d say if you’re worried don’t be afraid to ask to see your GP or nurse.

Thanks so much @Sunbird24 @LittleMrsMama & @Sian2011 (how are you feeling?) 💜💜

I had the scan this morning which confirmed what I already knew, another miscarriage. The ladies at the EPU were very sympathetic and kind but unfortunately I found the experience to be really unhelpful and probably should have just cancelled. The only good thing I guess is it’s now all on my medical records incase it does happen for the 3rd time and we would then be able to get some further tests I believe.

I asked about progesterone which they said is an option if I’m bleeding in my next pregnancy but I said by the time I get into the EPU I’ve already miscarried so how is that helpful? I think I am going to look into low dose asprin and also try and get my thyroid checked. Does anyone have any experience in these areas? I just feel like I have to try and do something myself, feeling more angry today than upset. Xx

I’ve had progesterone with my last 4 pregnancies as they’ve been from IVF, and it hasn’t made any difference, so I’m obviously on the fence about how helpful it is. I think it really does depend on why your pregnancies fail, and that’s really hard to find out. I know the previous one was a chromosomal abnormality as I was able to get testing, and they’re doing the same for this one, but as I’m not doing genetic testing on my remaining 2 embryos it really makes no difference going forward.
There are a whole raft of tests that can be done for recurrent miscarriage, including clotting factors, but don’t stress about those too much at this point. Take your time, let your heart and body heal and get strong again.

Hi everyone. I found out yesterday that there is no heart beat. I was 9+3 and it had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I am devastated. We have a 2 year old DD and were so excited to become a family of 4.
I have opted for medical management to speed it up but I am scared of what's to come. I took a tablet at the hospital yesterday and need to insert 4 tomorrow. I am just terrified right now! X

@CrazyDiamond60 I am so so sorry for your loss. The emotional pain is hard enough without the physical trauma too. Nothing I or anyone can say can make the pain go away but know that we are here to support you. I was surprised how little I found online given how common miscarriages are (even though it really winds me up when people say that as if it takes away from the pain I might be feeling because 1 in 4 people go through the same).

I can't provide any advice on medical management but I'm sure others on here can. There are a few things that really helped me after my miscarriage last week...

• reading stories on Mumsnet including this thread
• the ball in a box theory
• buying a few bits to remember the baby (a necklace with the birth flower, a box for my positive pregnancy tests, a mini Jizo (look it up and the story behind it!)
• Planting a tree in our garden to say goodbye
• listening to sad music and allowing myself to feel sad and grief and loss. I also looked up miscarriage on different social media platforms but sadly not much there. The posts I did find were really helpful though

Someone had posted this which I really love

[quote LittleMrsMama]@CrazyDiamond60 I am so so sorry for your loss. The emotional pain is hard enough without the physical trauma too. Nothing I or anyone can say can make the pain go away but know that we are here to support you. I was surprised how little I found online given how common miscarriages are (even though it really winds me up when people say that as if it takes away from the pain I might be feeling because 1 in 4 people go through the same).

I can't provide any advice on medical management but I'm sure others on here can. There are a few things that really helped me after my miscarriage last week...

• reading stories on Mumsnet including this thread
• the ball in a box theory
• buying a few bits to remember the baby (a necklace with the birth flower, a box for my positive pregnancy tests, a mini Jizo (look it up and the story behind it!)
• Planting a tree in our garden to say goodbye
• listening to sad music and allowing myself to feel sad and grief and loss. I also looked up miscarriage on different social media platforms but sadly not much there. The posts I did find were really helpful though

[/quote]
Thank you for all of your advice