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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

986 replies

Sunbird24 · 20/10/2021 20:54

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

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8
Sunbird24 · 07/02/2022 22:02

I had some really bad pains in the week after my ERPC (had something retained) but it was manageable with a hot water bottle and codeine, and it stopped as soon as I passed whatever it was. That sounds horrendous, you poor thing having that on top of everything else, hope it stays suppressed with the drip, don’t hesitate to ask for something stronger if it starts wearing off. If you vomited from the pain they would definitely have sent you an ambulance and had you on entonox (and maybe a tiny bit of morphine) all the way to the hospital!

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1stTimeTina · 07/02/2022 22:13

Aw bless you that sounds awful!! It was painful but manageable , the most painful part for me was the procedure but after that I was a little tender but not like what you’re describing 😞 x

Tor88 · 08/02/2022 11:49

Thank you both. Still in hosp now, they're gonna give me the medical management treatment and send me home (I've stopped bleeding so my body is struggling to pass it). Im so worried about being in that amount of pain again but just praying it'll be more manageable this time. All moving v slowly at the hosp though so I expect I've got a good few hours yet on the IV. I can't quite believe how dramatic it's all been. I'm sure everyone says and feels this but I just had no idea all this could happen with MC. I've pushed all the emotional stuff to one side for now and just want the physical part to be over 🙏

1stTimeTina · 08/02/2022 12:01

Hopefully it will all be over for you soon. I said the exact same thing, people talk of the heartache but rarely of the physical pain and length of time it can take to ‘complete’ , hope it’s over for you soon and you can start to heal xxxx

Tor88 · 08/02/2022 12:42

I'm being sent for an MVA at 2pm. I'm really frightened, but I'm glad it will be over at least :(

1stTimeTina · 08/02/2022 12:52

I had the MVA, it’s not pleasant but it’s quick and once it’s done it’s done, hope it goes ok as it can for you xxx

Tor88 · 08/02/2022 17:44

Unfortunately I have to say that for me the MVA was agony. I sobbed hysterically and found it pretty traumatic. It was also weirdly long. Like 20mins ish which I wasn't expecting. I think I have quite a tight cervix which made it harder. Apparently it's easier for women who have previously given birth.

Sadly they couldn't quite get it all either. So I am just praying and praying that I can pass the last bit naturally and without too much pain. Holy hell I am complete shock over the past few days. I just had no idea it could be like this.

I'm still in hospital but really hoping to get discharged soon.

I feel like I'm in shock and not really processing the emotional side of all this. Does anyone have any advice on processing? I'm gonna take some time off work and try and get my head straight (very lucky that I work for a mental health charity so they will be understanding).

Love to everyone. Such a sad, sad thing we all have in common 😞❤️ xxx

Rosielees · 08/02/2022 18:01

@Tor88 only just catching up with your story. Sounds like you've gone through the mill and then some. Hopefully everything will go a little more easily for you now (physically speaking, emotionally it's a whole different ball game) but sounds like a traumatic experience all round. Take some time for yourself. I find getting out just where there's a little greenery can help - fresh air and some gentle walking can help physically and mentally. Hope you find a way to process it all xxx

InvisibleDreamer · 08/02/2022 18:41

@Tor88 I really can’t recommend specific counselling for baby loss enough (rather than a general counsellor). I don’t know where I would be without it. Mine is through a charity, hopefully there is something in your area. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through physical trauma too.

Tor88 · 08/02/2022 19:09

@Rosielees @InvisibleDreamer thank you so much ❤️ finally being discharged from hosp thank goodness.

InvisibleDreamer what was the charity if you don't mind me asking?? I'm in south east London so might look for something...

Xx

Sunbird24 · 09/02/2022 06:47

@Tor88 blimey that sounds horrific, especially on top of everything else! Hopefully anything that’s left over passes without any more drama. It’s a shame they didn’t do it under general anaesthetic for you, but fingers crossed you’re never in this position again.

I found out yesterday that a work colleague’s baby was born this week - he’s not a close colleague, same office different team and fairly new so I didn’t even know his wife was pregnant. I couldn’t bring myself to put anything in the collection as I would have been 36 weeks with the twins (3rd ivf attempt/most dramatic MC) in other circumstances, and about to start mat leave soon. Just having a temporary “It’s not fair!” moment that I know you’ll all understand.

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buntywindermere · 09/02/2022 07:39

Hello there everyone,
I have been watching this thread for a while now and I'm so sorry to you all who have had to go through this, some multiple times. 
I think I just want to share my experience in case it helps anyone reading here silently now or in the future.

I had a missed miscarriage and like others on here was struggling to make a decision about what to do as it just wasn't happening naturally. I went into hospital on Sunday morning to talk through the options again as I was just past 12 weeks, baby had stopped growing at 6 and we found out at 8 (confirmed by a second scan the week after). So it had been a while and I'd had no spotting, just some light cramps. The doctor on Sunday morning told me they definitely felt it was time to intervene, and that due to the risk of infection now they would like to keep me in hospital. I realised I needed to change how I was thinking, and so decided on medical management (misoprostol) first but then knowing that surgery was a very real possibility and would be the next step.
I had the misoprostol put directly onto my cervix at 3pm. By 6pm the cramps were quite bad but a nurse very kindly and secretly made up my hot water bottle! Suddenly at around 8.30pm they became unbearable. I was in the most excruciating pain I've ever been in (and I have two boys aged 4 & 2 so can say this was much worse than their labours). I also felt like I needed to push. I went and squatted on the toilet and passed a few clots, then was finally brought some dihydrocodeine. This took about 2 hours to kick in and they were the worst two hours of my life. The pain was agonising. However - as soon as it did, everything became so much more manageable. The bleeding continued like a period, and I was able to get some rest (waking for obs and another dihydrocodeine) until around 5am, when the pain woke me up and I felt I needed to push. I went and squatted over the toilet again and passed the placenta and pea sized sac with our tiny babe in. I was in a lot of shock as I wasn't expecting there to be so much placenta/obvious tissue. I had prepared myself for it to be much worse than a heavy period, but I am so pleased we were in hospital otherwise we would have completely freaked out.
I cried and cried and cried at this point as the relief I felt was immense - I just knew that was all of it. I didn't feel at all nauseous or unwell like I had done since the pregnancy symptoms started at Christmas, but of course I would have taken months of sickness if it meant we could have held our baby in our arms come the summer.
We were so well looked after at the hospital, there was just the one nurse who hadn't quite been as on it as the rest but it is what it is. We were very fortunate to receive the care and compassion that we did.
I spotted for most of Monday morning then by the afternoon it got a little heavier and since then I have been bleeding lightly like a normal period.
We were able to bring our tiny baby home with us which helped me feel I wasn't leaving the hospital completely empty. I carried my little box out with the certificate of foetal remains - which feels like an official acknowledgment of our baby. We are going to bury her in a lovely large plant pot we have bought for a beautiful plant.
The hospital sent me home with more dihydrocodeine which I have felt the need to take each night so I'm not waking up due to the ache. I am having regular period cramps but my whole abdomen is incredibly incredibly sore. However, I feel quite well in myself. Pregnancy does generally wipe me out and my symptoms didn't really ease too much after the baby had stopped growing so it's been a tough few weeks, but I'm about to do the Pre-School run this morning, and while I'll definitely also need to nap when my 2yo naps, and won't be giving up the pain killers just yet, I'm amazed at what my body has done.
I was really struggling with the missed miscarriage and how my body hadn't realised the pregnancy wasn't viable, but actually looking at it in the view of actually my body was doing all it could to protect the pregnancy has helped.
I'm glad I didn't rush into a decision, too, and felt supported by the nurses on the gynaecology unit. They respected all our choices and honoured our baby by referring to her as she/her like we were doing so we didn't have anyone say anything too clinical.
I am crying quite a lot, and I don't know when I'll return to work (my job isn't one where my work will distract me from what has happened, it's too emotive), but just taking it hour by hour, then I guess day by day. @Tor88 that's my only advice to you I'm afraid. Hour by hour and day by day. And crying! I have made small goals for each day, do skin care, wear jeans (instead of joggers!!), today is leave the house for a short walk.
Love to you all, and, I'm a pray-er, so please know I'm praying for each one of you and your families too. Thanks

buntywindermere · 09/02/2022 07:46

I'm so sorry - that's such a long post!!! It felt quite helpful to write it al out though so please forgive me.

Sunbird24 · 09/02/2022 08:07

@buntywindermere so sorry you’ve been through it, but glad that sharing your experience felt cathartic. I think it’s so important that we have some sort of proof of our babies’ presence in the world no matter how short it may have been physically. Flowers

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Tor88 · 09/02/2022 09:06

@buntywindermere that was a beautiful post. I'm so sorry for your loss, and can't believe you did that with dihydrocodeine alone. That's what I was on at home and still wound up going to hospital in agony. You're right about the crying, I woke up this morning sobbing and sobbing because I realised I could have more than one cup of tea today. I know there's no rhyme or reason to whats happened, but I cannot help but feel my body didn't protect my baby in the way it should have :(

I've asked work for some time off and they've been great. I like your advice about setting small goals. Today it's just about telling the family what's happened and resting I think.

@sunbird24 I have no words for you what you've been through, I am just so so sorry. All I've been saying for the past few days is - I can't ever go through this again. And yet some people have done and survived it. You have every right to feel so angry.

❤️ Xxxxx

InvisibleDreamer · 09/02/2022 19:41

@Tor88 the charity I go to is only a small local one it’s called the lilymae foundation but I’m sure there will be others, did the hospital give you any information when you left? I got some leaflets about support organisations after my D&C.

Rosielees · 10/02/2022 07:56

@buntywindermere thanks for sharing your experience and I'm glad you found it useful getting it all out there. Could anyone help me with some advice. So I posted last week on here with some bleeding (no clots not heavy, but more than spotting) at 6 weeks iwas told to monitor and then do another HPT. It came back negative.😢 I've sort of processed that bit but my concern is how little I've bled even for a regular period and I'm worried that it hasn't all gone. Spoke to an out of hours gp last night as I had developed a fever of 38.5 and back pain. The epu refused to see me as they think my symptoms are medical (I also have a cough and cold but not covid). Go recommended a&e but as I had waited so long for epu and go to call back I had taken a paracetamol which hadbrought everything back down again. Done a second HPT this morning to double check and negative again. But my biggest worry is that it hasn't fully left my body (last time I had 2 internal scans. One as a baseline and 1 to check everything had gone and to check my uterus had gone back to normal). Why won't the epu do a scan to check that my uterus is ok?

Tor88 · 10/02/2022 13:22

@Rosielees seems very odd that the epu won't see you?? I would keep calling them and insist that they do!! You could try a&e but they turned me away when I went and instead I called my midwife and got referred to the epu. Could 111 be another option?? So sorry you're going through all this.

Tor88 · 10/02/2022 13:25

I wondered if I could ask a q for anyone that's had an MVA?? I just had a whole chunk of the misoprostal pill come back out! Was quite surprised that it hadn't all dissolved since it was inserted nearly 48 hours ago now...wondered if that had happened to anyone else?

I also know I still have some tissue left to pass. I wondered if anyone else had been told their after their MVA, and how long did it take to pass? Thanks ❤️

Rosielees · 10/02/2022 13:44

@Tor88 spoke to my GP who told me to call back the epu and say they had to rule out pregnancy as he was concerned about "retained products of conception". But because my test was negative they don't see it as a "pregnancy issue". (I guess all they have to go on is my word that I had a positive HPT back in Jan). But honestly I never felt so worthless that noone at the epu would even acknowledge that I had miscarried. My GP tried his best to contact the gynae consultant on call but he just wasn't answering so he sent me to a&e with some paperwork to try and move things along. I've heard lots of stories of male GPs being completely unhelpful and unsympathetic about miscarriage but at least I managed to find someone willing to acknowledge my concerns. Sometimes I feel like I must have made it all up and I'm going crazy

1stTimeTina · 10/02/2022 20:25

@Sunbird24 totally understand and you’re right it’s really not fair! Hope you’re feeling a little better today and take some time for you to do something that makes you feel a little better xx

Sunbird24 · 10/02/2022 20:33

Oh yes, too busy at work to dwell on it today so had actually completely forgotten!

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syda · 11/02/2022 15:44

Hey all, I think I am going through my second miscarriage. Last time was in October.
I'm supposed to be 5w today, got a 3+ on cb digital on Wednesday and was so so happy about it, only to find pink discharge in my pants yesterday, which was then also present during wiping and has now escalated to more bloody discharge every time I go to the loo. This is exactly how my first mc started (albeit a few weeks after).

I'm absolutely devastated and heartbroken. Why has this happened again.

Not even here with a real question, guess I just needed this off my chest in a place that would understand how I'm feeling.

(Have called epu and gp and they've all just dismissed me as expected, 'put a pad on and take paracetamol' is all I've been told)

Sunbird24 · 11/02/2022 15:58

Oh @syda, I’m so sorry you’re going through all this again, it’s so upsetting Flowers

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Rosielees · 11/02/2022 16:43

@syda I'm so sorry you've had to go through this again and how you've been treated. Unfortunately you are not alone in this and with how you've been treated. It's just all too common. I miscarried this week (just had blood test to confirm) but epu has been poor at recognising that I have had a MC at all. I'm convinced I haven't passed everything but epu won't scan me so I'm left having to try and get a referral to gynae through my GP or paying to get a private scan to check everything is ok. Emotionally it's so tough to deal with but you should also make sure that you're ok physically. Whilst you might not know what caused your MC you do know your own body and what feels normal for you. When you are ready you should get yourself checked out just to make sure everything is ok for another try if that's what you want to do. My SIL had several MCs and started to look at IVF when she found out she was pregnant but she's due to have her little Bert any day now. There's always hope. Look after yourself