Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

@invisibledreamer I've tried to draft a reply to this a few times but words fail. I'm so sorry that you're approaching your due date and also a cremation. Life sometimes seems to test us in the most unfair ways. Cry it out, and be proud of those tears- they're for someone who was loved and will always have a place in your heart xx

@Tofu35 thank you, I had a counselling session today (was supposed to be 50min but ended up being about an hour and a half!) which really helped. I’m just trying to accept that it will be a rough few weeks & trying to distract myself when the anxiety comes up.

@InvisibleDreamer I’m really sorry this is a particularly rough week for you. There’s a saying that grief is just love with nowhere to go, which feels so true when it comes to babies we didn’t get to keep. Could you do something special on your due date in memory of your little one? Maybe light a candle, or plant something pretty (in a pot, so you can take it with you if you move house)?
Also, I don’t know if it helps you at all, but I read that when you’re pregnant, some of the baby’s dna and some of yours get transferred to each other, which means that for the rest of your life you will always have a little part of your baby with you, and a little part of you is with them…

That's beautiful, @Sunbird24

Hi all I'm so sorry for everyone's losses just reading this thread is so harrowing , I would of been 7 weeks today on my first pregnancy I went to the Gp yesterday to notify my pregnancy and booked an early private scan as I've been having spotting the last week unfortunately I started bleeding g an hour or two later and I lost my little bean last night. I spent 7 hours waiting to be seen in the emergency dept and lost it while waiting.

I hope you have some support @LizzeyBenett, it’s so unfair

A little poem I found

@LizzeyBenett I just spent all morning looking for this poem. Couldn’t remember what it was called. Thank you for posting it. I hope you are being supported in your loss.

[quote InvisibleDreamer]@LizzeyBenett I just spent all morning looking for this poem. Couldn’t remember what it was called. Thank you for posting it. I hope you are being supported in your loss.[/quote]
@InvisibleDreamer I make printables and sell on Etsy but if anyone would like one or a different poem or design made I'm more than happy to do it for you free of charge of course and I can email it to you xxxx

Hi ladies. I had a natural miscarriage at about 11 weeks a few weeks ago (after about a year TTC). I was and still am really sad, disappointed and angry that it happened. It seems like there is so many of us going through the same thing, but it is difficult to talk about in real life. The thoughts of ttc again fills me with dread! Just wondering if anyone who has been through this has any guidance on how to deal with it, and how to stay positive on the ttc journey? I’m sorry for everyone’s loss, its very unfair!

Sorry you’re joking us @Poppy9876
For me, there comes a point where I know I have to pack up the grief and move forward, because not to try again means giving up on the dream of having a child. I already know I can survive a miscarriage (had enough practice now…) so although I obviously don’t want to go through any more, the thought of it doesn’t scare me the way it used to. Everyone will find their own way through the experience - can you access any counselling to help at all? If not feel free to empty your thoughts on here, sometimes just writing them down makes them easier to work out.

Gah, typo! Sorry you’re joining us 🤦‍♀️

@Sunbird24 thank you for your kind words. I had forgot about the DNA thing that is such a comfort. I am trying to plan what to do for day of cremation. I may be on my own at my in laws house whilst they go on holiday & my OH will be commuting/at work from about 10am - 11pm so not really sure what to do. Might take my dog for a walk but he can only manage a 5 min stroll to the postbox as he is very elderly! In terms of my due date I will be home and OH will be away working. I don’t want to plan too much in case I don’t feel up to leaving house but on other hand I feel the need to do something. I have got a candle to light and have ordered some birthstone charms (for birth month & due date month) for a necklace I bought.

@LizzeyBenett I would love a printable thank you. I will donate your usual fee to Tommy’s. x

Sorry forgot to say we aren’t allowed to attend the cremation itself I’m not sure if it’s because of covid or just because there are so many early losses :(

@InvisibleDreamer Sent you a Pm x

Hi @poppy9876 so sorry to hear about your experience, but I hope joining this group and sharing your thoughts/rants/memories will be a comfort to you.
For me, the first few weeks were just trying to get through the days without crying a lot but realised that it's an important part of grieving, both for our baby and also for the life that I had imagined for myself. After that I tried to think of the physical symptoms (spotting etc) as my body healing itself to get ready for a healthy cycle (but also it's attempt to bankrupt me with how many sanitary pads I had to buy).
I told a few friends after it happened, and took comfort in how many of them had experienced a miscarriage (or multiple miscarriages) but then went on to have healthy pregnancies and births. I was babysitting one of those rainbow babies (now a toddler) this weekend.

Seems I like a bracket today!

Having a bit of a weepy day. AF came today. My 2nd post loss. I had convinced myself I would get pregnant again this month. I know it was unlikely but somehow it has hit hard.

Hi guys, discovered via a private Scan at 10 weeks that unfortunately the baby stopped growing at 7 +4 weeks. Previously had a scan at 7 +4 showing a baby with a heartbeat measuring a week behind. Discovered this last week on Tuesday, was confirmed by EPU on Wednesday. I decided that medical management was the best way forward, therefore took a dose of mifepristone Thursday a dose of misoprostol Saturday, luckily this appears to be successful, but feeling so sad at the thoughts which could of been

I heard a lovely way of looking at MC before and never thought it would apply to me - the soul that we lost goes back to heaven and when you do have your baby it's the same soul. This is getting me through and I choose to believe it. Although I absolutely dread my due date that would of been September.

@Wuwu84 so sorry, hope you’re doing ok and have real life support
@LizzeyBenett that is lovely

Hi All, Struggling today with a lot of anxiety. As cremation gets closer I am worried whether it’s the right thing, I feel this need to protect my baby still but I don’t think I can cope with picking up the remains and then burying them instead. Am panicking as to what they would look like and what I would do with them if I did. Just wondering what other peoples feelings were on the subject if it’s not too upsetting.

Hello all, so sorry to hear of everyone's losses, it's important to have a space like this to support one another.

I had an early MC yesterday at 5+4 weeks, my first pregnancy. I'd been spotting for a week, and it had eased for a few days so the hope came back, but then yesterday morning the heavy bleeding and painful cramps started. I passed it naturally at home, though I was close to going to a&e. Still bleeding and cramping now but less so.

I've cried so much, I just feel so sad and broken. My husband has been amazing, and I have supportive family and friends, but right now I just feel like this pain will never go away ❤️

Hi I had just had my 3rd silent miscarriage. This time I was 16weeks pregnant & feel so alone & people say it helps to talk but I just feel like nothing anyone says will make me feel better. What made it worse is that we found out on the Saturday but nothing could be done until the Monday when the hospital clinic was open. Once you get past the 12 week mark it is so much different when you miscarry & as if your not going through enough you then have so many decisions to make. I sadly had to have surgery due to how much bleeding was happening after taking the tablets which was supposed to help pass things naturally. It was 2 weeks ago & I still feel pain in my stomach & when I wee. Is anyone else experiencing this & do things get easier as I really don't know if I will ever be the same person again.

@Butterflies99 how awful for you, I’m so sorry. I don’t think anyone is ever the same after losing a baby, and can only imagine how much harder it is when you’ve got past that 12 week mark. You can talk as much or as little as you want in here, there’s no expectations or pressure.

@Butterflies99 so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort in this group. I would recommend counselling by someone who has been through it themselves, I’ve only had one relatively early loss & I don’t know how I would have got through it without the counselling. None of us will ever be the same person again but that’s ok because we never forget them. x