Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

So sorry for your loss @HopeSpringsEternal123 xx

@blueforyou3 definitely agree that a weight has been lifted now Christmas is over. My worries about seeing a cousin and their 3 month baby didn't come to pass because their whole family had to isolate due to being contact traced. I'm glad you and DH had a nice time together and he made it special for you both xx

@HopeSpringsEternal123 I'm so so sorry for your loss

Hi all, I hope everyone is doing ok.

I was wondering when people got their negative pregnancy tests after miscarriage? I had an MVA 10 days ago and the bleeding has pretty much stopped. I've got one test left and I don't want to waste it! Is it too soon?! x

@FieldView hello, for what it's worth, I was pleasantly surprised to get my exactly 2 weeks after SMM - I tested a week after and it was positive so waited another week and then was good to go. I have to say, I found it pretty horrid getting the positive test. The EPU also said to me do a test after 3 weeks but I was terribly impatient!

Hope that helps

Hi ladies.
2021 is on its way out and my period arrived yesterday after a MMC in November.
I'm not one for resolutions but 2022 will at least start for me with a fresh page.
I was home with DH for Christmas. We both had covid so couldn't see anyone and I think this was actually a good thing. No accidental thoughtless comments from family. They all mean well but none have experienced this themselves.

Had dinner with friends last night (all have kids) and one started talking about ages for first children. I have not cried in a few weeks but this was triggering and I had to ask gor a subject change. They all suddenly realised where it was going, appologiesd and we moved on. These are my closest friends. I will talk to them about it, but not in pizza express!

Not sure what my point is, but I am hoping all you lovely ladies get what uou want for 2022. Xx

Hi all, unfortunately joining this sad club after a MMC was found at my 10 week scan on 30/12. I have another scan to “confirm” on Tuesday but sonographer said that baby was measuring 7 weeks where I should have been 9+6 and no heartbeat found.

I’ve had nothing so far, some cramps but these have been ongoing since I got a BFP, tests still showing a glaring positive, I’m just absolutely devastated. Not really sure what the point of my post is but I feel so lost, feeling so pregnant but knowing that baby has died is horrendous.

I'm so sorry @Maybepossibly22 ... it's a truly horrible feeling. So sad when yet another person joins the thread but you're not alone and so share your pain, grief and questions as much as you'd like. xx

@Maybepossibly22 sorry you are here
Hi @Willow1981 good to hear from you. Oh wow Covid throwing itself into the mix there.
Thanks to everyone for all the support here
I hope all of us here get our wishes for healthy full term babies this year xxxx

I’m so sorry for your loss @Maybepossibly22 It’s such an awful experience to go through but it will get better

Happy New Year everyone. Thank you for all your support and kind words the past couple of months, this thread has helped me so much. Praying that 2022 brings us all our rainbows x

Thank you so much. Everyone says how sorry they are etc etc then silence. No one knows what to say. I’d started telling a few people (which I’m kicking myself for now) because I had no symptoms with my DD and had no symptoms this time either so had no reason to think anything was wrong. DH is being lovely but doesn’t know what to say either, I’m desperate for this to be over so I can start trying again but DH is reluctant to try again for a while. Just so desperately lost

@Maybepossibly22 just see how you go ... your feelings about trying will go up and down and I found I just tried to take control of anything I could where I was so out of control.
Don't feel bad for saying anything or even telling people what you're going through .... I gave up feeling bad for others feeling uncomfortable a long time ago. It's not my job to comfort them but the other way around if they can ...

@HopeSpringsEternal123 it’s so hard isn’t it when you’ve been through ivf and you finally think your struggles are over. Seems so bitterly unfair. Thinking of you.

Thank you for your lovely messages.

@Maybepossibly22 I am so sorry for your loss It is such a horrible, cruel thing to happen. xx

A thank you to all the wise posters on this thread. A friend's husband put up a gif of their latest baby scan on our group chat, my friend has the same due date I would have had. I immediately crumble into big wet sobs, suddenly it all hits me again. I remember a few of you talking about putting safe boundaries up, so I put up a message that said "so happy for both of you and that is lovely news. I'll need to put this group on mute for a while as I'm still processing what happened to me last year". My husband was trying to convince me not to do it, but knowing I put that message up and I was honest with myself about what I can deal with- a huge burden immediately lifted.

I don't think I would have done this without hearing some of you do the same. So thank you, you've definitely saved me a lot of heartache reading about a pregnancy that could have been mine

@Tofu35 I’m sorry you had to go through that but thank you for sharing. I’m in a similar situation with a friend - had to mute them from FB and can’t bring myself to see them face to face. I keep on feeling like such a terrible and selfish person for it but I know I need to protect myself and my mental health

@Tofu35 I'm so sorry that's happened to you. I've definitely been better/had to be better at voicing my boundaries this second time around
I've given up worrying about other peoples comfort around me and my feelings. I just say how I feel and I think the more I act like I'm ok the more hurt I feel when people do things or say things without thinking BECAUSE I seem ok.
Even Xmas day I had 'you don't seem yourself' comments to which I explained I wasn't..!

I think it's a blurred line for so many people, they have joy they want to share but it should be done so so carefully and I think that to take yourself away for a bit of time is a really good technique... x

@BlueForYou3 sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. I suppose if the shoe was on the other foot, we'd never think badly of a friend who needed to keep their distance to protect their mental health! So trying to treat myself with the same respect id give a friend!

@doodledeedum it's a tough balance isn't it! Sorry people were insensitive/talking without thinking at Christmas, the last thing you'd need! Putting yourself first and voicing your feelings sounds like something I could learn from

Well done @Tofu35 - I need to take some of your confidence and courage.

I think things are starting naturally for me this evening. I’m due to go back on Tuesday for a scan and discussion about management if things didn’t happen naturally but the spotting has increased to pink blood now (please tell me to shut up if this is too triggering/upsetting)

I’m petrified for how this evening is going to pan out but would be relieved for it all to be clear when I go back Tuesday.

@Maybepossibly22 it's the bravery of everyone here that makes me able to be brave. Strong women support women 💛

You'll be in my thoughts over the next few days, remember we're all here if you need a hand hold or want to hear anything we found useful xx

@Tofu35 I think what you did was amazing, full of courage and set your boundaries. You should be proud of yourself. May well have such great energy in 2022, I love it.

Definately brave. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to say I won't make my SIL baby shower. Her due date is the same week as what my baby would have been. I know we should be happy for other people. Yesterday I saw another family friend who is pregnant due in the next two weeks and I was able to chat with her about stuff (wasn't a baby shower though just meeting up). I feel guilty that I don't think I can face celebrating a baby shower near the time I was due. Especially as I haven't yet fallen pregnant again.

@legoisaws8om I know, it's like trying to retrain your brain- but honestly the relief I got after putting down that boundary and listening to what I needed- was a total weight off. Mainly because I'd started to worry about how often they'd post, would they post more pictures etc. So just like @doodledeedum said, I needed to give up worrying about what other peoples comfort around me.

It sounds like you were more comfortable with a one to one with your friend, could this be an option with your SIL? Say that youd like to celebrate with her but at this moment you don't feel able to do so in a bigger group setting (or whatever you feel like at this time).

Or you can tell this internet stranger to shut up, I'll respect that boundary too! 😂

I'm back to work tomorrow. I did a week at home before Christmas but tomorrow I'm back to the office.
I am hoping that the Christmas break and a week with covid will distract everyone from the 3 weeks I had off before hand.
Not all my colleagues knew I was pregnant, and they all know of my loss, that's fine.
It's the ones who didn't know I was pregnant. Hence the distraction hope.

I'm also not sure how I'm going to get on without my midmorning nap! Covid has wiped me out. Lung capacity is down. Energy levels down.

@Willow1981 Wishing you the best of luck for tomorrow. I felt really anxious going back to work but it was fine in the end. It also gave my mind a break from focusing on the MC 24/7 which I needed.