Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

I'm so so sorry for everyone going through this. I've just had a MMC. I've had very early losses before but mmc is a whole other ballgame. Feels like it's dragged on forever, horrible pregnancy nausea throughout... I'm so shocked that my body has held on like this. Failed medical management (so disappointed in the hospital care) am having an ERPC tomorrow. I'm so scared of the GA but I also just want this over.

This has scared the life out of me and I'm scared to ttc again knowing this could happen.. but I feel guilty for feeling that way, like I should be "stronger" and want to get on with it?! But part of me knows I've been miserable with symptoms for months and I need some time to get back to some kind of normal. I've hardly spend any quality time with my toddler for weeks due to the nausea which now seems such a cruel waste of time. Thinking of you all and wish none of us were in this boat.

I’m so sorry for your loss @Caneloalvarez There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break from TTC. I’m trying to get my mind and body in the best place possible to carry another baby so I’m not putting any pressure on myself to conceive.

Wishing you the best of luck for the ERPC tomorrow - I’ve heard nothing but positive comments about it on here.

@Caneloalvarez sorry for your loss and that your experience of hospital management was negative. The emotional impact of miscarriage lasts a lot longer than the physical effects- the guilt, anxiety, anger, sadness all get mixed in to our daily attempts to "get back to normal". Although what is normal now, right?? If spending time with your toddler without feeling nauseous and not doing all the TTC admin helps you get there, then that's a good plan

Hi everyone, I had a blood test last Saturday showing my hCG level was around 300ish (it was about 870, 48hours before), am I jumping the gun a bit by hoping a pregnancy test will be negative today?
I've not had any spotting or bleeding since last Thursday and a scan showed the MC was complete that day too.

Thanks

Hi @Sparklesurprise29, I was advised to take a pregnancy test 3 weeks after medical management. It was still showing a faint positive at that point but I still ovulated that cycle and by week 5 it was negative. Hopefully you will have a negative test now, but don’t be disheartened if it isn’t

Thanks @BlueForYou3! Its good that you still ovulated that cycle, hoping that I can get back to ttc soon, its the one thing keeping me going just now. Having a loss at this time of year is so hard, wishing it was the new year already so I can have a fresh start!

@Sparklesurprise29 I know what you mean, my predicted ovulation date is NYE so we’ll be DTD over the Christmas period. I think that glimmer of hope is the only thing that’ll get me through this year to be honest!

It's been a month since I had miscarriage. I became very sick after the miscarriage with bleeding that lasted about 3 weeks. Currently having brown discharge, just hoping it will stop soon.

Does anyone know what normal bleeding is like following erpc? Had it Wednesday and since then have literally only had the tiniest bit of bleeding when I wipe right from as soon as I came round after surgery. Now all of a sudden I'm bleeding much more like a period. Is this normal? I presumed it would start off heavier and go lighter but there was practically nothing since I had it done then all of a sudden heavier

Hello everyone. My MMC finally started this morning with a few drops of dark red blood. I psyched myself up, got my dog picked up, settled in with mince pies and films but then nothing else at all but bad cramping all day. Not even pink when I wipe. Is this normal? I thought if it started slowly it would start with blood when I wipe, not 3 perfect dark red drips then nothing else for hours. The waiting is tough. I'm on my own, so I'm a little nervous about the amount of blood but not at all about the pain. Any words of encouragement?

I'm so sorry we are all here. Isn't it just something so surreal to go through. Why don't we learn about MMC's until we either hear of it happening to a friend or it happens to us!?

I started bleeding with cramps last Thursday at 8.5 weeks. Coincidently I'd booked a private scan for the Friday so went along fearing the worst not being able to sleep the previous night. The scan confirmed the baby had stopped growing at 5.5 weeks.

I feel moments of extreme sadness and crying and then sudden moments of positivity looking forwards to trying again and giving my family good news in 2022. Then feelings of fear that getting pregnant easily was just luck and it won't happen again. Then back to googling stories of positive results after miscarriage and convincing myself that will happen to me.

One minute I'm impatient wanting the bleeding to stop so we can have sex straight away and feel so great again from a positive result. Next I am telling myself to calm down, process my grief and wait for my body to get back to where it needs to be before putting myself under what I know will be pressure to conceive.

I am binging all Netflix films I'd previously avoided and eating lots of bread (low carb diet out the window). My body has never wanted to lie on the sofa for so many days without getting up.

@KJ939 I hear ya! X

@bloomers I am sorry for your loss, my second MMSC started naturally about three weeks after the loss. I bled dribs and drabs for about three days before it really began.

@KJ939 I'm sorry for your loss also- I feel like you're in my head. My therapist calls it 'monkey brain' - you jump from thought to thought like a monkey from branch to branch. I've been told to focus on peace of mind for this very reason. I've had to step away from Google etc and live day to day for now. Don't think ahead, think about where you are now.
I also had the fear I wouldn't fall pregnant again on top of what if I do and a MC again. I did and MC again, unfortunately... BUT spent a fair amount of time in my monkey brain moments searching for positive stories of pregnancy after two MC. It meant I wasn't processing my grief properly so it's back to day by day again ...

@Doodledeedum that's so interesting re the monkey brain! That sounds like me..have you any tips for focusing on peace of mind and not thinking ahead?? I'm so bad for planning stuff ahead a d thinking about the future when I know I should be concentrating on the here and now? X

@claremc1983 ... it's really hard work tbh. I'm not going to lie as my whole existence is monkey brain. I worry about things that might not even happen. I am organized and control what I can for an easier life. Even my downtime is planned .....
So first I make lists of stuff for when I want to keep busy and be in the moment. Can be mundane from cleaning to sorting paperwork. I have the list there for those occasions so I can pick something right away. When my mind gets stuck on a loop I stop myself and ask if I can help the thing I'm worrying about right there and then- if the answer is no. ( eg any future pregnancy or timings ...) I steer myself away from it and think about the now and what I can do there and then.
I have to stay away from googling/groups/asking questions and researching. Just to give my brain a break and not get in a loop or cycle of self deprecating language because I'm currently in the guilty/angry phase too.

Recently it was all a bit much so I'm taking 5 htp. ( herbal and hikes up serotonin ) but this
a)helps me sleep so im not laying awake a 5am worrying
b)dulls the thoughts a bit. I find they just space me out just enough but in a good way. I just don't focus on the questions/planning as deeply. I also have lots of crystals/sage and try to meditate to focus my mind on better things. ( wether it works or not for everyone I don't know but it helps me to think it's doing something)
So yeah- it's hard work but i have to do it to stay sane. Though looking at all of this advice makes me wonder how sane I am. Lol

It's all because I flit between wanting to try again and the pain it's all caused me so far and not knowing if I can take much more. I question what I could have done differently.
I haven't got control over anything and I struggle with that so I HAVE to focus on the here and now and take it day by day. When I do more than that I struggle and can't cope x

@Doodledeedum thanks so much for your advice. We sound quite similar I think. I'm a huge worrier, my husband tells me I'm not happy unless I'm worrying about something 🙈..I obsess over stuff and often imagine the worst situation. I can be just walking down the street and then I'll think to myself what if a car mounted the pavement..that sort of thing...
As much as I like Mumsnet I don't think it helps with my worrying and obsessing over TTC.
I must try and switch off the worry/anxiety and your tips on doing that sound really helpful. I often wonder if speaking to someone might help me as well..
Thank you again xx

@claremc1983 no problem. My therapist definitely helps keep me in check. My partner says the same about me and he's very 'it is what it is' and it drives me mad.
It's intrusive thoughts for me and you, we imagine the worst even when we know it's very unlikely.... definitely doesn't help to feed the fear, it's an amazing forum for support though. We need to utilise it in the right way. Good luck with trying and that's the most important bit- try a little and it will go a long way to relieve your mind and soul a bit x

@Doodledeedum thank you I will. Yes, it's definitely intrusive thoughts thinking about it..I remember once being sat in the car with my husband after my MC, it was all I could think about, I asked him what he was thinking about and he just replied 'driving'...😆🙈 I think men are far simpler creatures and I'd love to be like that. Not over thinking everything and planning ahead..out of interest how do you go about finding a good therapist? X

Is anyone there? I'm miscarrying on my own. I'm having the most awful nightmares when I fall asleep. I've never felt scared to be on my own but I am in so much physical pain I just feel very frightened and vulnerable. Dreaming of people breaking into my house, that I'm being punished for things. Anyone else had nightmares? x

I’m so sorry you’re going through this @Bloomers58

Do you have pain relief in the house? For the first few days I used a combination of codeine, ibuprofen and a hot water bottle to get me through the pain. It subsided as soon as I passed the pregnancy sac.

As for the nightmares, I’m not sure if it will help but I bought a gravity blanket a couple of years ago after struggling with anxiety on a night time. It made a huge difference and personally brought me a lot of comfort through my MC.

Sending you a virtual hug - you will get through this

@Bloomers58 is there a friend or someone nearby you could have on standby just in case you start feeling like its too much or you feel faint. Hopefully you don't need to use them but having them ready would help I think xx hope things are better now the sun is up

I can be your person if you are in London?

@Bloomers58 Hope you are ok? Thinking of you xx

Morning everyone. Thank you for the kindess. @AdrianeMole I wish I could take you up on this however nowhere near London. So kind though and means a lot you offered. I had contractions every 2 minutes until about 30 mins ago. Only passed one big clot so far and no sign of the sac in it but since then the contractions have lessened and become less intense. Will that be it or will they ramp back up. I'm feeling much calmer now it's daytime and less scared, just slightly more tearful, probably from no sleep. Why don't they tell you you might have awful contractions. If I hadn't read about it being a possibility I'd have been petrified x

Kindness*