Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

@AdrianeMole I did the same thing two days ago, I stopped taking some medication I was on at the advise of my obstetrician and the baby stopped growing the week after. My sister is a doctor so I called her in tears about it having googled it, as it says the medication can reduce miscarriage risk, and she had to gently remind me that it was just a coincidence and it wouldn't have left my system to have affected it anyway. It's crazy the things and places you can get to to try and understand or explain it.

I've got the surgical procedure on Monday and whilst terrified, I am so ready for that bit to be over. I feel stuck in limbo, bleeding a bit but my body still thinking it's "pregnant". I just want to move on with it physically now.

I did have a question that I'm not sure if anyone can answer. I have PCOS and the month I concieved I was using Concieve Plus which are vitamins etc that bought my ovulation earlier (I have very long cycles). When would be the right time to start that again? 2 weeks after the op? On my first period, whenever that happens? Has anyone else used it post miscarriage before?

Hi @MO22 it's crazy the amount of anxiety that this causes. I can't answer re the conceive plus but your doctor on Monday may well be able to advise.

Thanks for the support guys. Last night I drove home with the saddest songs blasting in my ears and just cried and sobbed my heart out. At one point I let out the loudest most blood curdling scream I could ... I know what it is. I'm ANGRY. I'm so so angry this happened and I'm angry for everyone going through the same shit. I'm angry that I've lost two babies. I'm angry that if I try again I may have to endure this pain and it's a massive gamble to get the greatest reward il ever receive if it goes my way. I'm angry that I don't know where those babies are and if they're ok ( I'm normally very spiritual) ... I'm angry o couldn't do more. I'm now angry that I have to relive another period and all the images/memories that conjures up is going to happen when I was due. I'm angry at myself because I'm not the worst off. I'm angry I can't feel grateful for even having fallen pregnant in the first place.

Anyway. I genuinely thank you all for not letting me feel alone. U don't know me and I don't know you but just being here makes me feel less alone on this dark sad road to 'recovery'

We are all here @Doodledeedum
Sounds kind of healthy to let it out and scream! Apart from the bit at being angry at yourself, that is not approved.

@Doodledeedum I'm with you! My SIL is pregnant. We were a couple of weeks apart so it's been hard. Im feeling the same as you.

Hope you don’t mind if I join your thread also… I have already found some help in just reading through these posts and knowing I’m not alone either. And I am so so sorry for every single one of you for your loss. It is such a sh*tty thing to happen and go through.

I had a missed miscarriage recently and I’ve been desperate to find people who just understand. My little bubs was 11 weeks and a few days old when it died - scan was at 13 weeks as that was when they could fit us in. Hadn’t the faintest idea that anything was wrong. I have been in shock, disbelief, anger, really shouting angry one day, confused, lonely, empty and just plain heartbroken. I had a MVA a week after we found out. The limbo and difficulty of going through that is so emotional.

I’m two weeks post MVA and I finally stopped bleeding. After a week of bleeding I kept getting stop start bleeding with long stretches of nothing and then an hour or so out of no where. (Just if it helps anyone to know). So yesterday morning just when the bleeding stopped my boobs started leaking milk… just when you think your body has started to settle and the physical stuff may be over. But in some weird way I’m finding it hard to let go… I’m glad I’m not bleeding anymore but I’m kinda sad that it means it’s just one step to being completely the other side physically. Like loosing connection with my baby somehow. Maybe that sounds completely weird.? More than anything I think I wish I could just change it all…and I really wish I knew if it was a boy or girl even.

If you’ve read this - thank you - I think more than anything I just wanted to share it with someone who gets it. x

Hello @SwirlyS I am so so sorry for your loss
The way you describe the different emotions really ring true to me and probably everyone here.
Am kind of scared now about the milk thing (but thanks for warning about it). Have decided that it will probably happen next week when I am going for a swim and massage with a friend as I seem to have all the worst luck lately.
Thank you for your post and I hope that is helpful for you to write here.
x

Thanks for your lovely reply @AdrianeMole, I’m sorry if I’ve worried you about the leaking milk thing - that wasn’t my intention. I hope it doesn’t happen - especially when your are going for a swim! Apparently it can happen if you are pregnant for around 12 weeks - I googled it, though no one medical told me and it was a bit of a shock the other morning: I didn’t think it would happen to anyone until near the end of a pregnancy. Wishing you all the best.

And it was helpful sharing. Thank you

Thank you @SwirlyS, don't worry about worring me, I'd already known it might happen by reading stories online as my loss was sadly found out at 16 weeks but little one had passed away a c. 14.5 weeks. But the ladies I read about online it happened within days. I was hoping I was out of the woods but I suspect not. I think I've been supressing my hormones by not eating much and smoking (random as I don't normally) like a chimney but have stopped now. I didn't bleed much after my D&C but have started to spot now. I guess a lot of strange things going on between our brains and hormones and body right now.
Hope you have something nice planned for today. Mine is gym if I can be bothered. It stops me thinking too much

That’s so heart breaking @AdrianeMole - I’m so sorry.

I think our brains and hormones take a long time to heal and settle - and from what I’ve read of other peoples experience is everyone’s bodies seem to deal a big difference in how they handle the miscarriage…

Nothing that great planned today - in fact I’ve managed to pick up covid despite all my cautious efforts to not 😕…! Thankfully I’m not suffering to badly - but house bound with online Christmas shopping to sort.

Be kind to yourself - try to eat, concerned you’re not - though I get it. Hoping and praying for better days for us all ❤️

Aw thank you @SwirlyS.
Argh sorry to hear about the Covid but glad to hear its mild.
Am eating a reasonable amount now.
I'm sure there will be better days for all.
Hope the online Christmas shopping goes well, its probably better like that you can ignore all the rubbish the shops put out and get what you want.

Thank you for sharing that @Doodledeedum, a lot of nodding along with your description of the utter anger that is hiding behind the sadness.

Also welcome @swirlys and I hope your online shopping went okay today and your covid symptoms aren't too severe. Your worry about losing connection definitely rings true. I hope you can use this little corner of the internet to find support and friendship 💐

I thought I'd told all of my social circle about my miscarriage but the other day a friend starts telling a story about going to a&e and how annoying it was to have to wait to see someone for hours and get help. Obviously this person doesn't know about my miscarriage in the a&e waiting area, but I just suddenly felt really hot and panicked :( and there was me thinking I was getting "back to normal"!

How is everyone?

AF has just arrived for me, 41 days post MC. It seems heavier than normal but not particularly painful, hopefully it stays that way. I had a good cry last night but I’m feeling quite relieved this morning.

I know we’re all at different stages but can I ask if anyone has thought about TTC again?

That's good you've started your period @BlueForYou3, and the wait is over! Glad it wasn't too painful.

Funny that you mention planning TTC, this morning I got a call from the IVF clinic to tell me Im now at the top of the list. I panicked and blurted out "I had a miscarriage last month, I'm not ready to do this yet!!!" but they seemed okay with that and just they'd mark me as unavailable this month.
Think we'll TTC naturally for a few months before we go down the IVF route- the idea of doing more investigations and bloods so soon after miscarriage is too much to process.

@Tofu35 I understand where you’re coming from, I need another internal scan due to a large cyst on my ovary and I definitely don’t feel ready for that yet. I think it’s going to bring a lot of feelings up being back in the hospital and having a scan.

Fingers crossed that 2022 brings us both some good news!

Is anyone else really struggling at the moment? I think Christmas is bringing up a lot of emotions for me, I keep torturing myself thinking about how different it should have been this year… We had planned to have a private gender scan and surprise the family on Christmas Day. Instead I’m stuck trying to put on a brave face whilst feeling utterly miserable inside. I feel like I’ve been trying so hard to pick myself up and be positive but I’ve reached a point that I’m feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted.

Rant over

Giving you a big squeeze @blueforyou3! It sucks having to go through all the ups and downs, particularly when Christmas forces everyone to shove tinsel on and HoHoHo their way to the new year. You're doing brilliantly, and if you need some time being sad and recharge, that is exactly what you should do 💐

Thank you @Tofu35, I needed to hear that I hope you’re doing okay.

Unfortunately I'm now joining this club. Fourth baby, missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, found out yesterday booked in for surgical management tomorrow. Want to try again straight away doctor said as soon as we get a negative pregnancy test were fine to try again. Just hoping it doesn't take ages I can't seem to find an average for how long a negative test takes. I know once we can start trying again I'll feel like I'm doing something rather than just in this kind of limbo stage I'm in now.

@Artisticpiglet3 I’m so sorry for your loss I think the recommendation is to test after 3 weeks? If it helps, I started using Ovusense again once the bleeding stopped and ovulated on CD29. AF arrived exactly 2 weeks later.

@Artisticpiglet3 so sorry for your loss. I am in exactly the same boat as you, had a SMM on Monday and now wondering when I should expect my period so I can get cracking. The bleeding has been less than I would have thought but I think you're meant to wait at least 2 weeks for a negative pregnancy test which feels like forever right now! I'm tempted to test now but scared to get a positive result, I do feel like my body is slowly realising it's no longer pregnant now after my missed miscarriage which is both a positive and a negative feeling

So sorry for your loss @Artisticpiglet3
Yeah Christmas isn't an easy time to go through this is it, we've been invited to my brother's but SIL's family will all be there, I don't know them well but they are very fertile and know what happened to us, I hate feeling like a failure.
I had a good day yesterday and met a friend and was wandering around town but now today I feel crap again.
That non linear stuff is true!

Sorry for your loss @Artisticpiglet3 💐

Surgery went well yesterday. I'm a tad confused about something though. They said we could try again once I have a negative pregnancy test and stop bleeding. I'm literally barely bleeding at all not even enough to require a sanitary towel. So in theory if I was to get a negative in say two or three days if the bleedings stopped by then is it safe or should I expect any bleeding to restart in say a week or so. They weren't very clear as to if it would stop and start etc and I wouldn't want to risk infection but they said it would be like a period and it's not even like that so I'm a little confused.

@MO22 they said we didn't have to wait for a period just a negative pregnancy test and bleeding to stop x