Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

Hi can I join? I was a 'lurker' on thread 4 in October but lost the thread and couldn't find the miscarriage forum again until recently. So sorry for everyone's losses but also thank you all for sharing as you wouldn't have known but you've helped me get through some tough days.

I had my miscarriage confirmed at 9 weeks and was told my baby stopped developing shortly after 6 weeks. Prior to that I went through horrible long waits at gynae ward for spotting, the hell of limbo of waiting between EPU scans and then we received the dreadful news on 1.11.21. We quickly opted for medical management as surgical not offered in my area atm (i think due to covid). Had the pessaries on 2.11.21 and they sent me home to miscarry, which i think i was grateful for at the time but now my bathroom feels a bit haunted by what happened.

I have endometriosis and history of v v painful periods so am somewhat used to pain in that area but miscarrying was so intense and started almost as soon as the pessaries were inserted (tmi). I remember lying in the back seat of the car on the way home (luckily only a 10 min drive). The pain did not let up for about 9/10 hours. DH ended up calling an ambulance out due to blood loss and pain. I used up 2 tanks of their gas n air(loved the stuff!!) and they gave me some some stronger pain meds and helped my DH schedule the meds that the EPU gave us. This was my 1st pregnancy so have never experienced labour, but if I'm lucky enough to do so and the pain is that unrelenting,I will take all the pain meds!

I bled for a week, spotted for another week but had and STILL have pelvic pain 5 weeks on. Been to the Drs and they don't know/don't want to know and were reluctant to order a scan but i pushed and now have one on Monday coming. Really hoping that everything passed and its an endo flare triggered by my miscarriage and not anything else as I don't think I could take it.

I was diagnosed with colitis this year also and so that and endo are making me question whether high inflammation could have had something to do with losing my baby. But i think there's so many 'what ifs' that won't get answered. I do rate those who have been back to work soon after as I want to but just can't. I think I've been holding all my emotions in and being 'fine' until today when I went for a smear test. Got up early and went in to be told they have to wait until 3 months after a miscarriage to do it, and I'm just 5 weeks post. Why couldn't they have called to say that!! I wasn't expecting to talk/hear about my loss and so it really triggered me and now I'm a mess. I'm supposed to be going back to work next week and I just don't know how I'd cope, my work is caseload based and demanding mentally and emotionally.

My line manager and some friends and family know but has anyone spoken to a counsellor or someone about their grief?
I spoke with one today who said it may be too soon and perhaps I need to sit with my feelings a bit more. I thought that was odd as I'm reaching out for the support to do just that.

I don't really know why I wrote all this as it's a load of scrambled thoughts but thanks for reading if you've gotten this far!
Whilst I wouldn't want to be in this club, I've seen how kind you are all and what lovely members it has. As someone said - worst club, best members x

Hi @Ani21, I’m so sorry for your loss I have a very similar timeline to you, I received the news of my MMC on the 31.10 and started the medical management 1.11. Luckily I was able to manage the pain at home with a combination of codeine, ibuprofen and a hot water bottle but I can completely relate to your feelings about the bathroom. I regularly replay the MC over and over in my mind, especially passing the pregnancy sac.

A few people suggested I speak to a counsellor but I can get myself so upset discussing it that I don’t feel comfortable with the idea at the moment. I’ve made an effort to be open and honest with DH about how I’m feeling and will talk with him about it most days. If I don’t, I find the emotions start to build up and I feel completely overwhelmed. It’s definitely getting easier and there’s times where I can have quite a level headed conversation about it. Other times I do still have a good cry though.

Hi @Ani21 so sorry for your loss . I totally get that having to explain yourself at the smear test would have brought up all your feelings.
I would like to see some counselling but I did read somewhere that counsellors tend to see people some months after their losses, although I'm not sure where I read that.
I suppose in the short term we just have to muddle through and seek support here. I cannot really speak about things with friends at the moment but maybe in time that will get easier.

Hi @Ani21 , I'm so sorry you have to be here 😞. Sounds like you've had quite an ordeal. I agree re the meds for labour, if I'm ever lucky enough I'm taking what I can get.
In terms of therapy, I went to my therapist- I had a her a year or so prior for something else- luckily she managed to squeeze me in again and I speak to her once a month, I really need it- even when I think I don't. There's quite a lot I feel and don't even know and quite alot of actions I take and don't even realise why until I see her. My sister is also pregnant ( we both mc previous and fell pregnant together again but the. I lost again. ) so I've had alot to deal with and unpack there.... try and see if there's another avenue - if you can't find one im sure people on this very thread would advise... x

Hi everyone,

I have a question to ask you, please keep reading

Thank you all for your supportive messages. Hope you are all getting the through the day in whatever way you need to.

@BlueForYou3 I’m so sorry for your loss- we’re united in such a sad way. I’m glad you were able to manage at home. Home comforts around and privacy were definitely helpful. Yes- the memories around passing the pregnancy sac are so vivid. I didn’t think I’d be able to distinguish it, but could. I totally get the emotional build up and glad that your DH is a good listening ear. My DH is but I feel like I’m adding to his grief with mine so perhaps have held back at times. Sometimes a conversation can be so easy but other times not. x

@AdrianeMole. Ah okay, it was the first I’d heard of waiting for counselling/therapy yesterday. I think I may try to find another way as I’ve found it so helpful before. Sharing on here and having a good cry yesterday also really helped though. I’ve found it hard to speak to friends too, getting the words out can be difficult and I just find them looking at me hard (that sounds so weird but hopefully you get what I mean!). x

@Doodledeedum Gosh, I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much. I’m the same, have found therapy a good safe space to unpack the things I tend to hold in my head and relate to things that I do. My job (and family!) requires me to remain emotionally measured and supportive of others so I really valued counselling as being a space for me. I’m so happy your therapist squeezed you in so you can speak with someone you already have a rapport with.
Our family lost one of my nephews to cancer in 2019. My sister (his mum) is a bit older than me so him and I were close in age. After he passed I really spiralled and had some dark days and thoughts; I found that counselling really helped me through and stopped the spiral; that took place within the same time frame after he passed. I know I don’t want to go back to those dark days so thought counselling would be possible again. Thanks lovely, I think I will try to find another way. x

@hollyrusso12 This is a lovely idea, thank you for sharing. x

Hi everyone. Been a bit MIA last few days or so. DH has been off so we have spent some time together.

I am still not ready to see large groups so will be missing our work do tomorrow. Bern mulling it over for a couple of days but I just can't.
Im signed off for next week as well so seemed wrong to go to a work do, even though HR said it would be fine.

Had a call from my pharmacy today about my prescriptions and had to tell them that I don't need it anymore. Poor pharmacist didn't know what to say.

What are you all telling people as to why you are not at work? Only a few colleagues know at this point.

Hey ladies, so glad I've found this thread. I'm learning so much more than any doc or nurse has ever told me.
I recently had a miscarriage, started bleeding 23rd Nov but didn't pass anything until 29th (7 weeks 1d). Does the first day of bleeding count as CD1 or is it after the 29th? Bleeding stopped on the 3rd Dec but started again yesterday. It is so confusing as I am still getting very faint positives but was hoping to be ovulating by now.
Any similar experiences?
TIA x

Hey @BbC85 I don't know if I've done this "right" but I waited until my period started again before starting to track my CD1. Mainly because I was bleeding/spotting for about 2 weeks so just made my peace with that being my body trying to get back to normal (and not being 'normal' yet).
But as some of the wise posters have said, your first period after miscarriage may take longer to arrive or may have a longer/shorter duration.
But that's just how I'm processing it, and not based on medical knowledge. Maybe someone else here has the correct answer!

Today I'm sat at work ( on my own) crying my eyes out because I'm due on any minute and my first baby was due next Tuesday.... life Fucking Sucks.

Thanks @Tofu35. I think I'm just so anxious for things to get back to "normal" and to start ttc again. It's my second mc in 3 yrs but took over 18 months to just get pregnant this time. I'm 36 and worried about how long it might take to conceive again, I don't want to miss any opportunities. You are probably right about waiting though. Thank you and sorry for your loss xx

Massive hugs for you @Doodledeedum 💐 I am so sorry life is a bag of shite right now xx

Is there any way to work from home next Tuesday?

@Tofu35 thank you. I feel like screaming in to the abyss. There's no way I can but tbh I would rather keep busy. I told my partner I want to do something to mark the occasion- my therapist suggested it but neither of us know what to do. I've a feeling il go home and get straight in to bed. The tears today are probably a culmination of grief and hormones.... I'm sure so many in the group will agree with me when I say - they come from 'nowhere' at 'anytime' ( of course they come from somewhere- but there's no planning for it) I'm just thankful no body is here at work apart from me so I can just howl.

@Doodledeedum, so sorry things are just so crappy. Sending hugs. Be kind to you and take the time you need x

Hand hold @Doodledeedum and to everyone.
I have spent the entire day googling something intensely that I think could have caused my miscarriage and then eventually emailed the doctor who said nope. Literally I am wasting my life sad or stressed at the moment!
@Willow1981 that sounds like a good decision, you do you.

@hollyrusso12 I like the sound of your project. What about a website where anyone who has been through such a loss could upload an artwork (no matter how crap in my case). Could give us an outlet. I am very sorry for your losses also [flower]

Jesus I meant

Had a scan today that showed I have had a completed miscarriage. HCG levels are still high so keeping my fingers crossed that they fall when I go back on Saturday. They did a pregnancy test and the line came up super quick, think thats to be expected since its only been a few days.
Sending love to everyone

Thanks! I like that idea a lot. Maybe there will be a way to incorporate that. Right now I’m collecting the sonogram photos and will create an artwork with them to honor them. If anyone is interested in submitting, my email is [email protected]

@Willow1981 Only my manager and 2 colleagues that I’m close to knew why I was off work. My manager spoke to the rest of the team and explained I was off but advised them that I didn’t wish to discuss it and the best thing they could do for me was to give me space and treat me like normal if we did have a conversation. I feel like it’s such a personal and private experience that I didn’t wish to share it with the rest of the team. I was really worried about what people would think initially but I’m at the stage where I’m past caring!

@Doodledeedum Sending you a huge hug. Life can feel so unfair and cruel at times. I know there’s nothing I can say that will ease the pain but I’m thinking of you and you will get through this

Hi everyone hope you are all doing ok.

I have stopped bleeding today since my erpc last friday so i am hoping that wont start up again.

Has anyone seen a private specialist if they have has more than 1 miscarriage? I have had 2, and have my 19 month old son. But he was a twin and we had a 2nd empty sac. It worries me that I wont be able to have a 2nd child. They told me at the hospital that progesterone wont help me as i dont bleed its usually a missed miscarriage for me. Just want to do everything I can for next time!

Xx

Hi @Hayley220 I have been referred to the recurrent miscarriage team, I have had two losses of chromosomal tested IVF embryos but the second was a second trimester loss that I think automatically can lead to a referral. I will go in January I think once my hormones have stabilised. I was a bit down to be referred as I think it suggests that there is something "wrong" with me but I am also keen to see what they can suggest and I heard they have psychological support which sounds good.
I have already had a few blood tests for clotting disorders and thyroid issues which came back clear so I think I need to prepared for nothing to come back.
Have you asked your doctor if you can be referred? I have seen on these boards that three losses might be required to get a referral.
I feel like I need a new focus like a volunteering role or something that stops me being so focussed on this TTC. I want to be more than a sad person, if that makes sense?

I started bleeding yesterday 2 weeks after my D&C which is weird as I had no bleeding since two days after the operation. My doc said this is normal, it could be my period or just a bleed after the op. Kind of annoying as I wanted to go swimming tomorrow.

@AdrianeMole im so sorry to hear you had a second trimester miscarriage. Was this your previous pregnancy?

At least you got advice from your doctor about the bleed. I have been really scared since my op with the bleeding, its been like a period, but passed some large tissue/clots which really worried me, then since last night it came to an abrupt stop. Really strange but i really hope its ok, as I just want to get on with life without the worry of bleeding too heavy etc. That scares me after my natural miscarriage the first time and losing too much blood. So i am hoping its over but I heard it can be stop/start.

I dont know if they would class this as 3 losses because although there was a 2nd empty sac I still had my son, but its worth maybe asking my doctor.

At the moment its caused a strain on my marriage, my husband hasnt really said or done very much. Because we have my son i guess he is just acting as though this all never happened. I told my best friend who sent me flowers, my mum and dad have been there for me.. but he has just hardly said anything apart from “well we knew anyway from the first scan”. I just think its such a hard thing for your body to go through physically aswell and he hasnt really looked after me. Sorry had to moan on here!

Thanks @Hayley220, the recent miscarriage was the second trimester, two weeks ago, which feels pretty surreal. Time has gone very slowly so maybe it feels like ages ago.

Sorry to hear that your husband has been so quiet. I think they just have opposite coping mechanisms and just want to avoid talking about it. My partner has been good, I get a little lift whenever we talk but he has a couple of times said let's not always talk about it so I have to manage it a little. Keep venting here - this thread is keeping us all going I think. I am so grateful to all of you and so sorry that we are all here.
x