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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 2. ALL welcome!

948 replies

AMS19 · 18/01/2021 13:37

Hi ladies

This thread is open for EVERYONE. To discuss the highs, lows, emotions, and experiences of us all going through our miscarriage journey. Together we will get through this!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC?pg=1

To my incredible strong warriors...I cannot believe we filled a thread! We've got this ladies ❤
@DMT1982
@Scottishskifun
@glowingtwig
@mia2201
@Redfoxinthesnow
@Seasalt1984
@laurat94
@tamsin424
@cocoloco88
@SuzieDeLaTour
@Cordial11
@seasalt1984
@thehotelcalifornia
@TheDaydreamBelievers
@Pettylamby
@Lililou
@Enola41
@CocoLoco88
@Nicolamac1
@Sleeeeeepy
@Mellous
@Nicolamac1
@Semla
@Seasidestarfruit
@mummydoingamasters
@elm7
@MrsD1992
@CookieMonster3001
@Dryshampoo32

Sincere apologies for missing anyone xx

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SuzieDeLaTour · 20/01/2021 14:40

@AMS19 oh I’m glad 😀😀 I try and give myself hope too ha!! X

AMS19 · 20/01/2021 14:43

@LauraT94 you ideally drink it in LP so after ovulation but can drink it all way though. I'm sat here downing POM as we speak!

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Enola41 · 20/01/2021 15:28

Thank you for your messages everyone. I've managed to go on a few long walks and cooked dinner yesterday. I think everything is being made worse because of the headaches which I am getting vision problems with (the vision problems are pre-existing but made worse by the headaches) I've spoken to my GP and they didn't seem too concerned but have referred me to an ophthalmologist. Of course I'm now fearing the worst Hmm.

The headaches are getting better but I wish they and the light headedness would go away.

AMS19 · 20/01/2021 15:53

@Enola41 sounds like really good progress, well done! Doesnt matter how fast you're moving the main thing is to keep moving. I'm also still getting very mild headaches, have done ever since my MVA

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Scottishskifun · 20/01/2021 16:02

@Summersun001 thanks I will check it out and give it a go. The lack of being able to sleep is so frustrating when I'm so tired!

@ams19 at the moment I'm in the watchful waiting period apparently 2/3 of PTSD find symptoms ease after 4 weeks. I have a follow up with the GP in mid Feb.

Pettylamby · 20/01/2021 16:34

Hi ladies...

3 weeks post MVA today and I've started getting EWCM! and had tingly nipples last night so I think my body is gearing up for ovulation! I did an FRER when I got in from work this afternoon and there is still a faint line (wouldn't class it as a squinter but very faint!)

Decided to hold off testing with a digi until the weekend or next week I think!

Trying to take positives from the fact my body seems to be doing the right thing and gearing up to ovulate which hopefully means a period in a few weeks!

But also equally getting a bit anxious that due to deciding to wait for a period we might be missing a chance... I just think that if we did conceive this cycle my anxiety would be next level and I would cope better if I'd had a period first to know everything was cleaned out and starting fresh if that makes sense! I'm so conflicted!

Sorry to ramble but just needed to vent and update with people who understand! 🤷🏼‍♀️

AMS19 · 20/01/2021 16:57

@Pettylamby yay!!! Thats amazing news, well done body. I'm hoping I follow suit on Friday with a very faint FRER. I had some EWCM at the weekend but definitely haven't ovulated yet as my tests are negative.
So reading your message is like an insight into my own brain. I was definitely going to wait until after a period. And then decided "what if I miss a good egg" so have decided to leave it to fate and hope my body will recognise this time a bad egg and it just won't implant / worse case end up as a chemical. But still feel nervous about that decision so totally understand how you feel. I was mainly influenced by @SuzieDeLaTour who gave me hope with her rainbow baby pre period!

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Pettylamby · 20/01/2021 17:11

@AMS19 it's so hard isn't it! My gut tells me to wait and I really should trust it as it was right with the MMC and a lot of other things but it makes my heart hurt when I then count how many more weeks it'll be before we can properly try again after my period!

Ah I didn't realise that @SuzieDeLaTour had a pre period rainbow baby that's amazing!

I know it can go either way and I'm just so scared if we tried this month and it didn't work then I'd be more upset than if we chose to wait and took back a bit of that control that we've all lost recently!

Waaaaaah 😩

Ralala · 20/01/2021 17:24

Hi all. I have just spent some time reading both threads. Thank you all so much for sharing. I have found it really comforting.

I have been bleeding a since Sunday and finally got a scan today at epu. I should have been 8 weeks. No heartbeat, underdeveloped and also ectopic as not in the womb. I’m back on Friday for treatment. I just feel completely numb. Don’t feel anything . It’s the strangest feeling. In some ways I knew there was no way the scan today would go well with the amount of bleeding and cramps but wow that scan was hard.

Sorry I’m just wittering on. I’m just trying to focus on Friday for now. I also need to call my work to update them when I will be back. I called in sick on Tuesday but I really will need to let them know . I can’t even imagine going back next week.

AMS19 · 20/01/2021 17:34

@Pettylamby waiting is probably the advised option and so definitely would encourage it. With total transparency that's absolutely not what I'm doing 😂😂

@Ralala hi. I'm really sorry thats absolutely awful. One of our ladies also had eptiopic too and I can appreciate how this is additional heartache too. Have you opted for surgery or the tablets? It's such a tough experience and we've all struggled. You're definitely in the right place here and we will help support you as much as we can. Sending you lots of virtual hugs xx

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Ralala · 20/01/2021 17:42

@AMS19 thank you for your kind words. doc is hopeful tablets as opposed to surgery but no decision until Friday . If we need surgery then it would be the following week. I’m at a very small risk of rupture as baby isn’t growing. In some way that gives us a little time. It feels like so much information to take in at the moment. I just can’t seem to process information. Does that make sense? Xx

Pettylamby · 20/01/2021 18:07

@AMS19 I think I know in my head we're gonna wait but I then start doubting myself! I think even if I changed my mind DP would stay strong cos he knows I'd be a nightmare if we conceived straight away without a period! Even worse than normal! 😂

Rooting for everyone else tho! Hoping for some BFPs soon 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

AMS19 · 20/01/2021 18:08

@Ralala there is a lot of helpful information on eptopic on the miscarriage association website worth looking at that might help. I totally understand, so many decisions and information, whilst also trying to deal with the emotions. It's such a difficult time. You will absolutely get through this though and you will get your happy ending. This is just unfortunately a horrible road we have to go down xx

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AMS19 · 20/01/2021 18:09

@Pettylamby the reality is your probably looking at 4 weeks and you'll be in fertile week. In the grand scheme of it not long to wait at all 😊

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CocoLoco88 · 20/01/2021 18:38

Hey everyone, just caught up on people’s messages from today.

Something has been bugging me, and I wondered if anybody has any words of wisdom to offer...

Prior to getting pregnant, I only had two periods last year (beginning of July and beginning of October). I came off the pill at the end of Feb, so would have expected some disruption, but as a result I have NO idea about cycle length etc.

Anybody else had experience of very irregular cycles and/or got any advice about how to handle a potentially long wait for a period to show up after MMC?

Am I supposed to not have sex if my period doesn’t show up for another five months for example?!?!

Just feeling a bit clueless and don’t know what to think... x

SuzieDeLaTour · 20/01/2021 19:04

@Pettylamby yes my little boy was conceived 3 weeks after my miscarriage. My gynae wasn’t impressed that I didn’t wait the recommended cycle first so I told a little lie that our condom had split...in reality there was no condom! 😃😃 I had done a digital ovulation test which showed I was ovulating so we did it twice within 24 hours (evening then following morning) and hey presto 9 months later our gorgeous little rainbow bubba arrived! ❤️😍 I did go into a mad panic, thinking I might have set myself up for another mc by not allowing my body to fully heal and have a period etc but thankfully all was ok. About to put the little guy to bed as I write this 🥰 xx

SuzieDeLaTour · 20/01/2021 19:06

@Ralala I’m so sorry to hear your news. I’m glad you’ve joined this thread as hearing the other girls’ stories has really helped me and hopefully we can offer you the same support Flowers try not to worry too much about work next week, your doctor can sign you off and right now I think it’s a matter of taking each day as it comes xx

SuzieDeLaTour · 20/01/2021 19:13

@CocoLoco88 gosh that is a headf**k for you! I can’t imagine they would expect you to hold off until your next period if there’s the possibility it could be a couple of months away? From what I gathered last time I had a MMC, they use the period as a way of dating the pregnancy and to avoid any confusion as to how far along you are. I don’t think it is detrimental to a future baby at all, it certainly didn’t do me any harm! Let’s hope that this whole awful ordeal might help to reset everything. You could always ask your GP or call your EPU and ask for some advice? I’ve found everyone at my EPU to be really helpful even after a miscarriage xx

AMS19 · 20/01/2021 19:32

@CocoLoco88 how frustrating!! I havent I'm afraid, I only had 2 cycles off the pill, the first was 27 days and the second I fell pregnant. If it were me and I had long cycles I would definitely just crack on and try. The reality is falling pregnant before a period is no higher risk than waiting for a period. It just means dating it becomes more challenging unless you're tracking ovulation. But I was told there is absolutely no additional risk! Xx

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TheDaydreamBelievers · 20/01/2021 20:21

@CocoLoco88 I had completely ridiculous long cycles before my pregnancy. That's part of the reason that when the hospital said I was definitely no longer testing pregnant and had nothing left behind (on thursday), then my OPK went positive (on saturday) we just thought fuck it, let's go for it. Cause we will kick ourselves if we didnt and ended up with another 6 months until a period.

LauraT94 · 20/01/2021 20:39

I hadn't even considered what a head fuck long cycles could be after a MC! Honestly really feel for you ladies. I had a long-ish cycle as I only ovulated at CD35 but not majorly long really! That was only my first cycle post-pill though so I've got no idea how much body will cope with this 'cycle' post-MC.

A bit worried about it but will go with the flow!

My pains reduced a bit today but I've had two proper gushes of blood 😬 you know the type where you're just standing doing something (cooking dinner!) And all of a sudden you just feel that warm gush 😳 its so weird how variable my bleeding is! Some days I've barely spotted and then I get a day like this?! My MVA was a week ago tomorrow so I'm hoping it gets lighter every day now!

Also I've been naughty and already doing pregnancy tests (just ICs) because I'm impatient as hell and also really curious to see how quickly it decreases! Trying to do one every two days so far...

TheHotelCalifornia · 20/01/2021 20:51

Hey ladies! How are we getting on? Will reply to everyone in a sec but I just wanted to share some amazing news we got yesterday!! I’m so so so pleased to share that the Dr called me and said my histology results showed there was no evidence of a molar pregnancy. YAY! Honestly I was so happy I burst into tears on the phone and then like 3 times yesterday evening because I just kept remembering and feeling so happy. She called me specially to tell me because she remembered how anxious I was. What a babe. It’s just a huge weight off our shoulders and is the best possible outcome we could have hoped for after such a shitty few weeks. Just feeling really grateful and humbled really as we’d read so much about partial molars and I just feel incredibly lucky that it wasn’t the case for us, and sending love to anyone who may be dealing with this as it’s been an incredibly stressful few weeks. We don't take for granted the fact that it could have been our reality. So this means we just need to wait for my period like the rest of you girls and then we can crack on 😊 yay!

In other news I started back at work yesterday and honestly it’s nice to get back to some normality plus my reception was so lovely. My manager called to check in first thing and then the director of the company called me to see how I was (cute) and THEN I got ANOTHER beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered by my workmates. And throughout the day everyone was checking in on Zoom to see how I was which just made me feel so loved as I’ve worked there a year but obviously mainly WFH, and I don’t know, like they obviously don’t know about the miscarriage so just making sure I’m okay. I just said I went into hospital. Super cute and just wanted to share if anyone is nervous about going back to work as I’ve had a really good experience.

So yeah, I’m feeling a lot better these days. 9 days post-surgery, bleeding has stopped, had the odd vvvvv pale pink wipe last couple of days but hardly anything at all. I’m back on the B6, folic acid and agnus castus cause I figured it couldn’t hurt, and I’m going to order Vitamin D too as I’ve read it’s just generally really good for us. So I think we’re just waiting for my period now. Tempted to get some OPKS to see when I ovulate but I also feel it may tempt me too much and I do feel it would be best to wait for my period before trying, and hope that we still catch this mystical fertileness post MC.

I saw a post on here from an old thread I think where someone said she felt so humbled by her body having a period after everything she’d been through and I screenshotted it as it really resonated with me. Going to try to shift my thinking into that mindset more than the negative one I’ve been in lately. Trust in what’s happened and believe that it wasn’t meant to be, but better days are ahead of us.

So, catching up on the new thread!

@Enola41 oh lovely I’m so sorry that you’re having such a tough time at the moment. As everyone else has said please know that we are all here for you and you will get through this even though things feel almost unbearable at the moment.

@mia2201 thank you for sharing your story I think it will help a lot of ladies joining us xxx

@LauraT94 goodness me what a week you've had, bless you sweetheart. Crazy that the bleeding can vary so wildly between the days. Glad the pain has lessened - are you still getting some though? I was on 30mg of codeine too and it really helped eliminate my pain apart from when they wore off and I was due a new one. I hope they help you too and the pain really starts to be minimal soon xxx

@Summersun001 welcome. So so sorry for your loss xxx

@TheDaydreamBelievers so exciting that you’re in the TWW. Sending you so much love and positive thoughts and I agree you did the right thing, I’m tempted to given my long cycles. Fingers crossed neither of our cycles are as absolutely batshit crazy as they were post-pill, and fingers crossed even more that things go well for you this cycle xxx

@AMS19 just catching up on your shenanigans! So are you thinking BD this cycle, like before your period? I’m so conflicted about what to do but DH thinks wait for a period and I think I probably agree. What if we miss a fertile cycle though urghghhhhhh why is this so annoyingggggggggg

@DMT1982 so exciting that you’re ovulating! I know you’re going to wait a couple of months to TTC but exciting news and sounds like your body is trying to do the right thing xxx

@Slk3558 welcome to our thread lovely. Not sure about which day to count as CD1 to be honest so looking forward to seeing everyone’s thoughts! It’s so hard and I really have no idea. I guess the day I actually had the ERPC should be it…although I started bleeding more heavily the day before…but I actually started properly bleeding on New Years Day. So who bloody knows.

@Mellous hello, are we surgery twins? Did you have an ERPC on the 12th? If so, hi!

Sending everyone love xxx

AMS19 · 20/01/2021 20:57

@TheHotelCalifornia aww amazing news!! Im so so so happy this hear this!! I love how positive your updates always are. I'm so proud of you and how well you're doing ❤
Honestly I have no clue what I'm doing. What I should be doing is waiting for my period. What I am currently doing is having sex without even getting negatives 🙄 I need to have a long hard word with myself and stop really! I have no control! Xx

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AMS19 · 20/01/2021 21:01

@LauraT94 don't worry i was testing 4 days after my MVA!! POAS addict. I didnt test today and have felt the itch all day so caving and testing tomorrow. Genuinely think I have issues 🙄
My bleeding has been so on and off. Only spotting but came and went, then stopped completely about 11/12 days post MVA!

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LauraT94 · 20/01/2021 21:23

@TheHotelCalifornia awww your message is so full of positivity and happiness! Thank you for sharing. I can practically feel your relief about the no-partial-molar results!! Typically enough, once I sent my message (so literally in the past half hour!!) I've been hit by really bad pains and another gush of blood!! Given in and taken another codeine today (haven't had one since yesterday afternoon) and I just feel a bit deflated! When I've been to the hospital and had answers like 'there's no infection and no pregnancy left' I've felt such relief! And then this happens and I just feel so worried again (what if it's an infection setting in, what if they missed something on the scan etc). I think I need to try and take a leaf of positivity out of your book 😂 I'm so traumatised from my experiences in the hospital now I'm absolutely not going back there!!

@AMS19 yes my first test was 4 days post MVA too 😂 glad I'm not alone!! It almost feels more like I'm working towards another pregnancy if I'm peeing on sticks 😂 definitely an addict over here!! My bleeding definitely isn't just spotting (today at least!).