Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 2. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

This thread is open for EVERYONE. To discuss the highs, lows, emotions, and experiences of us all going through our miscarriage journey. Together we will get through this!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC?pg=1

To my incredible strong warriors...I cannot believe we filled a thread! We've got this ladies ❤
@DMT1982
@Scottishskifun
@glowingtwig
@mia2201
@Redfoxinthesnow
@Seasalt1984
@laurat94
@tamsin424
@cocoloco88
@SuzieDeLaTour
@Cordial11
@seasalt1984
@thehotelcalifornia
@TheDaydreamBelievers
@Pettylamby
@Lililou
@Enola41
@CocoLoco88
@Nicolamac1
@Sleeeeeepy
@Mellous
@Nicolamac1
@Semla
@Seasidestarfruit
@mummydoingamasters
@elm7
@MrsD1992
@CookieMonster3001
@Dryshampoo32

Sincere apologies for missing anyone xx

Sorry to anyone who reads my updates and thinks 'oh my god!!!'. I swear it's not meant to be this complicated and drawn out and painful and bloody when you've had an MVA 😂 ignore my accounts of it! I'm not sure why it's happening but obviously my body likes to fuck me over for some reason!!

I promise soon enough I'll be back and brimming with positivity and in a better place to hold your virtual hands!

@LauraT94 oh no!! And absolutely don't apologise. This thread needs to be a place to be brutally honest. Let's face it my MVA experience was horrific but after experience has been amazing. So it's good for people to see both sides! The only positive is the more that comes out the more you can have a lovely fresh new lining all ready for a future baby! I hardly bled after so my lining so probably all old and rubbish 😂😂 even more rrason to wait for a period really....xx

@AMS19 true!! And yeah hopefully I'll be nice and fresh and fluffy after all this 😂

So I've just passed a lot of clots and tissue!! I'm actually so angry and upset. It was definitely pregnancy tissue (obviously won't post a pic but there were quite a few light pink/grey lumps amongst the dark red clots). So either this was missed on the scan yesterday or just too small to detect? I'm not sure!! But the really bad pain passed once I passed the tissue so maybe that was all it was?! Still feeling sight pain and aches now even with the codeine but it's a lot better. So exhausted with all of this now! But I'm going to bed once again hoping that was the worst of it and hoping for a better day tomorrow 😂

Hi everyone I’ve been reading threads on here for such a long time but never joined (if I had a google question, here would pop up and I’d read some) but I’ve finally joined as I had a mc over Xmas and I am like everyone struggling with it. I don’t no if this is the right post but I have 2 children already but my youngest is 6 and I’m now 30 (nearly 31) and also with a new partner this time round, and I feel as I’m older it might be due to the mc or because of the new partner I don’t no but I’ve felt the need to message you all as your all going through the same grief and talking to others who have been through the same as me might help. I had bleeding from the 22nd dec (I think) brown blood when wiped every day until Boxing Day when it got slightly more I went to a&e and they booked me in for a scan.. had bleeding right up until then, went for the scan I should have been 9 weeks but they told me there’s no change since 5 1/2 weeks and it was already trying to come out but opt for a tablet as I’d been bleeding so long and the upset was too much I needed to hurry it up in a way at the time as I was so upset it was happening and couldn’t keep putting myself through the heartache ( I suffer with anxiety and slight depression) but needed to no if you all found the after math a lot to deal with and wasn’t given the right info? They told me what would come but I feel I’ve been left on my own to deal with the aftermath and I’m so upset it’s happened but there’s always reminders( like the pains, bleeding, symptoms gone, pregnancy tests saying your positive when your not pregnant) is everyone like this or is it just me ? Thank you x

I've been away from the thread the last few days drafting my complaint to the hospital. Thank you do much you so those that gave advice. I still have some more to add but took s break from it today.

@Ralala I'm so so sorry to hear about your ectopic. I also had one a couple of weeks ago which required surgery, luckily it hadn't ruptured. It can be a strange mix of emotions losing your baby and also worrying about your own health. It sounds positive that it can be managed without surgery and I have everything crossed for you that it goes well. If for whatever reason you do end up needing surgery, mine really was fine. The most painful part was when they put the cannula in my wrist for the IV. I'm happy to talk through anything. I've read soooo much about ectopic pregnancies in the last few weeks.

@LauraT94 I really hope you passed the last of any tissue. Before they diagnosed my ectopic I had a few hours of contractions when I passed some tissue, the pain went immediately after. I can't imagine doing that for as long as you have, what an absolute trooper you are. And I agree with @AMS19, its good to share the reality of miscarriage rather than sugarcoating it. Before my friend went through a missed miscarriage earlier in the year, I literally had no idea about them. I'd never really thought about how they get the baby and the the tissue out, I was gobsmacked when I found out that you experience contractions. Not everyone's experience is the same but it's good for you and others to share.

I've not been been able to catch up fully but my thoughts are with all newbies to the thread. It's the not the kind of club you necessarily want to join but if it's any consolation the support I've had from the people here been so valuable and appreciated. Xxx

@LauraT94 that definitely sounds like that was it. To be honest I was so surprised when you said that there was nothing left as it definitely sound like your body wanted to get rid of something. Hopefully thats it now and the bleeding and pain goes right down to normal levels

@Katej21 I'm really sorry for what you've been through. Everything your feeling so completely normal and understandable. The physical and emotional turmoil of a miscarriage are hard to put into words and only someone who has experienced it will truly understand. Time is the healer. I dony think you need to worry about the why, chances are it was very very likely just bad luck. You're still young so your age won't be the issue. Was more likely just a bad egg or a bad sperm. Dont lose faith ❤

@Lililou I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were getting on. Well done on progressing the letter. You're going to help so many other ladies by doing this. How are you feeling? We are all here if you need someone to talk to

Thanks everyone for all your support. You are such a lovely bunch.

I have found this week really lonely to be honest. I have my husband but it’s like our awful heartbreaking secret. We hadn’t told people about the pregnancy so now I don’t want to speak about the miscarriage as there is no need but at the same time I’m struggling to pretend all is ok. Thankfully covid means I’m at home anyway but even just meeting a friend for a walk or zoom catch ups at the weekend. I just want to hide away. Is this normal?

I’m so sorry for what you are all going through. Mine was very early so didn’t need medical intervention (I hope!) so can’t imagine how hard that must be 😔
I agree @Ralala it’s so lonely. Having to pretend everything is ok. Why is it such a taboo subject and not spoken about more?
My children are 4 and 7 and know something is wrong, they keep asking why mummy is crying again and I can’t tell them.
Sending lots of love to everyone ❤️

@ralala oh I'm so sorry lovely, it's so heartbreaking. Choosing to share about a miscarriage is a really personal thing. After some initial hesitation I decided to tell some close friends and family about my miscarriage (who didn't know about pregnancy) and it was such a valuable life line I hadn't expected. A couple of friends had had miscarriages and have been such a source of support. My DH initially chose not to tell anyone and in the end I encouraged him to tell his mum and best mate and he said it was such a weight off. Only share if you're comfortable with it but just wanted to share my positive experience of reaching out. Sending love and hugs x

@ralala also, think this might have been mentioned, but miscarriage association website has lots of helpful info and has a helpline with people you can talk to if that might help. I've not used the helpline but people who have say it's really helpful. Whatever you feel is completely valid, it's a big wave we're having to ride

Thanks all. It just feels so incredibly personal and also, I know this sounds ridiculous, but I worry people judge and blame me. I have been keeping up with my running and I worry people will think I didn’t take it easy and blah blah. EPU were lovely and told me exercise absolutely did not cause this. the mix of emotions is incredibly hard to process today. I suppose my plummeting pregnancy hormones may be to blame also.

Sorry I’m just dumping all my thoughts here.

@ralala nobody would ever think that and the nurses are correct exercise doesn't cause miscarriage. Nobody is going to judge you or blame you.
Some exercise is said to be a no but because of risk of fall such as skiing or surfing.
It's personal but I definitely found it better telling people even just one close friend or family.

Hi ladies, I hope you don’t mind me joining.
I’ve been following your stories since the first thread and I’m completely blown over with the courage and strength that you’ve all shown. The positivity and kindness in this group is absolutely amazing!

I found out that I’d had my second MMC just before Christmas - I opted for surgical management but for numerous reasons had to settle for an MVA. I found the actual procedure quite difficult, and given the choice probably wouldn’t put myself through it again.

A few days after the procedure I started having contraction type pains (which resembled my natural MC) so was convinced I had retained product. @LauraT94 I think you had the cramps too, they’re bloody awful. My bleeding continued on and off for a good few weeks and has finally settled 3 weeks post op, although I still have a tiny bit of spotting.

After my 1st MC my periods took 42 days to return so I’m going to use that as a benchmark. We fell pregnant again on the 2nd cycle after the MC (didnt try on the 1st), during which my cycles returned to my normal 28 days.

Thank you to the ladies who have been posting info/links for vitamins etc I’ve started taking Ubiquinol and have tried to cut down on my plastic use.

@AMS19 something you said on a previous post has made me think that we may have been in hospital together! (My husband was sitting in the car for hours.. we couldn’t get into the ward) xx

@Lililou ah thank you. I'm lucky that they weren't intense for the full 5 days between the contractions started and passing the tissue last night but yes they were still a horrible few days! Not helped by my 'treatment' by hospital staff. Trying to stay positive today that it's finally over!

@AMS19 ahh I know, I did doubt their claim that it was all gone but they're the experts so what do I know 😂 clearly more than them!! Never doubt your own intuition is the lesson learned here I believe.

@Boredinthehouse12 welcome and I'm so sorry for your losses. I have to agree with you and say that I'd not put myself through an MVA ever again! I found the experience very painful and traumatising, and of course have had these complications afterwards. Yes it does sound as though we've had very similar experiences! I'm sorry you struggled with the pain too. I mainly feel as though I've been made out to be lying by the nurses etc as they all said there's no tissue left and I have no sign of infection so they don't see why I'd be in so much pain! But hopefully with time I feel less angry about it. At the moment I'm just constantly replaying the conversations over and over in my head and getting myself really aggravated! It's good to hear you're down to just spotting now, hopefully I'll be there soon too!

Still in a bit of pain today but nowhere near where I've been before! Which is a relief. Currently looking at tattoos - I'd love to get a delicate little feather on my foot/ankle to remember my little bubba. But also hoping I'll be pregnant again before tattoo shops open so it may be a while before I get it 😂

@Boredinthehouse12 hi! Yes I think we were definitely in the hospital together!! Small world. I've been wondering how you're getting on. I cant believe you've only just stopped bleeding, you poor thing. Have you been back to EPU? That's really frustrating. I ended up nearly getting stuck in hospital after you left when my temp spiked. So annoying. But apart form that my recovery has been really good. Just desperately wanting the negative tests now. Very close but not quite there. It's really good to hear from you! We both had such a shit time didn't we, so glad it's behind us now

@TheHotelCalifornia almost surgery twins! I had mine done on 11th jan. How are you doing? Amazing news on the non partial molar, so pleased for you!!

Sorry ladies been a mad day and just trying to catch up!! @TheHotelCalifornia that’s amazing news from the doc, what a relief for you. You sound so positive about everything which is just so lovely ❤️
@LauraT94 I can’t believe you were still passing tissue last night!? What an awful ordeal you’ve had - I feel so sorry for you. The emotional is more than enough to deal with let alone having to go through never ending physical pain and changes 🤦‍♀️
@Katej21 I’m so sorry you’ve had to join this very undesirable club!! It’s such an awful thing to go through and I think you just need to take each day as it comes. The first couple of weeks are so tough both emotionally and physically so what you’re feeling is totally normal and we all understand how you’re feeling. we are all here for you to share your feelings with. I’m 5 days post -op, still bleeding so haven’t started with the pregnancy tests yet but it is a very drawn out process 😢
@Ralala i think how you’re feeling is completely normal. I haven’t told anyone bar my family (they knew I was pregnant) and one girlfriend and while I know I will tell my friends as and when I finally see them I don’t have any desire to talk about it right now, especially not over the phone or what’s app. What I will say is I did tell all my friends quite quickly last time I had a miscarriage and when I met them and talked it all through I did feel better for it. It’s amazing how many women have been through this and how much support you’ll get xx

@Ralala I completely forgot to say - NO ONE will judge you! I think as women we can often be guilty of blaming ourselves or wondering if we did something wrong but the sad fact is these bubbas were never going to make it no matter what we did / didn’t do. Whether you decide to share what’s happened is a very personal decision and you will undoubtedly make the right one for you but I promise no one will think you are to blame in any way shape or form 😘

@Laur13 and @Ralala I started just with just telling a small number of close friends and my boss. They turned out to be such great support that I started telling a few more. Everyone is different but I personally found it enormously helpful and it's made me realise how much people around me care about me. I've been really pleasantly surprised by the reactions and I sometimes wonder if we think it's more of a taboo than it actually is anymore. I think in previous decades the norm would be to key a stiff upper lip but i really think things are changing. There's something quite liberating about thinking fuck the taboo, this is real and it's shit and it affects so many women, why should I have to keep my mouth shut? Just do what feels right for you x

Thanks for thinking of me @AMS19, you've been so attentive to everyone on the thread.

I'm doing pretty well now, both physically and mentally. Partner and I had a bit of a rough couple of days last weekend as we were dealing with things in different ways and didn't see eye to eye on when to start TTC again (I want to wait due to fear of another ectopic so soon and I don't want to rush straight back into it) but we've since been really good and been there for one another a lot more. Support on this thread and from friends has been amazing, being able to go for short walks again has really helped too. I hated not being able to go out with my big daft dogs, partner still has to actually walk them with their leads as they're very strong but doing me the world of good to go with them 🙂

@Ralala, I came across a support thread specifically for ectopics today which might be helpful

TTC after ectopic Part 2 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/4132582-TTC-after-ectopic-Part-2

This MC/MMC thread has been brilliant so I'm still be sticking around here and all are welcome. But might also be helpful to have a nosy over there to read/share with some others that have also experienced ectopic.

@lililou morning lovely. I'm SO pleased to read your message. You're doing incredible considering what you've been through. These experiences are so tough on relationships and take their toll. I'm glad you've worked through it, and as hard as it is, talking is definitely the best policy. It's rare both partners will be in the same place mentally at the same time. I think my husband is just oblivious to the options (wait for a negative test, wait until after a period, wait longer) and will just go with whatever I suggest. I suspect if we have another miscarriage that may well change though. You have to do what feels right when it feels right. Trying again isn't going to be easy, the anxiety will be off the scale during another potential pregnancy, but unfortunately it's a journey we have to go through at some point if we want our rainbow. With you always trust your instincts, they habe proven to be spot on so far. Sending you lots of love

@Lililou thanks for posting about ups and downs in your relationship. I would say from my experience it’s definitely common place for you to be on different pages with lots of things but babies is an another level I’ve found. The guys try to support us the best way they can and they are also on an emotional rollercoaster but physically it’s all happening to you with the emotional side of things thrown in as well just for good measure! They are very black and white as @AMS19 says which is when things become somewhat fraught, this virus doesn’t help either because you’re stuck inside and that brings its own issues with relationships.

You’ve done really well in chatting things over and as hard as this all is losing a baby and then having to make the decision when to try again, it will actually make your relationship stronger going forward because you’ve been through the lowest of lows together and come out the other side.

I spent an entire year convincing my husband to try again and he eventually agreed and then we miscarried twice! As much as I would never have wanted that to happen I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and he is now desperate for the baby and is fully on board with trying again. Like you though I am anxious and want to get myself sorted health why’s and emotionally before trying again xxx

Morning ladies.

So sorry to see some new ladies on here but you are in the right place for support and to ask questions if need be.

I am 23 days post MVA and I got my 'not pregnant' on a digi this morning - I thought i would be so sad but I actually let out a little cheer knowing my body is doing what it's meant to after weeks of feeling let down and angry at what I saw as its failure to give me our much wanted first baby.

I also got what I think was a positive opk yesterday and have been getting ewcm (although brown so maybe left over blood near the cervix) for two days... Becuase of the old blood I am now 100% happy in my decision to wait for a period and start on a totally fresh cycle - I'm just so happy this appears it will be sooner rather than later! After coming off the pill I took 95 days to get a period so I was terrified my body would do the same after the miscarriage!

On the topic of telling people about early pregnancy/miscarriage I had told quite a few work mates and friends (I have pretty bad anxiety at times and I knew I would need the support) - having to tell them that we had lost the baby was heartbreaking but the support and love from the all afterwards was invaluable, might not be for everyone but for me it was the best thing I could have done. You also then find out about other people's story and how incredible common this is... Out of DPs 3 female cousins all miscarried their first. Out of my school friendship group of 4 every one of us now has had a miscarriage... It doesn't make what happened any easier but all 7 of those people now have one or two babies... This gives me so much hope that we will all get our rainbow babies when the time is right... 🌈🌈🌈

@pettylamby aw that's good news about your negative! I know what you mean, I felt so relieved about my negative then wasn't sure if i should feel guilty about it! Definitely a step in the direction. It's so sad about the number of women it happens to but you're right, such a great source of support and the positive rainbow baby stories fills me with so much hope. Thanks for sharing. I did OPK as looked a bit like ewcm but not quite there yet. One day at a time 😊