Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 2. ALL welcome!

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

This thread is open for EVERYONE. To discuss the highs, lows, emotions, and experiences of us all going through our miscarriage journey. Together we will get through this!

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4119053-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC?pg=1

To my incredible strong warriors...I cannot believe we filled a thread! We've got this ladies ❤
@DMT1982
@Scottishskifun
@glowingtwig
@mia2201
@Redfoxinthesnow
@Seasalt1984
@laurat94
@tamsin424
@cocoloco88
@SuzieDeLaTour
@Cordial11
@seasalt1984
@thehotelcalifornia
@TheDaydreamBelievers
@Pettylamby
@Lililou
@Enola41
@CocoLoco88
@Nicolamac1
@Sleeeeeepy
@Mellous
@Nicolamac1
@Semla
@Seasidestarfruit
@mummydoingamasters
@elm7
@MrsD1992
@CookieMonster3001
@Dryshampoo32

Sincere apologies for missing anyone xx

@Enola41 your not being a useless mum but I know exactly what you mean about feeling like it. I found me having a rest away from everything watching some rubbish on Netflix allowed me to have a bit of a reset so I was then able to be engaged with my son and play rather than zoned out etc and I felt better so wasn't worried I would let that mask down around him.

You have loss in addition to hormones all over the place and then the trauma/anxiety it's perfectly normal to be bursting into tears! There seems to be a society thing that you just get on with everything, truth is some people that's their coping mechanism and others (myself included) it's a huge grief.
The difference is that people feel that they shouldn't show it or discuss it. Sod that your grieving and its completely normal! I have cried and grieved more than when my grandmother died several years ago. To some that seems strange and harsh but my grandmother had a long life and was in pain when she died so actually it was a bit of a release that she wasn't in pain anymore.
There is no right or wrong way just don't shut yourself and your feelings down

@Enola41 so sorry to read that you’re having a tough time. To echo what others have already said, if it feels right then do contact GP/local mental health services.

I work for the NHS in adult MH so if you (or anyone else for that matter) want to talk about any aspect of the process of referring for support or anything else MH-related then just PM me.

As @AMS19 said, help is out there and it’s important we reach out and access it when we’re in need! Sending virtual hugs x

@Enola41 I’m so sorry you’re finding it so difficult. I had a bad day yesterday - I spent most of it in bed crying and have been feeling anxious today. It’s such a huge and traumatic thing to go through it’s very natural to feel a rollercoaster of emotions and when something awful like this happens it makes you feel worried and panicky about other things too. I echo what the other ladies have said - if it all feels too much or too overwhelming don’t hesitate to reach out to your GP or consider a counsellor who specialises in this type of loss? We are all here for you so keep on venting and telling us how you feel. Sometimes vocalising things can really help xxx

@SuzieDeLaTour I'm so sorry you had a bad day too. It is such a bloody rollacoster isn't. One minute you think you're dealing with it and the next it all feels hopeless. The hormones are still whirling around and you're only 2 days post op so everything will be heightened too. Each day it will get easier. Keep moving forward ❤❤

Hi my daughter is in a similar situation, she went for her 10 week scan on Thursday (14th January). She was told that the baby died 5 weeks ago and they were so sorry! She hasn’t had any bleeding or cramps and she said it was so rushed due to the COVID that they had to hurry out of the building. She wasn’t offered any after care , medical treatment or anything! As a mother I’m furious that they have left my daughter in this way ! It was her first pregnancy and she hasn’t got a clue what to do next ?

@Gillsa2000 assuming this was a private scan and not the NHS?
Your daughter needs to contact her midwife/the EPU unit. She will need a NHS scan to confirm and then they will run through the options which are self management (wait for natural miscarriage) medical management (tablets inserted which will start miscarriage usually dealt with at home occasionally in the unit) or surgical management with different options under this as well.
It's a horrible situation to be in please direct your daughter here or show her this thread. We are all going through it/been through it and with different treatments/options selected. We are a honest but friendly bunch. Ultimately she will need to select what she feels most suitable for her.

@Gillsa2000 thanks for reaching out. I agree with absolutely everything @Scottishskifun fun said. There are also lots of leaflets on the miscarriage association which I read to help me make my decision on management. We are all going through the same thing so very happy to help her if she wants to reach out to us. Mine was also my first pregnancy and its been a huge learning curve. The private scan clinic should have contacted her local EPU for her but if not tell her to call her GP as she will need a referral of some kind. Sending you both lots of love.

Hi everyone, I've been following the thread and I'm sorry to see more people joining. I'm trying to keep myself busy but random things set me off - I got a reminder text about my 12 week appointment again which was not what I needed. I've had a couple of counselling sessions which have helped and brought up some other things that I could do with working though too. I think I'm coming up to ovulation and part of my wants to try asap but then I'm not sure I can deal with the worry and emotions yet.

@AMS19 thanks for setting up the new thread and I hope you're coping with everything, you're doing such an amazing job at supporting everyone.

@Scottishskifun I'm really pleased that you’ve had a walk, you’ve been through so much. I’m glad you’ve still off work and I hope you're able to take as long as you need to recover.

@Mellous I’m comparing everything too. My miscarriage started soon after Christmas and I’m still thinking about everything I did then and what ‘caused’ it (I know it doens’t work like that). I remember getting quite cold soon before it happened and now I'm wrapping up like crazy. At this rate if I get pregnant again I'll be spending all my time in bed as I'll be too scared to do anything!

@Enola41 It’s so hard isn’t it. The only way to get through it seems to be accept the ups and downs along with all the support, as you say it’s a complete rollercoaster. I’m finding counselling helpful but I’ve had to go private due to the waiting times.

@MandsH Sorry that you’ve had to join the thread. I had some yellow mucousy discharge a couple of days ago and things have gradually returned to normal. I had bleeding after everything seemed to have cleared which concerned me and I was worried about an infection but it all seems ok. Do try and speak to the EPU if you can, It put my mind at rest. The experience seems to be so individual which makes it harder as it’s difficult to know what response is normal.

Thank you all for your lovely supportive messages yesterday. I saw the consultant in the morning who confirmed the baby had died. As my body still hasn’t miscarried naturally I’m scheduled for surgery on Wednesday morning under full anaesthetic. I’m relieved it’s so soon but just feel so numb about everything. It was so awful being half naked and poked and prodded by so many people again. They didn’t let my husband in the hospital at all yesterday which was so upsetting, I completely broke down at one point but they've now he should be able to be with me before the surgery. I've never had any kind of hospital treatment or surgery before so very anxious about the procedure, even just getting in a hospital gown feels so daunting but I'm sure it will be fine. Sending so much love and strength to you all xxx

@Enola41 I hope you're doing ok today and that everyone's messages helped a bit! ❤️

@SuzieDeLaTour hope you're doing ok too x

@Scottishskifun aww it's good you have some real life support to talk to as well! Hope you enjoy your walk with her this week! X

@Redfoxinthesnow I'm sorry you had that reminder, I think things like that will be really hard for a while! I was still getting emails every week from one place saying 'you should be 10 weeks today!' etc and it was horrible. I've been through my phone and deleted all the pregnancy apps etc to try and protect myself a bit! Hope you're doing ok x

So I didn't end up getting out of hospital for like 5.5 hours last night 😱 I'm actually livid at my treatment, yet again!!

Blood test was done really quickly and I was told I could go home to wait for the results. But my temp went up to 37.4 again so they said I had to stay in to wait. Hours passed and I was just left on my own, waiting!!
when I eventually went to find someone, couldn't find anyone anywhere as the ward was so dead and quiet. Waited 10 mins and the HCA turned up. I said I just wanted to find out what was going on so I could go home. She found nurse. She then told me 'oh your blood tests were fine, you can go home!'.

I was a bit confused but just went and grabbed my stuff and went to leave. Then realised they've not given me any answers, any pain killers, any ideas about what will happen next (with scan etc).

So went back to find HCA and asked if I could talk to someone before I left. She talked to nurse again and said she would call the doctor back to speak to me. Turns out that the Doctor and nurse couldn't find me to discuss blood results because I wasn't in my room... The room I hadn't moved from... The room the doctor herself put me in... Why couldn't they find me? Oh, they were looking in another room.

Arrrgghghhh!!!!!! 😡😡😡

The nurse then came out of hiding at that point and could see I was getting upset. I asked her which room she was looking for me in? Because she was very adamant that she'd looked for me many times and I wasn't in the room. Obviously wasn't the right one, so I pointed out my one.

Inexcusable really because loads of other people knew I was in the room I was actually in!!

But yeah I just gave up at that point 😂 she told me I was on a list to be called today for an emergency scan, told me I could get painkillers if I waited another hour or however long!! So I just said nope and walked out.

Just feel like I'm constantly being let down and just left to deal with things on my own!! I'm waiting for the call for the scan this morning and just dreading it with every fibre of my being!!

Hi Ladies - I’m so sorry to hear all your stories and can’t tell you enough how great a support this community is in making you feel like you’re not alone.
I had a scare on Christmas Day - ending up in A&E and then lost what I assume to be the sac on 27th, our first wedding anniversary. No pain. No red blood. Horrendous pain and body started to kick in on NYE and I bled for about 5 days. Since then I had normal CM (I get it as standard) for a few days then started spotting brown. On Sunday evening I had a red bleed but then back to brown yesterday.
I took a pregnancy test and had a faint positive still (2.5 weeks later). Have no idea what my body is doing but desperate for a negative and a period to kick by body back into action.

Sending love x

@Gillsa2000 so sorry to hear about your daughter. Must be very frightening for her not to know what’s happening or what her options are. Like the other ladies suggested, she should ring the EPU, explain the situation and they will be able to help her with the next steps. This group is such a lovely bunch of supportive ladies so please do get her to join if she feels she could do with somewhere to vent. Xx

@Redfoxinthesnow it’s so hard when things pop up. It feels like everything is a constant reminder! I’m constantly seeing ads flashing up with maternity clothes etc. 🙄
@LauraT94 I can’t believe the hospital!! I’m so angry for you, you’ve been through more than enough already. Sitting in a hospital by yourself for 5.5 hours is just ridiculous, especially with no one telling you what the hell is going on. I hope you get the scan call soon. I know youre absolutely dreading it but think of it is as a positive step forward - hopefully it can give you some answers (hopefully reassurance!) and then you can start to physically heal and move on Let us know how you get on, will be thinking of you! Xx

@tamsin424 oh it’s just so so awful having to go through that ordeal, particularly if you’re by yourself. Right now you’ll still be in shock, trying to process what’s happening so be kind to yourself and know that the whole range of emotions is completely normal. I think we’ve covered all of them on here!! ☺️ As someone who has had surgical management twice I can truly say it’s not half as scary as you think. You won’t be asleep for longer than 10 minutes and you don’t feel a thing. The consultants know what they’re doing, sadly they’re doing this every day so you’ll be in safe hands. For me, once the fear of miscarrying at home is lifted, i feel better and in a position to start healing. Being in limbo knowing your pregnant but it isn’t viable is just so awful! We are all here for you and will be “virtually” holding your hand through it xx

@LauraT94 so sorry to hear about your experience at the hospital, what a nightmare!! How is the pain today? Hang in there, sounds like you’re coping amazingly x

@Redfoxinthesnow hi lovely. I'm sorry this is tough but it is so good you're working through everyone. Honestoy seeking therapy and help is absolutely the best thing and although this journey and experience will be tough you'll come out much happier and in control of your emotions. See it as an investment for your future happiness

@tamsin424 I'm so sorry on the outcome but hopefully now not being in limbo helps a small bit with acceptance. All the ladies on here who had surgery had such great experiences (obviously great for a terrible situation) so you can take a lot of comfort from that hopefully. We will all be here to talk to if you need support. Take one day at a time. It's so hard but we all understand

@LauraT94 God I'm so so sorry! What an absolute shit show. Hopefullly today you'll get a positive outcome and then next time you go back will be for a 12 week scan with a rainbow baby and EPU will be long behind you. Keep us isolated

Hi @izeb I'm sorry that sounds awful. Have you had any follow up scans since? I'm also getting positive tests still and I'm 2 weeks 4 days since my MVA. I was told it usually takes 4 weeks for a negative but I was 11+1 when I had my mva so quite far gone. How are you coping with it all?

Well ladies, test was still positive 👎 but is pretty light? I'm 2 weeks 4 days post mva so still have a bit more time before I'm meant to be testing. I need to have bloods done to follow up on my thyroid private testing so tempted to ask my GP to test HCG at the same time. I am assuming given my tests my body won't be anywhere near ovulating yet despite the EWCM and consistent horn on! Im definitely feeling a bit in limbo but hoping my body ups its game soon and gets rid of the remaining hcg!

@AMS19 yeah I had a scan on 30th Dec and there was nothing there, which I knew because all my pregnancy symptoms switched off when I lost the sac a few days before. By that point my body hadn't started to kick in, but that started later that day with awful cramping and bleeding. Had some follow up bloods to check my hcg was going down for the next few days, and it was slowly have to ring them after 3 weeks (this weekend) with a test update. I was only 6 weeks so thought it would have gone by now. It's all a bit of a head muddle isn't it. I just want a normal cycle to kick in to clear my head.

Sorry to hear about your situation too, sounds awful, I hope you're okay. EWCM is a good sign that your body is starting to go through the notions again, keeping everything crossed for you x

@laurat94 you poor thing, sounds absolutely awful for you. So sorry you've had to go through this on to of everything else!

@tamsin424 and @lzeb so sorry this is happening, sending thoughts and love to you both

@Enola41 sending love and virtual hugs to you. This is all so so hard. Your feelings are so valid given what you've been through and you deserve support to get you through 💛

@ams19 That really doesn't look too far off. Hoping it's going in the right direction for you, keeping fingers crossed

I did a pregnancy test this morning and it was negative. Feeling a mixture of relief and strangely empty. I was 9 weeks at point of procedure so guessing it's negative after 2 weeks as I was quite early. Who knows. Hoping a lunch time walk by the river will clear my head. What a strange journey we're all on. Grateful for such a supportive thread!

@Seasalt1984 that's great news!!! Im so happy for you. I was 11 weeks (albeit baby died weeks before) so think mine were pretty peaked 🙄 I'm going to test again Friday which will be 3 weeks post mva

@izeb thanks it has been such a drawn out process which is frustrating. Fingers crossed all is clear by the weekend then. I hate this stage and waiting. Are you planning to try again?

@AMS19 that looks so so close to negative to me - I think you’ll be there so soon! Are you testing with pregnancy tests too or just hcg strips at the moment? I ordered both, I’ve got more bloody tests than Boots!! 🤪
@Seasalt1984 that’s great news it’s back to negative - at least you know your body has done what it’s needed to and you can see this as a fresh start. I get feeling empty though, it’s a strange one wanting an empty pregnancy test yet wishing you were still pregnant in the first place. Headf**k! Xx

It's frustrating close @SuzieDeLaTour 😂😂 I'm going to test again Friday and pray it is even lighter. At the moment using the cheap HCG strips. When they go negative (hopefully) then I'll use a FRER. If my GP approves a blood test Friday it won't be until next week I actually get to the hospital to have it done anyway I doubt so hopefully by then it will be even lower!

@AMS19 hope it goes negative for you soon lovely.

Now I've ovulated I'm finding myself so fixated on being pregnant again. I really hope it worked (even though I know it wouldnt be likely). Doing way too much googling

@AMS19 - yeah we want to try as soon as possible really. Want to have a period of course first. We conceived after 8 months first time trying but lots of figuring out ovulation and learning about my body. All senses heightened, it's such a strange process isn't it.

@Seasalt1984 - thank you. I can imagine when the negative comes, it comes with a mixture of feelings. I'm hoping for me it will give me some closure and help me look forwards rather than back to the difficulties and sadness. Sending love x

@TheDaydreamBelievers oh I'm so so hoping you jump straight back into it with a BFP!! God I can't imagine being in a TWW again. Although it's going to be more like a 12 week wait isn't it given what happened last time 🙄

@izeb I had initially wanted to wait for a period before trying. Then reduced that to just waiting for a negative test. Turns out I'm too impatient for either we we've just cracked on. Not trying obviously given I can't ovulate with HCG in my system, but not preventing either. I would be happy to see a period though and get into a clean cycle where I can track ovulation and properly try. This is literally like when you nearly drown and someone says jump back in or you will have the fear and not do it. I'm going to be a total wreck if I get a positive but will have to deal with that if/when I'm lucky enough to be in that position

I am so impatient wanting to try again! I've not even stopped bleeding / spotting yet (1 week since surgery) so obviously cant. I'm not sure I can wait for the first period even though I know we probably should...