Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@SuzieDeLaTour glad that you finally got there and also got into surgery quickly this morning. Get some rest.

@cocoloco88 glad you got a few hours of rest, your doing so well its so draining try to sleep where you can. I didn't get to management stage but I was had contractions a hot water bottle also helps a bit.

@SuzieDeLaTour that's great news!!! So you can relax knowing the worst physical part is done and it is all moving onwards and upwards from here! Hopefully you'll be home and snuggled up in no time xx

@SuzieDeLaTour I'm so glad they got you in quickly so you didn't have lots of waiting around! And it sounds like they're taking good care of you - my hot water bottle is my biggest comfort when I'm in pain at the mo!

@CocoLoco88 definitely try and think of the meds as a productive step in the right direction, hope you're feeling ok!

@DMT1982 my Fitbit actually buzzed during the procedure to congratulate me on being active... While my legs were up in stirrups 😂 I looked later that day and my heart rate spiked to 140 during the procedure so I'm not surprised! I was terrified.

After having nearly no bleeding at all yesterday afternoon/evening I'm back to heavier bleeding today 😢 just went to the toilet and had a little gush! I know the level of bleeding is going to be changeable for a little while but I just didn't expect it to be like that. I'm also in pain every time I get out of bed so I'm just trying to stay still today. I'm so sick of being sedentary though!

Anyone else have issues weeing after their op/MVA? I feel like I can't fully wee out everything I need to - it kind of trickles/dribbles towards the end?! Sorry for TMI but I've never had this before so it's just so weird! I'm thinking maybe just because everything's a bit swollen?!

@LauraT94 yeah I totally had the little gushes and also had the not being able to empty bladder thing too. As you say, it is because everything is all swollen up. I found the bleeding was only really heavy for 24-48hours then moved to spotting. But spotting would be more or less and come and go. Since I've hit 2 weeks though I've had no spotting and haven't worn a pad for the last 3-4 days! Busy your head in netflix as much as possible and rest up. Will be doing you good! Xx

@AMS19 @Scottishskifun thank you ladies!!
@LauraT94 yes they’re being so lovely and said I can go home within the next hour yippee! they’ve all been so sweet and caring that I wish I could bundle them up and take them home with me to comfort me 😄 so my gynae has requested that they send the tissue off to test for Chromosomal issues. He did it with my last one in 2018 - I think because I had so many period issues and pelvic infections in the past (including infertility) he likes to tick every box and give me an answer for everything! It did help me knowing why last time but I feel a bit panicky about finding out this time and I’m not sure why!? I think my hormones are running a bit wild and I’m feeling generally a bit anxious about everything 😩 They also tell you the sex which he said a lot of people don’t want to know but for me it helped last time (was a boy) so I will find out again.
On a happier note, any good tv / Netflix / prime recommendations? I need something lighthearted and funny. I ended up watching reruns of Friends yesterday that I hadn’t seen since I was about 20 - took me back to a time when life was much simpler and all about drinking and boys he he xx

@LauraT94 To be fair, what you had to endure with your procedure sounds far more gruelling than any work out so your FitBit was quite right to congratulate you!! 😁 xx

@SuzieDeLaTour glad it went okay. I can recommend the Umbrella academy. I also just watched Galaxy Quest.

Quick question- I was meant to have my 12 week scan on Monday. Do I need to contact the radiology department to let them know I won't be there?

No one said anything

@Enola41 I don’t think you do. With my last miscarriage the nurse said everything would be updated online so not to worry about cancelling and when I missed my midwife booking appointment a couple of weeks ago due to a bleed the EPU said the same thing xx

@SuzieDeLaTour oh wow I think it's amazing you're getting answers!! I would have paid money if I had the option to have ours analysed. I definitely couldn't know the sex though, no way! That would be too much for me. I'm really glad you've been looked after and the experience has been the best it could be.
Have you watched This Is Us on amazon? It is my favourite programme of all time. I came home and watched it after my op and it made me feel so much better ❤

@Enola41 no the hospital/ EPU should have cancelled everything for you so don't worry!

My husband was very unimpressed with how healthy the weekly shop was 😂😂 trying to eat more fish and stick to this medderterranean diet as much as possible. We won't mention the McDonald's I had last night though 🤫

@AMS19 I have to pay separately for it but last time I definitely found it reassuring and the sperm was to blame so I felt I was completely exonerated ha! I think you’re in the majority not wanting to know the sex but for me it helped. I was adamant I was having a boy so I wasn’t at all surprised when he told me the sex. No I haven’t seen This Is Us, I will check it out thank you 😊 that is a ridiculously healthy food shop!!!! I think you can be forgiven a McDs with that kind of diet! 😂 How come you’re on a med diet? Is it supposed to aid fertility? I think I read you mentioned some sort of supplement beginning with U for over 35s?? Typical I can’t find it now! I’m 37 so any tips send my way 😊 xx

@SuzieDeLaTour I really wish my hospital offered that I would definitely have paid!
Omg you will LOVE This Is Us. It is literally everything you need in your life right now. Even episode 1 will have you hooked and you'll be crying sad and happy tears. Honestly it is the best show to exist!

Yeah so this is all from the book myself and @DMT1982 are reading called it Starts With An Egg. I've shared my notes previously which might or might not be helpful. Medderterranean diet is great for egg quality so highly recommended in there. She also said you should try get a balanced diet of 40% carbs / 30% protein / 30% fat, with the carbs being low GI. The supplement is Ubiquinol. It is the active form of CoQ10 and the only thing proven to help egg quality. There is a few other suggestions too. I'll reattach my notes so ask away if you have any questions. The main things I'm doing since the miscarriage:
Replaced my plastic water bottle and food storage containers for glass/steel and using a small steel pot instead of the kettle
Swapped my daily kitchen cleaner for a plant based one and my husband now cleans bathrooms where the cleaner is harsher. Also swapped my fabric softener for a plant based one
Started taking 400mg a day of Ubiquinol
Started taking an extra 40mg of folic acid on top of my pregnacare. Folate is better so ideally you wanna buy that than folic acid
My husband has started taking wellman vitamins which have zinc in them
Started eating a medderterranean diet as much as possible and aim to get the 40/30/30 split (but failing massively 😂)
Tested my thyroid and tested for coeliac

For me, I needed to do it for my mental wellbeing to feel like this time could be different. I do genuinely believe all this will help. Pretty much all women undertaking ivf take Ubiquinol and it is scientifically proven to help improve egg quality. It takes 3 months to work fully so the sooner you start the better even if you aren't planning on trying again soon!

Hope that wasn't overload and helps somewhat

@SuzieDeLaTour rest of my notes! Xx

@AMS19 oh wow you are a superstar!! Thank you so much for sending all of that - I’ll check out that book. I will definitely look into Ubiquinol - it rings a bell now that you mention it but to be honest I didn’t do any prep pre pregnancy this time bar taking folic acid. Looks like there will be a little trip to Holland & Barrett for me this week.
I really feel I would like to start trying again soon but depends on my husband 🥴 unfortunately he has to be part of the sodding decision!! 😜 xx

@SuzieDeLaTour my husband isn't impressed about the glass storage containers or new cleaning products but otherwise he isnt moaning too much and takes his tablets. He draw the line on the kettle though so I'm using a little milk saucepan for hot drinks. It actually boils as quick as a kettle! We were always going to try again straight away no question. I am sure that might change if we experience more miscarriages though. We don't have any children so keen to keep trying and hope we get our little rainbow baby 😊 p.s. on the book, I signed up for amazon free audiobook trial, you can download one book and keep it even after you cancel the trial, and they had that one. Not sure if that is still an option. But having it as reference would probably be super helpful as I have nothing to refer back to except my notes! Xx

@SuzieDeLaTour yes I second the book, it’s amazing and a real eye opener.

I’ve just turned 38 so I am also the wrong side of 35 however you can improve your egg quality so if your hubby is going to take a while to convince to TTC again maybe look into making some changes and with any luck it’ll help your egg quality but also help your husbands sperm quality as it’s 50/50 so the men need to up their game as well!

I have always had a pretty balanced diet however since the miscarriage I’ve been massively comfort eating and need to snap out of it! It goes hand in hand for me though, if I don’t exercise I lose my healthy eating mojo!

@AMS19 that’s is a super healthy shop well done. Is your hubby on board with eating less meat as my hubby is rebelling against it but scoffs chicken every day and won’t buy organic chicken so that can’t be good with all the hormones etc that are in poultry.

Like @AMS19 I’ve also started to change my plastics to glass, I already have a stainless steel kettle on the hob so use that now, changed my cleaning products to method ones that are plant based although the fabric conditioner is stupidly priced for the eco one so if anyone knows of a more reasonably priced one cheaper than £7 for a bottle that would be great?

I’m also trying to eat more vegetarian meals just because it’s an easy way to eat a rainbow of vegetables without really trying.

My aunt is a nutritionist and I opened up to her about the miscarriages the other night and she was lovely and is getting me all supplements that @AMS19 has mentioned. I didn’t know folate was different to folic acid though so that must be later in the book so thanks for that 😊

I would recommend getting the book and also listening to a podcast by Dr Natalie Crawford that @mia2201 recommended as she’s really empowering and is a fertility expert. She’s American but they say it like it is and that’s better sometimes than English doctors who skirt round what actually needs to be said.

Xxx

@SuzieDeLaTour I think that’s fantastic your consultant is testing for you because I would also have liked to have known what the issues were. Is that some you paid or because you have a lovely consultant? Xx

Folate is found naturally in a lot of things as well - cabbage, spinach, brocoli, lentils and chickpeas etc.

I was pescatatian for 20 years before I had my son my DH was a meat eater. I found filling vegetarian cooking using lentils etc generally meant he didn't miss the meat. Also things like mixtures of mushrooms helps on richness/texture for meat eaters.

@DMT1982 I only paid £4.50 for my method one. Here is the link:

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07LGS5V1Y/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_9RVaGbXCGNAQ8?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Well I cook most dinners so he will have whatever I make. He is okay to eat more fish etc. Cereal is actually high in folate so I'm leaving him alone on that one. His diet is generally good so with he vitamins I'm hoping that is enough. He is about to be the wrong side of 35 too though so I might start getting more on his back 😂
We are trying to be really good Monday to Thursday, naughty Fridays, and okayish Saturdays and Sundays. I have been drinking some wine at weekends but I'm gonna stop after tomorrow I think and only drink when I'm on my period or before I ovulate to be 100% sure I'm definitely not pregnant!
I've bought some Quorn food as that is a great source of protein too!

@Scottishskifun yeah absolutely I'm having loads of Spanish, broccoli and scouts each day to get my folate intake as well!

Spinich even!!! Although I would love some tapas!!

Hi everyone, I've been doing quite well at keeping the phone down and upstairs but came on just now to read through all the updates.

I love This Is Us too, it's so great. We've not watched for a while as we were watching Bridgerton so that's a good reminder to get back into it @AMS19

I got a letter from my consultant today to say they they couldn't test what I sent off for chromosomal abnormalities because it wasn't tissue from the baby. So that's disappointing. I didn't know they could find out the sex though @SuzieDeLaTour - my baby died at 6:3 would they have been able to find out from a baby that small I wonder? Also (this is a bit grim, sorry) I have kept the final bit of placenta that came out just before the surgery was scheduled - I've emailed the hospital to ask if they can test that with more luck. I'd love to be able to find out the sex.

Glad that your surgery went well too @SuzieDeLaTour hope you get home for some sofa time soon.

Good that you got some sleep @CocoLoco88 and I hope it is all soon over for you.

We have our call with the Professor from Imperial tomorrow so I've been writing down questions. Feeling really nervous about it for some reason. I guess I don't want her to say anything to make me feel worse.

Oh good luck @glowingtwig I'm sure it will be so informative!! Please do share any interesting insights. I think if my next pregnancy is a miscarriage ill pay to se a fertility specialist!

@AMS19 my DH takes so many supplements as it is (vit D, B complex, vita C etc) I think he would start rattling if I gave him any more to take 🤣 he's actually got a healthier diet than me - I remember when we first moved in together he was horrified by some of the items in our shopping trolley. He said it was like going shopping with a 5 year old ha! I’ve become a lot better since then ☺️ I’m going to try the Amazon free audiobook - thanks for the tip.
@DMT1982 oh I’ve been comfort eating lately! All my clothes feel very very tight so I definitely need to cut back now 🥴 I’m going to listen to that podcast too - I agree sometimes the American no nonsense way is much better!
In terms of getting the tissue analysed, the hospital I’m with has transferred all ERPCs to a local private hospital because they don’t have the capacity. My gynae works between both (I’ve been seeing him privately since I was 18 as the nhs couldn’t get to the bottom of my period problems despite admitting me every month with “suspected gastroenteritis” - one 15 minute appointment with him later and i had a diagnosis which was amazing!) so I’ve lucked out in that he knows all the consultants etc. I am paying for the analysis - they’ve told me somewhere between £100-400 depending on what they’re testing for but no one has been able to give me an exact price.
@glowingtwigI don’t know whether they can tell the gender from 6 weeks but I can only imagine so?! They can pretty much tell anything these days! 😊 I really hope you can get some luck with the placenta tissue. I know most people don’t get answers, I know all of my friends who have suffered from miscarriages haven’t been given a reason and ALL went on to have rainbow babies 🤗 how come you’re having a call with the consultant tomorrow? That’s really sensible jotting down questions as it’s so easy to forget in the heat of things. I hope all goes well and you come away feeling like you’ve got some answers xx

@AMS19 did the book suggest a particular type of ubiquinol? Had a look online and there are quite a few different forms. Sorry for all the questions!! X

@SuzieDeLaTour ha love that- like a 6 year old!! My husband and I were so bad when I was pregnant because I could only eat bland with the nausea. Literally living off potatoes waffles, toast and mcdonalds! He loved it!
So the one I usually buy seems to be sold out at the moment. It is usually £42 which is very cheap compared to others I've found

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0716Q35T1/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_VuXaGbSCZGSYB?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I'll keep an eye out if it comes back in stock. Any kind of Ubiquinol should be okay. Just avoid CoQ10 form as that isn't active. Ubiquinol is the active form! Xx

@AMS19 thanks for that link - shame it’s sold out. I found these at H&B but wondering if the dosage is too low? 🤔 www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/solgar-ubiquinol-100mg-softgels-60001425
Might give it a go! X