Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC

[AMS19]

Hi ladies

A few of us got talking on another thread and found having each other in the same boat, whilst devastating, helpful. So here is a little thread so we can stay in touch and support each other through this journey.

Anyone who has recently experienced or is experiencing a MC/MMC please join us. We are just on the start of our journey ❤

I found out I had a MMC on 21st December at 9+5. This was following a scan that showed a baby with a heartbeat 3 weeks earlier. My body hasn't let go at all, with no bleeding, so I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow. The hardest thing waiting over Christmas 💔

@CocoLoco88 yep still struggling with sleeping things just whirl I fall asleep around 3am ish on a good night.
My GP told me that it's very common after miscarriage, along with headaches and lack of appetite. They suggested listening to some relaxation sessions unfortunately I can't find my headphones anywhere!

@LauraT94 you have every right to feel the pain and loss everyone is feeling. Like everyone else has said, it doesn’t matter how far along you are or for how long you’ve known - it’s still a tragic loss and you need to take the time to process it and grieve. I think it’s good you broke down to your husband, having a really good cry can be cathartic. I’ve cried every day since I saw the bleeding, even before it was confirmed to me that the baby had stopped growing. I ended up having a go at my husband last night in bed (Yep thanks insomnia and raging hormones!!) because he hasn’t shown any emotion and I feel very alone in my grief and anger. I’ve watched him cry at tv programmes or sad stories about other people yet he hasn’t shed a single tear for this!? He also keeps referring to “our baby” as “this child” which is driving me slightly insane. He says things like “I know you’re devastated you lost this child / I know how much you wanted this child etc etc.” Maybe I’m being irrational or overly emotional but it would make it easier for me if I felt we shared this pain xx

@CocoLoco88 I’m not sleeping great either and like @Scottishskifun have had headaches all week. I do stick on some sleep relaxation music though which I find helps? Anything I can find on YouTube really!! How’s the bleeding going? Are the tablets working? Hope things speed up for you so at least the physical side of it is over and you can focus on healing xx

@CocoLoco88 what a lovely message. I agree, the ladies on here are all so strong it is incredible to see and gives us all hope and encouragement when we need it the most.
My sleep has been on and off. Some nights I wake up at 1/2am and lay awake for hours. Others my body feels like it is still recovering and all I want to do it sleep. I definitely have times where I struggle mentally which doesn't help the sleep.

@Scottishskifun it is so bloody tough. This whole journey is tough. I'm trying to break it down into little hurdles I need to overcome. This weeks have been:
Should have been 12 week Scan day on Thursday
Friend who was due the exact same day as me Facebook announcement
Best friends virtual gender reveal
Honestly they've been tough. The middle one being the worst and hit me the hardest!
Next hurdle is a negative pregnancy test 🤞🙏

Whether you cry daily or keep it all caught up inside, we are all moving in the right direction and all slowly dealing with this in some form.
Also the reason I created this thread here and not on the TTC forums is because this was never about trying again. This is a place for everyone; whether they try again or not. Or whenever they chose to do so. This will never been everyone discussing ovulation each day, it will be about coming to terms with what we are going through as a little family. That said, I'm living for the day when we start getting positive stories on rainbow babies come through too 😊

@SuzieDeLaTour I totally understand this. My husband and I havent really spoken about it but we did a bit last night. He said "he never really thought it was going to happen and was being caution about thinking about it as a baby until the last week before the scan, then he has started to picture it and think it was actually going to happen. So the scan completely shocked him." My husband doesn't cry, in the 6 years I've known him I've never seen him cry once. But he doesn't deal with emotions well at all so have been really worried about how it has affected him. You are totally right to feel annoyed by that, absolutely. I do wonder if your husband is protecting himself by trying not to think about it like his baby (like my husband did) because he doesn't want to hurt as much and it is easier that way. Not justifying his actions or words, just providing my perspective and experience. There is a leaflet specifically for men on the miscarriage association website. Mught be worth sending him it and asking him to please read it. It might spark some thoughts it his mind about how hard this is mentally for both of you! Xx

Morning everyone,

@SuzieDeLaTour thanks for checking in, how are you feeling post-procedure? Was so glad to read that you were able to be seen relatively quickly yesterday and that it all went OK.

Taking the second lot of meds yesterday was pretty horrid and brought on more contraction type pains, but weirdly since talking to people on here and learning that that is ‘normal’ it felt a lot easier to deal with mentally.

I had passed a lot of big clots/stuff on Friday night and yesterday morning it was more just like fairly constant heavy bleeding, but then yesterday afternoon when I took the final dose of misoprostol the pain ramped right up. I passed a pretty massive something or other and then the pain seemed to go right down to more like period pain - not going to lie, it felt like complete bliss after that (I may have shed a tear out of relief and immediately gone for a nap)!

Since then the bleeding has slowed a lot and is now more like a normal period bleed. I’m hoping the majority has come through now but will be interested to see what happens in the coming days and weeks. The nurse said to consider bleeding for up to two weeks as normal... shrug

It’s all a bit exhausting isn’t it?! Oof x

@AMS19 that's very true and your comment about 'no matter how long you're pregnant your thoughts are the same' definitely struck a chord! ❤️ hoping if it is retained tissue that it passes soon...

@TheDaydreamBelievers yes I 100% think it's protective!! The brain does a fab job at that haha.

@Scottishskifun it's so hard to put the pain into words isn't it?! I can definitely understand you wanting to wait a while to TTC again, sounds like pregnancy doesn't treat you too well!

@SuzieDeLaTour thank you ❤️ I think i do feel better for crying! My OH is the same and isn't really showing emotion for himself, just worry for me.

@CocoLoco88 morning! I'm glad reading everyone's stories made your experience slightly more manageable. From the sounds of it I would imagine you've passed the pregnancy now - that intense surge of pain followed by passing large tissue/clots and then followed by the intense pain passing is what my midwife told me to look out for ❤️ it's definitely exhausting! Even if you're not managing to sleep well, make sure you're resting and getting OH to wait on you hand and foot! X

Oh and an update on me - managed to get to sleep last night so the pain didn't keep me awake. But have woken up to full on contractions again today! Sooo annoyed. Just taken cocodamol but judging from yesterday they don't really touch the pain..

Might give EPU a call later and just ask for some advice! X

Oh bugger @LauraT94 if it were me I'd call them. A quick scan might give you answers either way!! Hope it doesn't ruin your Sunday xx

@CocoLoco88 sounds to me like hopefully the meds have done their job. Hopefully now the bleeding eases off you and you start to heal ❤❤❤

@AMS19 I've still got to go and walk my friends dog this morning - mostly looking forward to it and getting some fresh sea air! So will do that and then phone them in case they want me to come in. Will keep you updated!

Yes definitely keep us updated @LauraT94 hopefully the fresh air helps a bit. Walking will probably do you good too! Xx

@LauraT94 oh god you poor thing, it’s never ending! I would definitely call them too - best to get checked and make sure everything is going as it should. I hope the dog walk and sea air helps, I’m very envious of you being by the coast! I’m in London so the closest I come to water is the murky Thames 😂
@CocoLoco88 sounds like everything has worked as it should. I think you’re incredibly brave going through that at home. I hope that now the awful pain has eased you can start to heal physically and emotionally x

@AMS19 thanks for your suggestion on the leaflet. I’ll check it out. To be honest, I think it’s more that he doesn’t / didn’t feel any connection rather than detached himself to protect himself. He’s very in touch with his emotions. His sibling committed suicide a few years back and since then he has grown very sensitive - he cries at films etc far more than I do! He told me yesterday he couldn’t feel a connection the way I do and it isn’t happening to his body so he can’t feel the grief I do, he just finds the situation in general sad and feels sorry for me. He was exactly the same when I miscarried last time but somehow I was hoping it would be different this time ☺️ I think that’s why it’s so helpful for me to have this group as I feel like we all know exactly how the other one feels and there’s no judgement / pressure to feel or act a certain way xx

@AMS19 I use the hide for 30 days Facebook on some pregnant friends from uni it works pretty well. See how you feel about the gender reveal party as it's virtual you can always claim WiFi problems!

Its also completely OK to decline stuff I have never been to a baby shower and refused completely when a friend tried to organise one for me. I'm polite about it and will say thank you for the invite and I will celebrate your healthy arrival when they come.

@CocoLoco88 no it doesn't I spent nearly 3 weeks having to work in bed this last pregnancy as when I stood up I would be sick. For some people they love pregnancy I wish I was in that camp but just like miscarriage there is a bit of a taboo for those that struggle with being pregnant and when you feel horrendous all day and then don't sleep it gets tough to smile about it all. I'm always honest though!

@SuzieDeLaTour I'm also in London! I live on the Thames and have learnt to love the brown muckiness and walking along for my "fresh" poullted walks 😂😂😂 where abouts are you?
Men are strange. I have no idea how they can just separate themselves emotionally. I do worry they bottle stuff up inside though. Sounds like that isn't the case here!

@Scottishskifun sorry I totally wasn't clear. Those were my hurdles the week just gone. I didnt go to the virtual party, my best friends knows whats happened so didn't expect me too. Was hard nonetheless. And yes I've stopped following the girl due the same day, but then had a look. I cant stop myself 🙄 I was genuinely so happy for her and it also really hurt my heart!!

www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/13766555/dancing-on-ice-myleene-klass-miscarried-baby-radio/?utm_campaign=sunmainfacebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1610878433

This is so sad to read but the more it is spoken about and normalised the better!

Have you told many friends what’s happened? I’ve only told one and that’s because she’s pregnant so I thought I would be honest and say I can’t talk about babies right now. She was very understanding ❤️ I think lockdown has made it that much harder - I haven’t seen any of my old friends for months as we are all dotted about and I can’t quite bring myself to send texts saying what’s going on knowing I won’t see them in person for a while.

@AMS19 I’m south west - Richmond area. Whereabouts are you? The Thames isn’t too bad and I’ve also come to quite enjoy my river walks but then when I hear people are by the coast, I think “ahhhh proper water!” Ha!
I saw the Myleene Klass thing earlier too - to go through four in a row must have been awful but she had her happy ending!! ❤️ Xx

@SuzieDeLaTour I think you do what's comfortable for you. I've told 10 friends - 4 who have had miscarriages as well as I wanted to know experience of options before I decided the surgery route which then didn't happen. The others were worried about me and knew something was up as I went quiet on WhatsApp and I'm mostly a open book.

I also told 4 work colleagues who are friends we are a small team of 14 and me being off work at all is very unusual. Basically I'm rubbish at poker

I have found its helped a little bit as they send me stuff to distract me and check in if I've been quiet etc
I completely get that for some people it's very private but for me it's very obvious something is up and my friends are the type who would likely turn up on my doorstep despite a lock down to check I was OK!

@SuzieDeLaTour @AMS19 I'm in sunny old Southend-on-Sea so I have the seaside, countryside and only 50 mins into London on the train! Best place to live 😜

Back from my walk and although the pains still bad, I feel so much better for it!! I feel more in control. So I'm not going to call the EPU 😂 of course if it gets really bad again or anything changes I will do!

@SuzieDeLaTour I love Richmond!! One of my favourite places. I'm in Woolwich so the other side of London to you!
I have only told 4 close friends and that is it. No family at all. I'm so so close to my mum and brother but my mum doesn't even know we are trying yet and I want to surprise her with her first grandchild so decided not to tell her about the miscarriage. If we have another miscarriage then I'll probably tell my family though so they stop asking me when we are going to start trying! Xx

@LauraT94 thats good news! Glad it has settled. My husband is from Essex so we are there quite often usually! Definitely winning being so close to London but having a beach! Very jealous xx

@SuzieDeLaTour sounds like we must be very near to you in SW London! We moved here just before Christmas - seems like a lovely area although it’s been a bit more difficult to explore with the lockdown of course...

@LauraT94 you sound like you’re doing so brilliantly, hope you can rest up and take care of yourself today! DH is on looking after me duty and tbh I think he is quite glad of having something to do 😂

@Scottishskifun I told most of my friends with my last miscarriage - I’m usually an open book too and it felt so natural telling them all what was happening. This time I just haven’t really known how to say it 🥴 I don’t know why it’s any different. My friends were fantastic last time and so so supportive so who knows what’s going on in this head of mine!! 😊
@LauraT94 you are living the dream!!! 😜 actually in all honesty I’ve always wanted to go to south end on sea - maybe this year I’ll finally make it there. If we are ever allowed to leave our homes that is! 🙄🤦‍♀️ I’m glad you’re feeling better - I think I’ll try and get some fresh (ish!) air later.
@AMS19 that’s so tough about your mum. I completely get it though - my mum feels crushed now too and it’s very hard to know your news is also hurting someone else even when it’s not your fault! Woolwich is lovely, I haven’t been to that part of London for a while now but I love that whole area - Greenwich park, the planetarium (even though I’m not 8 he he!) x