Meghan markle ny times article

[stronglikemytea]

Does anyone else find it refreshing to finally see people in the public eye using their platforms to raise awareness on such raw issues?

Two weeks ago i miscarried. And in all honesty i felt so alienated as everyone around you seems to be going for scans or giving birth and your sat wondering why me?

To wake up to read an article written by a woman who has come away from such a strict establishment and speak up about such a heartbreaking experience i find quite comforting and that it is OKAY to speak about such a painful loss.
To think that even though these people who are open to the world and ripped to shreds by the media and trolls, we must remember are still human.

After reading meghans article i am heartbroken for the couple as knowing that same feeling is something i will never forget also. But at the same time i am grateful that she has opened up and made it clear we need to talk more.

For anyone who has miscarried/loss or going through a hard time, you are amazing and strong do not ever think any different xxx

I never knew there was a stigma about having a miscarriage. I've only ever known people be sympathetic. I can't imagine people not being sympathetic

Did you ever read the stories people shared as part of the MN better miscarriage care campaign? Utterly heartbreaking the lack of care shown to women suffering pregnancy loss by medical professionals, never mind wider family and friends. Sympathy tends to run out after the first few days at which point the "it wasn't really a baby" and the "you need to be more pragmatic" and "you can just try again" type comments start.

Oh my sweet summer child...

Perhaps I appear Naive, but I actually think the trashing and bashing is the epitome of crass and poor taste. Also never experienced a miscarriage and am a republican. I'm also a human being though.

I'm sorry for MMs loss and for anyone else who has experienced a MC but this NYT article makes me uncomfortable. It reads like a novel.

99.9% of women experiencing a MC do not share it publicly. That doesn't mean that its taboo or that they shouldn't talk about it, but that they do so within their relationship, with the doctor, relatives and friends.

They don't write about it in a newspaper, nor do they use it as an opportunity to link it to BLM, Covid, US election. Nor do they use it to to defend themselves against (justified) criticism of tone deaf behaviour in South Africa.

My friend had a MC in July. She went through it in hospital alone. She didn't have her husband holding her hand like MM did. She didn't go to the media. She didn't post about it on social media. She got help from the hospital and her doctor (ADs). She got help from her DH, her parents and close friends. That doesn't mean it was in any way taboo.

People on Twitter are saying Kate Middleton wouldn't get this criticism if it was her but those people miss the point. Kate would very likely NOT go to the media and get support privately instead. If it were a late stage loss, the RF would do a brief public statement and most likely ask for privacy. They wouldn't use it as an opportunity to talk politics.

So again, I have lots of sympathy for anyone having a MM but the MM articles and Christy Teigan's very public photographs and articles is not necessary.

I read this without reference to their celebrity. It is a beautifully written article, overly flowery and emotional maybe but I loved reading it.

Somewhere between 10 and 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage before the 20th week. This loss is tremendous.

There is no right way to grieve, if sharing helps them then let them share.

I dunno.... And I am speaking as someone who is no stranger to this.

Miscarriage is incredibly common, and if the loss occurs in the first trimester I don't think it should be labelled as "tragic" as this makes so many women feel that their loss is not normal, but unusual .For me it would be more helpful if it was couched in terms of "this happens in X% of pregnancies/increases with age" .

Obviously repeated miscarriages is something to be investigated, but making a tragedy out of a very common occurrence could cause more women to feel they should be devastated rather than incredibly disappointed.

Seriously there are people who think it’s sad someone has lost a baby and then think ‘but’.....

What kind of fucking psychopath thinks like this?

There’s no ‘but’. It’s really sad.

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Oh my sweet summer child...

Perhaps I appear Naive, but I actually think the trashing and bashing is the epitome of crass and poor taste. Also never experienced a miscarriage and am a republican. I'm also a human being though.

Oh it absolutely is crass and poor taste. But if you've been here any length of time, you'll know that any thread on them at all, especially Meghan, will always turn nasty and critical. Last time she couldn't wear a black coat, now the poor woman can't even miscarry correctly!

@Gancanny

I would just prefer to hear about the struggles of everyday people

Miscarriage can happen to anyone, not just everyday people.

Only on MN could Megan and Harry be criticised for doing miscarriage wrong

And the daily mail comments section. It’s so sad and unnecessary; especially when contrasted with the sympathy in the still birth article in the sidebar.

They don't write about it in a newspaper, nor do they use it as an opportunity to link it to BLM, Covid, US election. Nor do they use it to to defend themselves against (justified) criticism of tone deaf behaviour in South Africa.

Exactly this. No one is saying she's not "grieving right", well maybe one or two are, but most are not, it's just the above that jars.

I read this without reference to their celebrity. It is a beautifully written article, overly flowery and emotional maybe but I loved reading it.

I felt the same, I didn't love that they had a miscarriage but I loved that they wanted to share and to help validate the experiences of other women who have been through it, that its okay to talk about it, and okay to to hurt.

@catsmother

I feel for you OP, as I do for Meghan and any other woman who's miscarried.

I think wanting your privacy to be respected and then choosing, when you feel comfortable doing so, to share a personal experience in the hope it might help others and raise awareness/encourage discussion etc are two different things and I really hope Meghan isn't going to get a load of criticism now for daring to be 'unroyal', 'hypocritical' or whatever other excuse some people will use to be unpleasant about her.

I've had four miscarriages and the hurt never really leaves you, regardless of how your future turns out subsequently. I certainly found that many others seemed to view it as a very minor issue and one you should 'get over' not least because it was relatively common - which to me just meant that potentially there were lots of women in distress rather than our shared experience somehow making it 'easy'. As ever, I believe anything uniquely female tends to be minimised and therefore I'm all for high profile women publicising pregnancy loss because actually, even if you know it's common, it still feels very lonely to be grieving when very few people will talk about it with you.

Yes, I had my first miscarriage at 20 weeks, when I was 37, and was horrified to be told off by my ObGyn 7 months later when I was still grieving for the loss of my first child. He told me I was abnormal and must be deranged for being upset to be told they'd finally done an autopsy on her and there was no apparent medical reason for her death. The hospital doctors who insisted we attend a meeting where they reported this also clearly thought there was something wrong with me for still grieving and being upset at having to relive the whole process and not be interested in the science of my miscarriage. (This was in mainland Europe.) God, I'm still furious about that lack of empathy from the medical profession a quarter of a century on.

Awful situation to be in, to all those who have been there.
I too felt the piece a bit flowery, mc is brutal, but I guess each to their own.

The more of this kind of thing the better imo. From MM, from celebs, from random women, among friends in Whatsapp groups etc. It needs to stop being a thing that isn’t brought up.

Pretty sure MN have their fingers just hovering above the delete button on this thread...

I give it 3 more hours

I am so glad I came across this thread and I have shared the article on Twitter. I sometimes think some women need to re-learn the act of kindness and compassion..
@op, sorry for your loss. I hope you continue to heal as time goes on x

Oh it absolutely is crass and poor taste. But if you've been here any length of time, you'll know that any thread on them at all, especially Meghan, will always turn nasty and critical

I only read one, right at the time they left the RF. It was horrible. I don't understand the vitriol for people who have essentially done nothing wrong or evil. But she's lost a much-wanted child and this is Mumsnet and I've never seen hate poured at a grieving Mum before so I thought ... maybe?

@Hayeahnobut

But I have to be honest, I find the writing style of that article a bit , I don't know, cloying? Written for intense dramatic effect?

If I wrote about my miscarriage it would sound extremely dramatic. If you find that 'cloying', then maybe find some empathy for people who have been through traumatic experiences.

If you read my post you'd see I have also experienced two miscarriages. I have suffered significant trauma in my life. I am allowed to dislike someone's writing style, whilst sympathising with their story. So wind your neck in.

When Chrissy Teigen first posted about her loss, I felt uncomfortable with how personal it all felt. But reading the comments and reactions, seeing how many women got comfort from it, changed my mind completely. If MM speaking out helps even one woman feel less alone, it can only be a good thing.

Did you ever read the stories people shared as part of the MN better miscarriage care campaign? Utterly heartbreaking the lack of care shown to women suffering pregnancy loss by medical professionals, never mind wider family and friends. Sympathy tends to run out after the first few days at which point the "it wasn't really a baby" and the "you need to be more pragmatic" and "you can just try again" type comments start.

No I didn't. Like many of us I've had a miscarriage and I didn't think it would be a positive for me so I didn't read it.

I've honestly only ever heard people being sympathetic, to me and others, the only exception to that was a mum I knew at playgroup, she had 4 under school age and was devastated when she found out she was pregnant again, sobbed in playgroup kitchen. A few weeks later she came in and said she had lost the baby and was relieved, I think everyone was a bit unsure about what to say to her. I found medical staff were great, can't say the same about when I refused tests when I was pregnant at 40 and told I was irresponsible but that is a whole different subject.

@PrincessNutNut

couple who are supposedly desperate to shun the limelight.

I never got the impression that they wanted to shun the limelight. Good luck with that, senior royals. They wanted to stop being working royals and earn their money doing other things. They wanted out of royal duties and responsibilities and to have more control over their publicity as a result. Which seems to be what they're doing.

I don’t think they want to shun the limelight at all

@Plmoknijb123

and sorry for your loss.

I am a little baffled by their role and why they need to share this when they consistently want privacy. It’s a terrible thing of course, but Personally I would prefer to hear about the struggles of everyday people, rather than two super wealthy and privileged individuals.

It's not necessarily that they want 100% privacy, more that they want to be able to share their lives on their own terms without being hounded by the media. Imagine having constant speculation about a) whether you're pregnant or b) when you're planning to become pregnant. In the papers, on the TV, wherever .. while you're going through a miscarriage. It's definitely best that they've put it out there as it helps get them peace on the issue, and also helps others who might be in that position.

I see no drawback of this article, as it raises awareness.

Yes, I was completely OK when I read the headline as I assumed it was just a short statement.

But then the rest of it.....why mention Breonna Taylor so out of context?

Why talk about her SA misstep as if it were a triumph in hindsight? Saying it had opened up a conversation about whether more people should ask women whether they're OK? The only conversation it started was how inappropriate it was to say to the BBC in the midst of SA.

And again, what the hell has it to do with Breonna Taylor? Asking if she was OK wouldn't have prevented her grotesque murder.