Miscarriage support

[Wearenotyourkind]

Hey. I am currently going through a miscarriage (8 weeks) with my first pregnancy and finding it a pretty lonely process. So I just wondered if anyone else in the same position wanted to join a thread for support etc. I know there are lots of other threads, but it's a bit overwhelming and don't want to just jump on an existing thread 💗

And hope the dizziness dies down :( eat lots of iron rich food xxx

The negative test took 3 weeks from passing the 'bean', so quite a while! :( Xx

How is everyone doing? I've come to visit my mum now that the rules have changed for people living alone. It's so good to see here. Although unfortunately I've spent all day in bed with horrendous flu like symptoms - high temp, chills, headache, body aches. I really don't know what's going on but I hope it's not some kind of infection. Has anyone else had this?

@Wearenotyourkind I'm so sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Do you think its worth getting in touch with your EPU or hospital? I'm just thinking that a fever could be related to your miscarriage and I know my doctors told me to get in touch immediately if I developed a fever. Don't want to scare you! Obviously I'm not a medical professional at all so please feel free to tell me to shut up! Xxx

@Wearenotyourkind I would call them to get their opinion, hope you're ok XXX ❤️❤️

@Wearenotyourkind how are you doing today? I agree with the others that you should speak to EPU or the ward and see if you need some antibiotics.

@Tbug I agree. The psychology of trying/ not really trying is a minefield! Last time I got pregnant on the back of sunbathing in my garden drinking white wine and reading for a week. I'm up for trying that approach again!

Was anyone else spoken to about mental health/ wellbeing by any healthcare practitioner? I was told about bleeding and infection etc but not a single mention of emotions. I'm experiencing a mixture of feeling completely numb, crying lots and now also flashbacks. I know this is a normal post trauma response but it seems crazy that it's not mentioned.

@Poppypip im similar, I hope you're okay and no I wasn't and I think it's awful, not even a phone call checking everything had happened, think it's a really awful lack of care! Xxx

@Tbug it's quite the oversight isn't it! There was a poster up in my EPU saying they're developing a leaflet for partners coping with miscarriage- I think that's great but how about at least a leaflet for us bereaved mum's too?!

Yeah it's awful. There was numbers on the leaflet they gave me but you would think they would follow up would take two mins, I also think they should give you pregnancy tests to take!

Unfortunately I have had 12 miscarriages and an ectopic. And 1 perfect little boy. Apparently I have scar tissue in my womb so unfortunately have a lot of experience @Wearenotyourkind if u have an infection you will have a really strong smelling discharge if u have this and a fever go straight to hospital if not just try and relax I often feel flu like after miscarriages I think it's the hormone fluctuations and the stress of what u have been through. Look after yourself and stay positive. Xx

@Poppypip I agree with you after everything I have had no mental health support. And am told to be grateful I have a child as if that minimises your pain or you can try again soon. Make sure you take the time to grieve I have a small garden statue of an angel and buried my babys who were intact underneath but whatever works best for you xx

Thank you for the support @Tiffany67 Your angel sounds lovely. I'm so sorry you have been through so much.

@Tbug I was actually given a pregnancy test at least. I've also been signed off work for another week. I think I need some recovery time. This week was just about survival! I hope you've found some nice things to do over the weekend. X

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for your ongoing support. I don't think I could get through this without it. I phoned the EPU and the midwife advised to phone 111. I've done that and now waiting on a call back from a clinician. I've also just been sick too. I feel so absolutely pathetic at the moment. I finally was able to visit my lovely mum and spent the whole day in bed as I felt so unwell.

Really good point you make @Poppypip. Emotional/mental health support hasn't been mentioned at all. I had 2 follow up calls from EPU midwife to check whether the process had started, but no asking how I felt psychologically. I think that's probably why I started this thread. I didn't get a pregnancy test to take home either.

Thank you for sharing your stories @Tiffany67. You have truly been through so much. I don't have the strong smelling discharge and my period pain stopped on Thursday, so it may just be my body's reaction to the trauma, like you say. Will see what the clinician says.

Thanks for the advice @Snapper81 and @Tbug. It is helpful to get other people's thoughts on these things. How are you doing now?

Thinking of you @Wearenotyourkind and hope that you get the medical help you need. It is not your fault that you are unwell, this is just such a difficult experience and nobody prepares you for the physical and emotional toil that it takes. I can understand the frustration of wanting to not be sick and spending some quality time with your mum

Completely agree with @Poppypip and @Tiffany67 about the lack of emotional support available. This is one of the hardest things for couples to go through in my opinion and so isolating considering this general idea that you shouldn't talk about it or even tell people around you that you are pregnant before 12 weeks. I really expected my EPU to be attached to some kind of counselling/emotional support service but that is not the case. I also didn't receive any follow up calls (although I was given a pregnancy test to take away). It might be helpful to see whether there are any (remote) support groups going or looking into private counselling if that is an option. GP's will have details of primary care talking therapies as well if this becomes a mental health issue (although waiting lists can often be long- I say this as someone who used to work at one of those services). This is such a hard thing to go through and its okay to ask for help- such a shame that support isn't offered from the beginning.

@Poppypip I'm so sorry you are going through this and can relate as I had a panic attack the other day triggered by experiencing some physical symptoms- I think I'm also struggling with a trauma reaction. You're right that it is normal at the moment and hopefully something that will die down naturally for us both but I would definitely speak to your GP if things continue like that for 3-6 months as there should be treatment available to you. I don't know if you've heard of grounding techniques before but they can sometimes help with flashbacks and bringing you back to the present. Different things work for different people but happy to share some links if helpful.

Thank you all 💗 I've just got back from A&E, where a lovely doctor came out to the car. He thinks it's an infection in the lining of the uterus (endometritis) so has given me some antibiotics. Hopefully they'll start working soon 🤞🏻

I've worked all weekend, did look after a pregnant lady which was hard :( and worked with someone who is expecting! But it's one of those things ❤️❤️❤️

Aw that must have been so tough @Tbug. I know 5 women due to give birth in next few weeks. I'm obviously really happy for them, but it is also a bit painful.

I have also been having flashbacks @Poppypip and I can't remember the last time I slept well. The impact is so much more than just the physical loss.

Yeah it's so difficult isn't it :( feel bad for being jealous/angry! You feeling any better? ❤️❤️❤️

Not yet, but I'm hoping I will when the antibiotics kick in.

I didn't see your last update, glad you got seen, hope they work soon ❤️

@Wearenotyourkind sorry to hear it's likely an infection but glad the drs took it seriously. Hopefully the antibiotics kick in soon. Sad that you spent the day in bed at your mum's but also great that you had your mum there when you were feeling so crap 💕

@Tbug that must have been tough at work. There's a careful balance between just getting on with it and protecting yourself. Could you ask to swap patients if there are pregnant ladies again?

Sorry to hear you're all also experiencing post-trauma symptoms. I just read the Miscarriage Association's leaflet about mental health after miscarriage which was helpful and normalising. @goldflakepaint grounding strategies are a good idea.

I've got a medical note to take another week off work. I've decided this is going to be a healing week. I'm going to try to walk a bit more each day to build my strength up, do some practical projects at home to give me a sense of achievement and try and eat really well (with some treats too). My OH and I want to do something meaningful to remember the two babies we've lost but haven't decided what yet. Any other ideas for a healing week gratefully received 🌻

@Wearenotyourkind thank you so much for starting this thread. We are writing our own guide to supporting ourselves through this physically and emotionally complex process. X

Hi ladies,
Sorry I havent been very communicative lately. I have been keeping up to date reading your posts every day.
@Wearenotyourkind I'm so glad you have been given antibiotics. It's not really the same but I had some placenta left over after I gave birth to my daughter 2 years ago and developed an infection so I know it's not nice. Hope you have a speedy recovery x

I have to say, my EPU were really good about after care. I wasn't given a pregnancy test but I plan to take one in a couple of weeks. It took just under 4 weeks to get a negative result with my 1st MC. I was given 3 numbers about post care and councilling and had a follow up welfare call. That was St Mary's hospital in Manchester.
Has anyone else had leaking nipples? This has upset me this week. I think my body thinks I've had a baby and its trying to produce milk. My boobs are still significantly bigger and are still a bit tender. I just want my body to back to normal.
I had my consultation with the fertility clinic on Friday. I'm going to be put on hormones to regulate my period for one month as certain tests must be performed on specific days of the cycle and obviously right now, I've got mo idea when my period will start again or how many days my cycle will be. I'm getting a load of blood tests on the 29th June and hubby is have his sperm analyzed soon. Blugh! I'm not sure whether I'm hoping they do or don't find a reason why I'm having consecutive miscarriages. I'm just going with the flow at the moment and after the tests we'll decide if we want to try again. I just don't think I can go through this again.
Love to you all x

How's everyone doing? My body finally realised I'd MC at the start of the week so I've been having a massive hormone crash which has been sad and exhausting. I told my boss what had happened, he was mostly supportive apart from a throw away comment that he and his wife just carried on working through their three MCs which made me feel a bit crap. I'm also exhausted- sleeping 9 hours a night and still waking tired- is anyone else like this? It's been about 4 weeks since I found out the baby had died, I feel like others think I should be moving on by now but I'm definitely not there yet.

@Snapper81 I'm so sorry you experienced leaking nipples. Our bodies can be so cruel. Great that things are moving forward with the tests though, I really hope they find something useful.

@Poppypip thank you. And yes, I've been exactly the same with tiredness, though I hadn't put two and two together. I had to have a nap yesterday afternoon.

Did a pregnancy test yesterday and it's still positive. Will try again in a week.

Hope you're all okay ❤️ my AF came yesterday exactly 4 weeks after my miscarriage 'completed' :( which is relieving in a way that my body is back to normal. And yeah im so tired!! Thinking of you all xxxx