Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

I’m so sorry, I can’t even imagine how hard it is. I found out about my MMC (first pregnancy) in the first week of lockdown and only yesterday got my negative test after an MVA three weeks ago so can completely sympathise with how lockdown just complicates it further and makes it more difficult. There’s a great support network here on MN so please do use it if you feel you want to talk. It may also be worth giving the Miscarriage Association a call as I believe they’re still open and have a great helpline - their forums are good, too. Sorry if I’m telling you things you already know! It’s a really hard thing to go through and I’m sending you so much strength xx

Tbh, I think my first time was the absolute worst and every next time, although bad, is not as bad. I think the shock of it happening the first time when I was so hopeful and positive absolutely overwhelmed me. Now, I was nearly prepared for bad news, although I am obviously feeling crap, as you do. Just hoping the physical side of things will be gentler than before, I had quite a nightmare with my first MMC.

I'm more concerned now that it's no longer a coincidence and it worries me, I wish someone could give me some answers or assist so it doesn't happen again. It's just exhausting and disheartening and I'm no longer in my 20s and don't have much more time to lose. Xx

Yes, I understand that. I hope the physical side of everything is easier for you this time and that you get all the necessary tests done soon - I believe covid-19 did stop a lot of services but that fertility ones are back up and running for the most part now so hopefully no delays there for you. Xx

Thank you @SkyBlue20, you're very kind. I have a follow up appointment at the EPU on Monday, hopefully will have some clarity regarding the referral and what the estimated timeframe is.

How are you getting on now? MMC is a bloody awful experience, no one who hasn't been through it will ever understand. I feel better about my MMC now because it's a blighted ovum one, I didn't even see the baby. But my first one was a horror, I think I felt so bad emotionally and physically that it's absorbed the pain of future miscarriages! I really feel for you, it's a hard time, but things do get better. Even now, despite everything that's just happened I'm in a much better place than before. I hope this never happens to you again, but if it gives you any reassurance if the history was to ever repeat itself, you'll find out you are a much stronger person than you ever thought.

I just wish we could pop those kids out like everyone else in this world, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, even stupid celebrities making money out of it in lockdown. Every female Tom, Dick and Harry seems to be pregnant and sailing through. But oh, well. Hopefully this is going to be us, one day xxx

@PurplePansy05 Ahh glad you have your appt at the EPU, it’s a good chance to ask all the questions you have and to hopefully get some sort of idea of what next. Good luck with it!

I’m ok, thank you for asking - I found all of the waiting hard (I would have gone straight for an ERPC had I had the choice alas COVID-19 regulations meant three weeks of expectant management, a round of medical management that failed and then an MVA) but now that that’s over and I’ve had my negative, it feels like closure and I’m just waiting for my period so that we can move on and TTC again. We were extremely lucky and got pregnant first time of trying so hoping it won’t take too long this time either but who knows what the universe has planned for us.

Yep, know what you mean about everyone else being pregnant - seems like it’s everywhere at the moment and everyone has a bloody October due date, which would have been mine. It does make me happy to see other people with successful pregnancies as it shows it can happen but equally you can’t help but think ‘why not me?’, can you?!

Hope you’re doing ok today and have nice plans this bank holiday weekend xx

@PurplePansy05 sorry for your losses. No advice re. recurrent MCs I'm afraid as we've just gone through our first MMC. How was your appointment today? Did you find everything out?

Hi @Sakura54 thank you for your lovely words.

Sadly, my EPU appointment didn't go ahead. The midwife misinformed me that they can scan me today. I rang them, turns out the number was incorrect, I was given 3(!) other also incorrect numbers and then they finally called me back. Anyway. They don't do scans today as it's a bank holiday 🤦🏼‍♀️ I was fuming but nevermind. Had to take half a day off tomorrow and I'm going in in the morning. How is everyone doing today? Xx

How was your appointment @PurplePansy05? Xx

It went really well, thank you for asking @SkyBlue20. I have been referred to my newly opened RMC which I didn't even know existed! What a relief. I was welcomed by a lovely consultant, infertility specialist who has been temporarily redeployed to the EPU. Honestly, so lucky, the nicest doctor I've ever spoken to. I have my MVA next week. Since it's blighted ovum, there is no actual baby, there's an empty sac and placenta. This material will be subject to genetic testing. I was also told that even if my MC starts naturally earlier, I can collect it and bring it in asap, at any time, 24/7. That's really helpful because they may come across something useful for my RMC appointment.

Tbh, it's not an ideal place to be in, but it's the first time I've been treated with dignity and kindness by the NHS after the miscarriage. And it makes all the difference, I'm unbelievably grateful for that. It's been a very hard 15 months for me and DH. I burst into tears at the EPU when I was thanking them today.

Relieved and about to have a bath now.

How have you been today? Xx

@PurplePansy05 I'm glad you've been seen and will hopefully get some tests and answers. Do keep us updated. We've actually moved to a different thread while waiting for our periods to return so you're welcome to join us whenever you're ready.

Glad it went well, @PurplePansy05! Must be nice to have a plan in place and know that things are moving forward. What day is your MVA? Good luck with it 💕 So glad you were treated well, too - it’s the least you deserve and it really does mean so much to have that kindness when you’re going through a hard time. Xx

Thank you both 💕 My MVA is on 5 June. I'm busy working full-time from home which really helps. Time is just flying now. I can't wait to join the new thread after this is over, might even be next month if all goes well. Could you share a link to it please? Xx

Good luck! Here's the thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3910275-Starting-TTC-again-after-missed-miscarriage

@PurplePansy05 Good luck with the MVA, it'll be over before you know it 💕 Definitely join the new thread as and when you feel ready - most of us there are still just waiting for periods to arrive after the MVA/MM at the moment. Understand if you don't want to join just yet though and I'll still be checking in here to see how you're getting on ☺️

Thanks girls, that's really sweet of you to check on me! No movement on the MC front, nothing has started naturally. In a week's time I'll be recovering after my MVA, I can't waiit for it to be done and over with. I'll then join the other thread, will be lovely to have some cheerleaders around when TTC. I want to start again asap, BFN, possibly one period to make sure the lining rebuilds itself and off we go. If I'm lucky, I might be on the TTC path in about 5-6 weeks again. I'm a bit scared it's going to take ages, but what can we do. I need to keep reminding myself I got pregnant three times in 15 months, so fingers crossed. Xx

Hi all, I've started spotting yesterday, with very mild cramps too. Very dark brown blood, but nothing's happened. I would probably rather wait for my MVA, but if it's started naturally, there's nothing I can do. Has anyone experienced this and how long did it take for the miscarriage to proceed?

My second miscarriage which happened naturally was very quick, but it was early on and like a very heavy period. The first MMC was medical management and again, a very different experience.

I'm feeling a bit meh physically, weak and not keen to be particularly active right now. Xx

@PurplePansy05 If I remember correctly, I think I had some spotting but then nothing really happened, then I had medical management, that didn't work and then had my MVA, so spotting doesn't necessarily mean it's starting (I remember thinking it was) but equally it could be. Not very helpful, sorry! Hope it holds out until your MVA appointment. Rest and take care of yourself xx

Thank you @SkyBlue20, really appreciate your response. I'm feeling super weak and very on edge today, for no apparent reason. I think the hormones must be going berserk. Physically, I'm feeling rotten, I think it's definitely coming fairly soon. Xx

@PurplePansy05 How're you doing, lovely?

Hey @SkyBlue20, hanging in there, there is some very dark brown blood occasionally when wiping, but I've put myself on bed rest (aka chair rest, as I'm working from home) till my MVA and I'm keeping everything crossed it will work. 46 hours left!

I'm tired of doing nothing, would like to get back to my exercise routine and healthy eating. I've fallen off the bandwagon in April when I discovered I was pregnant. Can't wait to move on with this, to be honest! And obviously to try again.

How are you doing? Xxx

@PurplePansy05 Sounding promising that you will make it to your MVA, crossing my fingers for you 🤞🏼 bet you can’t wait until it’s all over, the waiting is awful. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to get back to exercise, too - I was exactly the same.

I’m ok, getting really frustrated that I’m almost 5 weeks post-MVA and I’ve still not had a period. I just want to start trying again! I got pregnant in January so all in all this experience has been six months that I can’t help but think were wasted! I keep beating myself up about not having started trying earlier but I know I shouldn’t - we weren’t ready earlier and we started trying when we did knowing that it could take a while. We’re where we should be and I need to remember that. I’ve just never wanted my period to arrive so much!! Xx

@SkyBlue20 I've been where you are now. First period after my first MMC was after 37 days. It felt like eternity. Then I put myself under an immense pressure to get pregnant again asap and it took around 5 months. I was SO upset, climbing the walls.

Be mindful not to fall into this trap. I know it's SO hard but you got pregnant naturally and it will happen again. I felt so devastated because I got pregnant on the second month of trying and then it was awful to wait after the miscarriage. But I keep telling myself, I got pregnant three times in a year. It will happen again. Be kind to yourself and don't forget about enjoying sex with your other half - it's the unscheduled intimacy that will keep you both sane and see you through the tough times together xx

And yes - for me it's around 16 months now, out of which I spent a total of 7 months pregnant (three unsuccessful pregnancies) and the rest dealing with miscarriages, getting back to some normality and trying again. It makes me feel sick there's not even a baby on the horizon right now and I'm dead scared how long it's going to taje, am I getting old, is it even going to happen. But we have to keep trying - otherwise we'll never find out. I'm trying to leave the past and all the awful depressing numbers behind. Xx

@PurplePansy05 Yes, I’m dreading how I’ll cope if it takes a while to get pregnant! We caught on our first attempt last time so I kind of just assume it’ll be similar this time even though I know logically that won’t necessarily be the case! For now, I’m just focusing on my period and then I can think about everything else after that - if I worry about too much at once, I’ll never stop fretting.

16months, you must have SO much strength, I’m in awe of you. Like you say, no point in dwelling on the past, just need to keep moving forward and what will be, will be. I’m wishing you so much luck with it all, life can be so cruel!

Is your MVA Friday did you say? Xx

@SkyBlue20 Yes, Friday morning. Thanks, lovely. I obviously wish you that it happens again asap and that this time everything goes well. I don't feel strong or stronger than the rest of us. I guess I just had no other choice than to deal with it. The conclusion for now is that you too are stronger than you think, whatever the future holds, you will surprise yourself and deal with it. As you say, focus on making one step at a time. We're both going in the right direction and this is what matters now. Xx