Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

Morning all!

@ginge8520 Thank you 💕 I really hope everything goes the way you want it to - the waiting is so hard. I totally get you about you and your partner shutting yourselves away - I found myself quite glad of lockdown whilst we were going through it as I wouldn't have wanted to see anyone anyway. I did, however, find it helpful talking to people (on my terms, usually via text and only when I could face it) and getting it all out, but like I say, everyone reacts differently so just do what is right for you. Future pregnancies are all going to be really tough, that's something we've all touched on quite a lot on on here but hopefully it will happen for us all one day.

@Hettie1981 I'm like you in that I'm trying to talk about it as much as possible as it really SHOULD be spoken about. We told our neighbours (who we're friends with) as they were in the garden when we were coming home from the scan and asked if we were ok as we obviously weren't, and it turns out they had a miscarriage before they had their now six-month-old - we would never have known. We also wanted to be quite vocal so people knew they could turn to us if, god forbid, it ever happens to them. Surprisingly, none of my close friends have been through it, however one did tell me that she bled right the way through her pregnancy, that I would have thought was smooth had she not mentioned it, and as I've mentioned, another's waters broke recently at 25 weeks. I think pregnancy, loss and everything related just needs to be spoken about so much more openly - you don't know about most of it until you're going through it, which is madness.

How's everyone doing today? I'm on day three of no bleeding and yesterday and today I've had what feel like early period pains (not cramps, just like a dull ache), but surely it's way too early?! Tomorrow will be two weeks since my MVA. Probably just my body settling or something 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SkyBlue20 Hmm hopefully that’s a sign your period might be coming or maybe ovulation pains? I don’t think it’s too early.

So if you hadn’t had your early scan, would they have thought it was a blighted ovum at the dating scan you reckon? The sonographer initially thought I had that until they did an internal and found the foetus...for me, I would have preferred if they didn’t find anything. I only learnt about blighted ovums a few months ago from my brother. Also had no idea there was such a fine line between abortion and management of MC (they went for MM). Quite shocking and disappointing for my family to have MCs so close to each other.

@Ranoutofgoodnames I didn’t realise they could find all that out so early on. I’m glad you were able to get an actual answer and so quickly; also that it worked out this way for you as opposed to less gentler scenarios for Patau’s.

I’ve told DH that I’m not going back on contraception and we don’t use condoms anyway so.. I mean, it’s not ideal to be pregnant atm, but it feels stupid to try to avoid something we want. So whether I want to wait or not, is neither here nor there really!

@Sakura54 yes from testing the placental cells (I think from the test results). They have to grow them for a bit so you have to wait for the results. If I knew how I would post the piece of paper. Says 47 (ie chromosomes so one too many), XX (so female) +13 (so one chromosome 13 too many). Called karotype testing.

I mean fuck it. I am 40 and I want a baby. I spent my 30s dating horrible men who messed me around until I met my wonderful husband when I was 39 (we got married quickly mainly because of babies). My eggs are already a bit shonky and I may have to go through this a couple of times until I get a good one. I am going to start trying ASAP and this stupid idiot virus that made this pregnancy such a difficult thing including how it ended can just fuck off.

Sorry for swearing. But yes. Bring on the heartbreak I want a baby and I can’t get one without risking it all again. So be it.

Yes! @Ranoutofgoodnames, I wanted to cheer at the end of reading that! Fuck it indeed, you DESERVE to have your baby - and next time might just be the good one. I'm sending ALL of the positive vibes to you!

@Sakura54 Hopefully it is my period but I have no idea - when do they expect it could come back from?! I know it can be as long as 10 weeks after but don't know how early it can be? I got told absolutely nothing after my MVA, just 'do a test in three weeks' and that was it. Speaking of, must order some.
I don't think they would have thought blighted ovum as there was a foetal pole at the scan when we found out, but it had completely gone by the follow up one two weeks later - so perhaps if I'd be scanned just a bit later, that would have been the case.
It is so sad that you had the miscarriages so close together, I hope your bro and SIL are doing ok 💕
Agree that it feels odd to try to avoid something you want and if you want to go for it, do it! There's never an 'ideal' time to be pregnant and no matter how not ideal, people get through it regardless.

I'm excited for everybody starting to think about trying again - we've come so far, ladies 💕 Hoping it's a MUCH more positive experience for us all next time round.

Went for a run at lunch and when I went to the loo when I got back I had some brown tinge again when I wiped - the not bleeding didn't last long 🙄 Hopefully it was just that once after the run, maybe it loosened something up or something. We'll see 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sorry, feel like I'm chronicling my bleeding on here - it just felt like such a big step to have finally stopped!

I am sitting here in the hospital having just had the MVA. In a weird way I’m relieved there is an end in sight. The MVA was nowhere near as scary as I was anticipating. The hospital staff are just so lovely! I know I always say this but thank you to everyone who is posting as it helps me every time I look and have a read.
I have torn feelings between sadness and relief that it’s over - I almost feel a bit bad when the relief part of me takes over.

@Flex20 I'm so glad it went as well as it could - definitely not as bad as you anticipate it to be, right?! Hope you're home or on your way home now and you can recover. Take it easy on yourself, rest, watch crap TV and eat junk. I also had a glass of wine after mine - felt I deserved it! Don't feel guilty about the relief, either - it's completely natural to feel that way, it's been such a worry for so long, it's normal to be glad that there's an end in sight.
Sending lots of love xxx

@Ranoutofgoodnames
I definitely also wanted to give you a cheer after that! And yes I feel the same as you . Although this is so sad, I want a baby so if we have to do this again then so be it.

I ve genuinely been fine ish but had a dream last night that we had another scan and it was all a mistake and actually it was twins! 🤦🏽‍♀️Just for that second when I woke up I felt like it was all OK. Then felt like I did the day after all over again. Been grumpy and irritable all day since then. But I guess whats happened has happened.

We have to just move on and keep trying xx

@flex20 glad your MVA is done now and it wasn't as bad as you were expecting.

@ranoutofgoodnames I hear you!

@skyblue20 I've till had some brown bleeding today too, it's so frustrating! Also had some twinges and more mucas like discharge, I'm not sure if it is ovulation but the discharge is just the last remains of any blood? I'm hoping ovulation as then maybe my period isn't too far away? But not sure as I still had a positive test on Monday.

@Hettie1981 our minds can play cruel tricks on us can't they? I've found time is a healer but this will always be part of my story

That’s great it went well and feeling relief is a good thing; it means you can move on and recover @Flex20

@SkyBlue20 It can come back as early as 3 weeks after MC apparently, maybe depends on people’s cycles? I’m going to give it 2 months before I start worrying seeing as there’s nothing we can do but be patient.

@Ranoutofgoodnames Absolutely! It’s way too soon to give up and atleast you have answers and fortunate to have your private healthcare. I think it’s sad that women have to go through this 3 times before being checked out at all as sometimes it could have been avoided.

I don’t know if I would try again if this were to happen again (touch wood), but I’d hope I’d be more resilient and keep going. I’d also want to know if there was something actually wrong. DH is a permanently positive guy so reckons it won’t take us long to conceive, hence why he thinks we have time to wait around for a CV vaccination, but I know better lol and that there’s much more to it than just that so we will see.

Morning everyone, happy Friday!

@Hettie1981 Not a nice dream, so sorry - why are our minds so cruel?! Hope you're feeling a bit better today xx

@Workingmama1 It's so annoying, isn't it?! Hopefully they are signs your period is on its way 🤞🏼 I was tempted to test today (two weeks post-MVA) but only ordered my tests yesterday so they won't be arriving until late next week, which is good - know I wouldn't have been able to help myself if I had them in and it would almost definitely still be positive, which I think would have been difficult.

@Sakura54 Patience is not my strong point 😂 I really do hope mine comes back sooner rather than later! My husband is the same in saying we'll find conceiving easy - he said it last time, too, and was proved right, so now he thinks it'll be like that all the time but I'm really not expecting it to be. Plus, like we've said, this pregnancy/miscarriage has taken up almost six months - I don't want to wait another six months, for example and it happen again. We definitely won't be waiting - husband floated the idea of waiting because of COVID-19 but when I explained my thoughts, he understood and was on team 'let's go again ASAP'!

Very much looking forward to the weekend - I have not been at my best at work this week, really unfocused and a lot of procrastination. My only plans are to clean the house top to bottom, do some exercise and tonight we're getting a takeaway but I'm looking forward to just getting everything in order, the house is a state!

@Flex20 glad it went as well as possible! It sounds crazy but I’m so jealous of those of you who’ve been able to get to it all being over - mine is dragging on and on! Had a routine scan yesterday before my D&C scheduled for Monday morning - and this time they saw something in the bloody sac! It’s 99.9999% likely it’s still a miscarriage as progression of the sac has been very slow but now I have to go in for ANOTHER scan on Sunday evening and if there’s any progression at all they cancel the D&C! They’re clear it’s over - I’m hanging on but basically clear it’s over - I just want it DONE so my period can come back and we can start trying again!! Sorry for the rant - you guys are the only people I can talk to about this and I’m so done with hoping and dreaming about it - @Hettie1981 the dreams are the worst aren’t they.

@Curiousfruit I can relate to much to your frustration. I knew for five weeks that I had an empty pregnancy sac before I could get the MVA!! Everytime I went in to hospital I had a mini bit of hope that they gave to me (a further scan, incorrect dates, just a couple more days etc). You’re right - I’m only one day out the other side but I’m pleased I know one way or another. Humans aren’t meant to deal with the unknown - it’s not in our control and is scary. Just take it one day at a time & see what you are dealt. I can’t wait until we are all chatting about positives in the near future !! We will all get there!!

Hi all! I’ve not posted for a while but I’ve been refreshing and reading the thread every now and again.

Seems like a lot of us are out the other side now but hi to all the newbies, sorry for your losses, hope you’re all coping okay 💕

A lot of you seem to have been told to take a pregnancy test 3 weeks post miscarriage but I was told to do one after 2 weeks. The hospital provided me with a test when I had MM, I took the test yesterday (I was 2 post MC on Wednesday) and it came back negative, it was a very bitter sweet moment. It confirmed baby had gone but it also confirmed we could start TTC again soon. We’ve decided to TTC ASAP as we know you have a better chance of conceiving after a MC - but like a lot of you, I’m just waiting for my period now...

Hi ladies, I disappeared from here for a while as I felt I wanted to try and get back to normal and not think about it too much. I just wanted to say well done to all of us for getting through this (or moving towards getting through to the other side) and for those still on the journey I can't actually believe how much better I feel after just 3-4 weeks. I hope that is reassuring. I was so traumatised but the flashbacks have stopped, bleeding tapered off a while ago and today I am pretty sure I am ovulating again. I almost feel bad for feeling excited at the prospect of trying again - as if I have forgotten the baby that never was. But it's good to feel myself again and feeling guilty for feeling is silly!
I was thinking of starting a new thread for Ttc after mmc so if anyone wants to join me let me know,
Sending love to all xxxx

@Curiousfruit I’m so sorry, this whole thing is so much waiting! Sunday will be here before you know it and hopefully you can get some answers. Sending strength your way 💕

@WildflowerPetals It seems strange to say I’m glad you got your negative but I’m glad that you can now begin to move past this as best possible and move forward. I can only imagine how bittersweet it was getting that negative. I hope your period turns up soon. Xx

@smilingdonkey Totally agree with you re: how much better you feel after three or four weeks. Glad you’re doing ok 💕 We’ve discussed a TTC thread and I think most of us are up for it - we could maybe do a Missed Miscarriage graduates TTC thread type thing so that it’s for us and people who have been through what we have. I would definitely like to join - I only joined Mumsnet when I found out I was pregnant but it has been invaluable every step of the way.

My takeaway is here, must dash! Xx

Just started one...

It's called - predictably - starting TTC again after missed miscarriage!

I have no idea how to link to it here sorry!
Be lovely if anyone wants to join now or later on when you are ready xxx

Found you and have commented so it comes up in my ‘I’m on’ threads. For everyone else, here it is:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3910275-Starting-TTC-again-after-missed-miscarriage

Thanks for starting it! 💕

Thanks @SkyBlue20. Hope you’re well 💕 xx

@Smilingdonkey Thank you for starting the thread, I’ll be joining 😊 xx

Fab, see you there xxx

I’m on too - optimistically in advance but want the hopefulness!

Crumbled and took another test. A squinted but there is a faint line on a Tesco hpt. 3 weeks since I started bleeding and 2 weeks 4 days since I actually miscarried. Going in the right direction and no bleeding today. Took the test as I thought we'd probably like to dtd this weekend and wanted to see if it would be safe (my main concern is infection). @WildflowerPetals I know what you mean about a negative test being bitter sweet.

I'd be up for a TTC thread, I'll head over and mark my place

@curiousfruit sorry it's dragging on, that is really tough.

@curiousfruit I agree, the hopefulness will be nice. I’m sending all of the period arrival vibes to us all - I hate the wait! Hope it appears soon!!

@Workingmama1 That is a verrrrrrrry faint line, definitely going the right way! My concern is infection, too - do you know when we’re ok to DTD without that being a worry? I too was waiting for a negative and possibly wait until after my period, too - am very nervous! Xx

@skyblue20 I'm not sure. I thought it was when the bleeding stops, I think a negative test is only if you are ttc, but I hate comdoms so would rather not use them! I've also read in other places 2 weeks is fine. But don't want to put myself at risk for the sake of a few days...