TTC after miscarriage

[Winkle2020]

Hello Ladies

Please give me some hope and confidence. I have been through a miscarriage recently. Had d and c and then retained products. Had to wait for my first af 9 weeks after d and c. Now in the last scan I was told that almost everything is gone except that of a very very small 8mm tiny bit left which will eventually come out in the next cycle. Doc has asked me to wait for just one more cycle to ttc. Somehow in the length of this whole episode which dragged for 3 months now, I feel very hopeless and scared to death about ttc. I really want to hold a baby and have a second child. I sob everyday endlessly alone. There is no one to talk to, I have no sibling or close friends and lost my mother 2 years ago. I am a full time working women and it takes a toll on my emotional health. I am terrified and abosultely scared to death to go through this emotional pain again. When I was going through miscarriage this forum has been my single strong support and I have come back again to get some hope from you lovely ladies. Please help

I am still bleeding - was pretty heavy yesterday but reducing today. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster, spent most of Sunday crying, felt pretty chilled on Monday, pretty down again yesterday. I told my two best friends today who also knew about the first miscarriage, they've been supportive but they both have babies and one is pregnant again, so I'm f**king jealous. That's been a real change - my first MC I didn't feel any strong resentment to pregnant friends or friends with children, now i really really do. It doesn't help that on my uni friends WhatsApp chat one has just had a baby, one is due any day, and another is roughly where I should have been if the first pregnancy had stuck. Feels like the whole world is pregnant. And I know not everyone had it happen first month but none of them had any major issues I'm aware of - whereas we've been TTC a full year now and had 2 MCs. I'm feeling pretty bitter and frustrated.

I completely get what you mean about thiking about where you would have been. I keep thinking about how at work by now I would likely have transitioned onto an 'easy' internal project (we do very intensive consulting work so normally if pregnant ladies want they are moved onto lower stress internal projects in the latter months) and be looking forward to mat leave at Christmas. Instead I've just started a 12 month internal programme (which I am very excited about) but I'm just looking down an endless work barrel instead of knowing when I'll be on mat leave. And if I knew I wouldn't get pregnant for say another 12 months I might consider leaving and changing companies, but my company pays such good mat leave (6 months full pay) that it seems silly if I might get pregnant soon. Men just don't have to deal with this shit career-wise.

I'm just fed up with the uncertainty of when the hell it will happen for us.

We have our private appointment next week when they will do a scan and a sperm and AMH test, then we will discuss if it's worth doing further tests for recurrent miscarriage or if we want to try a bit longer first. I'm feeling like maybe we're rushing into it and we should wait and see a bit longer first, but DH is very keen to either get reassurance or 'fix' whatever is wrong.

@notalwaysalondoner so sorry to hear you’re still bleeding ☹️ Are you back in the U.K. to have it confirmed?

I know the feeling with friends etc. I also have such guilt that I haven’t been able to give DH a baby yet, I want to tell everyone we had a MC so they know it’s me and not him - does that make sense? All his friends but one have been so lucky with falling pregnant. Every time I see a dad with a small child my heart just blips for a mo.
6 months full pay is amazing!! I think I get 6 weeks 😫
Can I ask, how did you go about your checks? Is it a fertility clinic? My DH wants us to be checked too but I’m not sure where to go? After my experience of the NHS when we MC’d I don’t ever want to go back to the hospital or doctor.

The lack of control/knowing is now the worst part out of all of this, but I’m sure we will all get there and this will become just part of our journeys, not our destinations!

We’ve gone private - we live in London so there is loads of choice. I feel we’re rushing into it a bit maybe but luckily we can afford it so DH says why not? First they just do basic checks - sperm count and motility, AMH and a scan, then they’ll do miscarriage checks later if they think it’s useful like progesterone and thyroid and clotting factors.

Virtual hugs to you @notalwaysalondoner

Sorry to hear you had a bad NHS experience @WatermelonSugar10. I think it’s really important to find a medical team you really trust and feel confident in.

I already have a factor v Leiden diagnosis. Had a laparoscopy including tubal dye test for Endometriosis and a Hysteroscopy for removal of placental tissue, so have essentially already had some of the tests. Awaiting appointment for miscarriage clinic.
I turn 40 next year so don’t have the luxury of time.

We had our private appointment where they did a scan, AMH and sperm tests - all came back good, so at least we know we were probably just unlucky that it took us 9-10 cycles to conceive first time round. We talked to the consultant about various miscarriage tests:

Thrombophilia screen (including antiphospholipid antibody screen)
Antinuclear antibody
Thyroid function
Karyotype
Sperm DNA fragmentation
3-d saline scan

However she said the probability of them all coming back clear is very high and so we’ve decided to carry on TTC naturally and hope the next pregnancy sticks. If we have a third miscarriage then we’ll go ahead with the tests but at that point we’d be able to get some on the nhs too. Very happy that at least we should have no issues conceiving again. They also confirmed in my scan the second miscarriage (4+5) was complete and then today I got my solid smiley on clearblue OPK so hoping we get lucky this month!

@notalwaysalondoner congrats! I'm so happy for you that your tests are coming back clear, that's probably such a relief to hear confirmed. Good luck and baby dust for your next pregnancy!

Hello all,

I’m expecting AF in about a week, but have had some slight twinges/ cramps. I’m probably just symptom spotting so I’m trying not to get my hopes up.

Anyhow, I got into a car accident today and am worried that this will affect my implantation (if that’s even happening this cycle).

Just feeling shaken up and thought it would be good to see how everyone is doing. Any BFP yet?

Fingers crossed for everyone!!

AF is due on Monday. Think we DTD at the right time this month based on ovulation tests but we missed one day and did it the next morning instead so hoping that wasn’t the crucial window! No symptoms so not too hopeful...

Don’t worry about the accident, it definitely won’t impact implantation, everything is so cushioned in there!

Hello all! I'm bursting at the seams with excitement, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much ;) . I am going to wait until I miss my period, which is due in 4 days, but I ended up taking a pregnancy test today and...very very faint line, but I think it's there!
I'm shocked that I'm only 9 dpo and have gotten this reading :0

I see a line @mouse7314! Amazing! Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly for you from here! How long have you been TTC again?

I completely forgot to take a test today and I normally try and wait for AF as I find it quite distressing to get a negative (I never test too soon so they are always accurate...). DH was away until this evening too so I didn't want to take one without him. AF is due tomorrow but I will probably try and wait until Wednesday to give it time to show up, especially as this is my first cycle after my chemical so it might be a bit non-average as well, although I got a positive clearblue OPK 13 days ago so AF is likely to be soon.

@notalwaysalondoner I’ve been TTC since February of this year, and then had my miscarriage at 10 weeks in August.
Fingers crossed for you!! Wouldn’t it be crazy if we both got our BFP at the same time???

Hello ladies

Unfortunately last week went for my 12 weeks scan and been told that a heartbeat cannot be detected. Since then I had a medical miscarriage. I continuously bled and been in pain since then but today I have notice my blood starting to smell. Is this normal or could it potentially be a sign of infection. My first pregnancy and first miscarriage...heartbroken and worried
Thank you x

@Anca84 I'm so sorry to hear that, and I hope you can find some comfort within this group. Not to be grotesque, but what words would you use to describe the smell? Is there any yellow/green discharge coming out, or is it just blood? When did you begin the medical miscarriage?
It could be a sign of infection if some of the tissue hasn't passed and has since remained in it's comfy little home- are you having your hCG levels monitored as well? If they're still high/ not coming down quickly, that could be another sign that there is still tissue in there.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss-unfortunately we know how you feel or we wouldn't be here. I found that it helped me to grieve by naming my little one, although I don't usually tell people that because they look at me crazy. Just know that you're not alone in this and whatever you feel is normal for you and your body.

Thank you @mouse7314. Still an emotional wreck but I'm starting to get at peace with it. Really finding some comfort reading the posts here. I could not see any yellow/green discharge and the blood smells a bit like an abattoir- hard to describe...like old blood but not quite...x

@Anca84 I’m sorry for your loss. I’d call the hospital to talk to a professional if the blood is smelling differently to how it was at first. I had a surgical procedure so didn’t bleed much.

Took a test this morning as AF is two days late - negative. I guess my cycle is a bit messed up from the chemical pregnancy last month, even though based on OPK I ovulated 16 days ago so AF should have come by now. Wasn’t feeling hopeful this month but am getting very frustrated with our TTC journey - we’ve been trying for 13 months now with two miscarriages. I just want it to be my turn.

Sorry for your loss @Anca84.

Similar feeling here too @notalwaysalondoner, AF arrived today. Had my Mirena taken out & lap for Endo 16months ago. Took a while for cycle to stabilise. M5 Miscarriage at 5weeks (3months total for pregnancy and recovery to normal cycle). M11 fell again and miscarried at 12weeks (5months total for pregnancy and recovery to normal cycle). Fingers crossed that new cycle = new opportunity!

Sounds very similar to my journey @HopefulB except my early miscarriage and later miscarriage were the other way around. I really hope it doesn't take 3 months for my cycle to get back to normal after my chemical at 4+5 - I just want to try again! I am feeling some twinges now so hope AF starts today - reckon we probably thought ovulation was a bit earlier than it was based on the OPK and missed it maybe! Typical that it starts the day I get a test - let's me get my hopes up then appears...

Hi guys, I’m really really hoping someone out there can help me. I’ve had two miscarriages in the last 12 months both at 6-7 weeks. Today I’ve had my BFP at cd30! I’m so so happy. But I’d love to first hear people’s success stories after miscarriage. But also how did you cope through the pregnancy. I’m scared of getting myself too excited again and I feel like that’ll just make it so so much worse. Thank you

Hi everyone, and welcome @belladunn1999 !
I am 5 weeks and 4 days today and woke up with some brown discharge. Normally, I know that is this nothing to worry about but with my last MC, this is exactly how it started, so I'm very anxious about it. Since today is a Sunday, I called the nurses, and at first they said to come in first thing in the morning tomorrow. Then, after they talked to a physician, they called me back and said to wait until Wednesday, which is my first appointment.
I'm so frustrated- I specifically told the nurses that this is how my other miscarriage started and I feel like they're not listening to me :(
They said it could be implantation, but I'm 11 days past my missed period, so I feel like it's too late for that. UGH!!

@mouse7314 fingers crossed for you! I know it is really difficult not knowing what is happening, but on the flip side, there is nothing anyone can do at this early stage so what will be, will be, whether or not you have an appointment today or on Wednesday. I know it would be lovely to know one way or the other if your HCG is rising, for example, to be mentally prepared, but it won't change the outcome. I had the same thing about 6 weeks ago where I was spotting a lot at 4-5 weeks, but because I was abroad I wasn't able to get my HCG checked without a lot of hassle, so just had to wait and see. It was really hard not knowing (mine took a week to be clear what was happening), but it won't change the outcome. Sadly that one didn't stick, but hopefully yours will. Hugs.

Hi all, just checking in as I haven’t been here for a while. Hope everyone is doing ok during these crazy times!

@mouse7314 Just reading about your positive & spotting- my fingers are crossed for you! Really hope it’s a sticky one.

@belladunn1999 Congrats on your BFP! Fingers crossed for you. I don’t really have any advice because I found that I was just stressed after getting my 2nd BFP (before MC2) and I was in quite a bad place mentally, looking back. So I’m watching for replies to you with interest for hopefully when I get another BFP 🤞🏼. I guess my advice would be try not to get too obsessive or stressed because (provided you’re following the usual guidelines) you can’t control whether it’s successful or not and that’s definitely something I hope to follow next time.

I have some positive news- booked in for a ‘Fertility MOT’ with my partner and had the results today- all is normal for both of us. He did say that my ovaries are polycystic (not PCOS) which accounts for my completely irregular cycles but it shouldn’t be causing any issues. We can pay for further tests to explore the MCs so it’s something we might consider but it was good to have reassurance that all is well fertility-wise, at least!

@notalwaysalondoner Just catching up with your updates & it sounds like we are both in similar positions with the fertility tests/results. We’re going to do the same and proceed with other tests if we have another loss (hopefully not).

I don’t know about you, but I already feel better knowing that there shouldn’t be issues conceiving. I didn’t realise that it was weighing so heavily on me until the results came back. Hope all is good with you, this month.

Hi all,
Wondering if anyone else got a BFP over Christmas/New Year?
@mouse7314 did all progress ok?

Estimating I’m at 8weeks today, had a scan and got heartbeat at 6+5, next one on Tuesday. Massive anxiety! Had a bleed at D40 of cycle, and then another yesterday, but seems like it may have settled again. This is so hard, I keep trying to tell myself that if I can miscarry with no symptoms it’s also possible to have a healthy one with a little bleeding.

Hoping 2021 brings everyone more joy!

Hi @HopefulB ohh congratulations ❤️ - I really hope everything goes well. It’s encouraging that you’ve seen a heartbeat but I can only imagine how difficult it is to relax. When is your next scan?

Still no BFP here. It’s been 6 months since MC2 and we really have been trying but with no luck. I’m pretty sure I haven’t even ovulated this month as I couldn’t get a peak and I haven’t felt the usual ovulation symptoms that I always get. I’m in the TWW now so we’ll have to try again next month. 🤞🏻 Weirdly, I’ve started to just relax about it now. I’ve kind of mentally decided that, if it doesn’t happen before the summer, I’m going to go back to the fertility clinic and get some plan in place so I’ve just accepted it and will just enjoy trying! Haha

That must be frustrating @Hoppyhops, but good that your feeling more relaxed about it!
It’s not exactly a great time to conceive with all the pandemic rubbish, but personal choice - I certainly didn’t feel at 39 I could delay!

Have you considered an Ava bracelet to help identify ovulation? (Not cheap!!) I found on a few cycles the app said parameters inconclusive, if trying to conceive keep trying! If I hadn’t had the bracelet I would probably have thought window over (time for a rest 😂).