TTC after miscarriage

[Winkle2020]

Hello Ladies

Please give me some hope and confidence. I have been through a miscarriage recently. Had d and c and then retained products. Had to wait for my first af 9 weeks after d and c. Now in the last scan I was told that almost everything is gone except that of a very very small 8mm tiny bit left which will eventually come out in the next cycle. Doc has asked me to wait for just one more cycle to ttc. Somehow in the length of this whole episode which dragged for 3 months now, I feel very hopeless and scared to death about ttc. I really want to hold a baby and have a second child. I sob everyday endlessly alone. There is no one to talk to, I have no sibling or close friends and lost my mother 2 years ago. I am a full time working women and it takes a toll on my emotional health. I am terrified and abosultely scared to death to go through this emotional pain again. When I was going through miscarriage this forum has been my single strong support and I have come back again to get some hope from you lovely ladies. Please help

@WatermelonSugar10 Sorry to hear that you’ve had a tough day. It comes in waves doesn’t it. I find that I’m absolutely fine and then something little will just make me feel sad all of a sudden. At first I tried to bottle it up, but now I’ve found it’s better to just let myself feel sad and wait for the moment to pass, because it will!

I know how you’re feeling about the holidays. I’m a teacher and not really looking forward to six weeks with no routine & my thoughts in overdrive. I know lockdown hasn’t exactly been normal but I’ve been in work on a rota and kept busy working from home so had little time to dwell. As a PP suggested, I’m going to do some running, complete some home projects & try to catch up with friends that I haven’t seen since February. Just wanted you to know that you’re not alone 💓

@Tayler89 thank you for the positive thoughts and suggestions. It did pass by the evening which was good. I think the fact that life is going back to normal for most is what is making it a tad worse, I dread being asked how I’ve found lockdown as I can’t really turn around and say “well for the majority of it I was pregnant and dealing with morning sickness”. I was so excited for shops to be reopening so I could start looking at baby things. But, it’s been a good day today and DH wants to start trying again - I had the dreaded period last week (only three weeks after the miscarriage) and boy oh boy, it was bad (!!) so not sure my body is even ready but worth a try without the pressure as I’m pretty certain it’s too soon for mind and body.

@Hoppyhops thank you for your positive post too, it passed as soon as I let myself just be sad for a bit. I’ve started making plans too so at least each week I have at least a few things to focus on - hopefully we will get away too.

Hope you all have lovely weekends xxx

Hey everyone. Any updates?

I moved states and everything has been well. On cycle day 31 with no period and a few clearer positives than before. I may go to the doctor at some point to actually confirm as of course I don’t believe my body, but I hope so much.

@Bailee26 Hope your move went well! It all sounds promising at the moment- I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. Sounds like a doctor’s appointment would be good to confirm things for you.

I’m on summer holidays until September so we’re having a break from TTC to enjoy our summer. It’s only been just over a week since MC2 so I think my body could definitely do with a break too! Still interested to hear how everyone’s getting on though so I’ll keep checking in 😃

@bailee26 I'm so glad your move went well and things are sounding positive. I've got everything crossed for you and completely understand your hesitation xx

@hoppyhops I'm so sorry for your loss 😔. I'm also a week on from MC2 and am taking a break from TTC to enjoy the summer holidays. I'm going to Cornwall next week with family for a much needed break. I'm hoping my period comes soon, just so I know I'm completely past the MC and know I can TTC when it's the right time. Trying to focus on weight loss. Lock down and 2 MCs have led to a massive 16lb increase... Which won't help at all with TTC. Hoping to have a month or 2 out and then look to TTC again. I went to my EPU appointment last Monday and it turned out my thyroid was out (GP said it had come back normal which is annoying) so I've now had my medication altered, hoping that makes a difference too xx

@IWM20 Ohh I am totally with you with the weight gain! I’ve put on 10 pound since March and my jeans are stupidly tight! I’m trying to eat more healthily than I have been (e.g. not a bad of chocolate/packet of crisps everyday and biscuits with tea for ‘supper’ 😂) and going to get back to walking. My body doesn’t know what’s hit it haha

Annoying about the thyroid but at least you know about it now and hopefully it can make some difference! Enjoy your holiday in Cornwall- I love it there! Hope you get the weather on your side.

Hi all, I’m coming to the end of my holiday in Italy and still no period - it’s been over 7 weeks now since my surgical management. Haven’t taken a pregnancy test for 3 weeks or so as I’ve had no symptoms then been on holiday - last time I had super sore boobs. Really don’t want to get my hopes up but if I’m not pregnant it’s super frustrating that my period still hasn’t returned...

Hi everyone ! I know its late but I finally found a chat that openly talks about miscarriages. So, I hope I am welcomed in this chat. I am 27 yrs old and I had been trying to get pregnant for years. It has put me into a mild depression and I drink liquor a lot and focus on my homework in graduate school to avoid feeling the pain of not being a mom. I finally got pregnant for the first time in june only to find out june 19 that I was having a miscarriage. The doctor said I was pose to be seven weeks but I was only 4-5 weeks and they see just a gas sac smh. I instantly went into a deeper depression because my mother and father was beyond happy as well a my long term boyfriend (that I live with and been together for 4 1/2 years. Meet in undergrad and graduated together so hoping to be a wife soon lol). What made it worst was my boyfriend was so happy he cried and called all of his friends and told them he was going to be a father..smh.. However I went on to have a natural miscarriage and I did a pregnancy test after the natural passing and it said negative. I am currently on cycle day 36 and according to the miscarriage in my app because the doctor stated to treat it as if it were a period and I have not bled as if yet. Is it true that you are very fertile after your first miscarriage? Could I be pregnant? Because as soon as the bleeding stopped the next day we bd and we have been bd ever since the bleeding stopped maybe only went 5 to six days without bd.. Im driving myself insane hoping im pregnant again but i just feel hopeless because as previously stated before that was my first pregnancy so I didn’t think i could conceive at all. So, now Im thinking was that my only chance of getting pregnant since I never been pregnant before that?? Help ladies lol

Well I took a test and it was negative, as expected. Will give it another couple of weeks then ask to be referred for some tests as most sources say your period should return 4-6 weeks after a miscarriage and it’s now been 7.5 weeks and also I normally have short cycles of 22-27 days. I’m terrified I’ve got ashermans to be honest - I know it’s rare but the thought that my choice to get surgical management may have caused damage is worrying me. Just want a period to arrive...

@notalwaysalondoner okay I will give it 4-6 weeks. I think im just impatient. I had a natural miscarriage so im not sure about a surgical management I don’t think you have ashermans thats very and extreme. You are being harsh on your body. It just may take a little longer than 6 weeks and im sure thats normal because i have read some ladies it took ten weeks to get a period. Just consult with your doc first.

@notalwaysalondoner I am so sorry to read it still hasn’t come but I was pleased it didn’t come whilst you were on holiday as my first was horrific. It must be horrid being stuck waiting but maybe consult your EPU and see if they can advise? I was told mine would come after the standard 4-6 weeks but got mine after 3 🤷🏻‍♀️ Our bodies seem to work in their own time, shame that time doesn’t match our timeframes set in our heads ☹️. Try not to think/google ashermans and just wait until you’ve spoken with a doctor. 🤞fingers crossed you might even get a positive result in a few days.
Sending massive hugs x

I’ll be keeping this a secret until September but I just wanted to share with all of you to have helped get a long through my miscarriage and chemical pregnancy. about 4 weeks and 6 days

@Bailee26 congratulations!!! This is amazing news!!! Lots of love xxx

Hi Ladies

Sorry me again, but I am just wondering if any of your relationships have suffered since miscarriage? My husband and I seem to be on different planets at the moment and I’ve done the dreaded “google” and apparently 22% of relationships break up after suffering a loss and I’m starting to panic that we are part of that stat...I feel so isolated with the loss and to him, “it was just a collection of cells and a tiny part of my life in the grand scheme” the resentment I hold to those words is massive. I love him dearly but there seems to be this distance between us which is growing and we have a real difficulty in communicating so we end up arguing over nothing, but nearly every day and I know I’m part of the problem but yet I just can’t stop it - he thinks it’s all me and disagrees when I point out it takes two to have an argument 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m rambling again and sorry it’s not about ttc!!

@notalwaysalondoner Mine took just over 9 weeks to come back - so give it a bit longer. I know how frustrating it is though, especially when everything you read says it should be back after 6 weeks. It really pissed me off but I guess we’re all just very different!

@Bailee26 Gentle congratulations to you! I really hope this is a sticky one 🤞🏼

@HTBAM Sorry to see that you’ve found yourself here but it is a supportive group! Sounds like you’ve had a rough time You talk about drinking liquor a lot- I know it seems good to ease the pain of TTC but perhaps beginning to cut down on that will be helpful for both your mental and physical health. Also, you may want to book in to speak with your doctor; if you’ve been trying for 3 years and just had MC, you should be entitled to some fertility tests and treatment.

@WatermelonSugar10 Sorry to hear that your DH is not more understanding. I think, to be fair, it’s a really strange situation for our partners because, realistically, absolutely nothing changes for them and so it’s easier to forget and move on.

Just try and be as open as you can about how you’re feeling- it’s still early days so don’t put too much pressure on yourselves.

@WatermelonSugar10 that sounds difficult - my DH and I had a couple of huge huge rows in the first week after it happened as we were both so upset. We both said some horrible things.

My work is being awful right now, I got back from my holiday and at 0930 Monday morning my boss spends an hour telling me I’m not doing well enough even though I’ve only been in my new role a month. It sounds silly but it makes me more angry about my miscarriage as my plan was to go on maternity leave and find a new job while I was off - now I feel like I’m stuck here as the maternity pay is so good and I’m unlikely to get such good pay for the first year at another job at least (6 months full pay). It sucks.

Well it looks like AF has arrived - hope it’s not like last time where I just had a clot then nothing else so don’t think it was AF, just some remnants of the miscarriage. Really hope this is my cycle getting back to normal so I know when I’m ovulating etc and can TTC again... typically I had a doctors appointment this morning about the fact AF hadn’t arrived yet and they referred me for tests, and now AF arrived...!!

@Hoppyhops
Thank you so much I will cut down on it. I was thinking the samething my first pregnancy was a miscarriage so I was thinking maybe I need to check fertility issues. I was praying I didn’t have fertility issues because a lot of women have their first child or pregnancy at a later age and they have no fertility issues. It was just about timing so I am hoping that is my case.

@WatermelonSugar10
I agree with what everyone else is saying. In the first few weeks, maybe even month, I was very withdrawn and extremely sensitive. It seemed like the only thing we still did that’s was normal was DTD. I hope you’re not apart of that statistic as well, but I’ve learned you can’t really rely on statistics and such because we really are so different. Like Hoppy said, I can see it being a different grieving process for him because it wasn’t his body it was happening to.

@notalwaysalondoner

I’m really disappointed in the way your boss is treating you. Especially having gone through what you did. I know it’s job to make sure everyone is being productive and all but he could’ve given you several months to assess your productivity and not a month after being promoted. Men really don’t understand a lot of what we go through and it’s disappointing, but not surprising.

Hey ladies, I’ve been reading all the messages in this group and the support you give one another is lovely. I was wondering if I could join

So I recently had a miscarriage and I mean recently last Friday. So I knew I was pregnant as I had a lovely scan two weeks prior had a strong lovely heart beat and everything I was so excited as I had previously had two laparoscopy procedures to remove endometriosis and cervical polyps two year before I just thought I would never get pregnant as never used the pill or any type of contraception so I was very surprised and shocked when I found out I was pregnant. But then one day I was working a lovely night shift and started spotting more than I normally had been Recently and the cramps were mild but not nice so i rang the gynaecology ward as the doctors are usually based there and they said go down to a&e and they will come and see me, so I went down to A&E and had all bloods done couldn’t have a scan that night as it was too late so I had to stay in over night and try and get fitted in for a scan the following morning, doctors came back and forth. So I was worried anxious and god knows what all night so I never even slept, and it didn’t help when you hear the nurses say don’t know what she’s worried about she had a scan two weeks ago. Charming.
The morning came and I was walked down to maternity to get that scan to tell me the news I dreaded, I think the hardest part at that moment was going down to the maternity unit to sit where other pregnant ladies with their perfect bumps were.
So I went in and she did a scan all quiet no words and then said it’s unconfirmed as I need to have a scan to compare it to but there is not a heart beat, my heart sank I was lost for words I didn’t know what to say, I walked back to the ward on my own feeling numb thinking of how I was going to tell my partner the struggle of saying those words out load broke my heart.

So then the doctors came in and was saying about coming back a week later to have another scan to compare to and loads of other words but the way my mind was whatever they said just went right over my head. So I told them I had a scan 2 weeks ago where there was a heart beat and they was oh did you I’m thinking do you not look at my notes or anything as it’s all online.
So once again I had to go back down to that maternity unit for the torture of pretty bumps everywhere. To then have two sonographers doing the scan to confirm with each other that I had internal bleeding and no heart beat so my body was preparing for miscarriage, then again did that dreadful lonely walk back to the ward.

I was sent home later that day to have the options to think about over the weekend to have natural, medical or surgery to get rid of the baby I carried for 11 weeks.

That night the cramps got really bad and I spent more quality time with the bathroom and naturally miscarried my little bundle of joy. Thinking this is it I will never get pregnant again, what did I do wrong? Why is this happening to me?
I have found it hard to speak to anyone and I just feel numb I was thinking when to go back to work but then I work with 3 other pregnant girls and the thought of that just broke me even more and I don’t want to deal with work colleagues going you ok how you feeling blah blah blah.

Anyway sorry about the long long story ladies but After reading all your messages you have all supported each other and once I started typing I just couldn’t stop.

After reading everyone's experiences about their miscarriages, it definitely makes me feel a little better. It has been 3 weeks now since my miscarriage. I was at 10 weeks pregnant. I started to get coffee like spotting for 2 days. Then a chunk of blood clot the third day. Then it stopped. I knew something wasn't right. I went to the ER. They tested me and everything was normal. They checked the fetus, there was no cardio activity. Doctor said it could be because the fetus was too young. After I was released from the ER, I felt a little bit of hope. Then at 4am the next morning, I had a gushed of blood came out. It woke me up. I went to the bathroom, the toilet and the floor were full of blood. I sat on the toilet and at 4:34am, my baby came out. I saw everything; the spine, the head, the heart, the belly and the umbilical cord. I spent an hour in the bathroom laying with my baby. I cried my lungs out. Everyone was asleep even with my loud screaming and crying. I was in so much pain. Half an hour after the hour spent with my fetus, the placenta came out. I caught the placenta on the pad and took it to my OBGYN. They sent it to the lab to get an Anora test. I needed to know if the miscarriage was due to some genetic problems. I am still waiting on the result. I have been poked so many times for blood tests since the day I went into the ER. My HCG at the ER was 22,000. Which is low for 10 weeks pregnancy. Then after the fetus came out, I went in for a HCG, blood test. The number went from 22,000 to 4,000. I went in for another blood test a week later, the number went down to 400. I went in for another blood test, I am waiting for the results. Throughout that time, I bled for 4 days after the fetus came out. It stopped for 2 days. I went hiking with my husband, a gushed of blood clot came out. I was not wearing a pad. It bled for another 3 days. Then it stopped. Afterwards, I started to feel the pain in my lower abdominals. I put a heating pad on my belly and it helps. But the minute I take the heating pad off, the pain is so bad. I've been feeling this pain for 5 days now. I can tell you that having a miscarriage is a terrible and horrible thing to go through. I have to be strong for both my daughters. I have a 4 yrs old and a 6 yrs old. Know that you are not alone. Everyone thinks that I am doing fine, but in reality I am hurting inside. I tried as hard as I can to be strong for everyone. I cried all by myself. I stayed up late so I can be with my emotions. I was ready for our third child, but it wasn't meant to be.

It's a terrible thing to go through. You are not alone. I've learned that 1 in 4 women get a miscarriage once in their lives. I gave birth to two girls, then had a miscarriage on the third. You will be able to get pregnant again. Give yourself time to heal. I will do the same.

@RacheyB321 and @Mybaby0434 so sorry for your losses. It’s so tough.