TTC after miscarriage

[Winkle2020]

Hello Ladies

Please give me some hope and confidence. I have been through a miscarriage recently. Had d and c and then retained products. Had to wait for my first af 9 weeks after d and c. Now in the last scan I was told that almost everything is gone except that of a very very small 8mm tiny bit left which will eventually come out in the next cycle. Doc has asked me to wait for just one more cycle to ttc. Somehow in the length of this whole episode which dragged for 3 months now, I feel very hopeless and scared to death about ttc. I really want to hold a baby and have a second child. I sob everyday endlessly alone. There is no one to talk to, I have no sibling or close friends and lost my mother 2 years ago. I am a full time working women and it takes a toll on my emotional health. I am terrified and abosultely scared to death to go through this emotional pain again. When I was going through miscarriage this forum has been my single strong support and I have come back again to get some hope from you lovely ladies. Please help

@WatermelonSugar10 sorry for your loss. I found out I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, it was a blighted ovum which means there was no embryo in the gestational sac, which I think made it easier for me personally to deal with as there was no actual baby, if that makes sense. I didn’t have surgical management until nearly 11 weeks though due to having to have multiple confirmation scans.

That was 5 weeks ago - haven’t had a period yet, had some bleeding a week ago but it turned out not to be a period I think as it lasted only about 8-10 hours. So I have no idea what is going on, going to assume I’m not pregnant and that my cycle just hasn’t returned yet but take a test once a week just to check. We didn’t start DTD again until after we’d got a negative test as was recommended by the hospital.

Hope AF returns soon/we get pregnant, as it’s now been nearly 10 months since we started TTC and I just want it to happen. To friends are due in August/September which will be tough.

@WatermelonSugar10
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s an incredibly hard thing to go through and Mumsnet was the only thing I had when I found I was having a MMC back in March.

I thought I was 8 weeks but the embryo stopped developing at 6 weeks. I waited for a natural miscarriage but at 11 weeks, took Cytotec to manage it. Bled for about 8 days, and spotted for two weeks a week after. Period returned 7 weeks later. I still had HCG in my blood for about two months later. Followed by a chemical pregnancy.

I wish more people did talk about it as well and about the different experiences that we all have and the feelings that we go through. It helped me to feel so less alone knowing that I wasn’t the only one and knowing that there was still hope for me. It gave me the strength to keep trying instead of bottling myself up. That was the lowest Id ever been in my whole life and I definitely appreciated any and all small gifts or services. I look back and I appreciate every single second I was pregnant. Probably 110% more than I ever did while I actually was.

@notalwaysalondoner sorry to hear about your loss too ❤️. I think that does make complete sense! Unfortunately for us, when I started bleeding I called the EPU and they were in no rush to see me and even said I was “being dramatic” but by the morning I had passed the pregnancy on the loo and when I saw the sac I just flushed - no thought at all just didn’t want to look and flushed so by the time I was scanned the following day it was all gone but was told I’d highly likely had a delayed miscarriage and would have only measured 6/7 weeks. It was quite odd as the lady who stood by me whilst they did the internal scan was the same lady who told me I was being dramatic - in hindsight I should have said “not so dramatic now ey” but never mind! I gather from a doctor who called last week that the people who had scanned me and spoken on the phone weren’t the usual team which is why I was just scanned and told they had to do blood tests to “prove I was pregnant”. I wasn’t offered anything but a scan and a blood test then sent on my way without even a leaflet or discussion on miscarriage. But fingers crossed next time we go on to have successful pregnancies and this will become just part of our journeys. I feel for you with pregnant friends but I’m certain it will be you soon and you never know which friend/colleague in the future might need to hear your experience to help them with theirs. I can’t believe it’s nearly 1 in 3 that end the way ours did. Crazy stat!

@Bailee26 i am so sorry to hear about your two loses, life just isn’t fair!!! I’m with you, Mumsnet has been a lifeline these past three weeks and can’t believe I’ve only just started writing as I’ve read so many different chat pages. Nearly every other person I speak to has experienced a miscarriage at some point but I never really heard it before, from now on I’m certain when someone says it out loud I will certainly stop, listen and share. I’m disgusted to say but a lady at work experienced two in 6 months at work Last year and I use to think “gosh poor poor lady, why doesn’t she stop and save the heartache” well, now I know!! This same woman is now on maternity leave and I understand why she had to keep going and am appalled at my lack of thought but I suppose until i went through it i couldn’t appreciate the pain, loss of hope and utter devastation. This chat has been wonderful to read that people are pregnant again, as on many other chat pages.

Sorry! Major essay!!!!!!

I agree about sharing it more - I made the decision to tell a few friends about it, when normally I'm a private person and wouldn't do so. I found out my granny and aunt had one, which I didn't know about. Neither of the friends I told have had one, but one shared that it took her over a year TTC which I had no idea about. I've decided that I didn't want to tell my big group of college girlfriends right now, but when (hopefully) I have a successful pregnancy and announce it, I want to mention it then so that people realise how common it is.

@WatermelonSugar10 I definitely will share and listen more as well. I’ve always seen it as an awful thing but having experienced it myself, I’ve never really experienced anyone passing, I realize it’s more than that. That maybe those people deserve the comfort of knowing that they’re not alone. That even weeks later that someone still cares and acknowledges that they took a shower today or that they got out of bed. That they did things that they would rather have not done in an attempt to heal. I used to be too embarrassed to say anything. That people would look at me and my husband like we did something wrong. Of course we didn’t, but I’m sure some people still do feel that way. But the people who have experienced what we have, always make it a point to tell us to stay positive and keep trying. That this is honestly the hardest part and once you get through pregnancy, the worth of the journey will mean so much. I cant wait u til that day. I dream about it. It keeps me sane.

Hey guys, just checking in to say that the spotting I’ve had over the last few days has now turned into some heavier bleeding. It feels exactly like it did the last time when I had the MC so I’m certain it’s happening again. Can’t do anything about it over the weekend as the EPU is closed. I’ll give the midwife a ring on Monday but I think it’ll be over by then anyway. I half expected this with the spotting so I feel ok right now, I’m just so tired and annoyed that this is happening again.

@Hoppyhops I am so sorry 💕 I hope you’ve got a lot of caring support around you this weekend. I’d love to say keep positive until you get to the EPU but I think as women we know our bodies (but you never know!!!!). Lots of love xxxx

@Hoppyhops
I’m hoping for the best and praying that it’s just breakthrough bleeding. I hope you get support and love over the weekend.

My own small update. I’m at 11 dpo today. Flo app is predicting a period in 6 days. I keep pulling the slightest faintest lines, I keep thinking maybe I’m not holding it long enough. Or it’s an ectopic. I’m not sure because I have pregnant symptoms and lower abdominal pressure. My boobs are hugeeee. I’m so exhausted and hungry. Really holding out for a dark dark positive before I go see the OB. Tomorrow is 12DPO which is when I got my first BFP back in February so I’m really holding out for it.

still not anything dark and definitive

@WatermelonSugar10 @Bailee26 Thanks both 💖 Planning on having a relaxing weekend with family. Whatever happens, that’ll be good for me anyway.

Bailee I think I see a line on that last test. Fingers crossed for a clear BFP tomorrow 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Had my private scan this morning. They found a really strong heartbeat! Never been so relieved!! Still only early days but I'm feeling a lot calmer I was measuring just under 7 weeks 🥰

@dm14
THATS SUCH GREAT NEWS. what a beautiful ultrasound. I’m so incredibly happy for you. Kinda getting emotional 😭😂

@dm14 I’m so thrilled for you! Such happy news 😃 I hope you can relax a little bit more now 💖

@dm14 congratulations !! Amazing news!! Hope you can relax a little this evening x

Thank you everyone!
Yes I'm very relieved but still can't relax with me still being so early but I suppose it's normal after a miscarriage just hope I can start relaxing soon!!
I honestly didn't think I would be pregnant this year! We stopped even trying so it really can happen! Good luck everyone 🥰

That’s great news @dm14. Lovely picture!

We’re off to Italy on a last minute holiday. Still no sign of AF after my miscarriage nearly 6 weeks ago. Just going to see what happens this month but hope AF shows up soon so I know where I am in my cycle. But for now really looking forward to a break as work has been nuts recently, so on top of the miscarriage I’ve had a lot to deal with.

Hello 👋🏻 Hoping I could come join you all.

I had a miscarriage on the 20th May. Thought I was 11 weeks but has some spotting so went for a scan and found baby didn’t develop beyond 7 weeks. Spotting turned into heavy heavy bleeding and was taken to hospital where one of the doctor did a speculum examination and manually removed the pregnancy sac, it was mid lockdown so I was alone and terrified.

I bled for another week or so after that, stopped for almost 2 weeks, but have been bleeding again since, so over 8 weeks since the loss. I’ve had an internal scan to check for no remaining tissue which there wasn’t, done a course of antibiotics in case it’s infection and been treated for thrush but nothing has stopped it. Occasionally I’ll have a couple of days where it’s barely three spotting and then it’ll pick up a little more again.

I’m just so frustrated, I just desperately want to start trying again. After the loss I convinced myself we’d throw ourselves into trying but I’ve been doing OPKs despite the bleeding but obviously haven’t ovulated since the loss. Feeling really really low about it all at the moment.

@notalwaysalondoner Hope you have a lovely, relaxing holiday. Sounds like it will be just what you need after a stressful time.

@Lemondropsandgumdrops Hello, sorry you’ve found yourself here but hope that it can bring you some support and comfort! Your experience sounds stressful- I think people don’t appreciate how much harder it is at the moment to have to go through this alone in the hospital. I hope that you have the support you need at home and are being well looked after 💖

I‘ve had lots of heavy bleeding over the weekend and a negative test this morning so I’ve definitely lost it- basically the exact same scenario as my last MC. Spoke to the midwife this morning who was lovely and thankfully I don’t need to go to the EPU. It was hard on my own last time and I know it’s over so it would be a pretty pointless visit, in my opinion. Thankfully, she agreed. I just need to keep an eye on things over the next few days. I’ve had a big, cathartic cry and feel a lot better now! We’re going to take a break from TTC for the summer just for our mental health and I already feel so much lighter because of that decision.

@Lemondropsandgumdrops
Hey there, I’m very sorry for your loss. I think you’re incredibly strong for having to go through the procedure all alone. I can only imagine how terrifying that was. Unfortunately I bled on off and on as well afterwards and it threw off my opks. I understand being frustrated with that aspect. I’m really praying for all of us. 4 months later and I can’t say I’ve had much luck either.

Really looking for signs of positivity today 😅 I took a digital and it came up negative 👎 which is frustrating because I swear I have all the same symptoms as last time. Of course all I can do is wait for AF or a positive but it’s so incredibly hard seeing another negative. DH wants to try even harder next month, but it’s been so hard on me and being in a new place I don’t know if I can devote that mental energy towards it. And my birthdays next month. Haven’t even thought about what to do because I thought surely I’d be pregnant by then...

@Bailee26 sorry to hear you’ve had a negative ☹️ But we can only continue to hope until the dread AF comes so don’t give up yet but maybe wait until doing another test. Mine came on Saturday and I had really hoped not to have had one after the miscarriage in June but given how absolutely horrendous this first period has been, maybe my body needs time. I’m going to try really hard not to “try” this month and just enjoy the summer but I know deep down I will be trying!

@Lemondropsandgumdrops so sorry to hear about your loss and continued issues. That AF (what does that even stand for?!) will come when it’s ready - not much consolation! Hardest thing I have found through all of this is my complete and utter lack of control over my own bloomin’ body but I suppose it knows what it is doing and we continue to live in hope that it happens again and successfully next time xxx

Hi all

Not sure why I’m writing again but just struggling today, it’s been one month since the miscarriage and I’m a tad emotional and it seems silly to be as everyone around me has moved on and long forgotten but I’m sat here feeling just rather gutted and alone. I work in education and about to be faced with 6 weeks without structure or routine when I should have been four months pregnant with loads to look forward too but I suppose it just wasn’t “our time”.

I hope everyone else is doing ok and there are some positive tests out there for these magical rainbow babies 💕

@WatermelonSugar10 Hi lovely, we are twinning again. I’m sorry you feel rubbish. I don’t have much advice for you but wanted to just empathise with you as I had an awful day yesterday too, really down all day and the smallest things set me off. It’s so hard to switch your mind onto anything other than miscarriage or pregnancy.

I have felt similar about everyone else moving on - I think lockdown ending and people socialising and doing all their normal things even more so has heightened it as it’s like the whole world has moved on, not just our inner circles. Lots of my worries are around how to ‘go back to normal’ as I feel irreversibly changed. Thankfully I do feel overall much better than I did in the early days, but when the sad moments/hours/days come they hit really hard. I think I/we just have to accept this is going to be what we’re like for a little while and actually we are grieving so it is totally normal and okay. I am 4 weeks post and did wonder if maybe there is some PMT thrown in the mix just to make things even more cheerful. I never really paid much attention to my cycles before pregnancy as they were luckily pretty straightforward so I don’t have anything memorable to compare to but it would make sense I suppose.

You could try creating yourself a simple little daily routine over the summer - do you like yoga/exercise/any other hobbies? Even without that - breakfast, walks, a chat with a friend. Maybe plan yourself some little milestones throughout the 6 weeks like going to visit someone or an afternoon out.

I hope you’re able to do something nice for yourself today anyway. It’s quite sunny where I am, I’ve just been for a little walk to the shop and bought myself a nice lunch then eaten it outside. But if you need a sad day that’s also fine - all our feelings are valid and important. We just have to keep the faith that it will get better and we will get through.

Sending positivity ❤️