waiting to see if i miscarry - doctor told me anxiety will expel my baby from my womb!

[Lcy]

Hi

I just need to vent. I am 10 weeks pregnant and had brown bleeding at 5-6 weeks so EPU scanned me and saw a heart beat - bleeding stopped and i felt all was ok.

Yesterday i had a big brown bleed again and incredibly sore lower back pain so went to EPU again this morning. They had a new doctor who asked me to tell him the symptoms. After talking for 10 minutes he asked me whether i could be pregnant!!! I WAS IN THE EARLY PREGNANCY UNIT !!!

He then told me that lower back pain is not a sign of miscarriage and that i should ignore it. He did an internal and i could see that the blood had changed to bright red and i started to get tearful. He told me not to get anxious because anxiety would expel the baby from my womb!

Anyway - he told me i am having another threatened miscarriage but i will just have to wait and see if i miscarry and that i cant have a scan and that i will have to wait 3 weeks for my dating scan because they are busy.

Just feeling really anxious - i am waiting for my midwife to phone me back. I know that they cant stop a miscarriage but i would like to know whether the baby is alive or not.

Vent over - Lucy

when you're ready lcy - there's a fantasic group of ladies. i'm already over there with rachel from our thread. we'll all get thru this together and support each otehr along the way. expect dark hours and good hours. and take your time.

Hi Lcy, no have not started to mc naturally yet although nobody checked my cervix at the EPU so i don't know if it is closed or not.
(Saying that it never got past 2cm with dd and had em cs with her so I am wondering what the chances are of it opening)
Am due to be away with work this weekend and family next weekend and still in 2 minds. I want to get through to 2 weeks asap so don't really want to cancel - won't change anything if I sit at home will it?
Glad you have stopped crying for a bit - I am very on and off now but it's nice not to be constant.
Good they will scan you first on Monday too, just so you know for sure. ((((hugs)))

Lcy, I'm so sorry. Not only yo have to go through mc but having to deal with the crap doctor as well. Please take the time you need to look after yourself and heal. Huge huge hugs, wish I could do more.

Lcy
I'm so sorry to hear your news. A very similar thing happened to me 4 years ago, although at least I was lucky to receive sensitive treatment from the NHS staff. I had a D&C, which was relatively ok, but left me feeling a bit shell-shocked for a while. Take it easy on yourself. Don't rush to get over it, either - I was shocked to realise how upset I was some months later and called the Miscarriage Association. The lady I spoke to was lovely & didn't mind me blubbing down the phone at her.

I'd definitely go with the D&C route, too - it is supposed to leave your womb nicely primed and can often make it easier to conceive afterwards. I was also told that mc is quite common first time round, it's almost a way of the body 'testing out' its ability to have a baby. I have since gone on to have trouble-free pregnancies and have 2 beautiful children, although at the time I had massive doubts over whether I was destined to have kids.

Big hugs. Lots of chocolate & sleep.

Hi derah - thanks - i cant believe how many of miscarried from the March thread. So glad you are nearly all over 12 weeks now - enjoy the rest of your pregnancy - i will keep my eye on how you are all doing x

Jackstini - i think i would do the same as you if i was waiting 2 weeks (i like to keep busy). I am going to have a bit of a mope this wkend but after Monday i am going to focus on recovering (emotionally and physically) from this mc. Hopefully we will be able to support each other on the conception thread - do you know if you are going to try adn concieve again?

xx

Thanks Tired&Grumpy - its good to hear that you have beautiful children now - there is hope!

Chocolate and tea are my main coping strategies

Jackstini - sorry you are going through the same thing too

Hi Lcy

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear your news and am sending hugs...

I am very shocked and angered to hear how you were treated.

I have lost 2 babies this year and found it helpful to make a little memory envelope for each. I put in my notes, hospital tags, emails that DH/friends and I had exchanged about the baby and so on.

Take care of yourself. xx

Hi Lcy - yes we will try again asap.
Pipsqueake and Rach from the March thread are over on the ttc after mc already so we will have to join them soon.

Lcy, poor poor you. Really feeing for you and sending big hugs and love. Wish we could ease your pain but good luck with the next few days.
love and hugs

Lcy, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Take care of yourself. I hope you receive comfort and support from the women here on Mumsnet. Best wishes to you and your DH.

Hi everyone - it really is making so much difference hearing your messages - i just had a long sleep and although i still feel tearful i feel alot more positive. Although it is awful that it happens to so many people it is helping me realise its a fact of life rather than anything i did. I have now told my work colleagues and close friends that knew - a few of them have told me that they also had miscarriges prior or between children - it just seems such a taboo subject no one talks about it (i guess because it is so painful). I have told DH to tell who he likes because i think he needs some support.

Hi Jackstini - it will be good to move over to the conception thread with you, Pipsqueake and Rach - we deserve some luck now. I am going to get the D&C out of the way and then move over - it seems like a real positive thread

it is - and the girls there don't mind if you ahve a bad day we cry together and laugh together

a lot of people said the same to me after I had this latest M/C that they'd had them as well - it helps to talk things out as prev i've kept them to myself and it'd been harder.

also I fell with DS first cycle after the m/c I had at 5 weeks so there's hope.

hi Lcy i am very sorry to hear of your loss.

i miscarried 6yrs ago at 12 wks very upsetting and did have a D&C which was fine although i hated having to wait 2days for it.
the surgery was fine i was home the same day slept for most of the following day.

the physical recovery was fast emotionally it takes time.dh family and gp where great and helped loads
6 wks later the first period was huge and freaked me out for the first couple of hrs, lots blood then fine.

{{{huge hugs}}}

jst wanted to add that I also had a m/c at around 6weeks, I fell with dd1 straight after next cycle, I know how you feel and its a strange time, but there is so much hope , just know that you can get pregnant, and next time the body will know what to do m see it as practise, it just wasnt this little ones time for now ((((((((((((((((Lcy))))))))))))))))).

Thanks - i am glad people have got pregnant again quickly after mc and D&c. When they explained the D&C procedure i thought oh god thats my chances of getting pregnant again over for a while!

Hi Lcy

Just wanted to give you another message of support and 'there is life after miscarriage' message. I had a missed M/c at 7 weeks with my first pg (after 12 months of trying hard) which was only found at the 12 weeks scan - we were going on holiday the next morning so we were rushed in for a d&c (which was fine) and then went to France. I didn't cry until a week into the holiday, after finding out that one of my friends who was out there was slightly less pregnant than I would have been and was bleeding but had decided to just ignore it and carry on with the holiday. I was so angry at her for putting 'her pregnancy' at risk - this is utter rubbish of course - it's either going to happen or not; but at the time my hormones were going wild. (she had a ds!)Anyhow - I cried solidly for about 12 hours and then started to feel better. I fell pg again 4 months later, bled again but the baby stayed and my ds is now almost 7. I tried for a second when ds was 17 months and had another m/c. The next month I was pg again and dd1 was born (now almost 5). We decided that 2 was enough and dd2 was born 9 months after that!!!!(now 2 1/2) You'll be fine - take your time to recover.xx

Thanks 3sEnough - i think not being able to carry a baby is my biggest worry so it is good to hear about your 3 children (but sorry about your 2 miscarriages). I feel a bit in limbo because of waiting for the D&C - looking forward to getting that over with! Thanks for the support x

Hi Lcy, I'm another one who left the March thread due to a missed mc after seeing a heartbeat on a scan. I had an ERPC after a week of expectant management and I know exactly what you mean about walking round knowing that your baby is dead inside you - partic if you are still having pregnancy symptoms. I had a mc before DS and at the time I was devastated, hadn't ever contemplated the possibility of it happening to me, but I went on to have a beautiful son (though would have to confess that the first 12 weeks were pretty full of worry) and there's no reason why you shouldn't do the same. I really think that losing a baby is something you can't understand unless you've been through it so it's maybe a good thing that you have people in RL as well as here who can relate to how you're feeling.

And for the record, you aren't a bad mother or woman, though I think all of us who've been in your situation have probably felt the same at some point. As others have said, there's nothing you did which caused this loss and you aren't at fault in any way.

Take care x

Thanks Rachel - sorry about your missed mc - god our antenatal thread was the thread of doom! Thanks for support - i hope we both have more success next time x

I'm down for my D&C on Tuesday. My symptoms were like yours, including the lower back pain that reminded me of labour and caused me to go to hospital. I got the news today at 12wks 2days, baby died some weeks ago.

So glad you pursued the scan as you did, the NHS treats pregnant women so badly. The reassuring bit for me today was that although the antenatal clinic wouldn't help me (and it was just a question of them scanning me a few days early) so I had to go to A & E, at least I got priority over the heroin addict who claimed he'd had his methadone stolen. Still had to wait for hours to be sent upstairs to get the scan that would end the not knowing torment. Can't believe that it was suggested you wait 3 weeks.

There is no way of rationalising miscarriages. I thought getting pregnant, being pregnant and delivering babies was my forte having enjoyed such an easy run to date. Truth is I am as prone to the terrible statistics as the next woman.

It's funny that I know so many women who have had miscarriages but have never discussed what actually happens with any of them Reading on these pages tonight has made me feel so much better.

Take care

I had bad experince when I went to a and e bleeding I was told without any tests that I wasnt pregant but having a late peroid. So i left and went to another hosp who were brilliant and got me a scan the next morning unfortunely i did miscarry a few weeks later but a stuck with the second hospital as they were so good they even did tests after my 2nd miscarry which you dont normally get till after 3. So maybe try another epu if poss. hope all is ok, sending you hugs

HI - I'm also from the antenatal club of doom -MArch 08 Lcy just pointed me here. Just back from the hospital after a mc at 8 weeks. Got a scan on Monday to find out if I need a D&C. Had to go to hospital by myself as DH trekking on Exmoor. Luckily have located him now and he is driving home...Couldn't stop crying in the hospital but now just feel tired...So sorry to read all of your stories too xxx

Unfortunately i live in the back of beyond and there is only one hospital within an hours drive.

I had to laugh at the heroin addict story (sorry i think im a bit in shock!). Immediately after i found out the baby had died yesterday i was very upset and asked the doctor (diff one from the day before) why had it happened. She told me that if it didnt then there would be loads of people on the street without eyes and arms and that they would bump into things - what an image the EPU amazes me - where do they find these people?