waiting to see if i miscarry - doctor told me anxiety will expel my baby from my womb!

[Lcy]

Hi

I just need to vent. I am 10 weeks pregnant and had brown bleeding at 5-6 weeks so EPU scanned me and saw a heart beat - bleeding stopped and i felt all was ok.

Yesterday i had a big brown bleed again and incredibly sore lower back pain so went to EPU again this morning. They had a new doctor who asked me to tell him the symptoms. After talking for 10 minutes he asked me whether i could be pregnant!!! I WAS IN THE EARLY PREGNANCY UNIT !!!

He then told me that lower back pain is not a sign of miscarriage and that i should ignore it. He did an internal and i could see that the blood had changed to bright red and i started to get tearful. He told me not to get anxious because anxiety would expel the baby from my womb!

Anyway - he told me i am having another threatened miscarriage but i will just have to wait and see if i miscarry and that i cant have a scan and that i will have to wait 3 weeks for my dating scan because they are busy.

Just feeling really anxious - i am waiting for my midwife to phone me back. I know that they cant stop a miscarriage but i would like to know whether the baby is alive or not.

Vent over - Lucy

Thinking o you this morning Lucy

You will find lots of support on Mumsnet - I hope it will be a safe haven for you

xxx

I have no advice or experience but wanted to say how sorry I am

Thanks - i just cant seem to stop crying and havent slept yet which is probably not making things any better. I am not actually miscarrying no pain or cramping - just bleeding lightly. Im hoping i will feel better after the D&C on Monday. Just feel like a crap mum / woman because i couldnt keep baby safe and didnt even know it had died. Also worried about whether i will get pregnant again and whether it will keep happening

Lucy

Lucy

During this horrid horrid time try and think that your little baby is in a better place now....spritually. He or she was not ready for this world and it was gods way of keeping him or her safe. I have not MC'd, this advice is coming from my sister who MC'd at 9 weeks and then went on to conceive again 3 months later. Her baby boy is now 3 months old. baby number one just wasn't ready and it wasn't his or her time. That was how she dealt with it.

This of course does not make up for appalling treatment but the professionals paid to look after that, so when you are up to it, i would pursue that. It will give you some focus and make your baby's little life worthwhile.

Sorry to butt in Lucy, but just felt so sad for you. You are NOT a crap Mum or woman, this is a horrible, sad, but unfortunately natural thing that just happens sometimes. I had a MC in March and felt all the things you are talking about now, but please listen to other people when they tell you it's NOT your fault. It doesn't make the pain go away, but you have nothing to feel guilt for, you couldn't have done anything to protect this baby, it just wasn't right for being born. This is devestating for you, and difficult for people to understand who haven't been though it. Try to be kind to yourself right now, and let other people help you. Again, so sorry you're going through this. Lots of love to you and your DH.

Oh Lcy. You mustn't feel like a crap mum. I bet you'll be a brilliant mummy very soon.

they say that by far the most significant reason for miscarriage is that there was something genetically wrong with it. People said to me on Sunday (before they knew it was ectopic) that it would have died because it couldn't have lived anyway. ie nothing that you could possibly have done would have made any difference.

But so sad, and such a lot to come to terms with.

Sorry to butt in Lucy, but just felt so sad for you. You are NOT a crap Mum or woman, this is a horrible, sad, but unfortunately natural thing that just happens sometimes. I had a MC in March and felt all the things you are talking about now, but please listen to other people when they tell you it's NOT your fault. It doesn't make the pain go away, but you have nothing to feel guilt for, you couldn't have done anything to protect this baby, it just wasn't right for being born. This is devestating for you, and difficult for people to understand who haven't been though it. Try to be kind to yourself right now, and let other people help you. Again, so sorry you're going through this. Lots of love to you and your DH.

Lcy you ARE a brilliant mummy, you loved and nurtured this baby every second that it was growing in you

Please try to sleep now, you need to take care of yourself

We are all thinking of you xxx

Lcy, i am so sorry this has happened. What an awful week for you. Thinking of you xx

Lcy, please dont blame yourself. i know how hard it is and how easy it is to try to find something to cling onto and blame, but you have done nothing wrong. you loved this baby and that makes you a great mum. you are no less of a woman because this has happened. you will always remember your baby but you must grieve and rest. my email is on my profile if you want to chat x

Hi Lcy - a similar thing happened to me so I understand what you are going through. I had a missed m/c at 12 weeks and baby died 4 weeks earlier (had no idea)just after a scan at 7+4 when a heartbeat was detected. Like you, I wanted it gone asap. Luckily I was booked in for a erpc the day after I found out and it was far better than expectant management imo (having experienced that twice before). Hope you gets lots of rest and tlc and hugs to you and your dh.

Oh Lcy - just read this and really feeling for you. We were on March ante-natal thread together due the same time and I found out on Monday I have had a missed mc too.
Your treatment at EPU was dreadful, glad it was better second time round but doesn't make it any easier does it?
Sounds like we have been given different advice though - did they give you any options? I was told to wait 2 weeks if possible to see if 'nature took it's course', then they would try medical intervention, then a D&C.
I also know what you mean about sitting here with a dead baby inside you - i know it is not a nice thing to say but that's how I feel too.
You are not a crap Mummy - there was nothing you could have done and unfortunately it is far too common. There is no reason you should not get pregnant again soon.
Sending lots of hugs your way & hope you are being well looked after at home.
P.S. - after 2 days I took a sleeping tablet just to get a bit of rest - don't feel bad if you need to do this, you need some sleep honey.

Hi Lucy, I'm a friend of bumpers from the june thread.
I'm so so sorry to hear that you have lost your baby . I had two mcs six months apart before having DD, one at nearly 11 weeks and the other at 6 weeks. It's a horrible thing to go through and takes time to recover from. My only advice would be to be kind to yourself, take as long as you need before facing the world, lean on your DH as much as possible and keep talking to each other. It may not seem like it at the moment, but you will get through it and the pain will fade.

It might help if you do something to remember this baby; we planted some passion flowers in the garden for our lost babies and I can't wait to see them flower next year.

I really feel for you, and if you think it would help to talk it through with someone who's been through it, bumper has my mobile number.

Take Care of yourself.
Daisy xx

I'm sorry you had a crap experience at the EPU as well and I'm glad the doctor has been pulled up on his lack of sensitivity. Your MW sounds like she's been really nice ad helpful though. xx

Agree with Daisy about doing something to remember, I planted some flowers on my grandparents grave for my lost one, and really helped me having something that grew and looked lovely.

Hi Jackstini
Sorry about your missed miscarriage - i remember you from the antenatal thread. I actually stopped posting because so many people were miscarrying it was upsetting me!

I was given three options

1. Let it happen naturally - but cervix is still firmly shut and they are worried how long it would take.
2. take some nasty medication to try and expel foetus from womb - but they said it could be painful (contractions, nausea etc..) and that i probably would have to miscarry on the ward with just a curtain around the bed because they dont have spare rooms - this ward has 4 beds and a seating area for people waiting to be seen and an office (no thanks!!).
3. Knock me out and do a D&C day procedure.

Nice to know Im not the only one feeling they want to get the baby out - i think its a closure thing. i am also on tender hooks thinking will i suddenly miscarry it.

Sorry if to personal - but have you started to miscarry naturally?

Lucy
P.s - thanks everyone for messages it really is helping - i have stopped crying for the first time in 12 hours

hey darl, i'm still here. thinking of you all the time. I feel so sad for you and all the plans you had. Monday is a long time to wait for the d & c. Do you want me to come and be with you? how is dh coping? Let us know if there is anything we can do for you xxxx

Lcy,

so sorry

of course you're not a crap mum or woman. meeely's sister's way of thinking about it makes a lot of sense.

I hope you're getting some sleep and can grieve with your husband and come to terms with what's happened.

take care, sdoodle x

Thanks everyone

A plant sounds like a good idea as a way of remembering - its good to hear people have gone on to have children after miscarrage (although sorry for your miscarriages). I have always been very maternal and desperate for children.

I have just heard from the ward that i am to go in at 8 on Monday morning for d & c. If i pass anything before they will emergency scan me so i dont have to have an operation unnecessarily. Feel a bit better for knowing this

Thanks xx

Lcy
It is interesting that there is a big difference in how things are done in UK to here. I was pretty much told that the only thing to do was to have the D&C and that otherwise I might get an infection in my womb that would make further pregnancies more difficult. I had a bad time with the first D&C (not because of the procedure itself, because the nurses where horrible) and really didn't want one the second time. I am glad I had it though, because I find the idea of waiting around for weeks to miscarry naturally horrific.

I don't know if it is any comfort, but I did notice that after the first D&C that I fell pregnant much easier. I took over 2 years to get pregnant the first time and after the D&C got pregnant EVERY time we did not use contraception. A nurse friend told me that this was common.

Something that helped me was that when I eventually had my DD, I looked back on the mcs in a different light. If they had not happened then I would not have DD, iykwim. I still feel sad when I think of that time, but because of it I value my children even more.

So sorry to hear of your and your partners loss. I hope you can support each other in this time. I know things are happening physically to you, but he must be feeling it too, for you and for himself.

I didn't get a plant, but bought a plain silver ring which I wore until the due date and which I now keep in my jewellery box. It gave me something tangible for those sad moments and I didn't think I could cope with losing a plant as I don't exactly have green fingers.

Just know that there are lots of folk out here thinking of you both. {{{{{{hug}}}}}}

Hi Lcy, Sorry to hear you're going through this. I had a missed m/c in February. I'd had a scan at 7.5 weeks and seen a heartbeat (two in fact as it was twins!). But a scan at 12 weeks showed both had died shortly after the 1st scan. I hated the thought of them being dead inside me for the past 4 weeks. I didn't want to have surgery though so I had medical management which was ok for me. I had one tablet in hospital then two days at home then I was given some more tablets in hospital and I had the m/c in a private room. All the nurses were really nice and I was glad I didn't need surgery. It was quite painful and I wouldn't have wanted to go through it in a shared room. I'm sorry to hear that you were treated so badly at EPU. Hope everything goes ok for you.

oh lcy ((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss honney.

oh honney (((hugs)) you are not a crap mummy at all, these things unfortunatly happen for no reason but they do - i'm trying to take comfort in it being mother natures way. if soemthing was wrong iycwim. I also had a m/c 2 weeks ago, (baby had died a week pervious). things will look brighter, but you need time to heal first, these first few days are some of the hardest you will ever go thru but you can do this. you will have a lovely little bundle one day, nothing and no one can bring this baby back, I know but planting something is a lovely way to remeber them.

hoping everything goes as well as expected, keep talking to us thou no matter what your feelings are we're here for you. (((Hugs)))

Thanks again for all your messages. i am thinking of all you that have miscarried too.
I have just had a look on the trying to concieve after mc thread on the conception boards - hearing all your stories has filled me with hope and i will look forward to joining you soon x