waiting to see if i miscarry - doctor told me anxiety will expel my baby from my womb!

[Lcy]

Hi

I just need to vent. I am 10 weeks pregnant and had brown bleeding at 5-6 weeks so EPU scanned me and saw a heart beat - bleeding stopped and i felt all was ok.

Yesterday i had a big brown bleed again and incredibly sore lower back pain so went to EPU again this morning. They had a new doctor who asked me to tell him the symptoms. After talking for 10 minutes he asked me whether i could be pregnant!!! I WAS IN THE EARLY PREGNANCY UNIT !!!

He then told me that lower back pain is not a sign of miscarriage and that i should ignore it. He did an internal and i could see that the blood had changed to bright red and i started to get tearful. He told me not to get anxious because anxiety would expel the baby from my womb!

Anyway - he told me i am having another threatened miscarriage but i will just have to wait and see if i miscarry and that i cant have a scan and that i will have to wait 3 weeks for my dating scan because they are busy.

Just feeling really anxious - i am waiting for my midwife to phone me back. I know that they cant stop a miscarriage but i would like to know whether the baby is alive or not.

Vent over - Lucy

Mum2ozzie - only one more day to go for your scan. i think not knowing is almost more painful that knowing you have miscarried because you still have the possibility all will be ok. I am thinking of you! Please let us know how you get on tommorow!

I drank a glass of wine last night and felt plastered (used to beable to drink a bottle with little ill effect ). I woke up with cold sweats again at midnight but just forced myself to think of nice things and lie their till i drifted off to sleep.

lcy, I'm glad to hear you had a better night.

Thanks - how are you going43?

Not to bad this morning thanks. Still no af for me which is normal after a mc but I just want to be normal again. I'm seeing the gynae dr next week which will be hard as it will bring everything back, I don't think he will be able to tell me anything new as I'm sure the baby died because I was ill. Hopefully we will talk about what will happen in my next pregnancy(if it ever happens) though he doesn't work as an obstertrician I would like him to look after my care as he is the one who put my cervical suture in and looked after me after the mc.
I'm really not looking forward to the kids going back to school as all of the mums knew i was pregnant and I've seen some of them during the holiday and the first thing they do is look for my bump. I did see one of the mums in town last week and when I told her what had happened she got really tearful and I just had to make excuses to leave as I knew I would cry uncontrolably for ages.

hi RW.
sorry to hear the you are having maritals too. i felt just like that the other day. i think he thinks of me as being really strong and capable (I am usually the project manager of things around the house) so it was weird for him to deal with me being so mad. i had this very odd rampage of kicking over chairs and throwing glass and hurling his brand new french laundy cookbook against the wall before sobbing uncontrollably. very odd.

anyway, i hope the therapist sessions will help.

good vibes to everyone today. this emotional rollercoaster will slow down - we need to remember that.

My friend wrote to me today and its reduced me to tears, here at work. its personal but i just want to share it, as there is much hope too. (although i don't think this will every seem insignificant to me but who knows?)

Hi my friend,
just to say we are both so sad for you, and what you've had to go through. I totally understand how devastated you feel. It's amazing how powerful the emotions can be, even though you felt ambivalence before. I just want to reiiterate that, consuming as this feels now, down the line when you have your baby and you're in the middle of that madness, this episode in your life is going to fade to something so insignificant. When I had to - god, what's a nice word? - 'reduce' the twins, as the medical folks put it, I thought I would never recover from the horror or be the same again. But life goes on, and it's not something I even think about anymore and you will be scared for the next first trimester, but please try and remind yourself how normal it all is, how often it happens and how little bearing it has on your future ability to sustain a pregnancy. Removed from the emotion of it, I can see what a great validation it is that you get pregnant so quickly and effortlessly. So many people can't. The chances of it happening to you again are very small, and once you get through that first trimester and you see your fully-developed baby on the ultrasound with its small toes and fingers, that magic will come back and you'll be able to relax and enjoy it for the miracle it is. Also, because things didn't go as perfectly as they did with my first pregnancy, I felt a very special appreciation and love for xxx which wasn't the same with xxx With her, I took it all for granted, but second time round I'd been humbled in a way that perhaps is not a bad thing. Because she had 'made it', it was like we had this special thing from the outset, and my first few days with her were the happiest of my life. I'll never forget them. I kept whispering to her, 'thank you, thank you for staying.' I still feel so grateful.
It's going to be okay. Let yourself grieve, and when you're ready, move on and you will be pregnant again in a heartbeat, and you're going to have a gorgeous, fatty baby with a huge mop of black hair and a normal-sized head who will be dressed in the finest vintage Copenhagen has to offer.
All my love to you XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx

Oh that made me cry - what a great friend xx

Tjuice - your friend's letter was lovely. I'm sure there is so much truth there.

Had a long chat with my Mum about all my wobbles and she was suprisingly helpful. So feel so much better for now. Hopefully the therapist this afternoon will help as well.

How is Copenhagen today - raining I guess. I love that city. My Mum lived there for 3 years on Norrefarmigsgade (something like that) and I had so much fun walking through the park to go into town and loved visiting at Christmas - Tivoli is so twinkly and when we were doing up a squat we bought we had a fantastic long weekend just looking round all the cool furniture and lighting shops before going to an amazing wedding over in Helsingborg. Aah the good old days - today I'm feeling like they might return.

We are trying to teach my 17m DS 'up' he was saying down for down and down for up. He's got a bit confused and now says 'up down, up down' a lot. Makes me laugh feels like he's very in touch with my feelings!

Hi all - been away with work for a few days and have really missed the support of this thread and all of you. Still nothing happening naturally here. I just have a feeling nothing will happen and it will be a D&C when I go in on Monday 3rd. Still seems a long time to wait and am trying so hard not to think of what is inside me. Thank you to all those who have given their honest accounts of the proceedure though - it has made it much easier to get my head around.
Work paid for me to have a massage whilst I was away and when I got undressed the therapist asked me how far along I was. Had not thought my tum was that big but I suppose without clothes... anyway she was so lovely when I explained I had lost my baby and it did relax me for one lovely hour.
Lcy - glad things went as well as possible on the day. Bit of an emotional roller coaster for us all over the next few weeks I guess.
Mum2ozzie - will be thinking of you tomorrow
Tjuice - your friend's letter is lovely
Pip - will be keeping my fingers crossed for you this month hun.

And if we are on the subject of Ben & Jerrys - low fat choc brownie is mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm gorgeous. I plan on stocking up...

Hi Jackstini - we missed you. Glad work are looking after you.

I think the fact that i didnt have any bump was something that should of been more of a warning sign for me. All my antenal club were talking about there clothes fitting tighter and i kept thinking mine havent changed at all

Jackstini i cant remember - are you waiting to miscarry naturally - i found even the weekend before my D&C a long time. I hope you are ok x

Jackstini - just read your post for Jules and thought i would post the poem on here aswell.

A Different Child

A different child,
People notice
There?s a special glow around you,
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father?s eyes.

And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There?s a trace of tears,
One day
You?ll understand
You?ll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment.
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
Any may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth.
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother?s tears
Another father?s silent grief
The you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
?I know how you feel.
I?m only here
Because my mother tried again.?

i love that poem.

we got a sweet email from my bloke's dad, saying how sorry he was and that the same thing happened to him and his first wife, before my bloke came along . . .

Lcy, what a lovely poem

It made my DH cry for the first time since it all happened.

Maybe things are looking up, for the time being anyway

Hi Lucy, yes still waiting for it to happen naturally but feeling fairly certain it is not going to now so preparing for D&C on 3rd Sept. Off to Wales for a chill out weekend with dd now to see the aunties

Have a lovely weekend Jackstini - Wales is a very relaxing place to visit x

sorry haven't been talking muchj of late girls - have found the world of face book and also had a few bad days anyhow.

m2o - how are you? really hoping for some good news for you today.

lcy - how are you feeling now.

jack - sorry to hear thing's havn't moved further along for you. it must truely be horrid. have a nice time in wales. hopefully you won't need the d&c.

Hi Pipsqueeke - im ok - so much better than the beggining of the week. How are you?

MUM2OZZIE - thinking of you today - i so hope it is good news xx

getting there I think as we're 4 weeks on on mondya it's starting to hit home again so have ahd a bad week really, esp as DH has been away since tues - could have done wiht him home really. lol. still have an AS party next week to go to which will be good - except there will be a friend there who was/is due 2 weeks afte I would have been - but just about maanaged with SIL so hopefully will do wiht friend.

well, its was this time last week that i found out i had m/c and also had the D&C same day. it feels like a lifetime away and yet still so raw.

i feel a bit sad in a way, because i was a different person only a week ago. I was still filled with all this excitement and happiness . . . i am not sure that will ever come back but let's hope so.

anyway, as my friend says, its kind of humbling and i will take nothing for granted in the future, nothing.

but i went to yoga today and that was a watershed for me . . the instructor had been very nervous about me being pregnant but supportive. i sidelined her before the class to say it hadn't worked out and she was so nice, suggesting that it was time to let go a bit and strengthen up for the next time.

it felt good to be back again but i did shed a few tears during the class, as i had been doing it with a totally different agenda before.

anyway, sending out good vibes to all and hope you get good news mum2ozzie, have a great time in Wales, Jack.

Glad things are looking up, RW.
Pips - Crackbook is so addictive isn't it . . . ?

Hi Lcy, just checking up on you, hope you are ok, and having a relaxing weekend. How did lunch with the MIL go?

Lots of love to you, and best wishes to everyone else on this thread

Hi
How did house hunting go?

MIL coming for dinner on Sunday night. Just got 'Miscarriage what every woman needs to know' and 'Trying again' - really good miscarriage books. DH is playing golf so i am watching Grand Designs having a glass of wine and reading books by the fire. It is so lovely having him around this week but nice to have a bit of time to myself.

Did you read the poem below bumper? The bit about the clothes and last 4 lines made me cry

With great compassion,
?I know how you feel.
I?m only here
Because my mother tried again.?

Lcy

Ohhh and i got the 'cook yourself thin book' and read it finishing off my Ben and Jerrys

My therapist session really helped yesterday (1st time I've ever done anything like that). She said even if you accept having a miscarriage as a fact, which I do and I feel OK with that, you still grieve and you should accept and go with it. Its made me think a lot more about my situation and I think the thing that really upsets me is that when my kids get sick I can do things to make them better. With this one I could do nothing and the poor little thing died without me even knowing until weeks later.

She helped immensely with the husband situation. She said that blokes, fundamentally want to fix things. When they see you in a mess, because of things not happening to their bodies, they don't understand or know what to do and this makes them feel crap and they withdraw.

She wrote a list of instructions for my man. Things like: this is easy, it is temporary, completely normal and will pass, you can't fix this and no-one expects you to, it is a process that you can help, hold me, comfort me and be tender toward me...he has responded so well to his instructions and am feeling so much better. I can feel my hormones levelling although they are still surging at times like hearing a couple of choruses of "bye bye baby, baby bye bye" on the radio".

Had a nice day with the kids at the zoo today and felt normal for most of it. Made a steak and guinness pie for DH - not much of an apology for me telling him I wanted to separate, but I think I'm offthe hook.

Glad that the therapist was helpful Renaissancewoman

Mum2ozzie any news?

Hello - sorry for silence, my good friend arrived as soon as we were back from the hospital and has only just gone.

The scan confirmed there was nothing there. It was so sad to see it empty when on Monday there was a little blob with a heartbeat.

But- I've made some decisions today and we aren't going to try again until Christmas. I don't think I can cope with this again any sooner and I want to lose the weight I gained with Ds before I get pg again (fingers crossed).

Annoyingly I seem to have gained a load of inches round my waist over the last week (and I haven't even been comfort eating - quite the opposite as completely off food). I'm hoping its the hormones out of control and it will settle down. I can't do up any of my clothes which is great added to everything else..