waiting to see if i miscarry - doctor told me anxiety will expel my baby from my womb!

[Lcy]

Hi

I just need to vent. I am 10 weeks pregnant and had brown bleeding at 5-6 weeks so EPU scanned me and saw a heart beat - bleeding stopped and i felt all was ok.

Yesterday i had a big brown bleed again and incredibly sore lower back pain so went to EPU again this morning. They had a new doctor who asked me to tell him the symptoms. After talking for 10 minutes he asked me whether i could be pregnant!!! I WAS IN THE EARLY PREGNANCY UNIT !!!

He then told me that lower back pain is not a sign of miscarriage and that i should ignore it. He did an internal and i could see that the blood had changed to bright red and i started to get tearful. He told me not to get anxious because anxiety would expel the baby from my womb!

Anyway - he told me i am having another threatened miscarriage but i will just have to wait and see if i miscarry and that i cant have a scan and that i will have to wait 3 weeks for my dating scan because they are busy.

Just feeling really anxious - i am waiting for my midwife to phone me back. I know that they cant stop a miscarriage but i would like to know whether the baby is alive or not.

Vent over - Lucy

Hey darl, still checking this thread out to see how you are doing, though I won't if you don't want me to.

Glad someone is coming up to look after you. I wish I lived closer Wish there was something I could do to make things better for you. We are thinking of you all the time, much love xxxxx

it will be honney, it's all to be expected. I had about a week where one hour I was crying one hour I was happy and laughing. but things are getting better now. we're 18 days since I passed the sac and 15 for the remainder thing's are looking up - but am still worried and nervous about getting pg again.

so sorry lcy. i had really hoped things would work out for you x

thanks pipsqueeke - im worried about getting pregnant again too. Dont think i will join an antenatal thread again until 12 weeks - ours just got more and more depressing!!

Hi Bumper - F is coming today - thank god because me and DH are slipping into a depressive gloom. You have been an amazing support to me over the phone! I also wish you lived closer - really must get DH to think about getting a job nearer! I'm looking forward to seeing your beautiful baby soon and having some therapeutic cuddles while we watch SATC and drink copious amounts of wine xx

Thanks HarleyD - me too

no i'm much the same - althou once it eventually happens there's a thread in pg for us girls from the ttc threads which will hopefully bring sme comfort - I jsut can't beleive how many of us were unlucky. but i'm a firm beleiver that it jsut wasn't the right time for us or our beans to come into the world.

my nan says she had a dream about my bean (and cousins GF who also m/c'ed around the same time a few months back) she said to me 'don't worry you's is jade and theirs is madeline (no idea where she got those names from) and they're up with your grandad and he's looking after them' brought a tear to my eye when she said that.

be good to yourself honney and take things easy (no getting up form the telly all day read trashy mags and eat lots of choc. the key is lots of rest. everything else can wait. keep talking to your DH as well, I feel to get to the happy emotions we have to go thru the bad ones first but you will get there.

Im a great believer of having to go with the bad emotions too. In the middle of the night when i was sobbing i kept thinking - atleast im dealing with it - rather than blocking it out!

Enjoy your saturday i am watching West Wing while mumsnetting with my feet up. DH is making pancakes x

hey ladies
i'm ok, yo-yo-ing like the rest of you.
But most of all, I feel a bit pointless today.
I had just got my head around the whole baby thing, after a bit of drama with my parents (my dad actually flew over here on tuesday to talk to my boyfriend - just for one day! - and I am 32 years!!!).
After many years of self-indulgence, me and boyf felt ready to make changes and had started making them since finding out.

Now I just feel like my sense of purpose has gone. I don't know what to do with myself . . . I had this little regime going - super healthy with my diet (really stuck it to it to unlike previous dieting), going to gym or yoga almost daily (keep wondering if that caused it), starting to look for a new apartment etc.

Now I just feel quite hollow and actually do want to just eat chocolate in this self-destructive way . . . I just keep going back to that moment in the gynae clinic - I looked from her face to my boyf's (who is a medical student and has just done gynae and obstetrics and knew immediately) and just burst into tears. She was so sweet - wiping my face with her hand and being so nice.

Anyway, my version of the procedure:

First a scan to double check no heartbeat
Then up to a room, where I changed into the (too short) gown and a pair of supersexy net knickers.
Then the nurse inserted two tablets to soften the cervix.
Then I got a pill to chill me out and I kind of snoozed for an hour, while my boyf watched telly.
I got some cramping from the pills (kind of more sharp then period but not unbearable by any means). The nurse gave me two up the bum pessaries as painkillers (inserted them myself) (one Ibuprofen, one paracetomol)
Then I was wheeled to another floor and put on even sexier long stockings and a hairnet. Spoke to surgeon, aneasthetist etc. Asked them to be gentle. They were very reassuring.
Had to walk into theatre in a pair of tiny white clogs (must have been comedy from behind in the short gown etc)

In the theatre, they put a needle in your arm and gave one drug that made me a bit dizzy. Shut my eyes and thought of a beach in Barbados.
Next thing I knew I was getting wheeled out.
Do remember chatting bollocks to everyone as I came around (I asked if I could see it, said it had a big head on the scan, then made a comment about how Danish babies always have big heads, but my head was big and my boyf's was small so our baby's maybe ok. My boyfriend said that nurse was saying "but all babies have big heads!")
Not painful at all but felt like I needed to wee urgently but couldn't.
I stayed in the room for a bit, they gave me drinks and some food, then I left about an hour later.
Really, it was very very smooth.

Anyway, sorry to hijack the thread for a bit. It's really helping to read your messages.
Best wishes to Lcy, Jackstini and Mum2Ozzie and any others who are going through this right now.
xxx

Hi TJuice - sounds like we are in a similar place at the moment! I also keep thinking back to the scan - i was there by myself because DH was away working. It was devestating i just went numb.

Glad your op went ok - thanks for detailing it - i prefer to know what is going to happen.

I have told my self that the self indulgent wine drinking chocolate eating is going to stop after the D&C because i want to get nice and healthy again. We will see if that happens

By the way going to the gym / yoga daily wont of caused it - but like you i keep thinking should i of danced at that wedding etc... Realistically i know it was probably a genetic thing that was destined from the begining.

Will you try again soon or have a break?

Morning - my DH arrived home yesterday evening which was a real comfort and he was really impressed with the support I'd got from coming on mumsnet. Yo-yo is such a good word to describe the feelings. Fine one minute and then desperately low the next.

I was also worrying that exercise could have bought the mc on - I do pump classes and stopped the minute I was pregnant last time because I felt to sick and tired to carry on - but the dr assured me I couldn't have done anything to change it.

Have got to tell family and friends now....gulp..

i don't know yet. i think i will just try and chill about it, without going back on contraception. which i suppose is a way of trying without "trying too hard". the last thing i want is to start to have frantic sex sessions at time of ovulation, followed by putting my legs up etc.

There is some stuff that I should do now (finalise my masters thesis, lose a little weight, move from my flat above a nightclub, get my tonsils removed, get married and do my fillings as just a few examples!) so I think I will focus on that for a while.
but at the same time, i read about increased fertility after D&C (What to Expect) so its kind of in my mind.

What about you?

hi mum2ozzie - sorry for cross-posting. glad your man is back to support you.
i have pretty much told the few people I told already - just wanted to knock it out quickly.

a few months ago i ran into this guy i know who had previously told me his girlfriend was pregnant. i don't know him super-well but he was so proud. when i saw him i asked how it was going, and his face just fell because she had lost it a while before.
having to go through that again and again must be painful . . . rather just get it over with.

next time it will be just between me and boyf (and maybe mumsnet . . .

Yes, next time for me just DH and mumsnet.

I am torn between going for it to get pregnant again asap (against advice of dr) or losing the stone I put on when having DS then trying...Just want to be pg again though...

Hi - i have also told everyone - found it quite therapeutic.

Like you Tjuice i am going to have sex without contracepition but try not to stress about it. I read about fertility after D&C so must admit i am going to try and take advantage of it. I think general consensus is that if you do get pregnant before period it does make it difficult to date but does not increase risk of miscarriage.

I am also trying to focus on all those niggly things that i wished i had finished before this pregnancy started.

Lcy xx

Just had my lovely midwife on the phone - unfortunately EPU had told her my scan was ok so she congratulated me on the phone and i had to tell her that it actually wasnt (glad i saw it other wise i would start to doubt myself!)

I HATE THE EPU !!!!!!

Anyway (deep breath) she is going to do a home visit on Tuesday to see how i am doing after D&C and to discuss future plans.

Hi again Lcy! wouldn't it be great if dh could get a job closer? I just realised that when you asked on the phone just now if it was raining i didn't know coz none of the curtains in my flat are open! It's one of those days today!

I just wanted tp say I think you are doing really brilliantly. It's not that i don't think you aren't having an awful time of it, i can see you are, but as i told dh you are one of those people who will let yourself go through the crap but when you are ready you will pick yourself up and pull yourself through it and out the other side.

i'm glad you have all these people on here for support, and i'm really sorry to those of you going through this too, or who have gone through this recently. it seems that m/c is sadly so common.

lcy sorry to hear of your heartbreaking time but just to give you some encouragement for the future ,my daughter had 3 miscarriages,when they investigated they found her body wasnt producing the hormone required to sustain the pregnancy,They simply gave her injections for the first fourteen week of her following pregnancies and all was well,she now has 2 lovely daughters herself.

Ahh that is good to hear mummylin - thanks x

ITs raining here and my son is going mad with boredom which isn't helping. Really sorry about your experience with EPU Lcy - I can't believe they can get it so wrong...my experience was relatively ok for a Friday afternoon/evening apart from sobbing in a corridor by myself for an hour while I waited..BUT i haven't had my scan yet so plenty of scope for problems there..

Lcy
I just had ERPC/D & C done today. Got myself into a right state - I've never had surgery or anaestetic and am terrified of everything like this and am distrustful of medics when they are treating me - I think lawyer training is to blame.

Started researching on internet all sorts of irrational things and started thinking would not see my kids again. Then went through rational phase and looked into alternatives to ERPC, like taking the medicine to hurry things along which is not offered by the hospital that I went to yesterday. I thought about just letting nature deal but my baby probably died 2/3 wks ago at 10 wks and I really didn't feel like the symptoms were building up to this, I feared it may go on for wks. I called a private hospital (luckily my husband's employer provides insurance) at 6am this morning spoke to Consultant who said they could do the medical management but he also suggested I shouldn't eat in case I opted to have ERPC today. Went at 9.30 to meet Consultant who I trusted fairly quickly. He did the ERPC this afternoon and was home by 4pm. I was apart from my husband for no more than 50 minutes.

Physically I feel fine. I don't even feel like I've had any kind of internal thing done. I walked into theatre, laid on bed, had small injection into my arm looked at clock for 15 seconds and the next thing I knew a nurse was calling my name and I felt like I was waking from the most refreshing sleep. I also felt slightly elated - this wore off over 10 minutes.

I really feel no physical side effects from the procedure, bleeeding a bit heavier than before but nothing alarming and the stomach ache has gone. I'm just embarrassed that I made such a fuss and was so irrationally frightened. I'm relieved that the fear has gone and I can just focus on nice things now and rest up a bit before going again...

All the best for Monday and after that

Thanks Renaissancewoman - i am glad that it all went so well. TO be honest if we had a private hospital around here i would pay to of had it done on Friday - i think i may of miscarried by Monday anyway as i am feeling really uncomfortable now xxx

My heart goes out to you. Don't really know what so suggest. I always turn to Camomile tea in times of pain. I find it even better than wine. A midwife friend of mine said that black cohosh tea can speed things up. Other than that hot water bottle, paracetamol, ibuprofen, deep breathing. My pain symptoms were suprisingly like a mild form of the pain I felt during birth. During birth I found that concentrating on relaxing from the top of my body all the way down really helped. It sort of stopped my body becoming tense and opposing the muscular movements of my womb. Sorry if this sounds a bit wacko - I'm a lentil lover!

oh dear. was feeling ok this morning with just a few teary sessions but my boyf went to work, i had a glass of wine, then a few more and things took a serious nose dive.
now feeling very melancholy and am wandering around with the same nightie on and crack-head hair.

just spoke to one of my good friends who is supportive but i can't help feeling gutted that out of my five good mates who have had/are having kids (some of them for the second or third time), I am the only person I know who has had a m/c.
I guess someone had to even up the stats . . .

in terms of herbal help to evacuate your uterus, i think parsley tea also helps ( found that during my internet travels - there are some self-abortion websites that i stumbled on accidently last week, trying to find advice on iron-deficiency last week).
that is the thing with the internet - finding advice, support etc is both comforting and frightening at the same time.

TJuice.
The good days will outnumber the bad in time.
Your friends have experienced great fortune - you have not this time, they will understand the loss you have suffered. It's not you, its probably that the sperm, although the fastest on the day had some problem that revealed itself over time, or otherwise that month's egg. You had control over neither nor what happened when they got together. It's science, sometimes joyous sometimes tragic.

RW