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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

waiting to see if i miscarry - doctor told me anxiety will expel my baby from my womb!

367 replies

Lcy · 15/08/2007 14:27

Hi

I just need to vent. I am 10 weeks pregnant and had brown bleeding at 5-6 weeks so EPU scanned me and saw a heart beat - bleeding stopped and i felt all was ok.

Yesterday i had a big brown bleed again and incredibly sore lower back pain so went to EPU again this morning. They had a new doctor who asked me to tell him the symptoms. After talking for 10 minutes he asked me whether i could be pregnant!!! I WAS IN THE EARLY PREGNANCY UNIT !!!

He then told me that lower back pain is not a sign of miscarriage and that i should ignore it. He did an internal and i could see that the blood had changed to bright red and i started to get tearful. He told me not to get anxious because anxiety would expel the baby from my womb!

Anyway - he told me i am having another threatened miscarriage but i will just have to wait and see if i miscarry and that i cant have a scan and that i will have to wait 3 weeks for my dating scan because they are busy.

Just feeling really anxious - i am waiting for my midwife to phone me back. I know that they cant stop a miscarriage but i would like to know whether the baby is alive or not.

Vent over - Lucy

OP posts:
Original poster
Lcy · 21/08/2007 19:13

Mum2ozzie - she is fabulous (actually all the midwives in my area are). She visited me at home for my booking appointment at seven weeks and really spent time going through everything with me. She will be my midwife if i get pregnant again because she is the only one linked to my doctors surgery. Very reassuring!

I think it is difficult when the midwife service isnt there for people before 12 weeks (i know bumper had the same problem).

OP posts:
Original poster
Lcy · 21/08/2007 19:14

Hi TJuice - i have done a bit of research for myself and there doesnt appear to be any evidence for that - but most doctors suggest it because it makes it easier to date the pregnancy.

OP posts:
mum2ozzie · 21/08/2007 19:21

I'm sure Drs are suggesting it because it makes it easier for them. The Dr at the hospital told me to wait until after Xmas!!! Everyone I know who has had a miscarriage has tried immediately, conceived again within three cycles and gone on to have healthy babies. (You can tell I'm clinging to this info. right now)..

Do you guys feel quite empty now? I had these terrible stomach cramps and then the sac popped out and then just emptiness. I'm not sure if its because my muscles were so tense and then the contractions stopped? I have been eating ever since because I feel very hungry. This hasn't helped. xx

pipsqueeke · 21/08/2007 19:34

lcy - tbh I didn't have an af wiht DS - and it was a v easy pg (hard labour but that's another story) worrying aside was v v easy. they went from teh first date of me bleeding with teh m/c to date it from - (but the scans' put me over a week ahead anyhow- utter crap but still) DS arrive healthy bit jaudace cos he was early but v healthy. good set of lungs

TJ - sorry your dp is being a bit of an arse. tidying up - it will be there tomorrow so my suggestion, sit eat ice cream and chill.

m2o - i'm clinging to the thoughtt hat we maanged ok with DS straight away (althou I did know for sure i'd ov'ed - don't know this time) so am a bit as I feel af is on her way shortly. re feeling empty - tbh I had that from a few days before I started to bleed- it was quite odd, I felt like AF was coming but knew it couldn't be iycwim. after yes I felt empty and a hollow shell.

be good to yourself really hoping there's some good news for you on fri.

Renaissancewoman · 21/08/2007 19:40

Mum2ozzie I know what you mean about feeling empty. My tummy feels completely non-pregnant and my rational mind isn't keeping up with the speed of this. About 10 days ago I really had the beginnings of a hard bump. Now I'm back to my normal shape just with about an extra 5 pounds of empty flab. My head feels empty too, just vacant. I'm trying to busy myself as I find this very disconcerting and I'm trying to get some positive hormones going through exercise but it only gives a temporary effect.

TJuice- I seem to be on the verge of a row with my man every few hours. My hormones are all over the place and I don't think he has a clue what to do except get on with his normal stuff.

Any advice from anyone as to how long it takes the hormones to settle?

pipsqueeke · 21/08/2007 20:14

no idea ren - we're 3 weeks on and I mentioned it to my gp today - she said not to blame homrones as it was more a case of me grieving (as i'm on the verge of tears 90% of the time) and everything has to come out basically and to tell people and have support as we've still lost all of our hopes etc for our beans.

TJuice · 21/08/2007 22:54

have you guys checked out this site www.pregnancyloss.info/trying_again.htm

it also goes through recovery, when to have sex again etc. www.pregnancyloss.info/recovery.htm

My good friend's husband answered the phone earlier and was so so supportive. He has been through it a couple of times with his ex-wife and when I got all teary and emotional, he was almost blubbing too. Its weird how you just have to experience it to truly understand. I was always very pro-choice etc and I didn't realise how painful this can be for people who go through it. I understood it must be horrible to lose something so precious, but not how much you start to have hopes and dreams (and names etc) for the little bean.

EllieG · 21/08/2007 22:59

pipsqueek - completely agree. Sorry ren, no timeframe on this. I was a complete mess for a week after mine, very stupidly went back to work after a few days and buried myself in it, then crashed a month or so later, and took a couple of weeks off to really rest up. The hormones take a while to level out, and the emotions longer. I cry much less often now, hardly at all, although am PG and the day before found out was crying about my lost bean (v hormonal again!). I also found I went through a good few weeks where I would get so angry about things, angry I lost baby, angry other people had them, angry I was a step-mum and not a 'real' mum, just furious - kept goading DP into fights cos I wanted to have an excuse to let it out. Bless him he helped me talk through the anger and see it for what it was, but it was a hard time. My therapist said this too is a stage in grieving, and is all natural, and just needs to be worked through.
Thinking of you all ladies, and sending lots of love and hugs xxx

EllieG · 21/08/2007 23:01

Poor tjuice x cry if you need to lady is all good healing x

Original poster
Lcy · 22/08/2007 02:07

Hi everyone - i am not sleeping well tonight. Woke up really cold and sweating and had a panic that i had a temp (resulting from infection). However i think it is just another side effects of the hideous hormones blasting through my body. Anyway - cant sleep now. Got really tearful earlier because was looking forward to watching a film and DH told me i had already seen it - hmm thats rational behaviour!

Anyway i am watching early episodes of friends (the one with fun bobby) and then going to try and get back to sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lcy · 22/08/2007 04:56

still awake

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TJuice · 22/08/2007 07:57

Poor lcy.

Hope you managed to get some rest last night.

I am also really para about getting an infection. I would try and demand antibiotics but I know that they are superstrict on giving them out (which is a good thing - MRSA is not a problem here like it is in the UK)

I am thinking that the long walk suggested by my Dr will help me sleep. I keep scuttling between work and home and going straight to bed. Maybe I need to do something with myself.

Anyway, rest up well today. I get enraged when I rent a dvd I have seen before too!

My mum wants to treat me to a spa break in a week or so, so will be surfing the net mostly at work today.

best wishes to everyone
xx

goingfor3 · 22/08/2007 08:09

Lcy I hpe you are getting some rest now. After my first m/c I couldn't sleep at night for weeks, I was off work for three months and used to fall asleep when dp had left for work, I guess the day was less depressing than the night.

TJuice - The website link you gave was really good. I keep worrying that my period hasn't yet started and I don't know where I am in my cycle but that website has really helped to stop me worrying.

Original poster
Lcy · 22/08/2007 11:33

Hi - finally got to sleep at 6am - i was quite active the day before (bit of light gardening and a walk) but i think it may just be all the dysregulated hormones in my body and grief.

Hi Going43 - hope your ok today

Hi TJuice - spa break sounds great - me and DH are going away on monday and tuesday for a break -good to have something to look forward too. I was really worried about MRSA because i know 5 people who have been effected from my hospital - however consultant said risks were very low because the operation equipment is new for each person. I dont think i have an infection - bleeding has stopped and i feel well in myself. How are you getting on?

OP posts:
TJuice · 22/08/2007 16:28

hi lcy

i think i am okay too. still cramping a bit though, are you? i will go for a check at the gynae next week if possible.

how long can you wait before having sex, any ideas? that website said two weeks after a D&C (or use condoms), but i gather that people who started trying wouldn't wait that long? or is that after a medically-treated miscarriage.

its so weird, i am feeling much better right now and could even talk reasonably on the phone to a friend who didn't know, but this morning i felt utterly despondent . . .

Original poster
Lcy · 22/08/2007 17:30

I feel like that too - when i wake up i feel utterly depressed - but then get better through the day. I have read that you can start having sex when the bleeding stops - otherwise may cause an infection. Im just spotting at the moment - but think i will give it a few days and see if it all stops.

OP posts:
goingfor3 · 22/08/2007 17:30

TJuice - I waited until about 10 days after my mc to have sex though it did cause me to start bleeding again after each time, until three weeks after mc, but that could be because my cervix was damaged during the mc so hadn't healed properly. We haven't been using condoms as I can bear the thought of stopping conception taking place if my body is ready.

Lcy I'm glad you finally managed to get some rest. This time round I haven't had much trouble sleeping but it was probably becasue i'd been really ill and was taking piriton too (it had been prescribed) which helped me to sleep.

Original poster
Lcy · 22/08/2007 17:32

Hi Going43 - glad you are sleeping ok - i am going to go for a long walk tonight to see if that helps - might have a couple of glasses of red wine too - purely medicinal ofcourse

OP posts:
goingfor3 · 22/08/2007 17:35

Yes the wine will help, the more the better .

The reason we had sex quite soon after was because I craved the it would give me and dp and also I knew if I left it too long it would be built up in my mind and harder to do.

pipsqueeke · 22/08/2007 17:39

yes def have some wine!

re the sex thing I stopped bleeding on the mon/tues I think and we had sex a few days later - I too knew if I waited too long it would be built up in my mind iycwim. was a little sore but all is well now.

tj - expect the feelings to come and go - I was happyily talking to mates one minute and crying wihtt eh dr the next. it's all normal. and also I think wehn we're alone we have more chance of thinking of things iycwim.

pipsqueeke · 22/08/2007 17:39

(ooh also loved that site will have a proper mooch about later on when DS is asleep - if he goes tonight - might need to drug him )

mum2ozzie · 22/08/2007 21:05

Tj - brilliant link - thanks for that - I've read it a couple of times now and its really useful.

Lcy - hope you are enjoying your wine. I wish I could join you but cannot do anything until after the scan on Friday. Counting the hours now.

DH has now decided he is ill and I can't help being annoyed with him.

Original poster
Lcy · 22/08/2007 21:13

Ahh mum2ozzie im thinking of you - what a difficult time for you.

OP posts:
mum2ozzie · 22/08/2007 21:27

In the night I had the genius idea of taking a pregnancy test to see whether I had any hope....of course didn't think about pregnancy hormones still being around until the cold light of day.....Think I am losing my mind with this.

Renaissancewoman · 23/08/2007 08:38

Re sex - I was told not to have sex for 2 weeks after the ERPC operation but I have to say I craved it 24hrs after op. Felt likemy body was screaming 'not pregnant, make me pregnant'.

Mum2ozzie -know what you mean about losing your mind. I am really struggling to have any normal thoughts. So yesterday finally lost it with DH, who had not so much as offered me cup of tea, and told him wanted to separate. Not sure that was such a great thing to do. DH insists I go and speak to someone neutral about this so am going to see a therapist this afternoon. Keep hanging on, things will surely settle down soon?