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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

waiting to see if i miscarry - doctor told me anxiety will expel my baby from my womb!

367 replies

Lcy · 15/08/2007 14:27

Hi

I just need to vent. I am 10 weeks pregnant and had brown bleeding at 5-6 weeks so EPU scanned me and saw a heart beat - bleeding stopped and i felt all was ok.

Yesterday i had a big brown bleed again and incredibly sore lower back pain so went to EPU again this morning. They had a new doctor who asked me to tell him the symptoms. After talking for 10 minutes he asked me whether i could be pregnant!!! I WAS IN THE EARLY PREGNANCY UNIT !!!

He then told me that lower back pain is not a sign of miscarriage and that i should ignore it. He did an internal and i could see that the blood had changed to bright red and i started to get tearful. He told me not to get anxious because anxiety would expel the baby from my womb!

Anyway - he told me i am having another threatened miscarriage but i will just have to wait and see if i miscarry and that i cant have a scan and that i will have to wait 3 weeks for my dating scan because they are busy.

Just feeling really anxious - i am waiting for my midwife to phone me back. I know that they cant stop a miscarriage but i would like to know whether the baby is alive or not.

Vent over - Lucy

OP posts:
Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 11:33

Hi Lucy

Sorry about what happened. Sorry about the insensitivity of the medical staff too.

I had three miscarriages and each new pregnancy caused more anxiety than happiness until I got safely to fourteen weeks or so. It's natural.

Take care of yourself and thinking of you.

Original poster
Lcy · 21/08/2007 11:39

Thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
Lcy · 21/08/2007 11:41

DH has just booked a night in a lovely hotel for next week so i have something to look forward to - im lucky to have him.

OP posts:
TJuice · 21/08/2007 13:02

hi lcy

hope you are doing okay today.
i saw my dr who was nice and prescribed me acupuncture which i think is really good for rebalancing. she did think that going back to work was a good idea and i actually think it maybe is, for me. except that i had a cry during my massage today (we have one every other week at my job).

I also feel like i have a kind of goal back - to get in tiptop shape to maybe try again in a month or two - i kind of need the focus to keep going right now.

my astanga yoga teacher who had been so encouraging wrote back to my email, saying that she had also had a miscarriage three weeks ago. She was really showing a lot when i last saw her so must have been into her 2nd trimester. Its so sad - she was an icon of calm and healthy pregnancy and she said there were no signs and she is in shock.

i felt like my heart was going to crack open.

mum2ozzie · 21/08/2007 13:26

Hello all - I've just been through hell and back over the last few days.

Drs confirmed miscarriage Friday afternoon/evening as you know

Continued to bleed

Went in for the scan yesterday only to find out there was a heartbeat. Which gave us false hope.

Continued to bleed

Today I have had bad stomach cramping and then have just passed what looks like the sac/baby in the loo.

They won't scan me until Friday so I won't know for sure whether this was the baby with the heartbeat yesterday or whether this was maybe a twin I was miscarrying all along.

Lcy - didn't something similar happen to you with heartbeat but then miscarriage???

I had spent the whole weekend sorting myself out and feeling more positive only to discover there was a heartbeat which was very exciting and now this....and no definite answers until Friday...

Sorry just wanted to vent. DH on way home from work to help out with DS...

pipsqueeke · 21/08/2007 13:38

lcy glad you have something to look forward to.

m2o - oh honney i'm so sorry for you. althou I didn't see a heart beat, I did pass a sac which was horrendus- the worst part tbh. the bleeding stayed heavy and then the remainder came away a few days later. I really hope it's good news for you on fri - will they not see you before aty all?

tj - good luck with the acupuncha i've heard it does really help. sorry to hear about your friends m/c.

I saw the dr today and said I think my homrones are still all over the place but she said it's basically me grieving still (as she think's i've not grieved/dealt with it properly) sort of all been swept under the carpet type thing. so no doubt will have a good cry later as DH is away this week.

mum2ozzie · 21/08/2007 13:42

THanks Pips

I don't know what to do with it. I don't want to just flush it down the loo. THe hospital said they could deal with it but if I'm not going until Friday then that seems like a long time to keep it. Perhaps I should bury it? What did you do?

kindersurprise · 21/08/2007 14:07

mum2ozzie
so sorry to hear what you are going through. I think that Friday is a hell of a long time to make you wait. Is there no way that you could get seen quicker, perhaps another hospital?

Lcy
Don't feel that oyu have to "get over it" soon, no matter what anyone says to you. I agree with Ellie, you need time to grieve, time to come terms with your loss. When you have a mc, you lose the hopes and dreams of a lifetime with the child. It takes time to accept that and make new plans for the future. Btw, your DH sounds lovely, you are lucky to have him.

pipsqueeke · 21/08/2007 14:21

honestly - I left it to my mum to handle. if i was on my own I don't know. I know it wasn't flushed away as I told her I didn't want it to be. she went outside and said a little prey, and then put it in a pot with some bulbs. not sure what they do with them in hospitals thou??

Renaissancewoman · 21/08/2007 14:29

Mum2Ozzie - so sorry to hear of your situation - absolute torment.

Lucy - glad to hear went OK at hospital. My hormones have been all over the place for the last couple of days and I'm not going through most of the feelings that most do - I have 2 kids already and life been really tough this year for us (DH seriously ill and didn't know whether he would work again etc etc) so had planned to take time getting things back on track before having another/our last baby. This pregnancy was unplanned and I was worried about how we would cope. So it is more easy for me to view this as a very sad event or 'just one of those things'. And I feel confident that another baby will come when the time is right despite me getting more grey hairs and not recognising myself in the mirror some mornings. So I feel quite well adjusted mentally to it all. However, having said all that I have been feeling just plain out of control wobbly on the emotional side. a doctor friend of mine warned me not to underestimate the rollercoaster your hormones go through and she was clearly right.

TJuice -I too am immersing myself in lists and tasks and planning. Saw financial advisor yesterday and have sorted out my pension and a lot of my financial paperwork, this has been on my to do list for about 4 years, that feels good. Haven't yet made Bikram maybe tomorrow. Did very gentle session at gym last night and slept so well. Think the activity is helping stabilise hormones.

Pipsqueeke - the thread on Sunday night about the perverted husband with the stainless steel was amazing eh. It kept me and DH captivated for about 2 hrs!!

Gumbo · 21/08/2007 14:33

Lcy, sorry to hear you're feeling so low today. I'm only just working out this is going to take time to get over - it's a genuine loss that we have to mourn.

Mum2ozzie, my heart goes out to you re: the heartbeat. That's a dreadfully long time for you to have to wait - can they really not see you any sooner? I'm glad your DH is there to help - you shouldn't be alone right now.

I had another scan this morning. Yesterday was a dreadful day - I passed what I thought was the sac. However, the scan today showed the sac was still inside me, so heaven knows what came out of me yesterday. Am now really afraid of passing the sac! Also, I was expecting todays scan to show an empty womb, so it was a bit of a shock when it didn't! Poor DH is in a bit of a daze, as he was looking after ds for the other 2 scans, so this was the 1st one he's been with me for, and has suddenly realised how 'real' this miscarriage is.

And best of all, on Saturday the doctor told me that the miscarriage would be "no more painful than a period" and "no more blood than a period". Ha ha ha ha ha! Clearly she's never miscarried herself!

Gumbo · 21/08/2007 14:36

Rennaisancewoman and TJuice, are you really excercising already?! I normally go cycling 3 or 4 times a week, but I'm bleeding so much and cramping right now I don't think I can - even though I want to. I'm really impressed you're back excercising again!

Renaissancewoman · 21/08/2007 15:04

Gumbo - don't be too impressed., It was very gentle session. I too am cyclist what kind of cycling do you do?
After the ERPC operation on Saturday all symptoms of pregnancy and miscarriage stopped for me so physically I feel fine which is just so wierd. One day I felt so pregnant, then I had a day of worrying whether things were OK, 2 days later all symptoms gone.

Gumbo · 21/08/2007 15:10

Renaissancewoman, I'm sure you're a zillion times fitter than I'll ever be! I just to tend to go for a quick 8-10 miles either very early AM before ds wakes up, or late at night after he's in bed. I love the solitude of it (particularly the early mornings when it's not quite light yet). What do you do?

My pg symptons stopped several days ago, which is one of the reasons I knew something was horribly wrong. But the woman who scanned me last Tuesday essentially told me I was an idiot and that my dates were wrong

The wierd bit today was still seeing the sac, and being told that I 'handn't yet actually miscarried'. Presumably that's classed as actually expelling the sac - I really hope it's soon, as I just want this over with now.

Original poster
Lcy · 21/08/2007 15:11

Mum2ozzie - i had a heartbeat at 6 weeks and miscarried at 10 - if i was you i would book a private scan it is not fair to have to wait till Friday. Could you phone the EPU and explain how desperate you feel? Thinking of you - what a horrendous time for you xxx

Gumbo - so sorry you are still miscarrying - i am not exercising apart from a little walk everyday - did a bit of gardeneing earlier and then had to have a sleep!

My midwife just came round for a chat to see how i am. She is fabulous and really helped with the emotional side of things (unlike everyone else who only did the physical aspect). She told me it is normal to feel very low first thing in the morning and last thing at night. She has told me that she will do as many follow up appointments as i need - and is happy to sit and listen or give me information - WHAT A STAR. On the getting pregant agaain issue - she told me it is safe to try before my period and that my body will do it when it is ready - she has advised that i keep taking my supplements.

OP posts:
lemonaid · 21/08/2007 15:17

Lcy -- my first miscarriage (also a D&C) I think I cried every day for six weeks afterwards. You really can't rush yourself into feeling better or just decide to be over it. It gets gradually better and easier but you'll have down days for quite a while.

For the record, I went on to have DS (now 2.7 -- had a little bleeding in early pregnancy with him), then another miscarriage (earlier that time and didn't need a D&C) and am now pregnant again (although still early days and very nervous).

goingfor3 · 21/08/2007 15:20

Lcy your midwife sounds lovely, really supportive. I m/c 4 weeks ago today and for the first two weeks I cried so much and now it doesn't happen for a few days and then i get really tearful again when I least expect.

Original poster
Lcy · 21/08/2007 15:20

Congrats on your pregnancy lemonaid. I am having 2 weeks off work - and although painful not to be distracted i think it is the right thing for me to do. DH is off with me so we are spending alot of time talking, snuggling, eating icecream and watching films x

OP posts:
Original poster
Lcy · 21/08/2007 15:21

Thanks going4three x

OP posts:
TJuice · 21/08/2007 16:11

you are very lucky Lcy.

I just had a terrible row with my bloke who, although supportive is not really being a practical help right now. its a struggle to just get through the day at work and right now I am looking at a dirty flat and an empty fridge - its so depressing.

TJuice · 21/08/2007 16:17

But on a more positive note, i just booked my cleaner this week, who I haven't used for a while so that I could save up for baby-stuff.

Original poster
Lcy · 21/08/2007 18:24

Hi TJuice - sorry you have had a row - booking a cleaner sounds like a great idea. Hope you are ok xx

OP posts:
mum2ozzie · 21/08/2007 18:38

Hi lcy - your midwife sounds amazing. I suppose I was only 8 weeks but I haven't had any contact at all with one..

A cleaner sounds amazingly good idea - my house is filthy and DS keeps crawling around and putting things in his mouth which makes me feel terrible.

He is now crying after his bath so had better go and help DH.

love to all of you. Isn't this soooo shite xxx

bumperlicious · 21/08/2007 18:55

Hi Lcy, and the rest of you guys, hope you are doing ok xxx

TJuice · 21/08/2007 19:11

hey lcy

my dr was saying i should wait for one period so that the uterus lining thickens out again and can sustain a pregnancy better. I wonder if something got lost in the translation from danish (and she just wanted me to chill for a bit)?

not that i am going to think too much about ttc, ho hum . . .