First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part 4)

[Kiki061190]

Hi ladies!

Our previous thread is now full so I’ve made a new one 😘

@MrsMGE I’m so sorry that’s sounds heartbreaking. I had to wear mine for a few weeks after my mmc as nothing else fitted me.

Its so hard to be comfortable yet I don’t want the heartbreak of hiding the maternity clothes away again. My problem is I show very quickly. It runs in my family. My mum said she was the same. I couldn’t fit any of my jeans by 8 weeks last time. I showed DH my tummy today and he couldn’t believe it. Last time my doctor made a comment about me possibly carrying twins. It’s my womb that’s swollen rather than bloat. I have no idea why this happens so soon as obviously the baby is very tiny. I’ll just cope with elasticated skirts since the weather will be nice for a while.

With regards to luteal phase 10 to 16 days is normal. The worry is that the lining doesn’t have a chance to build up enough to support the pregnancy by the time it implants if it’s shorter. It’s certainly worth mentioning to the doctor as it can be sign of low progesterone. Of course pregnancy is still absolutely possible and it might not necessarily be a problem but worth checking out. Xx

Wow... thanks @Catconfusion, I've never known this. I'm definitely going to track everything next month, I was kind of relaxed about it initially, but the more I think about it, the more benefits I can see.

I'm sorry you had to wear maternity clothes after the MC, that's not easy either. Apparently it does happen quite often that the womb stretches out early on and you actually have a bump within the first few weeks, I did read about this before. Are you feeling OK? Xx

@Kiki061190 Thank you lovely ❤️ How are you doing? Also... what is "SMEP"?

I feel like such a novice, it's a brand new world! Xxx

@MrsMGE just try not to worry about it. There’s plenty that can be done and that’s if it is a problem.

Yeah it was horrible. It was the anniversary of our first date the day before valentines and a week after my surgery. We went out for dinner and all I had that fitted me was a maternity dress. It was so confusing to have a pronounced bump yet find out it was a mmc.

I’m doing well thanks.The nausea is pretty bad but I’m not complaining. I had the dentist today and nearly vomited a couple of times. I’ve been fitted with a mouth guard as I grind my teeth but I can’t wear it as it triggers my gag reflex. All fun and games!

How are you feeling about Thursday? Xx

@MrsMGE The Sperm Meets Egg Plan! It’s an e book I think? A woman wrote it and it gives you a plan to follow the month of TTC in terms of dtd. I’ve heard lots of success stories but haven’t actually tried it myself.

Also I’m doing great @MrsMGE totally exhausted and wanting to dive straight into a tub of Nutella..... How are you feeling about Thursday?

@Catconfusion That's horrible. Emotionally it must have been tough for you, I can imagine. I remember the day before my MMC scan I felt pulse in my tummy, on the right hand side, googled it, and all websites said great sign, means lots of blood is being pumped to the placenta, healthy pregnancy etc. I was over the moon. Next day, "Sorry, there's no heartbeat". So I know exactly what you mean re not expecting the worst.

I am usually prepared for the worst, I guess it's part of my job to advise based on the worst possible scenario and protect my clients. I think I do this in my personal life too, sometimes subconsciously. But I had no bad feelings about my first pregnancy up until when I went through the door for the scan.

I am finding it hard now, cause I worked a lot in myself to remain calm and positive in my first pregnancy and then it ended up in MMC.

Re shortish luteal phase, would low progesterone even be an issue if I had a MMC and the MC didn't happen naturally for a few weeks after it was diagnosed either? I've had lots of the usual high progesterone symptoms Xx

@MrsMGE it just messes with your head because all signs are good. I just don’t have faith in positive thinking as I too felt positive first time around. I’m just not sure it matters as it’s likely unviable from very early on so doesn’t matter what you think. I’m just remaining neutral really. I’m certainly not getting as attached this time.

My doctor said low progesterone can be difficult to diagnose because fluctuations can be bad for the pregnancy. That’s why she’s put me on suppositories. There are no signs I have low progesterone especially as a mmc and my test results after surgery showed healthy lining. It’s more a precaution in case my levels were unstable. I have mild pcos and this can be a problem apparently. I also have very light periods which has concerned me in the past even though the doctor thinks it’s fine. Xx

@MrsMGE I think you'll be fine with your luteal phase because you have been pregnant before. So have I, and not lost it very early but later on. I usually have 9 days and was worried about this too. I too had a scan just before my ovulation this time and lining was good they said.

@Kiki061190 thanks for your support ❤️

@Catconfusion @MrsMGE sorry to hear about how positive you were last time, and for it to end. I was too! I went for a scan myself at 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat, my first baby... my husband couldn't come because he was abroad. I was due to go abroad so I wanted to know it was viable. I recorded the screen with hb, sent DH... next scan was at 10 weeks, and he could come with me. At this point I was positive it was fine because I felt so nauseous and my boobs were massive and so sore to touch. Im also quite healthy (in terms of training and eating well, taken all vitamins well before we started TTC) so I was sure nothing would go wrong. Also still temping, super high temperatures everyday.

Stupidly I had booked my scan around lunchtime (hospital very close to where I work, and I'm busy), we both went there (his first time), and the doc took her time when she was prodding me to see the baby (transvaginal scan)... she took my hand and said 'I'm really sorry, there's no hearrbeat', died at 9 weeks. Poor DH, he was really upset but could obviously not really show it as he was supporting me. I didn't cry just accepted and then had to go back to work to pretend I've just been out for lunch as I hadn't told anyone and didn't t want people to know we're TTC. I work at quite a cutthroat place.

So safe to say that I can't believe how naive I was last time 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm definitely stopping temping the second I get BFP, it just gives you a false sense of security! My temperature was high a month after the MMC still! And I'm definitely going to book any future scans for after work... also had to cancel a 12 week scan I had already booked 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm going to take it chill like you @Catconfusion 😄 and hope for the best as I know that odds are to our favor.

Good news is that my period came this morning!!! I'm actually very happy because my cycles have been so messed up after The MMC and super long, so at least know I'm sort of in the game again! I was worried is have to wait and wait for AF too, so everything takes even longer.

I've emailed my OBGYN to ask if any way to bring forward ovulation so hopefully she'll get back to me today.

How are you ladies doing? Xx I'm sorry to hear how sick you feel ,@Catconfusion, I'm sure it's a good sign though xx

Sorry about the bold, don't know what happened!

Forgot to say, I have actually only cried once about the miscarriage, and it was a few weeks after the first d&c and I was watching Real Housewives of OC (haha don't judge 😳), one of the ladies there was going through an IVF, and she had her first scan to see if successful a few weeks later. She saw it and they could hear the heartbeat. It sounded and looked exactly like mine and brought back memories, and made really long for seeing/hearing that again!

Don't know if that makes me a cold-hearted bitch to only have cried once 🤔 it's funny how different we all handle it but I'm sure we all feel the same inside!

Oh and sorry trigger-warning...

After my first d&c I woke up with a big glass jar by the end of my bed, filled with red - they asked me if I wanted to see the 'Product of Conception' they so nicely put it. I declined. I realise some women do but I just felt that was a morbid way to wake up.

Don't know what I'm ranting about, I think it's just to get things off my chest! I don't think DH understands the same way, it's not his body (even though he obviously also feel a sense of loss).

@SunStruck You sound like a really similar person to me, actually, what you said there really stroke a chord with me. I was also initially OK-ish with the miscarriage, I did cry and was shocked for a couple of days after we were told. But what has really made it worse is the wait I had to endure carrying my dead baby, waiting for the second scan, NHS's poor attitude overall and then the fact I couldn't have a D&C because the wait was too long and had to have medical management, go through it, see it all etc. I am absolutely convinced had it not been for the above, I would have coped with the MMC a lot better, and I even said that to them at the time. We know our bodies and minds best. In some ways, I have tried to turn this experience into a positive, and explain to myself that there are also risks associated with the D&C and that I had a full sense of closure physically because of what I've been through. I'm also very impressed with my own body to have coped with this, and it weirdly made me less scared of full-term labour. But still, I am just trying to add a positive spin to a horrendous experience here. It wasn't my first choice at all.

I also work in a senior male-dominated, cutthroat industry, but things are changing, at least here in the UK. I decided to tell all of them what happened because I didn't want stupid questions after my absence, such as "How was your holiday, did you have a good time?". I didn't want anyone to talk to me about them or their partners being pregnant at the time. And most importantly, I thought I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I've been through enough and won't let anyone discriminate against me when it comes to my bonus and further promotion. I've worked too hard for this, and if they know the reason behind your absence is pregnancy or maternity related, in the UK they cannot take it into account to treat you worse, in any way. So I thought, sod it. It's not my problem if they feel awkward about it. It shouldn't be a taboo. That's how I felt, and I went with it. The reaction was very supportive overall. But, I do get why you wouldn't necessarily feel the same way, or do the same in the Middle East, where the law and the cultural context is very different.

Congratulations on your AF today! 🙌 Fresh start! Mine is still not here, 33 days, and another BFN today. Come on, now, AF, this is getting boring! I'm going to the gym to smash it tonight and bring it forward! Xxx

@SunStruck Also I totally agree with you Re the healthy body approach, I thought becaeI prepped my body to pregnancy and had all the positive signs, everything would be fine. How silly and naive, eh! My husband's reaction was also very similar to your DHs, and I also agree, he has processed things very differently to me.

Sorry ladies this is brief but I’m really not well at all today.

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry @SunStruck and thank you for sharing your story. That sounds gruelling. I’m really not sure what to say about ‘the jar’. I can appreciate some might want to see but having it displayed is horrific. They could have hid it and asked you. You vent away on here. It’s a safe space and we’ll happily listen and support! Xx

@MrsMGE just wanted to say well done for sharing your news at work. It’s so so hard but sometimes just feels right. Overall I’ve found the support very good once people know. I completely get why some people choose not to share though. Xx

@SunStruck I can’t believe they showed you a jar! That’s horrific! I only cried once about the miscarriage as well. I felt at peace with the whole situation oddly.

@MrsMGE I have shared with more people as time has went on and I find it was better than hiding it from people at work. They see me almost every day so they’re going to know if something is up! The support I have had from work has been amazing!

Thanks ladies for the support ❤️

@MrsMGE well done you for saying at work! I actually had to in the end (I didnt for 5 weeks after that scan because I was waiting for it to naturally happen, but it didn't). So when I had to book in for d&c and have 3 days off I had to get a sick note, so had to tell my manager. He's a typical A type man and didn't say much. No one here knows apart from two good girl friends.

It sounds horrific what you had to go through (they didn't allow d&c), I'm sorry to hear 😔 d&c would definitely have been the more clinical option, they really don't think about how the woman feels/wants.

I agree, it was terrible carrying this dead baby around for so long and carry on like normal. Felt sad. At least it feels more like a new beginning now!

I have some good news actually, I wrote to my OBGYN that my period just came and that my cycles are so long, so can she prescribe me something to shorten it if possible? She actually prescribed me Letrozole which is a drug similar to Clomid (but apparently have better results and more live births), to stimulate the ovaries to ovulate quicker. I'm starting the first pills tomorrow and will continue for 5 days, then ovulation should be 4-7 days after! So realistically 1.5-2 weeks from now. I'm so happy we have such good private healthcare here and that they really listen to you.

@Catconfusion poor you, I really hope you feel better soon. Try rest as much as you can and take care of yourself x

@Kiki061190 so happy to hear you feel good today, it's a difficult thing. I guess it's life and life is bloody unfair 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sorry you both had such bad experiences @MrsMGE and @SunStruck. I was so lucky I got a cancellation slot for my ERPC. I didn’t tell my work, I mostly work from home so I could hide away. They know I had surgery but I only took 2 days off and didn’t tell my manager why as she’s had a still birth and I thought it might be insensitive.

Sorry you’re feeling so unwell @Catconfusion

Great news about the meds @SunStruck

Hope tomorrow goes ok @MrsMGE x

Hi girls!

@Catconfusion How are you, lovely? What's happening, why are you unwell, nausea?

@Kiki061190 I remember you said before that you had a feeling something wasn't right, did you have it early on in your previous pregnancy? Was there anything particular that made you think this way?
Also glad to hear you've also had a good experience in work, it's so important.

@bananamonkey Thank you, lovely. Also, sorry to hear about your boss and about the fact you didn't feel comfortable talking about it in work because of what's happened to her. I completely understand. It's a tough one, isn't it, on the one hand she may prefer to avoid triggers, but on the other, she possibly would have been a fantastic source of support for you, and you could support each other. Really tough one.

After all this, I now work with baby loss charities and I'm getting involved in helping other mums in our position. I felt very strongly that we need to talk about baby loss publicly, and support each other. I also wanted to create something lasting, my baby's legacy, if this makes sense.

@SunStruck Really pleased for you, lovely. Hope this speeds things up for you. I will wait till next week and if no AF, I'm going to go straight to my GP and I might take your advice and speak to them about Clomid. If they do nothing, I'll go private, I need AF and ovulation now!!

So I was going to go to the gym, but I've got an awful migraine, think I was so busy today I got myself dehydrated. Plus not looking forward to tomorrow, I guess.

Hoping for some better news in the next few weeks!! Xxx

@MrsMGE I had a scan at 6 weeks and they found identical twins! They said that this is quite a high risk pregnancy. I saw a heart beat on one baby but the other was too far back to detect! I have a retroverted uterus so it sits to the back of my body so the scan was tricky. As soon as I knew I just knew inside that I was out. The last doing the scan was super positive but the miscarriage odds for that type of pregnancy are just so high, I knew I wouldn’t make it. I booked a scan for 2.5 weeks later and I swear I said to my friend before I went that I just knew it wasn’t happening! When she said there was no heartbeat on either baby I already knew so I was at peace with it oddly. I knew I was never going to hold two babies, it was odd!

Thanks @bananamonkey it is what it is. I’m hoping it’s not so bad this time.

@MrsMGE I had hyperemesis with my first pregnancy so pretty much disabled by sickness and nausea. I couldn’t do anything for the four weeks before my mmc. It ducked to then lose the baby as sickness is usually a good sign. It’s started up with this pregnancy over the last few days. I’ve not been able to get off the sofa. I’ve not been sick but I’ve come close. The doctor has prescribed me something but I’m holding out for a bit longer as there are risks. I really hope tomorrow goes ok. My thoughts are with you! Xx

Hi everyone, I hope it's ok for me to post here. I found out this week at 7 weeks that there is no heartbeat so now waiting to miscarry. I can't find much information on how long it's takes to start and then after it's over when you can start trying again. I see lots of people on here are pregnant again so just wondered how long it took you to conceive after you found out you would miscarry?

Hi @NewtothisFBK4921 I’m so sorry for your loss I had surgery so I’m sorry I don’t know how long it takes naturally, do you have another appointment in 2 weeks? As I understand it you can try straight away but it may be worth waiting for your first AF so you are clear on dates. It’s taken me 6 months to get another BFP, I had 3 chemical pregnancies in that time but I think that may be just my uterus needed more time to recover from the surgery, plus I’m 37.

Hi girls.

Two pieces of good news:

1. I survived the funeral. Was not easy, but it's done, we can move on to the next stage.
2. My AF started straight after. I'm sensitive to stress, it clearly must have been the stress release that helped. 35 day cycle, it's reducing after the MC which is also good news. I'm feeling poorly, but so happy it's here and we can start TTC again! Plus, I can have a drink or two this Bank Holiday weekend 🙌 Hello, sunshine! ☀️

Thank you all for being so supportive throughout. Most people around have been lovely, but some have failed to understand it's a double grief whammy, and even though it's different grief, going through it in such a short space of time is hard.

@SunStruck, let's team up and try to get pregnant at the same time! I'd so love to have a pregnant-post-MC buddy, I'm so ready for it! I hope it works out for all of us on here soon ❤️ xxx

@MrsMGE so glad to hear it went alright, must have been so tough on you ❤️

Yayyyy back in the game!!!! 😍😍 such a good feeling isn't it, like the body's not broken anymore! Yes make sure to have a drink or two now, you deserve it... and soon I'm sure we can't 😉 Let's team up and do it! Both in AF (I'm on my 2nd day so we're really twinning here 😁).

@NewtothisFBK4921 so sorry for your loss 😔 I had to wait for a month for it to naturally happen but it never did, so had to have d&c in the end. Seems like it does happen for lots of women though just a week or two after - what did your doctor say? You'll get lots of support here. Unfortunately I'm not pregnant again yet but my body has just gone back to normal after the miscarriage, but it seems like quite a few ladies in this thread got a BFP pretty soon after, so it keeps me going 😄

Hey ladies!

@MrsMGE so glad you managed well today and yay to AF! Next month is you and @SunStruck month!

I have been hit so hard with fatigue. I’m just so exhausted and finding it hard to get through the day just now. Apart from that I’ve been feeling alright!