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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part 4)

923 replies

Kiki061190 · 08/08/2019 07:53

Hi ladies!

Our previous thread is now full so I’ve made a new one 😘

OP posts:
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zoomies1 · 22/08/2019 19:11

Hi All. Sorry for the radio silence but it’s been a shitty couple of days (all first world problems).

I know my posts have just gotten more and more negative but I have realised how badly I need a break from everything. I’m on holiday soon and I am just clinging on so I’m sorry for that.

Three baby bombs this week and I had my GP appointment on Monday. GP said regardless of age they won’t help me until we have been trying for a year so I have another three months to wait. I have to admit I would have lied if I’d known that but I was convinced it was six months over 35. She just said ‘fertility isn’t a priority for the NHS’.

I asked if we could pay and have some private scans and she said yes and told me about the local hospital, but she didn’t tell me I would still need a bloody referral! I’m phoning them tomorrow.

The hospital had a link to what you are entitled to on the NHS. You have to have been trying for three years and must be under 40. So I’ll get nothing if I need IVF. I’ll be three months too late. It’s making me irrationally angry with people who smoke, take drugs etc for wiping out NHS resources.

On the flip side, logically, I know that the odds are still in my favour and all it takes is one good egg, one good speed and some good timing! I’m on cycle day 3 so here we go again.....

zoomies1 · 22/08/2019 19:11

Oops sorry that was so long!

Kiki061190 · 23/08/2019 08:39

@zoomies1 I am so so sorry at the treatment you got from your GP. How awful to be told fertility isn’t really important to the NHS. It’s important to you, you pay your taxes and national insurance therefore you should receive the healthcare you need. How awful! Will you be over 40 after you’ve been trying for 3 years? Could you not see another GP and maybe tell a little white lie about how long you’ve been trying?

OP posts:
bananamonkey · 23/08/2019 09:17

Hi @zoomies1 so sorry you had a crap experience, I’m pretty sure the NICE guidelines say to consider an earlier referral for >35. I’d see another GP or go private if you can. My GP was willing to do bloods as a start for me after 6 months and I’m 37.

LuckyA · 23/08/2019 11:14

Please can I join? I've been really scared to join a thread as I've been really nervous since my mmc in June 2019, but I think it will help me to discuss with like-minded ladies Smile

I had a mmc in June at 12weeks naturally as was on the waiting list for ERPC. Started spotting at 10 weeks but EPU wouldn't see me unless the bleeding increased and it was red. Went for a private scan as I couldnt wait and found the embryo had stopped growing at 5 weeks. Went to EPU who wouldn't put me on the ERPC waiting list until I had a further scan 1 week later. Was then put on the list, but then miscarried naturally. It was a really horrific experience- it was the most intense pain I've ever experienced and the MW not once asked me how I was and were so unempathetic. No explanation as to what I should expect, just gave me 3 leaflets and couldnt wait to get me out the door. Noone warned me it would be like labour! The MW even told me i was asking too many questions and she has a lot of other people to see and told me to go home and just read the leaflets! Luckily, my DH is a doctor so he knew the process and was able to answer all the questions I had. Needless to say, I wrote a long letter to PALS.

We have been TTC since, had 1st AF 4 weeks later and now on 2nd cycle since mmc, I got my BFP this morning at 16dpo. I tested negative at 13dpo and 14dpo. In my first pregnancy I had a very dark line by 12dpo so was convinced I was out this month. Its very faint this time though so will wait to see if it darkens over the next week. No symptoms so far apart from some mild tummy cramps which are the same as pre-AF cramps. With my first, I had stretching feelings from 4dpo, more cramps, sore boobs, nausea by 4 weeks so this time its different already.

Not getting my hopes up yet and I don't want to believe it just yet. I wish we could just fast forward to 12 weeks!

LuckyA · 23/08/2019 11:37

@NewtothisFBK4921 I'm so sorry for your loss, its a horrible time but I found threads like this such a great support even just reading the posts. Mine took 7 weeks to naturally miscarry from when growth stopped (2 weeks from when we found out). We started TTC as soon as the bleeding stopped (about 2 weeks after the mmc) x

NewtothisFBK4921 · 23/08/2019 11:46

@bananamonkey @SunStruck @LuckyA thank you all so much for your comments! They are so helpful. Wishing you all so much luck and so pleased to hear about your BFP @LuckyA - it sounds like you deserve some good news after last time, really hope it goes well for you and looking forward to your updates xxxx

MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 08:27

@Kiki061190 Hello, lovely. Thank you & glad you're feeling well overall! I used to have a 6.30-7.30pm nap after work when I was pg. I couldn't cope without it in the evenings, it was hitting me from 3pm onwards every day! Think it's lack of ceffeine too, I normally drink a couple of coffees per day, then I went all decaff before and during the pregnancy. What a difference, on top of the natural hormone-related fatigue! I'm thinking of you ❤️

@zoomies1 Good to hear from you. Don't apologise, there's nothing to apologise for. It sounds like an uber shit few days for you, sorry to hear this. Re IVF, what did they say again, sorry, that you need to be trying for 3 years of you're under 40? That's ridiculous? I read somewhere on this forum (not on our thread) that having a MC does not restart the clock for the purposes of any referrals, so the TTC period would have started when you started trying. Can anyone better informed than me confirm this, as I can't 100% verify this is true? Also re private clinics, I think it depends, some require a referral and some don't, but you shouldn't have problems with getting one. Extra faff though, isn't it, not that it's needed now. I also agree with @bananamonkey, pretty sure over 35 it should be 6 months, I'll see if I can find the links for you.

Re negativity, I realise how negative my recent posts have come across, and I also catch myself being negative when speaking to people in real life, whenever we move on to these subjects. I think it is very difficult. I said this before, to me being on this forum sometimes feels challenging because it's a constant reminder of what I've been through, and reading new stories on particular is difficult, as I try to move forward and am at a different stage now. So I sometimes switch off for a day or a couple of days, and I deleted most of my social media too. But, in the same time, I find not many people in real life actually are in the same place as me. Most of them have been through baby loss and totally understand, which has been lovely, but they've already gone on to have children after that, and often good few years ago. So they are in a different place again, and obviously clinical guidance has changed since as well. Therefore, there's not much I can relate to looking from my position now, and you ladies are a saving grace. I do love our thread, and how honest it is as well. I'd like to think this is a safe haven in this massive turmoil that, frankly, is going on in my head 24/7, whether with or without MN and the Internet. So thank you all for being you, you're amazing ❤️

@SunStruck How are you doing, twinnie? 😀 My AF is a killer, I definitely feel my cycle is back to normal now, ovulation tests are out and ready! Am I right in thinking we should start 3 days after AF is finished?

What is everyone up to this lovely Bank Holiday?

On the final note, hello new posters and sorry for your losses & experiences.

Xxx

SunStruck · 24/08/2019 10:17

@zoomies1 sorry you're feeling low :( we also had a baby bomb in the family this week, and I am ashamed to say that I'm gutted! The person in question isn't even married, been with the partner for 6 months. It just feels so unfair. I'm ashamed to feel like this but I can't help it! I'm obviously not showing it, just venting here 😔 so I know how you feel.

@MrsMGE I'm taking these pills now to bring forward ovulation, and I have a scan on Thursday to look for follicles and to be able to see when I might ovulate, but it should be some time the week after next :) I'm starting OPK on Wednesday I think! My period just like yours, have really done back now! Was very heavy for 3 days, at least I feel like my lining is good now! First period after D&c was soooo light, only needed a pantry liner! When do you think you will ovulate?

All the new ladies on this group - so sorry for your loss. This thread is great for venting, and we are all in the same situation x

Kiki061190 · 24/08/2019 11:02

@MrsMGE I am floored! So glad we have the bank holiday Monday to relax! Had some one sided pain yesterday and was worried but now have pain on the other side! Having a super chilled weekend with my OH and making some nice home cooked dinners. Finding I’m getting a nauseous feeling when I have an empty stomach but trying to avoid eating junk food! Hope you are doing ok! September is your month. ♥️

@SunStruck That’s great they’re scanning you for ovulation! Hopefully you’ll have a nice speedy O this month and a BFP at the end of! ♥️

OP posts:
SunStruck · 24/08/2019 11:11

@Kiki061190 thank you, let's hope 😄 ah yeah you need to eat little but often! I'm glad to hear you're doing fine xx

MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 11:31

Awww @Kiki061190, I really hope so too! I think I will be testing around DH's birthday next month, I am secretly hoping for that lucky BFP, I think it would be the best birthday present for him ❤️ Your weekend sounds perfect! We are also having a quiet one, maybe a trip to the beach/pub with our friends and a date night. I will go out cycling on Monday after AF is finished too, still feeling too crampy today. What are you cooking? And re pains, do you think they might be stretching pains? How many weeks are you now, 6? Have you booked your midwife appt yet? ❤️ Xxx

@SunStruck Fingers crossed for you. I think I will start tracking on Wednesday too, my AF should finish on Sunday and I read on the Clearblue packaging (I think? Although may have been online?) that you ought to start tracking 3 days after the end of AF. Tbh it's the first time I'm tracking, don't know what to expect. It seems that I ovulate on or around day 25 in a 34 day cycle based on when I think I got pg the first time. So we're looking at second week to mid-September for TTC, I think! How about you? Xxx

Catconfusion · 24/08/2019 11:31

@zoomies1 I’m so sorry you’re feeling frustrated and I don’t blame you. You should be getting a referral now. Just want to echo what @bananamonkey said about Nice guidelines. I was 39 and our first pregnancy was accidental but a mmc. My doctor put in a referral 6 months after that first baby was conceived. We’d even had a second loss. It’s even more important to get treated over 35 just in case. I’d see a different doctor! Xx

Catconfusion · 24/08/2019 11:33

So ladies just a quick update from me. We had our reassurance scan today. Baby is measuring bang on 6 plus 3 which is roughly what I thought and has a strong steady heartbeat. We’re over the moon as we didn’t see a heartbeat with the mmc! It’s still early days but I’m feeling a bit less anxious now! Xx

MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 11:39

Ahhh @Catconfusion good to hear from you, and delighted with your news ❤️❤️❤️ How wonderful! Are you feeling a bit better? What's the plan for this weekend?

@SunStruck Slight correction, my AF will finish on Monday and I'll start O testing from Thursday then. We're literally one day apart! I feel exactly the same as you, my first AF after the MMC was surprisingly pain-free and light for my standards, whereas this one feels very normal, heavy, painful, blood clots etc. I am actually feeling a lot more comfortable and agree that it feels like the lining is back to normal, and so are the hormones. Fingers crossed for September! 🤞🌈❤️ Xxx

Kiki061190 · 24/08/2019 11:49

@MrsMGE Making a nice home made curry and snuggling on the sofa! I have no idea tbh I hope it is just stretching pains. I’m just over 6 weeks and have the midwife appointment booked in for September 18th. How amazing would it be to give your OH the test as a birthday gift!

OP posts:
MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 11:57

@Kiki061190 I can't stomach curry since my last pg, I've gone off it completely and it used to be my absolute favourite! It was the one thing that was making me retch and I haven't quite got over this yet 😂 I was all over pasta with homemade tomato sauce, fresh basil and mozarrella, I could have it all day long. You can tell I spent a lot of time in Italy 😂

SunStruck · 24/08/2019 12:44

@MrsMGE awww you're making me hungry haha!!! We went to Italy for our honeymoon and I literally ate every carb in sight.... and oooh the Limoncello Spritzers 🥰🥰 I think we're gonna start TTC end of the first week of September (as my ovulation should be brought forward by a week). It's good you're gonna start tracking if you don't usually know when you ovulate, its always good to know really! Yay fingers crossed for us in September ❤️

@Catconfusion aaah so happy to hear about your scan!!! 🥰 hope you feel better. When's the next scan?

MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 12:52

@SunStruck I'm having Aperlol spritz tonight, that's for sure! 28C in the UK today ☀️🍹 Cin, cin, girl!

MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 12:52

*Aperol even! Silly phone! 🍹

SunStruck · 24/08/2019 13:01

@MrsMGE oooh that sounds lovely!!! I'm couped up at home with a large glass of red and Netflix ☺️ Malbec! It is wayyy to hot here, currently 41c! 😓

Got any plans this weekend? Chin chin 🍷 😄

MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 13:03

@zoomies1 I'm sure you're right re 6 months after 35, but oddly can't seem to find this on the NHS website anymore! They now say if you're 36, see your GP sooner than after 12 months:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/infertility/diagnosis/

But then there are individual Trusts guidance notes that say exactly that, 6 months after 35, e.g. here:
bnssgccg.nhs.uk/health-advice-and-support/planning-or-having-a-baby/

What is going on here? Does anyone know?

MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 13:05

@SunStruck I'm off to the beach soon, we're lucky to live near the coast 😊 Then off for some cocktails. Oh dear, 41C is intense, are you used to it now?

SunStruck · 24/08/2019 13:29

@MrsMGE oh that sounds nice!! Yeah better get those cocktails in before we get preggers 😉 yes used to it now but we just don't really spend that much time outside in the summer, it's too hot. Sept - May is lovely though so not complaining!

About taste changing even after miscarriage (sorry you said in a previous post), I can't stomach hard alcohol anymore! I used to love vodka sodas etc but I can't even look at it now! It is really weird isn't it?

MrsMGE · 24/08/2019 21:49

@SunStruck Totally agree re cocktails! I'm on Coronas with a slice of lime as we speak, mmmm! Amazing on a hot day!

Yes, taste definitely changed for me too, I used to be quite a fan of chicken + veg for a main meal, since my pg, I've gone off chicken too. I only eat it sporadically, and tend to have more vegetarian or pescatarian meals. Re vodka, I've gone off it when I hit 27, hungovers started being evil then and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I used to party hard when I was younger, now even a thought of tequila shots is making me shiver! 🤢

How long have you lived in the ME? Are you settled for good or planning to move to the UK? I am jealous of the weather tbh, when I lived in other countries it was so much better, that's the one thing I really miss! Xxx