First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part 4)

[Kiki061190]

Hi ladies!

Our previous thread is now full so I’ve made a new one 😘

@MrsMGE no problem. It just seems like in most cases it's a waste of money. I also think they can tell a lot at the 12 week ultrasound. If the baby has a nasal bone, is normal size and organs look normal the chances are very good.

If we have a second baby I'd probably have the NIPT and pay as I'll be older. The downs risk goes up to 1 in 10 at 45. If we're lucky enough I'll be at least 42/43 by then so probably more worth it.

Arh thank you. I'm relieved too. It was nice to use the cooker and make breakfast without vomiting. Hopefully the worst is over! Xx

@Kiki061190 I can imagine it's tough. So good your work are understanding.

Yes it's crazy we're so far along. The odds are overwhelmingly in our favour that all will be ok. Especially after completely normal scans earlier on. Xx

Thanks @Kiki061190. It's a shame they don't offer NIPT as standard on the NHS. The recommendation to introduce them and make them available to all women was made few years ago, and yet still no progress. It makes my blood boil that successive governments spend time and money on stupid things, like the bloody Brexit (I can't listen about this rubbish anymore), and not on crucial issues, such as improving perinatal care. So much more could and should have been done by now. They can stick their non-existing policies and the "£350m to the NHS" Brexit buses where they belong. I really think people of power often have the wrong priorities.

Anyway! Happy Friday girls. I have a big event tonight, all glammed up, but somehow will have to excuse myself from drinking, this is going to be fun! Xxx

I completely agree @MrsMGE that the NIPT should be available as standard. My friend had a high risk combined test year before last so they gave her £100 of the £500 towards the NIPT and she was told it would be free in the next few months. Fat chance. It's now about £400 so it's a bit less expensive but still not free. Other countries have had it for years. I'm hoping by the time we have another it will be available but who knows with the current political situation.

Have a lovely evening out! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion! I'm on the train, trying to work, but I'm feeling so sick (possibly travel sickness, but I don't normally tend to have it on trains? plus the sickness feeling hasn't really gone away since this morning!) that I'm struggling atm 🤢 I'll be looking green to match my dress tonight at this rate! Xxx

Thanks so much ladies for the support and understanding, and wise words! I'm much more relaxed now, and had a great day 😄 what ever will be will be, and you're completely right @MrsMGE, I did have a positive test a month after the miscarriage so it really doesn't mean anything 🙄

I'm back home now in front of Netflix, had to make up an excuse to go home as the others are still out (and very lairy...), it was very smoky where we were and I felt a bit sick Because of it. Going to take it easy the rest of the day ❤️

Interesting to hear what everyone will do about the tests. I've just heard the combined one is not very accurate which is why I thought I'd go straight for the Harmony, as you can also do it earlier at 10 weeks.

Hey, @SunStruck! Yes, you can have Harmony at 10 weeks, together with a viability scan. That's one way of doing things.

I am thinking about having one early scan at 7-8 weeks to check the location and heartbeat. I've been saying all along I won't have any early scans, but now that I know how long it takes to get back to normal after the MC and that conceiving again is not a straightforward business, I think I would rather know sooner. But, I hate this idea, and unless absolutely necessary, I won't have any more scans in the first trimester, they are my anxiety trigger. So the second one I'll have at 12 weeks on the NHS, and get a combined test then, and either do Harmony privately at the same time or wait for the results of the combined test and decide then. Xxx

I love how I've got everything worked out in my head and I'm not even pg again, it will probably be completely different then haha! 😂 Xxx

@MrsMGE promising that you're feeling sick. It's good to have a plan. I'm similar, I like to know what's going to happen and how i'd deal with certain situations ahead of time. Hope you get to your destination quickly!

@SunStruck the combined is accurate enough to tell you if you're high risk or not but just not as much certainty as the Harmony. I think false positives are the worry. It's highly unlikely someone would get through the combined test with low risk when there's actually something wrong. The Harmony is not fool proof and sometimes people get misleading results. I will definitely do it if we get a high risk result or are not reassured by the combined test.

@MrsMGE Haha I love that you have a plan! So organised! I was much the same as you and didn’t want any early scans but unfortunately I needed 2. Crossing my fingers for next Thursday afternoon. I hate to be negative but I think I would struggle if I were to get another negative outcome in such a short space of time.

Hey ladies how are we today?

Thank you for your calmness yesterday when I freaked out, it's a much better day today! Stepped away from temping it POAS this morning and feel so much better for it!

@MrsMGE haha LOVE a plan! I swear I have one for the next year 🤣 I love to know what's going on and what's going to happen etc, all pre-decided 🤣 Hope AF is staying away today 🙅🏻‍♀️

@Catconfusion @Kiki061190 @MrsMGE would you find out the sex or not? With my personality I'd just HAVE to know in beforehand so I will 🤣

@Kiki061190 I know, I did feel very sorry for you when you had no choice but to have them, it's not nice at all when it's the one you're trying to avoid.

@SunStruck I am convinced if I get pg next, I'll have a boy. Trouble is, DH doesn't want to find out, whereas I definitely do now. I don't know why, I was laid back about thus in my first pg, but now it's clear to me that I'd like to know. Just so you know, I'm pretty sure you can find out early through the Harmony test, I think you need to make a specific request if you do not want to find out.

Ladies, sadly it's another BFN for me thus morning, what a waste of (another) FRER! I am staying positive because again, it's a longer LP. Maybe I ovulated a bit later than I thought, too, it's difficult to work out if you have a 12-48 hr window from the peak test. You never know how quickly things might happen afterwards either. Of course, it is also possible I didn't ovulate at all. It's not how it felt to me, but you never know.
If AF doesn't turn up by mid-next week, I'll first go for a blood test, and secondly, start temping to check this. I'm trying not to think this way though. I'm also trying not to think that there is a pregnancy and maybe there is something wrong with it already. I have to say, today this is starting to test my patience, I just would rather know one way or another, and I don't want long, long cycles now. I'm still a lot calmer than I thought I would be though, so I'll stick to it for as long as I can.

Happy Saturday, girls! Xxx

@SunStruck Oh I need to know what the sex is! Luckily my OH feels the same so that’s good. I think it might help me feel more connected.

@MrsMGE I completely understand why you would be frustrated! I would be also. I hope you get some answers soon.

It’s 5 days until my scan ladies and I am so nervous now. I’m just expecting bad news! I’ve gotten two weeks past when I lost the twins originally and trying to stay positive but it’s hard because I think my symptoms are starting to calm and it’s the only think that reminds me that I’m pregnant at the moment 😳

Aw @Kiki061190. I don't know what to tell you, I wish I could take this anxiety away and give you the certainty that everything is 100% OK, but that's not possible. I do, however, genuinely think that it is true and that you will be absolutely fine. I sometimes find it easier to deal with the prospect of something happening later on in the future and get more anxious as the date approaches. I totally understand why you're feeling the way you are, but it really is so, so likely you have nothing to worry about. Try to distract yourself in these last few days, if anything else, including any calming techniques, fail. I wish you to be healthy busy do it goes fast 😘

I sent DH to buy me some posh digital CB tests, and I also have one own brand supermarket test. I'll try one of them tomorrow morning and see what happens. Still no sign of AF, I have major, random food cravings today and I'm exhausted. This might be because of last night's event, but considering I ended up having one shandy and was in bed by midnight, I shouldn't be that tired. I spent the whole day today since I've been back in my pj's, on the sofa, sleeping cuddled up to my pets. I do this regularly, but not for 6 hrs straight 😂 It was amazing ❤️😍

@SunStruck How are you today, sista? Xxx

Hahaha! Spoke too soon! AF is here, so not my month, ladies. I'm pissed off, we've been trying so hard, so much sex, so much money spent, so much unnecessary stress with those stupid OPKs earlier this month, all for nothing! Goes to show absolute no control over this whole process, how the hell people get pregnant after a one night stand is baffling. And I've missed out on cocktails last night!!! Fucking hell.

Anyway, I'm not going to dwell on this, I kind of knew it would be me out of the lot of us struggling to get pg again. Just need to reassess what approach to take next month. I'm going to get some wine. Fml. Xxx

@MrsMGE So sorry AF has shown up 😭 Glad your LP has lengthened tho. 2nd cycle worked for me and @SunStruck So next month is your month! Remember you said October is your month a little while back 😉 I remember having so much sex, using preseed, eating well and temping for the first month and it never worked! Second month... nothing and sex whenever we fancied. It’s so weird how it’s all down to chance. It will happen for you! I just know it! I know it’s hard to stay positive when you feel like this but that’s why we’re here to support our gal through ♥️

Thanks so much @Kiki061190. I'm such an idiot, I'm just sat on the sofa having a moment, crying my eyes out. It's obviously not the end of the world, but it's not a nice moment. I've just had a major moment of a string of completely unreasonable thoughts going through my head, such as that I'm so useless I can't even get pg and my DH is going to leave me, as he wants a baby and is few years older than me. There is absolutely nothing in reality to indicate that, but it does make you feel shit right to your core. So shit.

@MrsMGE Don’t feel bad for being upset! You’re perfectly entitled to feel the way you feel. TTC is hard! I was in such a horrible mood when my AF came and then I realised actually I’ve not been trying very long and although some people catch instantly, most don’t. I stayed positive that month and you ladies encouraged me! I couldn’t have done it without yous. We all go to those thoughts of ‘what if this never happens for me?’. I even asked OH what he would do if we couldn’t conceive. It’s so natural to feel this way. We are women and let’s be honest it’s a tough ride being a woman! We are rockstars! ♥️

@Kiki061190 Today is one of those days when I wish I was a bloke! Xxx

@MrsMGE I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry AF came. I had two periods after my losses and remember feeling really sad each time. It's so soul destroying when you've tried everything and have no luck. It just doesn't seem fair after losing a pregnancy too.

It's good news your LP has got longer though and hopefully you'll feel better in the next few days. I really hope October is your month! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion. A bitter pill to swallow that I still won't be pg on my 33rd birthday, and still won't be in the safe zone for Christmas, even if it works for us this year. I think I'll have to disappear from MN as I'm now so far behind everyone else :( xxx

I can imagine @MrsMGE it's hard when you'd hoped it would happen in time for your birthday. I was similar and instead had the AF from hell and turned 40 soon after. I know you're feeling left behind and it's understandable but you will get there in your own time. It took me 6 months after my first mmc to have a viable pregnancy. I look back and realise my body needed this time.

Completely get you feeling like you need some time away from MN. Please know we're here for you if you need our support. Xx

@MrsMGE I am so sorry to hear AD arrived hun. I know exactly how you feel. I found out about my MMC in the first week of May, and haven't been able to try properly until last month. The positives is that you're back to normal (period wise), your body will be healed (less risk for chemical as I know a lot of ladies in this thread have had when they've caught too quickly after a miscarriage) and you're still on track for good news by the end of the year! LP also longer so nothing wrong with you ❤️

I know the feeling of uselessness. Please remember that this is none of your fault, TTC is just a lottery game. You caught quickly last time, nothing is wrong with you.

Have a great time away around your birthday with your DH and try forgetting TTC for just a little while. Take care of yourself this weekend 🤗

I completely understand if you need to take a break from MN, you'll be very missed though and we'll be here when you're back! Please do not think that you're so far behind, we did have our miscarriages before you did so that's just natural it's taking a few cycles longer. Anyway I'm not going anywhere, I'm far away from knowing whether this pregnancy is viable or not so I hope you won't be away for too long!

Your DH is obviously not going to leave you, stop thinking that! Have you spoken to him about you you feel? I'm sure he will reassure you x

Ah so sorry @MrsMGE that sucks, I know those feeling well, I thought my body was broken, it’s just so unfair. If it helps it was 6 months between my mmc and this conception (4 cycles with 3 chemical pregnancies ffs), I think my uterus just needed a bit more time to heal, although that was little comfort at the time.

Be kind to yourself, you’ve posted some amazingly strong and positive thoughts previously but take a break if you need to x

Thanks girls @bananamonkey @SunStruck @Catconfusion xxx

AF is giving me a pretty hard time today, so taking it easy and having a pyjama day, only popping out for lunch with the family. It's a horrible, rainy day which doesn't help when you're trying to pick your spirit up! I didn't fully tell DH how I'm feeling as even I know it's unreasonable. I don't want to upset him. He bough me my favourite coffee & walnut cake to cheer me up, bless him ❤️. He's a good egg. We've been pretty good with avoiding sugar recently, but today I'm having a slice of cake. I've ordered a thermometer to do temping next month. I think I'll dtd for about 2 weeks every other day and track my temps to see if I ovulate at all. The plan remains to get help next year if still no results. I hate this entire situation tbh. It was my 3rd AF after the MMC and second month of TTC (but if you remember last month was hindered by my urinary tract infection). Every month makes this whole thing harder.

I think I'll be taking a step back from MN because the reality is, there is very little I can contribute to the discussion now because of the circumstances and gradually, less and less that I can relate to as well. Everyone is moving forward and doesn't want to be stuck in what's happened in the past, whereas for me, the lost baby still the only one to focus on, as I'm still not pregnant :(. Xxx